Myka Stauffer of The Stauffer Life: Where's Huxley???

[Stormy]

1 hour ago, OutoftheShadows said:

Her name sounded familiar to me so I checked my insta, and sure enough I was following her. I unfollowed immediately (this was yesterday afternoon) and at the time she had 163K followers. As of this evening she’s up to 177K. Up 14K in 24 hours! I hope this is just a blip and they all fade away into obscurity. 

She’s getting reamed in a lot of the comments. I wonder why she doesn’t have them turned off on all pictures, a la Jill Rodrigues. 

She's down 5K on YouTube, and the Instagram thing puzzles me because all of her comments are either gone or extremely negative (notice she removed her #Danimals ads as well as her affiliate link). I'm suspecting that either people are tuning in to follow some potential drama, OR she's buying followers, though I don't see how she or her husband could recover from this. The lack of comment moderating on their platforms suggest that they're actively avoiding social media for now.

I'm amazed and taken aback by how much traction this story has gotten in mainstream media outlets, and, if I'm 100% honest, part of me is shocked that they actually did rehome him...sure, all the evidence pointed to it and I was very much on board with the theory, but I low-key prepared for it to be that they were just embarrassed of him, had given up marketing him, or that they had him either warehoused or eyeballs-deep in excessive therapy. I guess I didn't want to believe it, since I'd once been an un-ironic subscriber who was initially drawn in by--you guessed it--the adoption journey of this sweet little boy from China. I'd unfollowed them on my own years ago after finding a lot of their practices questionable, but I couldn't have imagined it would have ended like this.

I'm fascinated by the volume of people who were unfamiliar with the Stauffers who were appalled and are now weighing in. I like that People magazine did the due diligence of covering the story, and even one of my favorite drama YouTubers had a take on it (linked below)! What I would find especially interesting is if Myka's peers from the family influencer/vlogosphere would be willing to comment on the situation, granted that people are already asking on their latest posts. (YouTube adoption queen Angela Braniff (This Gathered Nest) has several adopted children and she's been supportive of Myka in the past, and this month she's crusading for supporting foster parents.) I doubt there will be many that do, since no one wants to risk their careers for either supporting the Stauffers or condemning them.

YouTubers who are not family vloggers, however, have nothing to lose and are free to have a field day. Here's Smokey Glow:

Spoiler

 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, Stormy said:

She's down 5K on YouTube, and the Instagram thing puzzles me because all of her comments are either gone or extremely negative (notice she removed her #Danimals ads as well as her affiliate link). I'm suspecting that either people are tuning in to follow some potential drama, OR she's buying followers, though I don't see how she or her husband could recover from this. The lack of comment moderating on their platforms suggest that they're actively avoiding social media for now.

I'm amazed and taken aback by how much traction this story has gotten in mainstream media outlets, and, if I'm 100% honest, part of me is shocked that they actually did rehome him...sure, all the evidence pointed to it and I was very much on board with the theory, but I low-key prepared for it to be that they were just embarrassed of him, had given up marketing him, or that they had him either warehoused or eyeballs-deep in excessive therapy. I guess I didn't want to believe it, since I'd once been an un-ironic subscriber who was initially drawn in by--you guessed it--the adoption journey of this sweet little boy from China. I'd unfollowed them on my own years ago after finding a lot of their practices questionable, but I couldn't have imagined it would have ended like this.

I'm fascinated by the volume of people who were unfamiliar with the Stauffers who were appalled and are now weighing in. I like that People magazine did the due diligence of covering the story, and even one of my favorite drama YouTubers had a take on it (linked below)! What I would find especially interesting is if Myka's peers from the family influencer/vlogosphere would be willing to comment on the situation, granted that people are already asking on their latest posts. (YouTube adoption queen Angela Braniff (This Gathered Nest) has several adopted children and she's been supportive of Myka in the past, and this month she's crusading for supporting foster parents.) I doubt there will be many that do, since no one wants to risk their careers for either supporting the Stauffers or condemning them.

YouTubers who are not family vloggers, however, have nothing to lose and are free to have a field day. Here's Smokey Glow:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I’m so glad this got so much media attention. Because there are so many aspects of this whole shit show that need to be talked about in the US. 

[SolomonFundy]

Brilliant how these self-absorbed chucklefucks are sobbing on social media because of hUrTfuL CoMmEnTs, but they had no problem ridiculing their developmentally challenged toddler on video and sharing it on the same platforms.

