How do you respond to anti-gay talk

[figuring it out]

I have an experience that I'm not sure I handled correctly involoving someone I know to be religious and conservative, but much more so that I relaized. I had said something about I think churches should be out of the legal marriage business and that people who wish to marry just go register at the the appropriate office and then if they want their marriage blessed by God they have a religious ceremony. She launched in on a gay-phobia diatribe. The usual stuff--its a conspiracy to convert heterosexuals, they were all victim's of abuse and didn't get proper treatment, they chose to be gay, they want to indoctrinate children at school as to the normalacy of their choices, they have anger issues, they aren't monogamous, they don't have stable relationships, they are more likely to be involved with domestic violence and child abuse of all forms, they must recruit because otherwise they'd go extinct, etc. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said, evidence points to a biological basis for sexuality that is nuanced over time by experiences. She went on to say that may be true for less than 1% of gays, but the rest were recruited by the 1% to halp the 1% feel more normal. I just replied that I was comfortable with the biological data and that we know that differing sex hormone levels during pregnancy affect baseline sex hormone levels long after birth. Over exposure to artificial estrogens. for example, causes males to have a hormone baseline that on the spectrum of gender moves toward the female side while not being the same as female. I shared that such a well researched piece of information, while not conclusive showing causation of homeosexuality certainly points to a correlation. Then I got the hell out of there. What I want to know, is are there any catch phrases quick response comebacks that actually help people examine their beliefs and the root causes for them. Has anyone every been able to say to someone, "Does God lvoe all life? Does he love gay people?" And have them actually hear the dissonance in their response. I need a good way to handle these situations because I recently moved from a liberal gay friendly region to a homophobic one and I'm trying to be respectful but also to stand up and call their bigotry what it is-bigotry.

FJers what do you do when bigoted ignoranct people drive you crazy in person, not just online?

[ladypuglover]

I give them the stink eye and remain silent while they stutter around trying to fill the silence. Then when they are truly flustered I then tell them why they are wrong or will walk away reminding myself to put them on the cut direct treatment.

I'm in a bad mood and spoiling for nap. :evil:

[DarkAnts]

When people bring up gay marriage and how evil it is, I simply tell them that I think everyone deserves equal protection under the law. I also give people the stink eye.

[Arete]

This comeback is sort of specific for straight men, but I've heard it used and sometimes even used ir to use it to great effect:

"What are you afraid of? That a gay man might grab your ass? Or that a gay man might grab your ass and you might like it?"

When I feel that the crudeness would not suite the environment, I just say "Only people who are insecure with their own sexuality are uncomfortable about other people's"

[Mountain Girl]

I think you handled it well. I have a hard time staying calm in a conversation like that because it makes sooooo mad :evil: The best thing you can do is be armed with facts, and you are. You can try pointing out the the fact homosexuality exists elsewhere in the animal kingdom, in animals that don't have the capacity to weigh pros and cons and make a "choice" about it.

My husband once told a homophobic coworker, "so you would mistreat a fellow human being because that's what Jesus would do?" It made the guy do a double take and stop talking.

Another good one from my hubby (he has all the good conversations):

Stupid Lady: Gay people don't realize what they're doing. If they would just try sex with the opposite sex they would see it's the same thing and learn to like it.

Hubby: You should try lesbian sex.

Stupid Lady: What? :o

Hubby: It's the same thing, you'll learn to like.

Stupid Lady: :crying-green:

[shesinsane]

Anytime someone insists homosexuality is a choice, ask them at what age they were when they chose to be straight. If they reply they didn't chose, they just always liked members of the opposite sex, explain to them that the same thing happens to homosexuals.

If they actually have an answer... I don't know, I've never had anybody answer that.

[Mountain Girl]

Anytime someone insists homosexuality is a choice, ask them at what age they were when they chose to be straight. If they reply they didn't chose, they just always liked members of the opposite sex, explain to them that the same thing happens to homosexuals.

If they actually have an answer... I don't know, I've never had anybody answer that.

I will use this one :auto-driving:

[gustava]

I've been know to wonder why Jesus was unmarried and hung out with 12 other guys.

[SealFan1963]

The majority of my friends are accepting of all people, but the few that are not (mostly parents of my childrens friends), I ignore because they are seriously too ignorant and close-minded to participate in a decent argument.

[Braggnation]

the other day at a homeschool function someone asked me about the curriculum I use. I told her what it was and that it was secular. She said but what about science and that "million years nonsense" I simply replied, "we believe in evolution so it works for us" and smiled.

so what I'm trying to say is deal with ignorance with honesty. and truth :D

[contrary]

i use the "i believe everyone deserves equal protection under the law" one, too.

the waters get muddied when folks try to argue law from a religious standpoint. they simply don't seem to understand (or agree with) the separation of church and state.

