Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 29

[GreyhoundFan]

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"Democrat Dreams"

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When I heard the Democrats invited Donald Trump to testify at his senate trial for his impeachment, I was giddy with low expectations.

As a cartoonist, I could just imagine how much material Donald Trump would give me bringing his lies and conspiracy theories to a trial in the United States Senate. Can you imagine him sitting in the chamber talking about how the election was stolen from him by illegal voting machines? Can you imagine him talking about voting machines controlled by the Clintons, Hugo Chavez, and globalists (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) swapping votes from him to Biden? Can you imagine him sitting there claiming he won states he lost?

The only thing that could possibly get me more excited would be if his defense lawyers were Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. And if Rudy’s hair started running down his face while he was farting, I would probably lose my mind.

But of course, no half-assed decent lawyer would allow a liar like Donald Trump to walk into a perjury trap like that. How is it a perjury trap? Because if Donald Trump took an oath to tell the truth, it’s a trap under any circumstances. Even a Trump lawyer isn’t that stupid…not even the ones who haven’t quit yet.

Donald Trump actually wants his defense to center around the lie that the election was stolen from him.

But reality has set in for me.

Donald Trump will not testify. Rudy and Sidney will not be his lawyers. And even if he did testify and came off as guilty as hell without any doubts to it, Senate Republicans would still vote to acquit his lying corrupt ass. And all this cartoonist will get will be adults in the White House behaving maturely and seriously while enacting policies that make total sense. Sad face.

But a cartoonist can still dream. I have been known to laugh in my sleep.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

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"Goodbye to Lou"

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Even if you never watched Lou Dobbs Tonight (and if you’re a regular visitor to this page, you didn’t), it’s a positive development for you. The removal of Lou Dobbs and his show means there is one less person poisoning our environment with dangerous bullshit that feeds terrorists. And just a few months ago, we thought maybe the worst he contributed to was stupid racist people.

Lou Dobbs NEVER should have had a TV show. Maybe that’s not entirely fair. But he should have lost all opportunities of having a show after the fucked up call he made in 1999 when he ordered his producer to cut from President Bill Clinton’s speech in Littleton, Colorado, after the Columbine school shooting, to return to his show, Moneyline. Lou Dobbs’ partisanship clearly presented an inability to host a news show, even one with opinions. Dobbs left CNN but he got another chance.

Dobbs returned to the network and started his crusade against “illegal immigration,” and then became the only news anchor to give any exposure and legitimacy to the birther theory, that President Barack Obama was born in Kenya. CNN paid him $8 million to leave.

Naturally, a racist conspiracy theorist like this belonged on Fox News. At Fox, Dobbs continued to push the birther nonsense but also gave credence to the deep state nonsense championed by Donald Trump. Dobbs abandoned all pretense of being an actual analyst and joined the Trump cult and used his program to campaign for Donald Trump. It was sickening.

Lou Dobbs became your crazy uncle where the only qualification to believe in something was that Donald Trump said it. Except your crazy uncle doesn’t have his own TV show on Fox News. Sure, your crazy uncle could get a show on Newsmax or OANN, but not Fox.

And because Donald Trump claimed the election was stolen by Dominion voting machines, Lou Dobbs believed the election was stolen from Trump and for Joe Biden by Dominion voting machines. Now, a company that provided software to Dominion, Smartmatic, has named Dobbs and two other Fox News hosts in a $2.7 billion defamation lawsuit. Trying to save some face, Fox News has canceled Dobbs.

Don’t cry for Lou Dobbs. He’s still rich. In fact, he hasn’t even been fired yet. They just canceled his show. They’re still paying him. How crazy is that? What’s even crazier is that Fox News still has racist conspiracy theorists hosting “news” shows.

On November 12 of last year, Trump’s personal drippy farty attorney, Rudy Giuliani, was on Dobbs’ show promoting the Big Lie, and claimed Smartmatic was founded by Venezuelans connected to the deceased and former dictator Hugo Chávez “in order to fix elections.” Instead of calling him out for bullshit, or even better, not having him on his show, Dobbs thanked Rudy for being “on the case” which “has the feeling of a coverup in certain places.” That’s just some good journalisming right there, folks.

This was supposed to be a news show…on a news channel. Lou Dobbs was supposed to be a credible journalist. Rudy going over a cliff chasing conspiracy theories doesn’t mean Lou Dobbs had to go with him. Journalists are supposed to call this bullshit out, not join in spreading it. On that note, journalists shouldn’t join political campaigns or speak at political rallies. But Fox News “journalists” do that.

Donald Trump issued a statement, because he can’t tweet anymore, saying, “Lou Dobbs is and was great. Nobody loves America more than Lou. He had a large and loyal following that will be watching closely for his next move, and that following includes me.”

I actually read the statement like this: “Lou Dobbs is and was a great racist. Nobody loves attacking America with white nationalist terrorists more than Lou. He had a large and loyal racist following that will be wearing Klan hoods while watching closely for his next racist move, and that racist following includes me, because I’m a racist…with a little tiny dinky.”