 

Classic case of adopting a pretty baby for optics, then bailing when the reality of a special needs child didn't work with their manicured, staged lifestyle. Huxley didn't get rehomed because he suddenly manifested new autistic powers. He's been voted off of the family island for the sin of growing larger and being an inconvenience.

 

I hope with all my heart that Huxley is young enough to forget most of his time with these people as he grows up. They don't deserve a sliver of space in his memory.

[SoybeanQueen]

On 5/23/2020 at 6:21 PM, FiddleDD said:

But you know what they never did? Ditch their children.  Because you don't get to just change your mind about your child, adopted or otherwise. 

Thank you for this. So many times I've read this same kind of scenario but it ends with "so their only choice was to rehome their children."

I have 3 kids who came to us from the foster system. One has a RAD diagnosis. All 3 have other mental health diagnoses and significant trauma. One has other special needs. Two have been in inpatient facilities in the last year. One of them was inpatient twice since September, with one stay for 3 months. It is terrifying. I was "prepared" for trauma and all of this, as much as you possibly can be. Even that did not prepare me for how hard it would be. Sometimes I think you can't really imagine it if you haven't lived it. 

Anyway, I don't recall there being a clause in my promise to my kids at adoption that I could give up when it was hard. Kudos to your friends for fighting the good fight for their kids.

[hoipolloi]

The Stauffers' lawyers have issued a statement of support.

1 hour ago, SolomonFundy said:

He's been voted off of the family island for the sin of growing larger and being an inconvenience.

This X 10,000. It's hard for me to see this any other way. Also, I can't help but recall Kathryn Joyce's excellent study, The Child Catchers, which looks closely at international adoptions and evangelicalism. TBH, it's not clear to me what if any religious beliefs the Stauffers actually have but Myka's frequent references to being led by God, etc. in the adoption of Huxley and other matters make me thing they're at least pandering to the fundie social media audience.

[kiwi]

The Stauffers' lawyers have issued a statement of support.
This X 10,000. It's hard for me to see this any other way. Also, I can't help but recall Kathryn Joyce's excellent study, The Child Catchers, which looks closely at international adoptions and evangelicalism. TBH, it's not clear to me what if any religious beliefs the Stauffers actually have but Myka's frequent references to being led by God, etc. in the adoption of Huxley and other matters make me thing they're at least pandering to the fundie social media audience.

The lawyers statement is bullshit. “They would do anything for their family” - except stick by the special needs child they dragged to the US from China for views.

We are now expected to give them privacy and pray for them?? Sorry hold my wine while i stop laughing. They are NOW requesting privacy.... after selling their children’s lives online?? Selling out Huxley’s adoption, gaining attention and finances from his adoption. Now that its not sunshine and roses they are wanting privacy.

Huxley deserved privacy from day dot.

And im sorry but any medical professionals who told me to “rehome” my child (like an animal), id be going elsewhere for medical support.

He was adopted by THEM, he was their child. Their child. Their son. Their brother. They had the means financially to support him.

[danvillebelle]

I didn't know about this family until i read this thread here yesterday.  Last night, they popped up in my TikTok feed four times.  This story is everywhere.

I really have no words for their particular brand of fuckery.  I watched their explanation video on YouTube, and all I saw was a whiny childish brat shedding crocodile tears.  If she said "his privacy" one more time I was going to jump through the screen and throttle her.  Where was HIS PRIVACY from the day you adopted him till now, you self-centered self-aggrandizing bitch?  

I have friends who raised a brother and sister they adopted from the foster care system in the late 80's.  They had come from the kind of abuse that makes headlines.  Their daughter, at 4, could not speak, feed herself, had undiagnosed/untreated hearing loss and brain damage and was literally like a wild animal.  They didn't give up, and if any case I have ever heard of would warrant even thinking of such a choice, it was them.  That same daughter was able to move out at age 20 and has lived a fulfilling life at a group home for the last 15 years and their son is married with a family.  Because they are actual followers of Christ and didn't give up and throw in the towel when it was too hard to handle.  They pressed on.  

These grifting losers deserve everything they're getting.  The fact that she's still posting shiny happy pics of her bio kids on Instagram like everything is fine now is GROTESQUE.

[formergothardite]

4 hours ago, kiwi said:

And im sorry but any medical professionals who told me to “rehome” my child (like an animal), id be going elsewhere for medical support.

Exactly. If a doctor's solution is to just get rid of your child, then dump the doctor, not the child! 

