Lori Alexander never learning since 2011 - part 6

[molecule]

"Starfish sex" is  term often used in the manosphere and talk about Game. 

Why is it it that so many Christians are against anal sex? The bible does not forbid it. It may not be good for many people for various reason, but anal sex is not a sin.

Sex is one of the things I often agree with Lori about because of my own work in marriage ministry, but she is (as usual) looking at it as a list of do's and don't's instead of encouraging women to embrace their own sexuality and enjoy sex with their husbands for their own sake and not just for their husbands.

[ven]

Anal leads to the loss of precious seed! Not a drop can be spilled ! 

[salex]

32 minutes ago, ven said:

Anal leads to the loss of precious seed! Not a drop can be spilled ! 

Yeah, well, no more of a waste of precious seed than Lori or I having sex with our old post menopausal bodies (oh, and my full Hysterectomy)

[feministxtian]

could someone PLEASE tell me what is the fundie fixation with sex? I mean, I got the same shit from my batshit insane mother who was SO PROUD of being a virgin when she married my dad at the ripe old age of 30. 

Damn...I got my cherry popped at 16 and been having at it ever since...sex is good, sex is fun, let's have sex for everyone!

Or there's always Stephen Stills immortal words "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with".

[Koala]

I find it absolutely inappropriate that Ken is responding to the comments instead of Lori.  Does he really think their husbands would be okay with some guy online talking about sex to them? I've said it before- I may just be too southern and old fashioned for my own good, but that kind of shit wouldn't fly here.

Ken Alexander:

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I think for most men we understand that our wife's sex needs and desires are not on the same level as ours, but our hope is that she can enjoy and appreciate the affection we give her during these times. We don't measure success by how much sexual pleasure she gets out of it, but by the warmth and affection she returns to us.

He's basically saying- I don't measure success by what she gets, I measure it by what I get.

Anyway, my husband would be absolutely mortified.

[usmcmom]

32 minutes ago, Koala said:

I find it absolutely inappropriate that Ken is responding to the comments instead of Lori.  Does he really think their husbands would be okay with some guy online talking about sex to them? I've said it before- I may just be too southern and old fashioned for my own good, but that kind of shit wouldn't fly here.

Ken Alexander:

He's basically saying- I don't measure success by what she gets, I measure it by what I get.

Anyway, my husband would be absolutely mortified.

I was just going to quote Ken's astonishing words, but was on my phone so I'm glad you did it.

I can't even wrap my mind around him bragging that he does not care about the pleasure he gives his wife.  I mean, we all basically assumed that's how these men are, but still...

Does he not realize that bringing pleasure to one's wife more than likely leads to her "returning warmth and affection to him"? 

I'm having very disturbing memories of Cabinet Man's demand for "ENTHUSIASTIC SEX EVERY OTHER DAY. PERIOD!!"

Perhaps "I'm a lousy lover and I know it" can be a post count title.

******************

On another note, I'm really liking this reader:

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Anonymrs. · 1 hour ago

I agree, not denying him is important. Doing your BEST to enjoy it is important.

But I will say that the phrase 'have to look at the girls at work' is unbiblical. He does not 'have to' look at them in a lustful way. He can 'take every thought captive' and refuse to let himself lust after other women. He can rebuke the lustful thoughts he has about other women as the temptation to sin that they are. And it is *not* his wife's fault if he does give in to that temptation and sin. His sin is HIS sin and it is on him. period.

Blaming the wife is wrong. Her husband is in control of his own body and he makes his own decisions. it's not a wife's fault if her husband cheats, or entertains lustful thoughts about other women, or looks at porn or anything else. She is *not* forcing him to sin. He is *choosing* to do so.

*edited for clarification - two posts merged into one ('cause I'm so darn worked up!)

[VodouDoll]

Is Ken literally boasting about how bad in bed he is? Does he understand that he is embarrassing himself by admitting in public, under his real name, to be a lousy lay?

And agreed, he should NOT be talking to other men's wives about his sex life. It's inappropriate and skeevy.

[Koala]

I get a really gross vibe from all of this.  Almost like the posts on sex are just a set up so Ken will have something entertaining to read.  He is all over the comments, and I can't fathom any setting in which that would be appropriate.  He's not a doctor or a professional...he's just some guy that organizes dental offices- talking to strange women about sex.  That (to me) is just so wrong.  

Those women have presumably gone to Lori to be mentored by a godly older woman.  Now Lord knows they've missed the mark on that (by miles), but I hardly think they set out to be getting sex advice from Lori's husband.

