A Culture of Brokenness

[dairyfreelife]

Or Single Mothers produce evil children.

themommycalling.blogspot.com/2012/05/culture-of-brokenness.html

Every night one-thousand teenagers became single moms. 50% of babies today are born to single mothers.

Then she says:

Of all single mothers in America 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock.

If a baby isn't born out of wedlock, then how was it born to a single mother? Unless the husband died before she gave birth or left her before she gave birth, but I doubt that's common and I doubt it's 8.2% of mothers.

The strongest indicator of if a person will end up in prison or not is if they were raised by a single mother.

In 2003 there were 1.5 million babies born into single mother situation. Less than 1% were put up for adoption. "What is the problem with that?" you may ask. "No one can care for a child like their mother can," we have been taught. Well, the less than 1% of babies who were put up for adoption rather than raised by single mothers do not fit into the statistics stated above. These children fare far better than the children who are raised in single mother homes.

She doesn't offer any citations to her statistics, but takes them from one site: thelifeofasinglemom.com and it's a site about starting a single mom support group in church, but you have to buy her kit. A single mother, who mothered at least four children in her teens, runs the site and doesn't have any citations either for her numbers.

[emmiedahl]

If a baby isn't born out of wedlock, then how was it born to a single mother? Unless the husband died before she gave birth or left her before she gave birth, but I doubt that's common and I doubt it's 8.2% of mothers.

I think she means they became single after the baby was born. Like through divorce or a death.

There are a lot of struggles to being a single mom, but one can be a great single mother. It just takes more work.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Is she counting unmarried, co-habitating women as "single"? Because in that case, her statement about babies born to single moms out of wedlock makes more sense, as she might be lumping unmarried women in domestic partnerships in with the actual single moms . She may have just looked at the stats for married women vs. unmarried women who give birth, and has labelled all the unmarried moms as "single". Not to mention lesbian moms, who probably count as "single" for this woman too.

[kb2]

There are a number of people who don't get married, but the father is still very involved in his child's life. And there are a number of people who don't have a traditional man-woman-baby family, but have lots of support from grandparents while raising a child. I think having a good support system when having a baby means more than a marriage certificate.

After seeing a few people have children within abusive relationships, I'll take single motherhood a thousand times over a two-parent family at all costs.

[desertvixen]

I think she means they became single after the baby was born. Like through divorce or a death.

This. I'm one of the single moms who falls under this category (divorce).

The whole "single mom = broken" thing just irritates me. Our family is not broken, but there are more challenges than there were when I had another adult in the house.

There's also a lot of things that could be done to help fix some of the issues that single mothers face, such as more affordable quality child care, more flexible workplace policies (especially since many single moms cannot be picky about jobs these days), and I don't know, not fucking shaming single mothers.

Also, not assuming that every family is just alike would be helpful. Here on the Army post I'm on, I definitely feel like there is a heavy bias towards "Daddy in the Army/Mommy in the Home" families. One example: the only school buses are for kids with severe handicaps. It's assumed that all other kids will be walked to school/driven to school by their parents (my kindergartener is NOT old enough to walk to school by herself or just with other kids) or another stay-at-home parent. I finally found a daycare provider who would drive my daughter to school (her daughter goes to same school) and I appreciate it, especially since she has to bring a pair of babies along with her.

[emmiedahl]

Is she counting unmarried, co-habitating women as "single"? Because in that case, her statement about babies born to single moms out of wedlock makes more sense, as she might be lumping unmarried women in domestic partnerships in with the actual single moms . She may have just looked at the stats for married women vs. unmarried women who give birth, and has labelled all the unmarried moms as "single". Not to mention lesbian moms, who probably count as "single" for this woman too.

I think "single" always means "not legally bound to someone with a penis" for these people.

It's funny to think that my gay friends in a partnership with children are single parents. :lol:

There's also a lot of things that could be done to help fix some of the issues that single mothers face, such as more affordable quality child care, more flexible workplace policies (especially since many single moms cannot be picky about jobs these days), and I don't know, not fucking shaming single mothers.

That is what conservatives don't get. They think the only way to deal with a social problem is to end it altogether. But that does not work. Few women set out to be single mothers, and the ones that do set out to be so tend to be well-off and have their support system in order. If they are so concerned about single mothers, how about free daycare and government paid maternity/family medical leave? In my personal experience and that of friends, those are the two biggest challenges.

