Ten Year Old's Letter On NGJ

[debrand]

This was printed on the Pearls' site, No Greater Joy.

My name is Carly and I am 10. I love pizza. One night I was eating pizza for dinner. I love it so much that I ate 6 pieces! I asked my Mom for 1 more piece. But soon I wasn’t hungry anymore. When no one was looking I put my pizza under the table. That night my Dad found it. He asked who did it. I didn’t say anything. Then he gave us all lots of spankings. After that I told on myself. My parents said lying’s bad and that they didn’t like it when I lied. They also said I made everyone else get spanked and that wasn’t fair! I had to wash the dishes for a week for punishment. I learned never to lie

nogreaterjoy.org/2011/07/15/ngj-kids-august-2011/

This would teach children that their actions are useless. A child who has done nothing wrong and is following all the rules can still be punished. Everything is left up to the whim of those with more power.

She didn't say that her father gave everyone a spanking instead she says "Gave us all lots of spankings." It sounds as if he must have been hitting them continually. Notice the guilt trip once she does admit her actions. It isn't the parents who made the decision to hit their kids, she is the one who made them do it.

[valsa]

How fucked up of a parent are you if your kid is scared to admit that they're full when they still have food left to eat?

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Any way that this could be someone mocking them? Something about the tone...I hope so, because otherwise, seriously, those parents are sick fucks. Not that this is shocking for NGJ drones. I don't want to know what else goes on in that house under the name of "discipline", if this is what happened to ALL the kids because ONE of them decided she didn't want a piece of pizza. Also, if food dynamics were healthy in that house, she wouldn't feel the need to hide the pizza and lie about it. This is just all sorts of wrong.

[thetabmeister]

This may have nothing to do with it, but when I was a kid we got in huge trouble for not finishing our plates, whether it was what my over-eating mother served us or what we served ourselves. Didn't matter how full we were, we had to eat it. Intersperse that with the all-too-common smaller meals we had (depending on that week's money earned from my dad's sporadic home business) and you've got a recipe for eating disorders. we were also commonly served dessert to bribe us to eat the food. Most of us kids, especially me, now grown up, struggle greatly with our weight these days.

[ElphabaGalinda]

So basically, it doesn't matter if you did it or not, you get spanked anyways? I imagine it would make some children more likely to misbehave...they figure their parents will beat them anyways, so what's the point of behaving? Ugh and the resentment that would create in that girl\s siblings, and the guilt it would create in her makes me sick.

Children shouldn't be afraid to say their full when they have food left in the first place, but i'm willing to bet if she'd done that, which has nothing to do with misbehaving, she'd get just as many spankings. Even if this is not real, I know there are people who would think it's an awesome example of parenting, so it just terrible.

[thoughtful]

Bastards. Those fucking, vicious Pearls and their followers.

And that poor child.

How many things are wrong with this?

A child had an "eyes are bigger than her stomach" experience. Perfectly normal. There are so many logical, kind, educational ways for a good parent to deal with this, it's not even worth going into here.

But she obviously felt that not finishing what she had taken was something "bad." So she hid the food, then was afraid to admit she did it. Who knows what kind of punishing crap had gone on in the past to make her feel that way? Have the kids been hit for not clearing their plates in the past?

Then, spanking everyone just to get a confession -- nasty, unfair, inefficient and just plain stupid.

Then, giving her guilt because they chose to spank the other kids -- so disgusting.

And finally, as the Pearls themselves have demonstrated but refuse to acknowledge, these parents know that there are non-violent ways to punish. I don't think this child deserved any harsh punishment, but washing the dishes seems more direct and logical as a punishment for making a mess, wasting food, whatever the heck it was about her pizza-hiding that seemed so bad to them.

(edited for riffle)

[Koala]

How fucked up of a parent are you if your kid is scared to admit that they're full when they still have food left to eat?

That was the first thing I thought. I can't imagine a 10 year old too afraid to say, "Yeah, I changed my mind. Thanks anyway." When we have pizza we sit the box out on the counter and everyone (kids included) get what they want. Sometimes they devour everything and sometimes they leave a slice that they got and then decided against. It's never crossed my mind to care. If they've eaten a bite or two I toss it in the trash, if they haven't I stick it back in the box. They've been taught to help themselves until they're full and then feel free to stop. We don't make an issue of food, and food had never been an issue. They are both healthy. When my son got up for a mid-night snack last night he asked for cereal and then quickly said that he'd rather have carrots (they love cold baby carrots). But had he wanted the cereal that would have been fine too. The fact that that little girl was too afraid to admit that she was full, and felt she had to hide food under the table just breaks my heart.

