“Are you a woman worth dying for?� (A Rant)

[Burris]

While surfing the internet last night, I made my usual stop at June Fuentes' blog – a place where, as I've pointed out on several occasions, cash is king and quality doesn't matter. This time, I found three rich veins of sad stupidity just waiting for me to tap them.

Let us set the tone of this post by discussing the smallest vein first:

As most of you know, Vision Forum recently celebrated the 100th Anniversary of when the Titanic sank.

When I consider the Titanic, my first thought is always of hubris – the hubris that caused its makers to market the thing as unsinkable; the hubris that lead them to stock to ship with only half the life boats they'd need in case of emergency. And then I consider the poor evacuation procedures, wherein many lifeboats were sent out half full.

When Doug Phillips thinks of the Titanic, however, he sees a money-making opportunity to play at dress-up. His hook: That Titanic represented the last bit of chivalry before feminism caused men's dicks to rot off. Damn the facts; full speed ahead!

During the celebration of Titanic's sinking, Dougie's wife, Beall, gave a talk to the assembled ladies about whether or not they're worth dying for. (Wow! What a charitable question that is.)

June Fuentes breathlessly advertized that this talk is available FREE with a donation of any amount to Vision Forum. (I don't think any of those avaricious vipers understand what the term “free†actually means.)

At around the same time, Fuentes and a few of her ladies worth dying for got together to “give away†a “BIG†“Spring Blessing†of $360 in PayPal money. It was no loss to them, since at present there are over 57 000 entries and thus enough click-based income to recover the cost ten-fold.

Some would see that money as a windfall, but for others I know damn well the money could cover a short-fall on their rent. It's not that I have a problem with give-aways, but this one is actually, a) a click-driver that costs its hosts absolutely nothing; and, b) an example of poor stewardship that this money is being used as a marketing ploy rather than as a means to help someone who might actually need it.

And finally, I'm down to the nub of my rant. Fuentes linked through, in one of those many posts she herself didn't write, to a site called theresurgence.com – another fundie goldmine with yet another fundie store where you can buy yet more fundie merch for the greater glory of God.

That is where I found Jen Smidt's illuminating article called, “A Warning to Women.â€

Is it insulting and stupid? Yes, and yes again!

Ladies, what is the current condition of your marriage?

For all wives, this hard question must be asked on a regular basis. It is too easy to drift into maintenance mode. Or worse yet, discover that our disappointments and desires have turned to resentful demands, believing that we deserve more out of matrimony and this man.

There's just enough truth in Smidt's analysis to make the lie palatable: The big D is often caused by unrealistic expectations by one or both halves of a couple. This can lead to situations where the spouses “fall out of love†-- possibly because their expectations of one another were unrealistic to begin with. (This is why marriage prep is so important.)

But Smidt's article isn't about a close examination of the facts; it's entirely devoted to shaming and belittling women – in every single sentence.

She continues...

Our fickle hearts easily stray as we get wrapped up in self.

Our fickle hearts? Because everyone knows women are emotional children blown this way and that, controlled entirely by intemperate notions and hazy ideas of love and romance. I mean, duh!

I do not begin to pretend that I have a message that does not include myself as an offender. While I have not committed adultery in my 17 year marriage to my husband, and I am not on the verge of walking out, I am no less guilty of the underlying sin that leads to these destinations.

If Smidt were “no less guilty†of the sin that leads to infidelity or divorce, she would either be unfaithful or divorced. Her false humility – her clumsy, insulting attempt to make common cause with women who struggle at marriage – is nothing short of degrading for everyone involved.

She turns human frailty – something that affects both sexes and all marriages to some degree – into a major sin specific to women.

And she says this is because, “Our fear of the Lord is small.â€

Our first mother was created from the side of her man by a kind and loving father who placed her smack dab in the middle of paradise. Unfortunately, we women often don’t recognize when we’ve got it good, even if it is surrounding us on all sides.

In the Eden story, neither Adam nor Eve had any moral consciousness before eating from the tree. Fundies take the story literally, even though it was written during the Babylonian captivity rather than some short time after the world began, and so they miss the point of it entirely. As a result, we get fuckery like the statement above.

Smidt goes on about Eve for a few more paragraphs, concluding Eve didn't “Cherish God's provision.â€

We are more like Eve than we dare admit. We do not cherish God’s provision (Eph 2) of grace (unmerited favor) and mercy (undeserving pardon). Instead, we take it for granted and decide we deserve something more comfortable and easier than the current strife we are facing.

