Myka Stauffer of The Stauffer Life: Where's Huxley???

[HarryPotterFan]

I saw this in the news yesterday and came here to see if it was being discussed. It’s absolutely horrendous and despicable.

21 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

 The Stauffers' explanatory video implies that they were misled or misinformed about Huxley's health

This excuse infuriates me. You never get a guarantee about what health, behavioral, or other issues a child may have. Not with a biological child, not with an adopted child. You can never know everything ahead of time. Sure, you can get some diagnoses before you adopt or en utero but that doesn’t paint a full picture. And they claimed they’d love Huxley no matter what. Lies. So much easier to say than to do. And they got viewers to help finance the adoption and used Huxley to make money. He’s not a child but a prop to them!!!! Wtf. He’s just a cash cow to them.

They claimed they gave him all the support they could but were home schooling? Bullshit. Sounds like they didn’t want to use the available resources so they could have an excuse to get rid of him. There’s a reason that special education teachers and therapists need so much training. Not any random person can do what they do, help children the way they can. I hate idiots who think they can just pray and suddenly be given infinite knowledge and wisdom.

ETA: Also, children with disabilities are much more likely to be abused and killed by their caregivers than other children. I’m not saying these assholes abused Huxley or anything, but it’s another thing to think about. This bitch clearly was a bitchy to him, from videos she shared. I’m just thinking about the child in Miami, who was also on the autism spectrum, who was killed by his mother recently. 

Edited May 29, 2020 by HarryPotterFan

[HarryPotterFan]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Should parents be allowed to make money off of their children via YouTube video and social media (adopted or bio)?

Do children like Huxley have a right to privacy (like children in foster care are allowed privacy online)? 

This is a relevant article: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/tanyachen/will-huxley-stauffers-story-be-the-wake-up-call-that-leads

[Glasgowghirl]

14 minutes ago, HarryPotterFan said:

I saw this in the news yesterday and came here to see if it was being discussed. It’s absolutely horrendous and despicable.

This excuse infuriates me. You never get a guarantee about what health, behavioral, or other issues a child may have. Not with a biological child, not with an adopted child. You can never know everything ahead of time. Sure, you can get some diagnoses before you adopt or en utero but that doesn’t paint a full picture. And they claimed they’d love Huxley no matter what. Lies. So much easier to say than to do. And they got viewers to help finance the adoption and used Huxley to make money. He’s not a child but a prop to them!!!! Wtf. He’s just a cash cow to them.

They claimed they gave him all the support they could but were home schooling? Bullshit. Sounds like they didn’t want to use the available resources so they could have an excuse to get rid of him. There’s a reason that special education teachers and therapists need so much training. Not any random person can do what they do, help children the way they can. I hate idiots who think they can just pray and suddenly be given infinite knowledge and wisdom.

Agreed, Huxley was definitely a prop to them and once they had another baby to use as a prob, they didn't need him anymore. 

Even being in a mainstream pre school or day care would have benefited Huxley more than being at home all the time. His behaviour from the few videos I have seen of him seemed to always be in reaction to the people around him not treating him well, Myka cut his hair in one, Huxley didn't like it and was upset and walking away from them obviously wanting to be left alone, instead of leaving alone both Myka and James continued to be in his face asking him questions and filming him and it esculated to a tantrum. 

I am not against family's having channels in general, I follow a few where children are only in the videos if they wish to be but safeguard's need to be in place similar to those that child actor's have and children need to have a percentage of any revenue the adults get. 

[hoipolloi]

According to this Twitter thread, in the year following Huxley's adoption the Stauffers were already looking into a second international adoption. Good thing that did not happen, for whatever reason.

 

 

 

[EmainMacha]

Spoiler

 

 

 

I'm not sure if it's ok to screen shot from the twitter thread above so I'll put under a spoiler but the comment about Huxley's obsession with food and her husband's reaction chilled me for some reason. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, EmainMacha said:

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I'm not sure if it's ok to screen shot from the twitter thread above so I'll put under a spoiler but the comment about Huxley's obsession with food and her husband's reaction chilled me for some reason. 

They can’t even handle his staring at them when they eat then they likely can’t handle much of anything outside their “norm.”

[SuperNova]

15 hours ago, SolomonFundy said:

Classic case of adopting a pretty baby for optics, then bailing when the reality of a special needs child didn't work with their manicured, staged lifestyle. Huxley didn't get rehomed because he suddenly manifested new autistic powers. He's been voted off of the family island for the sin of growing larger and being an inconvenience.

Well said. It got me thinking about another family that I've seen selling their adoptive children's images for likes.

I used to occasionally read the lifestyle blog 'A Beautiful Mess'. One of the co-writers began the process of adopting an albino child from China. It was never clear if she chose the child because of her albinism. What is clear is that she liked the attention from her first daughter so much, that she specifically sought out a second albino child. It really rubbed me the wrong way without quite knowing why. After reading about the issues of Americans and overseas adoptions, I feel like my discomfort is justified. Picture of "designer children" under spoiler.

Spoiler

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by SuperNova

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SuperNova said:

Well said. It got me thinking about another family that I've seen selling their adoptive children's images for likes.

I used to occasionally read the lifestyle blog 'A Beautiful Mess'. One of the co-writers began the process of adopting an albino child from China. It was never clear if she chose the child because of her albinism. What is clear is that she liked the attention from her first daughter so much, that she specifically sought out a second albino child. It really rubbed me the wrong way without quite knowing why. After reading about the issues of Americans and overseas adoptions, I feel like my discomfort is justified. Picture of "designer children" under spoiler.