All that said, what the fuck is wrong with these people???? Now they just go through the whole family hitting people if they don't know who specifically to hit? That's abuse goddamn it and not only do the Pearls not see that, they publish it like it something to be proud of. These bastards NEED to be in prison. The father of this little girl needs to be in prison. Our society is fucked up beyond imagination when people like this commit such horrid acts of violence against children and then feel free to post it on the internet for god and everyone to see.

[Austin]

All that spanking a child in that situation will do is to teach the child to hide the pizza better and/or become a more convincing liar.

Which explains a lot when I think of the many of the adults I know who were raised evangelical in a "spare the rod" sort of home.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

I have always raised my son in the "choose your battles" style of parenting. Some things are worth freaking out about, most things aren't. I would never start wailing on my kid over a piece of pizza (or anything, as I don't spank him). The next time he irritates me should I go smack around the neighbor kids too just to cover my bases? The Pearls and their followers need to be in prison, peirod!

[constantgardener]

It crosses my mind that after six slices of pizza, her parents could have said 'are you really sure you need more?' and perhaps have averted the whole issue. It's almost like setting her up to 'fail'. My son certainly has eyes bigger than his stomach and I always say to him 'don't take more than you can manage'. Not that I really care that much if he does take food and then leaves it though. Just a quiet reminder not to be quite so greedy next time is all that is needed.

[debrand]

This may have nothing to do with it, but when I was a kid we got in huge trouble for not finishing our plates, whether it was what my over-eating mother served us or what we served ourselves. Didn't matter how full we were, we had to eat it. Intersperse that with the all-too-common smaller meals we had (depending on that week's money earned from my dad's sporadic home business) and you've got a recipe for eating disorders. we were also commonly served dessert to bribe us to eat the food. Most of us kids, especially me, now grown up, struggle greatly with our weight these days.

I think that the family in the article could very well end up causing their children to have food issues.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/the-power-of-a-story/

Here is another story on the Pearls' site about dealing with lying. When Shoshana Pearl was five, she lied about cutting a wall hanging. Everyday for two weeks, the little girl was asked if she cut the hanging. And everyday, shewould claim that someone had broken into the room and destroyed the decoration. She even acted afraid that the man might return. Finally, she admitted that she had been the one to destroy the wall hanging.

So Shoshanna got a spanking every day for two weeks—the number of days she had lied. And every day Mama Pearl reminded her how more than anything we wanted her to walk in truth. And that’s the story of why it is important to tell the truth.

[Koala]

All that spanking a child in that situation will do is to teach the child to hide the pizza better and/or become a more convincing liar.

So true.

A tyrant father will have liars for his children ~ Robert Ingersoll

[emmiedahl]

Who hits a child over food? ffs. You are talking about a piece of pizza. This whole premise is fucked.

[TMS]

My daughter has been punished twice in the classroom because of something another kid did but wouldn't own up to. The student was given a chance to turn him/herself in, but when no one would step up, the whole class was punished. I thought it was completely unfair. There's got to be a better way of handling a situation like this.

[TMS]

Who hits a child over food? ffs. You are talking about a piece of pizza. This whole premise is fucked.

I completely disagree with the way the situation was handled, but it sounds like they were being punished for dishonesty, not food.

[Koala]

I think that the family in the article could very well end up causing their children to have food issues.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/the-power-of-a-story/

Here is another story on the Pearls' site about dealing with lying. When Shoshana Pearl was five, she lied about cutting a wall hanging. Everyday for two weeks, the little girl was asked if she cut the hanging. And everyday, shewould claim that someone had broken into the room and destroyed the decoration. She even acted afraid that the man might return. Finally, she admitted that she had been the one to destroy the wall hanging.

Dear god...

[valsa]

My daughter has been punished twice in the classroom because of something another kid did but wouldn't own up to. The student was given a chance to turn him/herself in, but when no one would step up, the whole class was punished. I thought it was completely unfair. There's got to be a better way of handling a situation like this.

I was apparently a precocious little shit about things like this. When I was in elementary school, my bus route was the absolute worst in the entire school. There were weekly fights to break up, weapons, sexual harassment, and general chaos, most of which was due to the fact we picked up all the kids from the projects on our route. One day the bus driver got fed up and gave the entire bus pink slips due to the fact some of the kids were being so unruly (ie- not me or the other kids from my stop) So I took two of the other kids from my bus stop and went to the city Mayor's office to complain about it. To this day, I don't know what I thought the Mayor could do about it or why his office actually humored us, but I did get to meet the Mayor, so it wasn't all a wash. My mom was freaked out when I told her about it after the fact.

I guess it's a good thing I was an only child. I'd hate to think what I would have done to my parents in return for an injustice as great as was done to this poor little girl's siblings.