Who the fuck is “we� All women, of course. We're carbon copies of one another and we all share Smidt's peculiar weaknesses.

We do not trust his goodness (Psalm 27) but instead devise our own plan for satisfaction or escape, convincing ourselves that the momentary delight is better.

The momentary delight of what? No – seriously – what the hell is she talking about? Smidt never cheated on her husband. This momentary delight she supposedly had – where did it come from?

It turns out she's talking about everything – everything from sex to over-eating to delighting in romance novels. In fact, anything short of perfection is not only sin but evidence that women are fickle and difficult to placate.

When she refers to “another lover†in the following passage, she's talking not about another man but about the pursuit of anything at all – education, money, food – if the root of that pursuit is in any way related to dissatisfaction with one's current condition.

We are told that whoever has fear of the Lord rests satisfied. When we find ourselves wandering about in the arms of another lover, it is because we have no fear of the Lord. We do not fear a holy and righteous God who has no tolerance for sin – we just want what we want. Right. Now.

In other words, even if it involves no wrong-doing on your part at all, if you do anything to improve your lot merely because you're dissatisfied with current conditions, you're no better than a cheater who doesn't fear God and is ready to leave her husband.

Where marriage is concerned, however, even abused women are targets os the author's ire. She writes...

As women who fear the Lord, we will not find harm. To a woman who truly loves and fears the Lord, harm is singularly defined as being in a situation where God is not near. We will never find ourselves there.

That's how some fundies solve problems: By pretending they don't exist at all.

Among her final thoughts on the subject:

Repentance begins with God-focused worship. Turn your back from worshipping yourself and the empty places you have sought life.

So, there you have it. If you're a woman, that warning was for you. You're already guilty of everything Smidt suggests and the only way to escape your evil guilt is to ignore reality completely, repent of ever having used logic to solve a problem on your own, and shut your mouth forevermore – unless, of course, you're scolding other women.

I can only assume, because I won't be giving any money to Vision Forum, that Beall's message is much the same.

Apparently, despite all this talk about God's unmerited favor, one must become a woman “worth†dying for -- because so many woman fall so short of that simple works-based standard.

[Olive Plant]

I don't know if this is related, but I've seen something going around Facebook recently praising chivalry. It features that painting of the woman knighting a man, and it has the tagline "Chivalry: not all women appreciate it. Just the ones worth dying for."

Chivalry is not about picking which women are worth dying for, and I find it funny that many of the stories about it revolve around unmarried men getting into morally questionable situations with married women.

Also, I'm not sure how a picture of a woman knighting a man is supposed to illustrate the tagline. Maybe "Chivalry: where women reward men who save them from their cruel husbands" would be more a propos.

[debrand]

Sometimes it is difficult to explain to people why I find Christian fundamentalism so dangerous. Most people are willing to tolerate other beliefs if they aren't harmful to others. On the surface, many fundamentalists appear quirky but harmless. Most people don't understand how damaging fundamentalism actually is.

Being a good, Christian wife took most of the pleasure out of my marriage. I couldn't be perfect enough and trying was exhausting. Overtime, I grew angry and resentful.

We are more like Eve than we dare admit. We do not cherish God’s provision (Eph 2) of grace (unmerited favor) and mercy (undeserving pardon). Instead, we take it for granted and decide we deserve something more comfortable and easier than the current strife we are facing.

Is she saying not to dream, hope or notice when life is unfair? I can't help thinking about the woman who stacks her kids up on shelving. Perhaps she has taken this advice to heart and doesn't let herself feel guilty about not offering her kids more.

[fluttershies]

Sometimes it is difficult to explain to people why I find Christian fundamentalism so dangerous. Most people are willing to tolerate other beliefs if they aren't harmful to others. On the surface, many fundamentalists appear quirky but harmless. Most people don't understand how damaging fundamentalism actually is.

Being a good, Christian wife took most of the pleasure out of my marriage. I couldn't be perfect enough and trying was exhausting. Overtime, I grew angry and resentful.

Is she saying not to dream, hope or notice when life is unfair? I can't help thinking about the woman who stacks her kids up on shelving. Perhaps she has taken this advice to heart and doesn't let herself feel guilty about not offering her kids more.

Especially since Kim (the blogger you're thinking of) is a big VF-er.

