I'm No Longer a Catholic. Why Are You?

[doggie]

A very good article.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-ch ... 76929.html

There are so many perspectives on the Obama/Catholic Church contraception debate that it is hard to keep track. But, after you've stripped it all of its partisanship, wonky indignation and misleading religious angst, what you are left with it whether or not you really think women are equal and how much that equality means to you personally.

At its core, this debate is about control. And not just birth control. Either you are willing to support and participate in a culture in which men, refusing to accept women as fully human, use a perverted claim of divine right to control women and their bodies, or you don't. For me, equality -- for everyone -- and the way I want my children to understand their place in the world outweighed my commitment to a faith, which, no matter how much real good it does in the world, does more harm by its failure to recognize the fundamental humanity of its female adherents. This isn't about freedom of religion; it's about freedom from religion.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, in a now much quoted study analyzed in the Washington Post, "Data shows that 98 percent of sexually experienced women of child-bearing age who identify themselves as Catholic have used a method of contraception other than natural family planning." Catholics are also more likely than non-Catholics to support Obama's insurance provisions, even prior to any accommodations. There are organization like Catholics for Choice who are clearly committed to Catholicism, but in defiance of bishops.

Catholic lay people, modern members of a pluralistic democracy, are not adhering to the beliefs of their church fathers, who continue to tell them that using birth control is a sin. Survey after survey shows that they believe that contraception (and other progressive social issues) is a matter of individual and private choice. Catholic women and men understand the conflict between the primacy of conscience and obedience to Church authority -- and are choosing their consciences. In the words of one Catholic woman, "I will start paying more attention to the bishops' position on birth control on the day a Catholic bishop becomes pregnant."

When I was a student at Georgetown University, a Catholic (albeit Jesuit) school, it was impossible to get birth control. Except that it wasn't. Any girl or woman who needed it could walk into the life-saving midwifery office on campus, talk to a practitioner and secure her contraceptive of choice. We were just not supposed to talk about it and were expected to quietly skulk about, so as not to jeopardize the efforts of the only people on campus, who happened to be Catholic women as well, who understood our need.

Personally, I have never been interested in skulking. So, I went home to my Catholic mother and told her I needed birth control. She took me to her doctor, but not before asking me not to ever again put her in a position where she had to lie to my father. I never lied to my father (much to his dismay no doubt) and didn't expect her to, but she, like many women in her position, was ill-equipped to deal with that dilemma. She asked me not to tell him. He was happy, I am sure, that I waited until getting married to have children, however. Hear no contraceptive evil, speak no contraceptive evil, see no contraceptive evil.

This happened during a time when I was deeply immersed in studying the church, its history, theology and bioethics. And, herein lies the true problem: When you educate people, they start believing what you teach them about the importance of equality, empathy, freedom and truth. Liberal Catholics, feminist nuns and the faithful LGTB work hard to change the institution, stay true to their church and value it for all of the good that it does. Indeed, there are congregations led by married ex-Episcopal priests. There are Catholic communities who support excommunicated Catholic priestesses. For me, it was not tenable to do these things and stay Catholic -- it gives too much power to men who ultimately do grave and deep harm to the very people they claim to be helping.

But, the ability to walk away is a real and tangible privilege. I could seek spiritual and material options. I had an understanding-if-startled family, was educated, could support myself, was healthy, had no children. I was reliant on the church for nothing. That is not the case for many, including non-Catholics, who are closely tied to the church through culture, conscience, faith, marriage, need or employment.

Religious institutions are subject to secular law all the time in this country. Polygamy, practiced by some Mormons and Muslims, is a case in point. If Catholic bishops were genuinely panicking about a War on Religion, then they would have to start with Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. These two alone constitute a virtual encyclopedia of Catholic error and "immorality" in their cherry-picked personal and political practices. What about war? What about government programs for the "food stamp" recipients? I actually laugh out loud every time one of these men says the words "entitlement programs." It would be humourous, if it weren't so bizarre.

This galvanization of bishops is nothing new where women are concerned. That's because the Catholic hierarchy, men for whom reproduction is as alien as menstruation -- another fully human process they have no part in, really believes that women's bodies are the living manifestation of their inferiority and the way in which God choses to punish them for their original sin. This is not unique to Catholicism and this post is not an indictment of the faith -- just to its leadership's insistence on misogynistic interpretations of how that faith is to be manifested. I could say the exact same thing of any of the Abrahamic faiths in their conservative orthodoxy.