 

[SweetFellowshipper]

Isn't telling women who aren't really getting into it sexually that NOT LOVING IT IS A SIN!!1! HELL AWAITS UNLESS YOU GET WET!!1!! going to have about the same effect that telling a man with ED he's not a real man unless he gets it up (which some people unfortunately and horribly do) does? Aka, a really really counterproductive one? Why not tell her to see a counselor and a doctor if she likes, to think about what she does like sexually and how that could be expanded, help her have confidence in her body and herself, tell her to have a glass of wine and then have a night where she calls all the shots in bed so she can learn what she wants, teach her how to communicate her needs...? 

And yes, I do think sometimes in marriage you might have sex when you don't 100% want to. Sometimes my husband wants it and I'm a little tired or grumpy, but it pleases me to give him pleasure and once it starts I enjoy it (and he's done the same for me). Even when sex is a little off or boring, which happens to everybody sometimes, it's still nice to feel one and be held and be tender with each other if you really love and trust the person. I get the feeling that that's the real problem here...if there isn't a deep connection beyond WE R KRISHTUNS, that's not gonna happen (but some people just do have low sex drives or have a medical or psychological issue! It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of resources).

[Koala]

Lori:

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You are right, Deanna, but for all of those who have the ability to have sex better not be depriving their husband since most husbands want sex and they want a lot of it.

Positively vile....

Better not or what?? They'll end up lurking in the comments of their wife's blog, looking for women to hit on?

[feministxtian]

I don't get it...I thought the whole idea of sex was to have fun and maybe (only if you really want to) make a baby. That whole "just lay there and take it" wouldn't work for me. I was, unfortunately, married to a man who sucked in bed...one of many reasons he's an X. My hubs may have his faults...BUT...yeah...he trips my trigger in a HUGE way and always makes sure I have a good time...I do the same for him. 

I just don't get it...

[SweetFellowshipper]

4 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I don't get it...I thought the whole idea of sex was to have fun and maybe (only if you really want to) make a baby. That whole "just lay there and take it" wouldn't work for me. I was, unfortunately, married to a man who sucked in bed...one of many reasons he's an X. My hubs may have his faults...BUT...yeah...he trips my trigger in a HUGE way and always makes sure I have a good time...I do the same for him. 

I just don't get it...

Definitely think that's true! I could never have imagined not wanting sex every moment when I was in college, but this past summer I got my first truly grueling way-more-than-9-to-5 teaching job, and I finally understood all of those people who are 'too exhausted' and 'don't feel attractive.' I had time to shower and brush my teeth, and even the showering wasn't every single day because I was working from 5 AM to 11 most days and I'd just fall into bed. If my husband had tried to sleep with me during the week at any point I think I may have stabbed him. I imagine this is WAYYY worse when you have babies, especially multiple ones. Shudder.

[Sera's Arrow]

Lori's sex-related posts and Ken's sex-related comments always make me throw up a little in my mouth, blugh. They disregard the entire concept of consent and a woman's ability to give consent to sexual relations and that is really fucking disgusting to me.

I'm sorry, Lori, but if one party doesn't want to dance the horizontal tango, that's not a sin. That's the way it is. If someone tried to force themselves on me, guilt me or deem that I'm a dirty rotten sinner because I don't put out on command... oh well! It's my body and my decision what I choose to put in my body. Here endeth the lesson.

Creepy people are creepy.

[feministxtian]

I will be starting an apprenticeship soon and I KNOW I will be dead on my feet for the first little while. Like...come home and collapse dead tired. Fortunately, my relationship with my husband is based more on sick jokes, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company rather than just sex...we'll survive the upcoming dry spell...he won't pressure me and that's cool. When we both get adjusted back to me working, it will get better...but a dry spell isn't going to kill our marriage. Hell, when he was at his sickest, I think we had sex like 4 times in an entire year...

[desertvixen]

If wives are NOT enthusiastically joining in the act, then the husbands need to see maybe why... oh wait.

[SweetFellowshipper]

I mean, it's hard because I usually hesitate to say things like 'oh, the guy must be a bad lover' because there are a host of reasons why somebody may or may not be into sex at a particular moment or in general, and shaming their partner is usually just as bad as shaming the person. I wouldn't blame a woman if her male partner had erectile dysfunction, for example, or say it must be because she's bad at sex.

However, these dudes? Ken? The people Lori is probably addressing, and the husbands of the leghumpers who comment on her blog? They're probably part of the problem. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

[Hisey]

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We don't measure success by how much sexual pleasure she gets out of it, but by the warmth and affection she returns to us.

That a quote from Ken, in today's comments. He's speaking for all men (at least he thinks he is).