[MalibusLove]

I'm pretty good at mockery, so every ounce of "concern" for those going to hell for various reasons is met with an equal amount of "concern" for those who don't realize that hatred is the beginning of hell... Right down to public prayers for their souls when they pray outwardly for the souls of others who live lifestyles that they don't agree with.

[lexiloumarie]

I've been know to wonder why Jesus was unmarried and hung out with 12 other guys.

That's my favorite pride sign ever - "Jesus hung out with 12 guys and a prostitute. He was more like me than you."

[kunoichi66]

I have an experience that I'm not sure I handled correctly involoving someone I know to be religious and conservative, but much more so that I relaized. I had said something about I think churches should be out of the legal marriage business and that people who wish to marry just go register at the the appropriate office and then if they want their marriage blessed by God they have a religious ceremony. She launched in on a gay-phobia diatribe. The usual stuff--its a conspiracy to convert heterosexuals, they were all victim's of abuse and didn't get proper treatment, they chose to be gay, they want to indoctrinate children at school as to the normalacy of their choices, they have anger issues, they aren't monogamous, they don't have stable relationships, they are more likely to be involved with domestic violence and child abuse of all forms, they must recruit because otherwise they'd go extinct, etc. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said, evidence points to a biological basis for sexuality that is nuanced over time by experiences. She went on to say that may be true for less than 1% of gays, but the rest were recruited by the 1% to halp the 1% feel more normal. I just replied that I was comfortable with the biological data and that we know that differing sex hormone levels during pregnancy affect baseline sex hormone levels long after birth. Over exposure to artificial estrogens. for example, causes males to have a hormone baseline that on the spectrum of gender moves toward the female side while not being the same as female. I shared that such a well researched piece of information, while not conclusive showing causation of homeosexuality certainly points to a correlation. Then I got the hell out of there. What I want to know, is are there any catch phrases quick response comebacks that actually help people examine their beliefs and the root causes for them. Has anyone every been able to say to someone, "Does God lvoe all life? Does he love gay people?" And have them actually hear the dissonance in their response. I need a good way to handle these situations because I recently moved from a liberal gay friendly region to a homophobic one and I'm trying to be respectful but also to stand up and call their bigotry what it is-bigotry.

FJers what do you do when bigoted ignoranct people drive you crazy in person, not just online?

The argument I use is - I quote Genesis, which says that God created man in his own image and likeness, and then I ask them if I think that God made a mistake.

They can't get out of it, because then they would be admitting that they think they know better than God Himself.

[Conuly]

In that case, I'd tell her flat out that she's profoundly ignorant and leave. No point wasting your time with fools.

[Three and Done]

I have an experience that I'm not sure I handled correctly involoving someone I know to be religious and conservative, but much more so that I relaized. I had said something about I think churches should be out of the legal marriage business and that people who wish to marry just go register at the the appropriate office and then if they want their marriage blessed by God they have a religious ceremony. She launched in on a gay-phobia diatribe. The usual stuff--its a conspiracy to convert heterosexuals, they were all victim's of abuse and didn't get proper treatment, they chose to be gay, they want to indoctrinate children at school as to the normalacy of their choices, they have anger issues, they aren't monogamous, they don't have stable relationships, they are more likely to be involved with domestic violence and child abuse of all forms, they must recruit because otherwise they'd go extinct, etc. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said, evidence points to a biological basis for sexuality that is nuanced over time by experiences. She went on to say that may be true for less than 1% of gays, but the rest were recruited by the 1% to halp the 1% feel more normal. I just replied that I was comfortable with the biological data and that we know that differing sex hormone levels during pregnancy affect baseline sex hormone levels long after birth. Over exposure to artificial estrogens. for example, causes males to have a hormone baseline that on the spectrum of gender moves toward the female side while not being the same as female. I shared that such a well researched piece of information, while not conclusive showing causation of homeosexuality certainly points to a correlation. Then I got the hell out of there. What I want to know, is are there any catch phrases quick response comebacks that actually help people examine their beliefs and the root causes for them. Has anyone every been able to say to someone, "Does God lvoe all life? Does he love gay people?" And have them actually hear the dissonance in their response. I need a good way to handle these situations because I recently moved from a liberal gay friendly region to a homophobic one and I'm trying to be respectful but also to stand up and call their bigotry what it is-bigotry.

FJers what do you do when bigoted ignoranct people drive you crazy in person, not just online?