It is hard to describe exactly how cognitively disjunctive being Catholic and female can be. In the first place, you are expected to accept your female second-class status, an all male priesthood and complementarianism, as good for you. Second, you are supposed to pretend that that gendered hierarchy has no influence or implicatons for life outside of the church, which of course it does. Third, any in-depth study of Church doctrine reveals the degree to which biblical hermeneutics and theologies codifying attitudes of virulently anti-female Church Fathers continue to inform the Church now. In this way, even if priests know not to quote St. John Chrysostom or St. Jerome in Sunday masses, women are still an "inescapable punishment, a necessary evil, a natural temptation ... a fault in nature," "the root of all evil," who, according to St. Clement of Alexandria, "should be filled with shame by the thought that she is a woman." I'm not going to even quote Origen, Tertullian or Aquinas. These men lived during various dark ages, but they could just as easily be shacking up in the Vatican today. Very little has changed since in that sense, and virtually nothing since 1975, when Mary Jo Weaver wrote, "New Catholic Women," about Catholic women "defecting in place."

Messages, both subtle and blunt, about the subordinate nature and role of girls and women are enshrined in an all-male clerical hierarchy and conveyed to children in schools and churches. What do girls (and boys about them) learn about about their abilities, their roles, their spiritual characters, their inherently weaker souls, their tempting sexuality, their handmaiden-ness? Girls and boys know that dangly bits, compared to compassion, honesty, divinity and humanity, can't be that important. Until we teach them that they are. What are the effects on girls and boys when they see that women are considered not fit or allowed to mediate sacraments? Some believe they can offset these messages through their own example. Kids might indeed do what you do and not what you say, but I think it teaches them that girls are "equal enough," should be obedient and should stop asking for more. It also teaches them to operate in personal ways that keep women's decisions "private" and not political and public. Enough with the adapting, peace-keeping, silent majority.

The 1976 Pontifical Biblical Commission, composed of ordained biblical scholars, found no scriptural justification for banning women from the priesthood. But churches that systematically strip the feminine from the divine have little interest in welcoming serious feminist theological scholarship and exegesis regarding Marian devotions, women religious figures or the authority of Christ. They'd rather fetishize early Christian doctrine formulated by men, obsessed by dualism, who hated women and despised their own sexuality. It goes without saying, even though I'm about to say it, that the church hierarchy's misogyny is the foundation of its homophobia and that its fixation on a twisted, fourth century understanding of sexuality is the root of its abuse of children. Somehow, I am supposed to ignore the horrific aspects of church history, doctrine and theology while simultaneously revering its traditions and submitting to a deeply corrupted authority. Damn that Enlightenment.

But seriously, how obviously violent do things have to get before we learn the lesson that powerful, all-male environments with perverted notions of sex, sexuality and gender have damaging and corrosive effects on the whole society? I have no doubt that the same could be true if the genders were reversed, but that's not the world we live in.

For me, it's simple. Why on earth would I continue to pay any attention to men -- and they are all men, even when they have conservative lay women fighting their battles -- who expect me to not only believe wrong, perverted, ideas about me, my gender and sexuality, but also ask me to transmit that information to my children? To stick with the pre-modern theme at hand, I'd sooner flay myself.

It is entirely possible to worship in environments that do not either actively or tacitly marginalize, subjugate and demonize you. I have close and dear friends and family who do not feel the same way as I do and continue to work within and around the parameters set by the church. I respect their decision to do that. For them, the issue is of equality before God and on Earth, is negotiable. For me, it isn't. You?

[Three and Done]

I am not Catholic, but I wanted to commend you on an extremely insightful, well-written post. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Bozoette]

It's not negotiable for me, either. That's why I am now not Catholic.

[silverspoons]

I left the catholic church after the Monsignor came into my hospital room after emergency uterine surgery yelling at me. I was already upset. I was a 18 and just found out I might never have kids after spending three days with a prolapsed uterus rolling around my dorm room in total pain. My condition in no way had anything to do with sexual activity. It was a birth defect(later found out to be caused by a morning sickness pill my mother took too much of. She took extra so because she was a catholic school teacher and didnt want to take time off from teaching).

I had been the apple of Monsignor's eye before this. Went to 12 years of catholic school, went on the mission trips, I was at mass in high school almost every morning at 6am and now without checking into what the surgery was he was yelling at me? I thought he had come to give me a blessing to recover? only to find out that by having necessary surgery that would most reduce my chance of having kids significantly I was a bad bad catholic. I remember him ranting on that I should have taken a scholarship offered to an all women's catholic college instead of going away to that ivy league school. I was like what does this have to do with a birth defect? just let me recover and go away. After a lengthy arguement that day, I have only been back once to the catholic church, to speak at my dad's funeral. It was a very traditional italian catholic church and I wore a pink dress and gave an unconventional eulogy that was well received by the attendees but not by Monsignor.