[valsa]

One person dying for another* has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the person being protected and everything to do with the quality of the person who is willing to die for someone else.

* The whole "I'd die for you" thing annoys me to no end and I don't understand why it's considered such a romantic gesture for a man to be willing to die to his wife/girlfriend. 1) There is less than a 1% lifetime chance that he's ever going to have to make good on that promise and 2) there are far, far more impressive ways for a man to show he cares. Can we replace "I'll die for you" with something like "I'll respect you as a person and demand that my friends and family treat you with respect as well. I'll pull my weight when it comes to child care and housework, even though our society would let me get away with doing less than 50% without being looked down upon. I'll do anything to keep our family afloat in hard times, even if it's working a McJob. I'll never let the view "that's not what a real man does" stop me from doing anything that needs to be done to take care of our relationship and our family." in popular culture? I really don't need someone to die for me and no other woman I know does either. I need someone who will work a crappy job he hates if that means putting food on the table, who will take care of the kids on a regular basis without referring to it as "babysitting", and who will be willing to tell his friends that it makes me uncomfortable when they refer to every woman they talk about as a "bitch" and to knock it off around me.

[Burris]

Being a good, Christian wife took most of the pleasure out of my marriage. I couldn't be perfect enough and trying was exhausting. Overtime, I grew angry and resentful.

I find it genuinely saddening that so many good people suffer this fate because their “Titus 2 Mentors†treat perfection as anything like an attainable standard.

The central theme in Christianity is grace – except, quite often, when it comes to how fundie women “advise†one another.

[Witsec1]

One person dying for another* has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the person being protected and everything to do with the quality of the person who is willing to die for someone else.

* The whole "I'd die for you" thing annoys me to no end and I don't understand why it's considered such a romantic gesture for a man to be willing to die to his wife/girlfriend. 1) There is less than a 1% lifetime chance that he's ever going to have to make good on that promise and 2) there are far, far more impressive ways for a man to show he cares. Can we replace "I'll die for you" with something like "I'll respect you as a person and demand that my friends and family treat you with respect as well. I'll pull my weight when it comes to child care and housework, even though our society would let me get away with doing less than 50% without being looked down upon. I'll do anything to keep our family afloat in hard times, even if it's working a McJob. I'll never let the view "that's not what a real man does" stop me from doing anything that needs to be done to take care of our relationship and our family." in popular culture? I really don't need someone to die for me and no other woman I know does either. I need someone who will work a crappy job he hates if that means putting food on the table, who will take care of the kids on a regular basis without referring to it as "babysitting", and who will be willing to tell his friends that it makes me uncomfortable when they refer to every woman they talk about as a "bitch" and to knock it off around me.

:clap:

[salsa]

I can't handle that blog. I like reading fundy blogs out of curiosity, but that one is over the top. She comes across as being beyond rigid and it sounds like, in all her preaching, that she is the model of perfection. And what's with the cello playing Pachelbel? (I hate music on blogs as it is) Annoys me to have to turn it off. The Victorian pictures - she doesn't dress that way; why does she have them?

[dawbs]

Am I a woman worth dying for?

Well....according to mainstream Christianity, Jesus thought so.

And he said those w/o sin should throw the first stone in saying I"m not.

(Off to do bible reading in the KJV so I can pretend I"m still fundie)

[ladyamylynn]

One person dying for another* has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the person being protected and everything to do with the quality of the person who is willing to die for someone else.

* The whole "I'd die for you" thing annoys me to no end and I don't understand why it's considered such a romantic gesture for a man to be willing to die to his wife/girlfriend. 1) There is less than a 1% lifetime chance that he's ever going to have to make good on that promise and 2) there are far, far more impressive ways for a man to show he cares. Can we replace "I'll die for you" with something like "I'll respect you as a person and demand that my friends and family treat you with respect as well. I'll pull my weight when it comes to child care and housework, even though our society would let me get away with doing less than 50% without being looked down upon. I'll do anything to keep our family afloat in hard times, even if it's working a McJob. I'll never let the view "that's not what a real man does" stop me from doing anything that needs to be done to take care of our relationship and our family." in popular culture? I really don't need someone to die for me and no other woman I know does either. I need someone who will work a crappy job he hates if that means putting food on the table, who will take care of the kids on a regular basis without referring to it as "babysitting", and who will be willing to tell his friends that it makes me uncomfortable when they refer to every woman they talk about as a "bitch" and to knock it off around me.

Preach, sister.