Oh my god. That means your crazy uncle is going to lose his show on Newsmax. But hey, there’s an available time slot at Fox Business at 5:00 P.M. eastern time.

 

 

Now I've got this stuck on repeat in my head:

 

[GreyhoundFan]

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"Runny Drippy Lawsuits"

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Rudy Giuliani has an afternoon show on New York’s Talk Radio WABC. Rudy is upset because he just discovered the station is running a disclaimer before his show saying, “Warning: The program you are about to hear is chock full of bullshit, a nonsensical litany of lies, disproven conspiracy theories, and the kind of crazy old man talk that would make you assume it’s being broadcast from a padded cell in a mental institution.”

It doesn’t say that, but it should. What it does say is, “Girl, we are not responsible for the bullshit you’re to hear so don’t sue us…sue Rudy.” OK, it doesn’t say that either…but it should.

Seriously this time, what it truly says is, and I’m being honest…”The farts you’re about to hear do not represent WABC or its affiliates.” I’m sorry.

What it does say is, ” the views, assumptions and opinions expressed by Mr Giuliani and his guests are strictly their own and do not necessarily represent that of the station or its advertisers.” I think they should use the first version I wrote.

And then the show starts with, “Coming live from the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and next to Dildo-a-Rama, It’s the Rudy Giuliani Show!”

Rudy can get upset all he wants, and he said, “I mean, we’re in America, we’re not in East Germany.” because back when there was an East German puppet state of the Soviet Union, farty former mayors had radio talk shows.

Rudy spent considerable time on the show talking about the disclaimer he just learned about. The station slapped it on there without telling him which is also hilarious. His very first caller asked, if he feels “guilty about spreading a lot of unproven conspiracy theories to folks who may not have the ability or the critical thinking skills to look through” his bullshit. Yes, Rudy’s listeners, the Trump cult, don’t have critical thinking skills. But then again, neither does Rudy.

The station is correct to slap a disclaimer on his show. If they were really smart, they’d cancel his like Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs. Smartmatic, a company that created software for Dominion, the company that makes voting machines, named Rudy as part of its $2.7 billion libel lawsuit against Fox News. He’s also being sued by Dominion, along with fellow bullshitter Sidney Powell, for $1.3 billion.

The Smartmatic suit states, “Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell needed a platform to use to spread their story. They found a willing partner in Fox News.” Rudy replied, “The Smartmatic lawsuit presents another golden opportunity for discovery. I look forward to litigating with them.”

Unfortunately for Rudy, Sidney, and Fox News, everything they said is on tape because, you know, it was on TV. Rudy has gone on TV before and denied saying something he just said. Forget Donald Trump testifying in his own defense, Rudy’s lawyers better lock him in basement. I mean, the guy started his radio show by pointing out that he can’t be trusted for honesty or facts.

The opening of the Smartmatic lawsuit has been called the greatest opening line in the history of lawsuits. It reads, “The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts.”

They went on to say, “Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. In their story, Smartmatic was a Venezuelan company under the control of corrupt dictators from socialist countries.” How are Rudy, Sidney, and Fox going to defend against that? It was just entertainment? Rudy can’t fart his way out of this one. And just like his hair dye, Rudy has left a trail for the plaintiffs to follow.

More lawsuits are coming. The big question is, will they go after Donald Trump for the big lie?

Also, will Just For Men sue a cartoonist?

 

[GreyhoundFan]

Sometime things just make me laugh. This meme has had me chuckling all afternoon.

[ADoyle90815]

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"Unconstitutional What?"

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For the record, Donald Trump was impeached both times while he was still president. If you have issues with the trial in the Senate being after he left office, which he tried to remain in through a bloody coup attempt, blame Mitch McConnell for delaying the trial until after Trump left town.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

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"Impeach This Chicken"

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Of course Donald Trump is not going to testify at his second impeachment trial in the U.S. Senate. Even if his legal team isn’t capable of spelling “perjury,” they know what it is…I think. If Donald Trump testified, he’d spread one conspiracy theory after another, eventually own up to the entire thing, flash the “OK” sign, and give another shout-out to terrorists.

How about this? We get someone to testify who witnessed what Donald Trump was doing in the three hours between the beginning and the end of the terrorist attack on the U.S. Capitol.

Either way, the Senate needs to convict Donald Trump. It’s ridiculous and outrageous not to. The man literally, and I’m using “literally” correctly here, attempted to overturn an election through a bloody coup attempt. People died. These senators who are the jury are also witnesses. They’ll be sitting inside the same chamber that the horn-wearing Qanon Shaman was roaring in. Ted Cruz will be sitting at the same desk that terrorists were pillaging through.

Let’s go back and look at some facts. Let’s go back before the election.

Donald Trump tweeted to his followers to liberate Michigan. His followers stormed that state capitol building with guns. Why? Because Donald Trump told them to. Later, a bunch of his followers plotted to kidnap the female governor of Michigan. Who instigated that? Donald Trump.