 

[FluffySnowball]

8 hours ago, SolomonFundy said:

I hope with all my heart that Huxley is young enough to forget most of his time with these people as he grows up. They don't deserve a sliver of space in his memory.

I hope so, too! However, (and without any psychological knowledge to back this up) I’m afraid the poor boy will be traumatized. Not only did he come from China to the US as s toddler, he lost his familiar surroundings once again mere years after the first big change. I cannot imagine that anyone can live through such experiences and emerge unscarred. Hopefully his new family truly loves him and provides him with the security, safety, care, support, and the forever home he so deserves. 

Also, his so-called former parents are scum, absolute scum. They promised to love him and make him part of their family and failed miserably. F*** them to hell and back! 

Edited May 29, 2020 by FluffySnowball

[danvillebelle]

3 minutes ago, FluffySnowball said:

I cannot imagine that anyone can live through such experiences and emerge unscarred.

And she better not think for a second that she hasn't traumatized her remaining children as well.  They now have "If I do something bad enough, mom and dad might send me away" etched in their brains.  You can bet on it.

[FluffySnowball]

19 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

And she better not think for a second that she hasn't traumatized her remaining children as well.  They now have "If I do something bad enough, mom and dad might send me away" etched in their brains.  You can bet on it.

That's very possible, yes. I reckon, though, that it depends on how much her husband and her have alienated Huxley from the beginning. “Rehoming” him indicates to me that he’s never truly been a part of their family. 

Another thing: while MS deserves all the blame and disgust she’s getting right now, one shouldn’t turn this situation into mummy shaming. James is just as responsible for what they did to poor Huxley, he’s no less guilty than Myka and he deserves the same amount of blame. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, FluffySnowball said:

That's very possible, yes. I reckon, though, that it depends on how much her husband and her have alienated Huxley from the beginning. “Rehoming” him indicates to me that he’s never truly been a part of their family. 

Another thing: while MS deserves all the blame and disgust she’s getting right now, one shouldn’t turn this situation into mummy shaming. James is just as responsible for what they did to poor Huxley, he’s no less guilty than Myka and he deserves the same amount of blame. 

I 100% agree that he’s just as much to blame. But since she was the “face” of the channel, it’s hard not to direct it just at her. Since she’s doing all the talking and fundraising in front of the camera.

[anachronistic]

Autism and autistic social media has picked this up and are absolutely horrified at this ‘rehoming’ idea. I keep telling them that this isn’t a new issue, read the Child Catchers, come learn about the dangers of Christian fundamentalism with me, come talk about the dangers of Christian fundamentalism with me, this is a great special interest, that’s why I’ve had it for years......nobody wants to talk about it beyond how horrible it is. 
 

I absolutely physically ache for Huxley. As a fellow autistic I know how much rejection hurts and how long it takes to figure things out. The Stauffers undoubtedly told him at some point that this was his forever home, and he wasn’t going to move anymore, he’d be part of their family forever, and now that’s wrong. He will likely *never* get over that. He will always mistrust people, he will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s a reason autistic people have such incredibly high rates of PTSD. It’s because our memories don’t allow us to forget. Yesterday is as close to 30 years ago in my mind. Poor, poor Huxley. He must be in so much pain.

[Glasgowghirl]

A few youtube channels have been talking about it and one even used comments from here to demonstrate the fact that people had been asking for a couple of months where Huxley was. One of the channels pulled up a clip where James says they put Huxley to bed at half 7 and let the others stay up later and watch DVDs in their bedroom and have family time, he went on to justify it by saying because his needs mean he gets more attention during the day. It just seemed to me they done that to get rid of him and not because they wanted him to have time with the others. 

[LilMissMetaphor]

This situation reminds me of when Lynnea adopted Josie and then rehomed her with Susanna Musser.  How incredibly damaging does that have to be to a child.  Especially an older child. 

http://www.wearegraftedin.com/author/lynnea-hameloth/

 

 

[Howl]

12 hours ago, Stormy said:

I'm amazed and taken aback by how much traction this story has gotten in mainstream media outlets,

Yes, I'm following some news websites specific to parts of AZ, UT and ID and there are links to this story on all of them -- it's been picked up and disseminated by all the major news outlets. 

