Secular parents - teaching about religion

[Rosa]

I have a six year old with no social skills (still being diagnosed, leaning toward something on the autism spectrum) so my issues with this are a little compounded by his complete lack of social skills, but.

We did the myth-based thing, his dad is atheist, I'm pagan. Dad's family is Catholic, mine was mainstream Protestant but my dad got evangelical as he aged and my mom has gotten pretty agnostic/culturally Christian. We read a lot of world history, which includes lots of polytheism/monotheism and creation myths and stuff, so he's got a firm ground on "different people believe different things".

But his dad tells him all supernatural stuff isn't real, so he's currently an atheist. And it's caused him lots of problems - first of all, he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy or Santa or anything, and we/he have gotten the "we'll never speak to you again if you tell our kids Santa/fairy/easter bunny isn't real!" line from a lot of family and friends, so we have to censor him a lot. Second of all, several friends and one of his grandmothers have sort of nonreligious cultural beliefs - angels, djinn, astrology - that need to be put in the "religious belief, not up for debate" category, except that in conversation they insist they are not BELIEFS, they are not religion, they are REAL. And he's all "but that's not real, not like a really real thing" and they get really mad.

Especially other kids his age - the Somali kids don't distinguish cultural beliefs (Djinn especially, but also things like the uncleanness of dogs) from religious ones (Adam & his wife, sayings from the Koran) at all, so just saying "Some people believe that but other people don't" doesn't really work.

And the Christians...His dad's family is Catholic and doesn't really consider any other way to be. They accept that i don't go to mass because I'm not Catholic, but they'll never believe my partner is really, truly, for real, no longer Catholic and go out of their way to educate our son since we're "neglecting" him that way. Part of my family is Evangelical and from small towns, and they just do. not. understand. not being Christian. They especially do not appreciate their stuff being called a story, we got in a lot of trouble with that over Christmas (even though I swear I learned it, in church, as "the Christmas story" originally myself.)

So. Kiddo's fine. He was a theist after a visit when grandma took him to church about 4 times in one week and talked about Jesus and guardian angels nonstop, but reason told him if you believed in one God you'd have no ground to disbelieve the rest, so he was a polytheist. It wore off and he's back to being an atheist. I'm pretty sure he wont' grow up Christian, at least. Not at all sure he'll ever have friends, though.

[Mokek Kwe]

I haven't read any replies yet, but...

I'm a Christian, but how I would handle it is- when things come up ("God made all the beautiful flowers!!!", etc), before they get a chance to ask, if possible, say something like, "Some people believe in a guy they call God. They think that he made everything, and it helps them feel better about why things happen. It's okay for them to think that, but I don't believe that he's real. I believe that people are supposed to help each other to feel better, instead of someone we can't see." Buuut, this could also be crossing over into "Santa Claus" kind of territory, so maybe not that last line, idk....

[chiccy]

When my SO's mom was growing up, her parents refused to tell her whether they believed in God so she could come to her own conclusion. I think that's pretty awesome.

[Kelya]

Yes, I probably should have mentioned that we live on the east coast, and that while Quakers here are very liberal, that may not be true in other parts of the country. It depends on where the OP lives.

particularly in the pacific northwest, where experiencedd is located they have the Northwest Friends Yearly Meeting which is "Quaker" but virtually indistinguishable from most fundie-lite Protestant denominations in my experience. Imagine my surprise when I moved from New England to the PNW! I was like, so you all talk differently, your ocean is FREEZING, you have tsunamis, and your Quakers are crazy? where did i move?!

[CustardTart]

My mother's a non-practicing but believing Lutheran My father is a semi-practicing Muslim. He had no problem with us kids being raised Christian as long as we didn't eat pork out of respect to him. Fine with us.

Didn't go to church regularly until I had kids, when most of my neighbors belonged to a Pentecostal Assembly. It was great for my kids, they learned the foundation of Christianity from birth. Oh, by the way, my husband is a born Catholic. He'd come to that church with us, but after a few years, the pastor got a bug up his arse to constantly preach about fire and brimstone. Like all the time, every single Sunday. We'll we weren't having it.

My husband wanted to return to the Catholic church. I went for a year before deciding this was our faith. We believed it. We felt comfortable with it, so we raised our kids as Catholics. It was a good decision for our family.

I was also a catechism teacher for 11 years, so I became extra knowledgeable. We taught the children that all religions are of God and people find their way to God through those religions. But we taught them that OUR beliefs were that Jesus is the savior etc etc etc.

I always thought it was very important to give our kids a religious base, as chosen by us, their parents, just like we made all the impt decisions for them when they were little. At least I was giving them something to reject when they got older if they so chose than give them no base at all. That was important to me and my husband.

By the way, my brother converted to Judaism when he fell in love and married a Jewish woman. We all respect each other's beliefs, and it works out great. My Jewish SIL is my son's godmother!

[Guest Anonymous]

Religion was never really taught in the public schools I attended, except how they relate to history or philosophy. My religious teaching was in the home and at church.