[desertvixen]

If they are so concerned about single mothers, how about free daycare and government paid maternity/family medical leave? In my personal experience and that of friends, those are the two biggest challenges.

Amen!

The Army subsidizes daycare costs to a certain extent - but here the challenge is finding daycare that meets my need. If there was a bus stop that my babysitter could just take my daughter to/pick her up, that would be so much easier. (I know, first world problems...) The daycare center on post is not an option until this next school year, just because we got here so late and there were no spots. There's actually a decent amount of support for single parents available in the military, but it opens up other issues.

Besides, if they offered those services, it would just encourage more of these women to leach off the system and make more single moms! Yes, because being a single mother is SO MUCH FUN and SO GLAMOROUS.

[Swamptribe]

How come they are picking on single mothers. There are many single fathers out there too.

[dairyfreelife]

I think she means they became single after the baby was born. Like through divorce or a death.

There are a lot of struggles to being a single mom, but one can be a great single mother. It just takes more work.

I think her statistic of 50% of children are born to single mothers and then that was a little awkward.

Is she counting unmarried, co-habitating women as "single"? Because in that case, her statement about babies born to single moms out of wedlock makes more sense, as she might be lumping unmarried women in domestic partnerships in with the actual single moms . She may have just looked at the stats for married women vs. unmarried women who give birth, and has labelled all the unmarried moms as "single". Not to mention lesbian moms, who probably count as "single" for this woman too.

She's just using statistics off of the lifeofasinglemom.com site. I don't think she's thinking about where those mean or tried to do any research of her own.

How come they are picking on single mothers. There are many single fathers out there too.

Because single fathers are better and less likely to produce criminals obviously. :roll:

[Elle]

For the first year of my daughter's life I was considered a dingle mother. Her dad and I weren't married yet. I think "unmarried mother" needs to be used more often. Lots of moms considered to be single moms are in stable relationships with the fathers, and are not what any of us would consider to be single women. o why are they single moms? Lumping all unmarried mothers, both those in relationships with the fathers and those who aren't, skews the statistics.

[Elle]

Because single fathers are better and less likely to produce criminals obviously. :roll:

Fathers are much less likely to get custody. So more kids of single parents who end up criminals are going to be kids who live with mothers than fathers.

[deelaem]

Or Single Mothers produce evil children.

themommycalling.blogspot.com/2012/05/culture-of-brokenness.html

Then she says:

If a baby isn't born out of wedlock, then how was it born to a single mother? Unless the husband died before she gave birth or left her before she gave birth, but I doubt that's common and I doubt it's 8.2% of mothers.

She doesn't offer any citations to her statistics, but takes them from one site: thelifeofasinglemom.com and it's a site about starting a single mom support group in church, but you have to buy her kit. A single mother, who mothered at least four children in her teens, runs the site and doesn't have any citations either for her numbers.

Wow, how many sweeping generalizations can one person pack into a blog post?

[QAF_Rocks]

The strongest indicator of if a person will end up in prison or not is if they were raised by a single mother.

I keep seeing this, but do these studies (if there are actual studies) control for income? I would wager more children of single mothers wind up in prison because they're more likely to be raised in lower socio-economic brackets. Things like inadequate public education, nutrition, housing, health care, etc. surely make a difference when it comes to rates of incarceration.

I highly doubt that children born to upper-middle class or wealthy single mothers end up in prison more often than children born to upper-middle class or wealthy couples.

[Elle]

The strongest indicator of if a person will end up in prison or not is if they were raised by a single mother.

In 2003 there were 1.5 million babies born into single mother situation. Less than 1% were put up for adoption. "What is the problem with that?" you may ask. "No one can care for a child like their mother can," we have been taught. Well, the less than 1% of babies who were put up for adoption rather than raised by single mothers do not fit into the statistics stated above. These children fare far better than the children who are raised in single mother homes.

I just re-read this. A child in poverty, even with both parents, is more likely to end up in legal trouble than a child raised by a wealthier single parent. It's just what happens when you have to steal to meet basic needs while the parents are out working two or three jobs each to try to make ends meet. Economics plays a much larger role than which parent is in the home.

Also babies who are adopted in domestic adoptions usually end up in homes that make enough money to meet all the child's needs and the adoptive parent/s is/are more likely to be able to take time off from work if the child gets sick.

Economics plays a much larger role than whether there are one or two parents in the home.

[desertvixen]

How come they are picking on single mothers. There are many single fathers out there too.