[anachronistic]

I hope this brings more attention to the problems inherent in transracial and transnational adoption. My friend Lydia wrote an amazing piece on the intersections of disabilities and adoption across cultural, racial and national lines, here https://gal-dem.com/huxley-adoption-story-youtube-stauffers-is-part-of-a-larger-narrative-race-disability-and-abuse/?fbclid=IwAR2KoJIEy5DgCVd9imhaGWONQkl-OZnRl70AZ4MO5t-KGO-D27BSD7u90Hk

 

I hope more people get persecuted for their crimes against children. Rehoming a child should be treated like child abuse because it IS. I hope their other kids grow up, learn about what they did and cut them off, forever.

[AmazonGrace]

This family made the news in Finland ?

[JermajestyDuggar]

There are so many aspects of this case that I want the general public to talk about. But it seems like a lot of people just want to demonize her and move on. There are so many questions people need to ask

Should overseas adoptions be banned for now?

Should people be able to fundraise online for very expensive overseas adoptions?

Should parents be allowed to make money off of their children via YouTube video and social media (adopted or bio)?

Do children like Huxley have a right to privacy (like children in foster care are allowed privacy online)? 

Should “rehoming” even be considered an option at all? 

Should adoptive parents be forced to exhaust all options before rehoming? 

Should parents that rehome a child be banned from all adoptions in the future? 

I’m not saying I have some perfect answer for all of these questions. But they are questions we all need to be asking and thinking about.

[Nike]

It's made it to the news here in the UK too. 

[LucilleJ]

33 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

This family made the news in Finland ?

I've seen some articles in France about this family too.

They mostly say: Youtuber Myka Stauffer abandon her autistic child 3 year after adopting him. In your country does they use some form of "rehoming" or abandon…?

(Even for a dog you do not rehome him, to be the most positive he would be readopted. To me rehoming is for moving your home/workplace)

Edited May 29, 2020 by LucilleJ

[AmazonGrace]

4 minutes ago, LucilleJ said:

I've seen some articles in France about this family too.

They mostly say: Youtuber Myka Stauffer abandon her autistic child 3 year after adopting him. In your country does they use some form of "rehoming" or abandon…?

(Even for a dog you do not rehome him, to be the most positive he would be readopted. To me rehoming is for moving your home/workplace)

I think there is no specific word for "rehoming" in Finnish. It was said that Myka gave him away and that  he was found a new home.  Another story said he was moved into another home or handed over to another family, and that they got criticism for getting rid of a child.

[Alisamer]

9 hours ago, kiwi said:

And im sorry but any medical professionals who told me to “rehome” my child (like an animal), id be going elsewhere for medical support.

I'd normally agree, but I suspect this might be a situation of the medical professional seeing what sort of people they are and thinking that "rehoming" Huxley to someone better suited to caring for him might be the best choice, as traumatic as it is. Sadly there's no "good" option for Huxley, but moving him as young as possible to parents who aren't appearance-focused famewhores might have seemed like a better choice, after seeing that these people were advised not to adopt him and did anyway.

1 hour ago, Howl said:

Yes, I'm following some news websites specific to parts of AZ, UT and ID and there are links to this story on all of them -- it's been picked up and disseminated by all the major news outlets. 

I got a push notification on my phone with an article about this from Huffpost. It's everywhere!

If there wasn't a pandemic they'd be in a hotel outside a TV studio tonight, ready to do morning interviews and start making the rounds, I'd bet. They might still do so via zoom.

[LucilleJ]

19 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Should “rehoming” even be considered an option at all? 

Should adoptive parents be forced to exhaust all options before rehoming? 

Should parents that rehome a child be banned from all adoptions in the future?

I'm not on point with adoption (and even less with adoption in other countries) but to fellow not american FJer: is rehoming an option in country beside USA?

I know in France it's not really an option, there is some "trial period" (it's not the real say but i can't find my word) of 6 months after that the child is yours like any biological children.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, LucilleJ said:

I'm not on point with adoption (and even less with adoption in other countries) but to fellow not american FJer: is rehoming an option in country beside USA?

I know in France it's not really an option, there is some "trial period" (it's not the real say but i can't find my word) of 6 months after that the child is yours like any biological children.

I’m not sure. I just hate that it’s an option in the back of people’s minds. I think it was in the back of the Stauffers’ minds the whole time they had him. Yet I’m sure it was never in the back of their minds with their bio children. Just the fact that this is an actual option that is commonly used is terrible imo. I truly think parents should have to exhaust all options before rehoming. It shouldn’t be this easy to get rid of your adopted child. I don’t think these people even came close to exhausting all options.