Classroom Rant About Jesus, Mary Magdalene, UFOs Apocalypse

[doggie]

Boy This teacher flipped out. all on youtube and a transcript too.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs ... r_rant.php

A ninth-grade teacher at San Benito's Veterans Memorial High School has been replaced for the remainder of the year after her lesson plan went badly awry last Tuesday and her 12-minute rant was filmed by a student and uploaded to YouTube.

Before the teacher was done, she told a roomful of alternately jeering and frightened public school students that Jesus Christ impregnated Mary Magdalene just before his crucifixion. Then she switched to Spanish and over the objections of her students, elaborated at great length on her beliefs.

She told the class that Jesus fell in love with Mary Magdalene when he was 12. They met while he was piloting a boat across the sea. Mary was on the shore, weeping after a bad breakup, the teacher continued, and Jesus saw her and invited her aboard. Mary soon fell in love with Jesus' eyes, and he kissed her. After that, she says, they were seen together at parks and parties, according to a bilingual commenter's line-by-line translation at valleycentral.com.

[gustava]

Boy This teacher flipped out. all on youtube and a transcript too.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs ... r_rant.php

A ninth-grade teacher at San Benito's Veterans Memorial High School has been replaced for the remainder of the year after her lesson plan went badly awry last Tuesday and her 12-minute rant was filmed by a student and uploaded to YouTube.

Before the teacher was done, she told a roomful of alternately jeering and frightened public school students that Jesus Christ impregnated Mary Magdalene just before his crucifixion. Then she switched to Spanish and over the objections of her students, elaborated at great length on her beliefs.

She told the class that Jesus fell in love with Mary Magdalene when he was 12. They met while he was piloting a boat across the sea. Mary was on the shore, weeping after a bad breakup, the teacher continued, and Jesus saw her and invited her aboard. Mary soon fell in love with Jesus' eyes, and he kissed her. After that, she says, they were seen together at parks and parties, according to a bilingual commenter's line-by-line translation at valleycentral.com.

Thank God, someone is finally teaching the truth :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[contrary]

isn't that sort of the screenplay for The Last Temptation of Christ?

either way, it is possibly the best thread title EVAR.

[Visionoyahweh]

After telling the class that Jesus had written Mary many letters after his death, promising continually to return for her, the teacher then asks the class if they know where Jesus is and if they believe that he will return for Mary. ("Ask him to text me!" one of the kids says in English.)

:lol:

She closes by telling her shocked students that she can perform a miracle right there in front of them. She says that if her students will look deeply into her eyes, they will see that only one was hers, and the other belonged to Jesus. She says that he put his eye in her head so he could be with her always and see what she saw. After two kids tentatively try to take her up on her offer and retreat in fear, the teacher takes off her shoes and repeats the offer. As a brave girl starts to approach her, the teacher walks over to a stereo and plays some truly weird music.

"I never had a possessed teacher before," one of the students says, in English.

[PennySycamore]

Sounds like the teacher was overdue for a psych evaluation.

[Peas n carrots]

I love wacky ass shit like this. I would have been curled up in a ball laughing uncontrollably. I know, she's sick and it is sad but I love when people mix new agey/supernatural stuff with religion...what comes out is pretty amazing.

[mirele]

Wow....just wow. But you know, I had a similar experience, except it went on for an ENTIRE YEAR.

When I was in 10th grade at Klein High School, Spring, Texas, way way way back in 1975, I had the girls' varsity basketball coach as my world history teacher. So I got to learn about a lot of fucked-up New Age woo such as "alien spacecraft behind the Peruvian Nazca lines." Yes, this was world history. Thankfully it went in one ear and out the other and didn't affect the rest of my high school, college and law school career.

[tropaka]

This is not a bad reaction to meds but the failure to take them.....still wish I could'a been there

[doggie]

I usually only see this while riding the bus. it would have been fun

[Elle]

There's no reason to think Jesus and Mary M. couldn't have been in a relationship, but where did she get the story about him piloting a boat at 12? And all the rest of that?