Single fathers are OBVIOUSLY the victims of those eeevil feminist women, and therefore deserve nothing but our sympathy, love, and undying adoration.

[JaChelle Sugar]

I keep clicking this thread thinking it's going to be about an RG article.

[Guest Anonymous]

I keep clicking this thread thinking it's going to be about an RG article.

Total off topic, OMG how I love your avatar.

[samithemage]

I always hate these sorts of discussions. My father died when I was three from alcoholism. My mom pulled herself together and managed to raise a somewhat flawed, but in general decent human being. My mom dealt with a lot of guild because she was afraid to divorce my father for religious reasons. She's often said she felt guilty and relieved at the same time when my dad died. She was finally free of his problems and I was young enough not to remember them. Single moms aren't terrible people, nor are single dads. I was my dad could have gotten the help he needed. I wish that instead of condemning people's faults that, as a society we could support people, so that those that have serious problems could have the support to overcome them and so that those who need extra support to raise their kids could have it without the judgement of society.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Thanks Lissar! I couldn't resist girly-Draco's finest moment.

[bettertomarry]

My evil, feminist alumni magazine just came in the mail and had an article about single mothers and used some of these same statistics. The one about almost 50% of babies are born to single mothers stands out as being correct. But the women featured in this story were definitely well-educated women with careers and were economically middle/upper-middle class.

Edited for grammar.

[julie paradox]

For the first year of my daughter's life I was considered a single mother. Her dad and I weren't married yet. I think "unmarried mother" needs to be used more often. Lots of moms considered to be single moms are in stable relationships with the fathers, and are not what any of us would consider to be single women. o why are they single moms? Lumping all unmarried mothers, both those in relationships with the fathers and those who aren't, skews the statistics.

I'm not sure I get what you're saying here. "Unmarried" simply means not married, which many people are while not being single. "Single mother" is the situation of not living with a co-parent (whether bio or not). I'm pretty certain most people would not have considered you a single mother - unless you were also living apart from the child's father? Since it's that singleness which is the issue I think it's a more useful term. "Unmarried mother" is more often used (at least here in the UK) to mean a feckless idiot who got herself pregnant, probably underage.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

QFT

[longskirtlotsakids]

Then there's the fuckwits like this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/0 ... 16834.html

For those who don't want to click, it's basically a rundown on a senator from West Bend,WI, who wants to criminalize single motherhood. If you have the time, google him and listen to some of his rants about how women are "trained" to produce out of wedlock children. He is also against birth control for teens, social support for the poor, and of course, wants abortion 100% illegal. He also came out in support of the school board when it denied a GSA club, where a school board member was quoted as saying, "if there are gay students that need a GSA club, they should see my psychologist to BECOME STRAIGHT. . He's really good." (The school board finally buckled, not through decency, but through the fact that FEDERAL FUCKING LAW would have gotten the district sued into bankruptcy)

Also, it may be worth noting ( I am SO not kidding about this) he is single and STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER.

[mirele]

Then there's the fuckwits like this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/0 ... 16834.html

For those who don't want to click, it's basically a rundown on a senator from West Bend,WI, who wants to criminalize single motherhood. If you have the time, google him and listen to some of his rants about how women are "trained" to produce out of wedlock children. He is also against birth control for teens, social support for the poor, and of course, wants abortion 100% illegal. He also came out in support of the school board when it denied a GSA club, where a school board member was quoted as saying, "if there are gay students that need a GSA club, they should see my psychologist to BECOME STRAIGHT. . He's really good." (The school board finally buckled, not through decency, but through the fact that FEDERAL FUCKING LAW would have gotten the district sued into bankruptcy)

Also, it may be worth noting ( I am SO not kidding about this) he is single and STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER.

I am not gay Craig>

[Rosa]

"Unmarried" simply means not married, which many people are while not being single. "Single mother" is the situation of not living with a co-parent (whether bio or not). I'm pretty certain most people would not have considered you a single mother - unless you were also living apart from the child's father? Since it's that singleness which is the issue I think it's a more useful term. "Unmarried mother" is more often used (at least here in the UK) to mean a feckless idiot who got herself pregnant, probably underage.

Statistics used in the US equate single with unmarried. For instance, this site that uses US Census data gives the definition of single-parent family as: "In this definition, single-parent families may include cohabiting couples and do not include children living with married stepparents"

http://datacenter.kidscount.org/data/ac ... px?ind=107