You handled it very well.

Someone I love and care for very much is quite homophobic (although this tends to be directed towards men only) and we have had a couple of rather intense disagreements on the subject. My sister, a number of my friends, and countless others I have had daily interactions with all identify as gay, so I tend to get pretty upset about anti-gay bs.

In this particular person's case, they were molested as a child by a pedophile who was also homosexual, and that has skewed their perception (IMHO). I have tried telling this person that homosexual does NOT equal pedophile, but I don't believe that has done much good.

I do feel very badly for this person, as child sexual abuse is beyond sickening and is horribly damaging, but I am still unwilling to tolerate bigoted attitudes of any sort.

Any suggestions as to how to deal with this subject with this person?

[SpeakNow]

While this doesn't apply to your situation per se, I figured I'd share anyway. When I studied education as an undergraduate the school had a specialist come in and give a workshop on dealing with anti-gay bullying. One of the things that he taught us was the "name it, claim it, stop it" strategy. Basically, when someone says an anti-gay slur, you state exactly what the person said. For example, if someone says "gays are dumb," you say, "I just heard you say that gays are dumb." Next you "claim it" and state exactly what was wrong with what the person said (i.e- you were stereotyping, your statement is demeaning to others, etc). Then you tell them that you don't want to hear them use the phrase you "name" again for the reasons you just stated. It's especially important to do this as soon as the behavior occurs (regardless of whether or not you are in a public place) in order to send the firm message that what the person said is not okay with you. It is especially important to do it in public as it sends a strong message to those around you that you are not okay with gay-bashing.

[Joykins]

This comeback is sort of specific for straight men, but I've heard it used and sometimes even used ir to use it to great effect:

"What are you afraid of? That a gay man might grab your ass? Or that a gay man might grab your ass and you might like it?"

When I feel that the crudeness would not suite the environment, I just say "Only people who are insecure with their own sexuality are uncomfortable about other people's"

I like Dan Savage's reponse

[FlorenceHamilton]

My gay friend invited me to go hang out with her gay friends tomorrow for St. Patty's day. I am 52 years old and straight. I will let you know if I catch teh ghey.

[bea]

I usually say "You're slandering members of my family. Please stop."

That usually shuts them up. It's like the Right doesn't understand that gay people have families, too, or that non-gay people might be related to gay people. *headdesk*

[CelticGoddess]

My gay friend invited me to go hang out with her gay friends tomorrow for St. Patty's day. I am 52 years old and straight. I will let you know if I catch teh ghey.

My bestie hasn't caught it yet, and we, gasp, have shared a bed, cups, and even deodorant. (No comments on how gross that is, please. It wasn't a tooth brush). We've been besties since high school, and she is still straight as an arrow and I am still leaning to the lesbian. :) And, we are 42(me, well I am 21 but...) and she is 41.

[Guest Anonymous]

I ignore them. They are looking for a fight, and I refuse to give them one.

[QAF_Rocks]

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so this really hasn't happened to me. I can only think of one time, at the dog park, a very elderly woman referred to LGBT people as "freaks." I was sort of torn on what to do because she wasn't speaking to me; she was talking to someone else. However, she was certainly talking loudly enough for everyone to hear her. I'm not a confrontational person and didn't feel like getting into an argument that day, so I glared in her direction and stalked off to the other side of the park. Looking back, I wish I had said something.

Other than that, I haven't had anyone be so overt with their homophobia, not since high school, at least. You do hear little remarks from time to time, people who dance around the subject without ever saying what they really mean. Sometimes homophobic (and racist) people seem to want to test the waters to see if you'll agree with them. I like to make noncommittal, vaguely disapproving noises, just to give them just enough rope to hang themselves, and if they persist then I will let them know exactly what I think of their remarks.

For the most part, though, people aren't outspoken about their homophobia where I live, at least not with strangers/co-workers/acquaintances. I'm sure they talk about it with religious/conservative friends, but I don't socialize with people who are anti-gay, so I don't have the opportunity to hear it. The whole Prop 8 battle was a wake-up call as to how much homophobia there really is in the Bay Area. I knew it existed, but I didn't want to believe there was so much of it. It's hard to deny when it's staring you in the face in the form of lawn signs and bumper stickers, though.

I really don't know how I would handle it if I lived in an area where it was common or considered acceptable for people to say the kinds of things the OP encountered. I'd probably have to be a lot more confrontational. That kind of ignorance is just mind-boggling. I don't even know if there is anything you can say to break through to a woman like that. I'd certainly let her know that I am the proud daughter of two lesbian moms, but she'd probably just think I was evil and brainwashed.