Ironically years later a Mormon team of doctors was able to do multiple surgeries that let me be able to have a child.

[Third]

I was raised by a Catholic father even if I was not baptized etc Catholic. I stopped supporting the church when I found out Catholic Charities removed funding for mobile clinics in Africa because some of the mothers use the birth control shot. These women are DIRT poor, cannot afford to feed their children, have all had multiple children die, all have several living child, living in war torn areas, their daughters could be taken for sex slavery and their sons forced into a child army -- surprise they don't want more children who'll die from disease or starvation. The Catholic churches' way to be pro-life is to deny vaccinations and basic medical care from already living children to punish their mothers. Really brilliant idea.

[holierthanyou]

I stay for the wine.

[Boltingmadonna]

Excellent article.

For me, it's simple. Why on earth would I continue to pay any attention to men -- and they are all men, even when they have conservative lay women fighting their battles -- who expect me to not only believe wrong, perverted, ideas about me, my gender and sexuality, but also ask me to transmit that information to my children?

THIS x 1000. Also, how on earth can I justify supporting and contributing to an organization that spends millions of dollars to deprive gay people and women of civil right and health care, slanders the Girl Scouts, and demonizes abuse victims to evade paying restitution to them? I can't!

If you want a nice social organization to meet with, join the Kiwanis or something.

Amusing fact: Mary Jo Weaver was my catechism teacher in junior high school, before she got her PhD. ; )

[AKay]

There are so many problems in the catholic church that I have to believe that most of my churchgoing relatives must be largely going out of a fear of the unknown and the comfort of routine, as most of them are good, smart people with kind hearts.

The abuse scandal was really the end for me. I was already a lapsed catholic before that and I no longer attended church, but once I read all of the terrible details and realized how fully out of control the church was with respect to that issue, I knew I could never give them another minute of my time or dime of my money.

The church's recent assholishness with respect to birth control, abortion, and gay rights are just more reasons to stay away. I think they're a bunch of pathetic dinosaurs.

Edit -- typo.

[Terrie]

While I'm not Catholic, I have many friends who are. It just seems like there is a huge and ever growing divide between the Church hierarchy and its sycophants, and the general laity. There was a story a couple years ago about a Catholic hospital that was sanctioned by the Church for doing a life-saving abortion for a woman. It's a good example of the conflicting views that exist on sanctity of life and social justice.

[emmyfair]

I was blindly Catholic, then lapsed Catholic, until I had children. That was a major wake up call for me - I never wanted to teach my kids to hate people because they were not the same as them. From the same strain of thought, I would never hate my own children because they grew up to be not in the good graces of the church.

The final nail in the coffin - I was excommunicated for marrying outside the church and giving out the plan B pill working as an RN. I was told not to return to the church until I was sorry for my mortal sins.

Don't hold your breath, guys!

Done and done. I have no regrets.

[Tempehst]

I left the catholic church after the Monsignor came into my hospital room after emergency uterine surgery yelling at me. I was already upset. I was a 18 and just found out I might never have kids after spending three days with a prolapsed uterus rolling around my dorm room in total pain. My condition in no way had anything to do with sexual activity. It was a birth defect(later found out to be caused by a morning sickness pill my mother took too much of. She took extra so because she was a catholic school teacher and didnt want to take time off from teaching).

I had been the apple of Monsignor's eye before this. Went to 12 years of catholic school, went on the mission trips, I was at mass in high school almost every morning at 6am and now without checking into what the surgery was he was yelling at me? I thought he had come to give me a blessing to recover? only to find out that by having necessary surgery that would most reduce my chance of having kids significantly I was a bad bad catholic. I remember him ranting on that I should have taken a scholarship offered to an all women's catholic college instead of going away to that ivy league school. I was like what does this have to do with a birth defect? just let me recover and go away. After a lengthy arguement that day, I have only been back once to the catholic church, to speak at my dad's funeral. It was a very traditional italian catholic church and I wore a pink dress and gave an unconventional eulogy that was well received by the attendees but not by Monsignor.

Ironically years later a Mormon team of doctors was able to do multiple surgeries that let me be able to have a child.

That's horrible :( I can't believe someone would do that. I guess you'd have to be pretty sure of your reservation in heaven to behave like such an insensitive dick.

Not Catholic, but I have friends who are and find the church interesting...it's suh an OLD institution and I think it's amazing they've managed to hang onto the practices and beliefs they have.

[deelaem]

I am not Catholic, but I wanted to commend you on an extremely insightful, well-written post. Thank you for sharing it with us.