I think she needs a mental evaluation. She sounds unstable.

[Maude]

And the award for the most entertaining lesson goes to...

This sounds like our HS, except we got to go for beer runs (true story) and watch movies when a certain teacher showed up with a hangover every Friday. :D

[Guest Anonymous]

There's no reason to think Jesus and Mary M. couldn't have been in a relationship, but where did she get the story about him piloting a boat at 12? And all the rest of that?

I think she needs a mental evaluation. She sounds unstable.

While there is no reason to believe they couldn't have been in a relationship, there is no evidence that they were. The reasoning behind the theory seems to be: "she was a woman, she was there, bonus points for the fact that she's not his mother."

Considering that the gospels devotedly cover Jesus mooching about and having adventures, you'd think they'd mention something like that.

[Maude]

While there is no reason to believe they couldn't have been in a relationship, there is no evidence that they were. The reasoning behind the theory seems to be: "she was a woman, she was there, bonus points for the fact that she's not his mother."

Considering that the gospels devotedly cover Jesus mooching about and having adventures, you'd think they'd mention something like that.

The speculation about Jesus and Mary Magdalene largely comes from the Gnostic Gospels. In the Gospel of Philip, Mary is referred to as Jesus' companion, and there's reference to him kissing her, though exactly where he kissed her is debated due to the damaged manuscript. :confusion-shrug:

[Elle]

By the culture of the time, it would have been extremely unusual for a young man his age to not be married. I think it's far too convenient to insist he was this guy who never married and participated in things like marriage and sex. It's hard to paint as something completely bad if Jesus did it. I know the bible doesn't say explicitly that it happened, but there is a lot that the bible didn't say happened that we know did. There are also books missing from the bible altogether.

Point is we do not know either way. It's more likely that he did marry, and it's possible he lived celibate. It's possible he never married but had lots of sex with his disciples too (though that's really not likely). We just don't know. But to declare that he did or didn't do something as a matter of fact when it wasn't addressed implies having some divine knowledge.

[Tee-Tee]

The real question is re: the nupituals: Am I invited? Is there an open bar? And there better not be a damn bit of cheesecake in sight.

[gustava]

The real question is re: the nupituals: Am I invited? Is there an open bar? And there better not be a damn bit of cheesecake in sight.

Only water turned into wine.

[xDreamerx]

The speculation about Jesus and Mary Magdalene largely comes from the Gnostic Gospels. In the Gospel of Philip, Mary is referred to as Jesus' companion, and there's reference to him kissing her, though exactly where he kissed her is debated due to the damaged manuscript. :confusion-shrug:

You're right. Based on the context scholars have speculated that the word is 'kiss'. But that is also not a reason to think it is romantic. In the Bible it talks about how Jesus followers (I'll call them that since the concept of Christianity was not about yet) would greet one another with a 'holy kiss'. Apparently they believed that the air had spiritual qualities and that when they kissed one another, they shared it. I'm not sure if this is a Jewish custom they carried over into the new schism or if it was something new.

I think the case can be made for either side. On the one hand the idea of being unmarried as a man in that culture and period was very unlikely. However, the Jesus movement was radical and recommended distancing oneself from ones earthly family to join a spiritual family.

Some people have made Mary Magdalene into the Goddess figure or a Mrs. Jesus. And that's fine, but it's not historical. Also I think the idea of her being a learned, curious woman is much more interesting and powerful to women than simply being the woman behind the man.

I'll have to watch the video later. It's long. :)

[2xx1xy1JD]

This doesn't sound like a theological discussion, but a psychotic episode. I hope she gets the help she needs.

[jenny_islander]

According to what I've read, kissing was the equivalent of a hearty handshake between friends--grab hands, kiss cheeks, mwah! mwah!--so "greet one another with a holy kiss" meant "greet one another as enthusiastically as you would old friends because you are all part of the new community of people who have been made holy."