Over a year before the election, Donald Trump tried to steal it by having Ukraine investigate his main Democratic opponent, Joe Biden. Donald Trump extorted the president of a foreign country by withholding military aid that was approved by Congress and that he needed to defend his nation with against Russia. “No collusion” turned into “so what?”. “Pay for play” turned into “get over it.” For this, Donald Trump was justly impeached. No Republicans in the House voted for it. Only one Republican in the Senate, Mitt Romney, voted to convict.

Senate Republicans decided Donald Trump could indeed shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue and get away with it. With his second impeachment, they’re probably going to say a president can be a fucking traitor, attack his own government, send a mob to kill his vice-president, and install himself as a fascist dictator through a bloody coup. Senate Republicans will argue that on Constitutional grounds, you can’t impeach a former president. On Constitutional grounds, you can’t install yourself as a dictator and steal elections.

And to that Constitutional argument: Donald Trump was impeached BEFORE he left office. The Senate has a Constitutional duty to conduct the trial. Also, we have held senate impeachment trials for former officials. And speaking of Constitutional duties, the Senate was in the middle of one when Donald Trump sent an angry mob to attack it.

Trump spent months before the election claiming it would be unfair and stolen. He spent months after the election claiming it was unfair and stolen. He used lies, conspiracy theories, and farty lawyers. He lost over 60 court cases. He invited GOP state legislatures from states he lost to the White House to entice them to hand him their state election for the presidency. He called election officials in Georgia and threatened them to overturn the election. He told the officials in Georgia to find and give him votes that didn’t exist. He should be convicted for this.

On January 6, the day Congress was certifying the vote, Trump held a rally down the street from the U.S. Capitol. He told his crowd to fight or they “wouldn’t have a country.” He used the word “fight” multiple times. Rudy told them it was “trial by combat.” Congressman Mo Brooks said it was time to “take names and kick ass.” Donald Trump Jr. said, “If you’re going to be the zero and not the hero, then we’re coming for you and we’re going to have a good time doing it.”

Trump’s defenders say he told his crowd to go to the Capitol peacefully, but he also said he’d be “right there” with them, and that wasn’t true either.

Donald Trump’s legal team can’t say Donald Trump did not send the crowd to the Capitol to overturn an election. They can’t defend that he tried to stay in power illegally. They can’t defend he staged an insurrection. Trump’s legal team has 16 hours to make their case. This is like a band playing a three hour set that only knows “Freebird.” What do they do for those three hours? For three hours, they play “Freebird.” For 16 hours, we’re going to hear it’s “unconstitutional” and comparisons to Black Lives Matter and Antifa.

I didn’t see any Antifa or Black Lives Matter flags during that riot. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t kill the cop. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t break windows and loot the U.S. Capitol. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t stage an insurrection. Antifa and Black Lives Matter did not go inside the United States Capitol and shit and piss on the floors. That was all MAGA. People shit on the floors in the United States Capitol in the name of Donald Trump. Can you imagine if I was one of the prosecutors?

During the attack, the mob was chanting Trump’s name. They chanted to hang Mike Pence. Several brought nooses. They started chanting to hang Pence right after Trump tweeted an attack on Mike Pence.

For three hours, the terrorists attacked the Capitol. For three hours, Donald Trump did nothing. There are sources who say he was partying to the scene he was watching on TV. He was getting off on the mob. He was getting off that they were attacking the United States of America in his name. He was getting off that they were chanting to save the Constitution while attacking Congress in the middle of performing its Constitutional duty.

After about three hours, Donald Trump was finally convinced it was looking bad and he needed to send out a statement. He sent one out saying he “loved them,” they were “very special,” and to “go home.” Then, the terrorists went home.

It’s been reported that during those three hours, Donald Trump obstructed the National Guard from being sent to defend the Capitol. We need witnesses to say whether that’s true or not.

After the attack and arrests were finally being made, Donald Trump showed his true colors and turned on his supporters. He said they didn’t represent him. They returned the favor and now their defenses center on the argument that Trump told them to do it. There are multiple videos of these terrorists during the attack saying Trump told them to do it.

Several people died during the attack. A terrorist was shot. A Capitol Police officer was murdered by the terrorists. Another person was trampled.

Before the attack, over 150 House Republicans voted against certifying the election. Republicans in the Senate like Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley were giving inspirational speeches to the mob. Josh Hawley saw them outside and gave them a triumphant raising of his fist. During the attack, the new Republican senator from Alabama and noted idiot Tommy Tuberville was taking phone calls from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani…while he was hiding from the mob. During the terrorist attack he ordered, Trump was calling a senator to discuss strategy on how to capitalize on the attack and steal the election.

Several of these senators voting on Trump’s fate are complicit with Trump. Several of them encouraged the attack. Now, they’ve voting on whether Donald Trump should be convicted when they should also be convicted.

France sent Napoleon to live out the rest of his days on an island. They stuck him in the middle of the ocean so he couldn’t hurt their nation ever again. He was barred from ever serving again. We don’t need to send Donald Trump to an island. We just need to impeach him, ban him from every serving again, and maybe send his orange ass to wear an orange jumpsuit.

If we can’t convict a terrorist president, then the Senate is saying a president can break any law he wants and even commit sedition.

The United States Senate needs to convict this chicken.