I generally do not see negative things in *everything* the Alexanders say. However, this comment really struck me. It really did. He doesn't measure success by her sexual gratification? He doesn't care? It doesn't matter? Really? This explains why Lori is so indifferent to sex. 

Sounds like he's saying. . . "As long as she acts warm and friendly, it doesn't really matter if she enjoys herself."

Don't most men try to make sure their partner has a good time, too? It seems Ken doesn't, because he's succeeded if his wife is warm and affectionate to him.

Am I reading this wrong?

[Georgiana]

17 minutes ago, Hisey said:

That a quote from Ken, in today's comments. He's speaking for all men (at least he thinks he is).

I generally do not see negative things in *everything* the Alexanders say. However, this comment really struck me. It really did. He doesn't measure success by her sexual gratification? He doesn't care? It doesn't matter? Really? This explains why Lori is so indifferent to sex. 

Sounds like he's saying. . . "As long as she acts warm and friendly, it doesn't really matter if she enjoys herself."

Don't most men try to make sure their partner has a good time, too? It seems Ken doesn't, because he's succeeded if his wife is warm and affectionate to him.

Am I reading this wrong?

I think this says a lot about Ken's character.  Many of the men I have been with have been VERY concerned about pleasing their partner, not just because of the sexual satisfaction aspect, but because they also want to feel like a fully active agent in the sexual act.  There's a sense of pride, a sense of agency, and a sense of ownership that you don't really get when you are just pleasing yourself.  

It's like big holiday meal.  You look to help out not only because you care about the hosts and don't want them to be overwhelmed, but because helping and being a part of the preparation/clean up helps you to feel like an important and integral part of the event.  If I don't get to help out somewhere in the holiday process, I feel like a little kid.  When I help, it's confirmation that I am needed, that I have something to offer, that I am a blessing and not a burden, and that I am a full member of the family.  

I'm suspicious of the character any person who doesn't take some sense of pride in their work, sexual or otherwise.  

[usmcmom]

11 hours ago, VodouDoll said:

Is Ken literally boasting about how bad in bed he is? Does he understand that he is embarrassing himself by admitting in public, under his real name, to be a lousy lay?

 

YES. Yes, he is.

 

 

[Koala]

She's outdone herself this morning:

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the majority of teachers are not believers in Jesus since we are a remnant.

Source?  Since Lori says so, of course!

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They will learn that they came from monkeys, thus there is no purpose in life except to eat, drink, and be merry.

I know that's what I was taught in school.  "There's no purpose in life, so you might as well have a party- we'll supply the beer!" 

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All government programs waste money. 

.

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They will try to persuade your children that "religion" is bondage and that the Bible is a book of fairy tales. "There is no God" they will boldly proclaim and then day-by-day do everything in their power to dismantle the faith you are building in your children. 

Or, they might just teach them Algebra and how to diagram a sentence.

[usmcmom]

A reader (from yesterday's post) asked Lori for a scripture reference stating that anal sex is wrong. Her response:

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· 52 minutes ago

It's the wrong hole. Why go in the wrong hole when God made a perfect hole. {Sorry to be so graphic but this is just the human physical makeup.} There are many medical articles supporting the dangers of anal sex. It wasn't made for sex. You don't need a Bible verse for this. Nature and science proves it is wrong.

IT'S THE WRONG HOLE?????  What in the world is wrong with this woman that she has to talk like a junior high boy in the locker room? 

 

[molecule]

Most of the studies of anal sex have been done on anal sex in gay men or on non-monogamous heterosexual encounters. There simply has not been sufficient research on anal sex within the context of heterosexual monogamous relationships. I do love how she relies on science when it agrees with her but not on things like evolution (which, contrary to Lori's explanation, does not state that we came from monkeys).

Lori's "wrong hole" argument would invalidate oral sex as well--and since that is depicted in the Song of Solomon, it is an anti-biblical stance.

And "hole"? That isn't graphic. It's just plain crude.

[usmcmom]

I'm sure the word "orifice" would never come to her dim little mind.  Is a thesaurus considered satanic in their house? 'Cause she needs to buy herself one ASAP. 

[Loveday]

Ken must be just beside himself that the discussion has veered into anal sex territory. 

[polecat]

35 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

A reader (from yesterday's post) asked Lori for a scripture reference stating that anal sex is wrong. Her response:

IT'S THE WRONG HOLE?????  What in the world is wrong with this woman that she has to talk like a junior high boy in the locker room? 

 

I'm still recovering from a nasty infection, and this made me laugh so hard I coughed.

 

Also, my sixth and seventh graders don't even talk like this. Good grief, Lori Alexander, grow up!