About the OP: Wow, all we got was the health class teacher flying so high on cocaine that he stood up in front of the class, announced that in order to overcome addiction the addict must be "prostate [not a typo] before God," spread his arms out like that giant statue of Jesus in Brazil, and crashed forward onto the industrial carpet, where he repeated cheerfully, face down with arms still outspread, "Prostate before God!"

[Guest Anonymous]

You're right. Based on the context scholars have speculated that the word is 'kiss'. But that is also not a reason to think it is romantic. In the Bible it talks about how Jesus followers (I'll call them that since the concept of Christianity was not about yet) would greet one another with a 'holy kiss'. Apparently they believed that the air had spiritual qualities and that when they kissed one another, they shared it. I'm not sure if this is a Jewish custom they carried over into the new schism or if it was something new.

I think the case can be made for either side. On the one hand the idea of being unmarried as a man in that culture and period was very unlikely. However, the Jesus movement was radical and recommended distancing oneself from ones earthly family to join a spiritual family.

Some people have made Mary Magdalene into the Goddess figure or a Mrs. Jesus. And that's fine, but it's not historical. Also I think the idea of her being a learned, curious woman is much more interesting and powerful to women than simply being the woman behind the man.

I'll have to watch the video later. It's long. :)

The idea that it was rare for a man to remain unmarried in that era/culture is not proof that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. He could have been married to someone else from his pre-wilderness days who he simply dumped along with the rest of his earthly family.

The parts in the Gnostic gospels that people would like to believe indicate a relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene actually lose a lot of their internal consistency when that is the reading given. In short, if you read Jesus had kissed Mary in a romantic way then you have to accept that the disciples do not understand what a romantic kiss is or what it means.

[Elle]

They may or may not have been married, and it doesn't seem likely for him to ditch another family to go on these travels. It's possible they were married, it's possible they weren't. We don't know, and at this point, can't know, but I think it's a bit ignorant to declare for sure that they were or weren't. This is one of those things where the only correct answer is that it could go either way, and it's a waste of time really to debate it because there is never going to be a way to know unless time travel is invented.

[Guest Anonymous]

They may or may not have been married, and it doesn't seem likely for him to ditch another family to go on these travels. It's possible they were married, it's possible they weren't. We don't know, and at this point, can't know, but I think it's a bit ignorant to declare for sure that they were or weren't. This is one of those things where the only correct answer is that it could go either way, and it's a waste of time really to debate it because there is never going to be a way to know unless time travel is invented.

I do admit that it could go either way. I admit that Jesus and Mary Magdalene could have been married. However, the evidence that is currently used to suggest that they were married / in a relationship is poor. It does not stand up to much scrutiny and people tend to use it without scrutinizing it. That bothers me.

I actually think it's very likely that Jesus would abandon his family. Do you remember that scene in Mark (I think) where Jesus flat-out refuses to visit with his mother and his siblings because he has a different idea of what constitutes family? I think he would have treated his wife in exactly the same way.

Edited for clarity.

[Kishiria]

They may or may not have been married, and it doesn't seem likely for him to ditch another family to go on these travels. It's possible they were married, it's possible they weren't. We don't know, and at this point, can't know, but I think it's a bit ignorant to declare for sure that they were or weren't. This is one of those things where the only correct answer is that it could go either way, and it's a waste of time really to debate it because there is never going to be a way to know unless time travel is invented.

I've always liked the idea that Jesus was a widower, and that this sorrow gave him more of an insight into the everyday suffering of ordinary people.

[NerdyHil]

This poor woman is my favorite kind of crazy. The new age/Christianity mash-up always makes for a good giggle. I miss working at a bookstore for this particular type of crazy. You would get someone who would buy a bible, "Chariot of the Gods", and then try to cast the demons of illness out of me. Or call me a witch. Good times.