He didn't write this essay. He just posts the words of others for the most part.

[Hane]

I tried to stay and be the model of the faithful but liberal/dissenting Catholic for years--until the huge rightward swing that's happened in the past decade. Then I voted with my feet and became a UU.

[alphaeta08]

I started learning what the Catholic Church actually teaches. Seriously, that's the easiest way to drive people away, tell them the truth about what they're supposed to believe. Some of it is completely insane.

[ADoyle90815]

These issues are why I could never be Catholic, but since I have family members who are Catholic, the only time I'll step foot into one of those churches are for weddings and funerals. I have a gay uncle who basically killed himself because my Catholic grandparents would have completely disowned him if he dared to come out.

[Kelya]

Bad experiences at the church, including at a recent wedding. And I've known far too many priests who were married/dating or had major alcohol/drug issues that were tolerated and accepted, while women who only had a few children were flipped out on.

Not to mention, my 76 year old grandmother who just lost her youngest child, husband, and sister all within one month has started talking about her experiences being a barely wed teen mom and the shit the church (and catholic doctors and catholic hospitals) gave her. And her experiences as a young twenty year old mother of two with a raging uterine infection that had her miscarrying and her life in jeopardy for years. Or as she says it, "they wanted to cut it all out but there were three Catholic doctors and two Jewish doctors and we couldn't find another two Jewish doctors in time to agree." Not the most politically correct way of phrasing, true, but the sentiment is true.

[bananacat]

My mom left the Catholic church because she wasn't allowed to take communion at her own mother's funeral. She was pregnant and unmarried, and even though she had already gone to confession, the priest still denied to her because "it would look bad". Plenty of people in her church had done far worse things, and were allowed communion because they had confessed. What a load of junk.

[romadiva]

Out of habit, I enjoy its history and rituals. It is my mother's religion and her mother's before her. I went to a Catholic school, they, along with my mother instilled discipline which has gotten me through life. I don't agree with everything the Church says or what it has done, but I prefer to observe in my own way.

[Athena]

I left Catholisism when I left my beliefs entirely. So it wasn't just the fucked up doctrine that pushed me away but faith was lost on me altogether. I was raised Catholic by my devoutly Catholic mother who has grown more fundamental in her beliefs in recent years. I have had many debates with her on the subject of the patriarchy of the church and she has convinced herself that this sect is in fact one of the most feminist because of the high place in which Mary is held. I think she's more attracted to the history and customs of the church rather than it's actual place in our contemporary world. She's a simple woman (though I love her dearly) but I don't believe she has really given it much thought and really shuts down when confronted on the subject.

I personally think we should make the Catholic church pay for centuries of holding back the world from technological and societal advances. Not to mention their crimes against children.

[emmyfair]

I should add - I was told by a priest that I would never marry, after I was raped and very nearly murdered, because I was "impure". I was instructed to prepare for life as a nun. I prepared for life outside the church instead. That was a total shitstorm in my life.

My excommunication occured when I tried to reconcile with the church a few years later.That experience only served to cement my earlier choice.

[ItISjustme]

That's a good article. Thank you for posting it.

I not only gave up being a Catholic, I gave up on Christianity too because I finally found I could no longer reconcile the idea of a loving, albeit paternalistic, god who could let his (presumably) beloved son die so horribly, whatever the reason. I love Jesus; he must have been a great guy but the rest, no thanks.

I do, however, still feel the pull of the church. I loved the churches of my childhood. They were dark and full of ornamentation and I loved the ritual of mass. Sometimes I feel an almost atavistic longing to go back but then I get a grip and realise that that's gone and I'm better off without it.

[Kishiria]

I have a Doctorate in Sacred Theology from a Pontifical Institute, and I've left not only the Church but Christianity. I think I'm like the guys who know they are gay but try to hide from it by sleeping with a lot of women. I always felt my skin crawl when someone said they were Christian, and I mean always, since I was a kid. To me it was a religion of ignorance and judgementalism.

Finally I read the Bible cover to cover and kept seeing lots and lots of prophecies that NEVER came true, as well as a God who punishes his children to show that he loves them. And as a reward they get to praise him forever!

What. The. Fuck.

I'm Asatru now.

[ladypuglover]

I never was Catholic and was told by a nun that the church wouldn't have/allow me to be a nun. She said I was to wild to be a nun, so I never joined up. :(

[doggie]

It is like Catholics only care about making more Catholics no matter what the cost. Paying Catholics in India to have more kids. Let children starve to death instead of controlling pregnancy and saving the children from suffering. More worried about the act over the person.