[kb2]

I was always afraid as a kid that I was going to get into trouble for things that my parents didn't actually care about, so I'm not sure her hiding the pizza is indicative of bad parenting. I mean, maybe the parents do have a rule about finishing everything you have on your plate and they are messing up their kids' eating for life. Or maybe she just thought that asking for another special piece for herself and not eating it would be punished because she asked for something earlier and didn't use it and got in trouble for that. For instance, if she said she wanted to paint so her parents got out the painting supplies (brushes, paint, paper, plastic wrap to protect everything around, glasses of water), and when she didn't use them she got a talking-to about not making the parents go to the trouble of getting painting supplies together unless she was sure she wanted to use them. (Not saying that that is a major punishable offense, just that I can see a parent getting exasperated about a situation like that and saying, "Don't ask for things if you're not going to use them.") Now she's holding a pizza slice she asked for, but doesn't want to use/eat, and is afraid the same rules apply even if they don't.

But it does bother me that they punished all the kids. If she wouldn't have been breaking a rule by not eating the extra piece of pizza, that should have been a major point--you wouldn't have gotten in any trouble if you'd been straightforward in the first place about not wanting the slice. Instead, her big takeaway is that her parents will psychopathically punish the innocent if things don't go their way, and that's an acceptable way to be treated by other people, especially authority figures, and also, that it's an acceptable way to act as an adult. :shock: The parents were mad that they had to clean pizza from under the table, but instead of teaching their children that trying to hide something can create a bigger mess (literally), they got lost in rationalizing their own bad tempers by blaming their over-reaction on their child. So basically:

Finding a scapegoat for punishing all their children unnecessarily: done.

Teaching children not to throw food under the table to avoid eating it: unaddressed?

[Guest Anonymous]

One of the first Pearl stories I read was where Mama beat her son with a switch every day for a week for lying. Their website reads like some kind of True Crime publication. They need to be locked up.

[Hisey]

Here's how this would've played out in our family.

The child is too full to finish her pizza.

If it doesn't have any bites in it, we'd put it back in the box.

If it has a few bites:

a) Mr. Hisey or I would eat it, reasoning that it had very few calories because it wasn't ours to begin with and because a few bites were taken out

or

b) the child would be asked to wrap up the pizza for her next day's school lunch. The child would be very happy, because the next day's lunch would be something unusual (we rarely pack pizza for lunches)

or if it's summer vacation. . .

c) the child would be asked to wrap up the pizza, to be eaten by her when she is hungry. The child would wrap it in aluminium foil, and mark it with her name and some cute misspelled warnings about how no one else should touch it. ("Please dunt EaT or els! Beelogs to me")

No hitting necessary at all.

[SpeakNow]

I think that the family in the article could very well end up causing their children to have food issues.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/the-power-of-a-story/

Here is another story on the Pearls' site about dealing with lying. When Shoshana Pearl was five, she lied about cutting a wall hanging. Everyday for two weeks, the little girl was asked if she cut the hanging. And everyday, shewould claim that someone had broken into the room and destroyed the decoration. She even acted afraid that the man might return. Finally, she admitted that she had been the one to destroy the wall hanging.

Honestly, if I were Shoshanna (and I actually hadn't cut the wall hanging) I would've lied and said I did it just to get my tyrannical abusive shitty parents to stop spanking me.

[valsa]

Honestly, if I were Shoshanna (and I actually hadn't cut the wall hanging) I would've lied and said I did it just to get my tyrannical abusive shitty parents to stop spanking me.

That's the fucked up part (well, most fucked up out of a lot of fucked up), it sounds like they didn't start spanking her until she confessed. I think they just asked her if she did it, every day for two weeks, then when she finally fessed up- that's when they proceeded to spank her every day for two weeks after that. I'm sure if the poor child had known she would get a spanking for every day she lied, she probably would have confessed much sooner.

[debrand]

That's the fucked up part (well, most fucked up out of a lot of fucked up), it sounds like they didn't start spanking her until she confessed. I think they just asked her if she did it, every day for two weeks, then when she finally fessed up- that's when they proceeded to spank her every day for two weeks after that. I'm sure if the poor child had known she would get a spanking for every day she lied, she probably would have confessed much sooner.

yes, they spanked her after she confessed.

[Conuly]

That's the fucked up part (well, most fucked up out of a lot of fucked up), it sounds like they didn't start spanking her until she confessed. I think they just asked her if she did it, every day for two weeks, then when she finally fessed up- that's when they proceeded to spank her every day for two weeks after that. I'm sure if the poor child had known she would get a spanking for every day she lied, she probably would have confessed much sooner.

And what if she'd never confessed?

Also, really, the importance of honesty has nothing to do with whether or not you'll get caught and spanked. What a bullshit attitude. They really are very scary people if they genuinely think everybody is constrained only by threats.

[deelaem]

The only reason she lied was to avoid the very punishment she ended up getting. There was no ill intent, just a way to avoid pain.

In a much better world, she would have taken the 7th piece of pizza, not been able to finish it, and learned that 6 pieces are her limit. The parents really didn't need to step in at all.