[Witsec7]

where experiencedd is located they have the Northwest Friends Yearly Meeting which is "Quaker" but virtually indistinguishable from most fundie-lite Protestant denominations in my experience. Imagine my surprise when I moved from New England to the PNW! I was like, so you all talk differently, your ocean is FREEZING, you have tsunamis, and your Quakers are crazy? where did i move?!

I was spoiled by Philadelphia and rural South Jersey Quakers. I went to meeting at the Whittier Friends (the ones that kicked out Ricard Nixon) but they were moving towards evangelical 20 years ago. I've also been to meeting in the Boston area and just loved that one.

There is an informal Quaker group from campus, they are 'real' Quakers and very active in our local Occupy as well as our daily peace vigil in town.

[Whydoyouask]

I homeschool, :whistle: , I don't teach religion, Kiddo is 11 now. The only 'religion' teaching is in the form of history and tolerance of EVERYONE. Religion does play a part in history so we cover that and I am HUGE into tolerance of everyone. We are nice to everyone. DS swim coach is huge into this. To be on the team, to be able to compete you must be nice to everyone.

[Sola]

Even though my kids have had RE at school I have still taught them about religions. They have both been to various churches and a mosque. I would love to take them to a synagogue but there isn't one locally. I'm an atheist but I find religious history fascinating. My son is now 16 and is also an atheist (and I am finding that he takes after his mother for snarking on fundies :D) but my daughter is still unsure. A couple of years ago she decided she wanted to go to church so for about 6 months I took her every Sunday. Then she herself decided she didn't want to go any more.

My own personal approach has been to try and give them an appreciation for what religion has done for the world through my own interest in religious history, but at the same time teach them that everyone has different beliefs. My son went through a slightly militant atheist phase about a year ago where he looked with derision at anyone who held a belief in any god. I didn't want him to go down that route as I think that the extremely militant atheists can be just as fundie as the fundies WE snark on. So we had lots of talks on various faiths and what they can offer to people. He's got over that now, turns out it was triggered by some fundie online on a gaming forum he frequents who thought it acceptable to tell him that he would burn in hell.

[julie paradox]

Some of you might be interested in Parenting Beyond Belief:

http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/

http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/

http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/parents/

(edited for typo)

[Elle]

I am an anti-theist and I approach religion with my child from a purely mythological standpoint. The same way I teach her about ancient Roman or Greek gods is the same way I teach her about the current gods people believe in. I preface it with 'Some people believe this...'

I think it is important for my daughter to know what people believe, but to also think critically about it. I don't believe in keeping information from her, I want her to know everything.

We also play a game called 'real or not real', where I ask her questions and she tells me if she thinks they are real or not. If she says something is real (even if it is), I ask her how she has come to this conclusion. Usually the answer involves the senses. If the answer is 'because X told me it is real', I ask her why she accepts that as true. I think it is very important that she be able to make up her own mind and learn to think.

Hope this helps!

I love this!

[duplessis3]

UU here. Our Fellowship is doesn't talk about Jesus much at all...and it is pretty "un churchy". My eldest son is a heathen, and the younger one leans that way. (One omnipotent god doesn't make sense to them, but a lot of little gods makes more sense.) I'm neutral. (Degree in Philosophy and Religion.) Husband is more Christian oriented but he doesn't talk about it. THere are lots of atheists at our Fellowship.

I think learning about religion is CRITICAL in the US culture at least. A basic understanding of what others believe is important, and to read English Literature - it is very important. As well as historically, of course. I'm having my younger son read "The Old Story of Salvation" by Sophia Lyon Fahs. He finds the whole thing deeply confusing and thinks there isn't enough narrative flow.

BTW: The UU has the Church of the Larger Fellowship, which is a virtual church, and also has religious education resources. Here's a link: http://www.questformeaning.org/page/ref ... -famillies

[darareaksmey]

I was also a catechism teacher for 11 years, so I became extra knowledgeable. We taught the children that all religions are of God and people find their way to God through those religions. But we taught them that OUR beliefs were that Jesus is the savior etc etc etc.

I always thought it was very important to give our kids a religious base, as chosen by us, their parents, just like we made all the impt decisions for them when they were little. At least I was giving them something to reject when they got older if they so chose than give them no base at all. That was important to me and my husband.

This is what we (a Catholic and a Lutheran) have done with our kids, too. I've made it my business to point out to our kids friends who are not Christian, and to have conversations with them about what their belief systems are. Pretty much every conversation starts with, well, they don't believe that Jesus is God....but they do believe this, that, the other. The important thing for us was for our kids to know what it is our family believes, but to have the utmost respect for others with different beliefs, or no belief. In kindergarten, my son became particularly envious of a Hindu schoolmate who had more than one god! And our daughter, who was born in a majority-Buddhist country, has always been interested in Buddhism. They both have been/are being catechized within an inch of their lives in Lutheranism (I am a catechism teacher too!) but once they are adults in the eyes of the church, I'll feel I've done my part and they are free to pursue any religion or none.