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I don’t know much about this woman but what you say makes so much sense. Albinism does cause issues with eyesight and skin but it causes no brain damage, no behavioral issues, and the children can often function physically (run, jump, play) like most kids. Therefore she likely sees is as an “easier” disability to deal with but she still gets all the back pats for adopting children with a genetic issue. They are unique and cute and photograph well. Ugh.

[mhainlen]

3 hours ago, EmainMacha said:

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I'm not sure if it's ok to screen shot from the twitter thread above so I'll put under a spoiler but the comment about Huxley's obsession with food and her husband's reaction chilled me for some reason. 

Food insecurity, even in very early years, can be huge and so hard to overcome for children who have experienced it.  There is a lot of information available on this and advice on how to plan for it and reassure the child from the moment they are in your custody. I know this and haven’t looked into fostering nor adopting. I’m sad that this was not something they prepared for before adopting him.  And sadder that it annoyed them rather than making them more empathetic to what he had endured as a baby.  

[Ozlsn]

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

There are so many aspects of this case that I want the general public to talk about. But it seems like a lot of people just want to demonize her and move on. There are so many questions people need to ask

Should overseas adoptions be banned for now?

Should people be able to fundraise online for very expensive overseas adoptions?

Should parents be allowed to make money off of their children via YouTube video and social media (adopted or bio)?

Do children like Huxley have a right to privacy (like children in foster care are allowed privacy online)? 

Should “rehoming” even be considered an option at all? 

Should adoptive parents be forced to exhaust all options before rehoming? 

Should parents that rehome a child be banned from all adoptions in the future? 

I’m not saying I have some perfect answer for all of these questions. But they are questions we all need to be asking and thinking about.

Should there be more government oversight and long term support of adoptions, internal and overseas?  I find the process in the US very hard to understand to be honest,it's very different to here. It's very unlikely the Stauffers would have been able to adopt here.

[Giraffe]

29 minutes ago, mhainlen said:

 And sadder that it annoyed them rather than making them more empathetic to what he had endured as a baby.  

EXACTLY! This is the kind of thing that makes them so unsympathetic now!!
 

That video she posted where she was mocking him for being in a bad mood was sickening and gut wrenching and yet she posted it as though it was funny. NO! It shows what a shit human she is to treat her kid like that AND THEN PUBLICLY POST IT!!! 

And NOW she’s asking for sympathy and privacy. Fat chance!

Sorry to start typing like Jrod. I’m pissed about this situation and I hope they’ve got funds set aside for their other kids - the permanent ones - to get therapy. Having been one of the “permanent kids” myself in a different situation, their remaining kids will* be traumatized by this.

 

* yes, this is my opinion but I’m keeping the word “will” and not replacing it with “maybe.”

Edited May 29, 2020 by Giraffe
Removing an extra word

[HeadshipRegent]

Guaranteed they’ll pop another Content Baby and that will be their comeback in six months to a year. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

The most disgusting thing to me about the Stauffer's is that they claimed they love Huxley with all of their hearts. If they really love Huxley, then they wouldn't have sent him away the moment they learned that he was autistic and had health issues. They would have done everything they could to ensure Huxley got the right support he needed and they would have done everything they could to support him. Instead they tossed him aside. They never really loved him.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

There are so many aspects of this case that I want the general public to talk about. But it seems like a lot of people just want to demonize her and move on. There are so many questions people need to ask

Should overseas adoptions be banned for now?

Should people be able to fundraise online for very expensive overseas adoptions?

Should parents be allowed to make money off of their children via YouTube video and social media (adopted or bio)?

Do children like Huxley have a right to privacy (like children in foster care are allowed privacy online)? 

Should “rehoming” even be considered an option at all? 

Should adoptive parents be forced to exhaust all options before rehoming? 

Should parents that rehome a child be banned from all adoptions in the future? 

I’m not saying I have some perfect answer for all of these questions. But they are questions we all need to be asking and thinking about.

All of these questions are going to be raised now about prospective adoptive parents. There are many loving adoptive parents who would go to the ends of the earth for their child no matter where they are from. I know a set of parents who went through the whole adoption process overseas from South Korea. When they found out their son had autism they never stopped loving him and raised him as his own. There are many adoptive parents out there who want to adopt from overseas who will love their child no matter what. Now, the Stauffer's are using their image to exploit "rehoming" and have damaged international adoption for everyone in the process.

The Stauffer's trying to defend themselves is just disgusting. It wouldn't shock me if they are now doing everything they can to either get Huxley back or work with his new family to do an episode in order to save their image and exploit him more.

[kiwi]

All over the news here in NZ.

IG account: mykastauffer.lier has some good content, screen grabs of their terrible treatment, screenshots of posts to adoption fb page asking about “easier special needs that look hard work” - like wtf?? They wanted a special needs child who looked to be super complicated but actually really easy to deal with - be careful what you wish for!

I see lots of her being thrown under the bus, but his youtube channel is almost at 1M, his name and his youtube needs to be discussed more. Stauffer Garage.

A good replacement if you like his content is The Detail Geek - hes easy on the eye also [emoji12]

[Giraffe]

43 minutes ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

The Stauffer's trying to defend themselves is just disgusting. It wouldn't shock me if they are now doing everything they can to either get Huxley back or work with his new family to do an episode in order to save their image and exploit him more.

I agree their defense has been appalling. I don’t see them trying to get him back though. I doubt they’ll do any kind of Huxley update. His new family now has full control of what gets shared about him. I get the sense they’ve got a gag order against them when it comes to talking about him. 

Edited May 30, 2020 by Giraffe
Removing unnecessary words

[NancyDrewFan1989]

23 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

I agree their defense has been appalling. I don’t see them trying to get him back though. I doubt they’ll do any kind of Huxley update. His new family now has full control of what gets shared about him. I get the sense they’ve got a gag order against them when it comes to talking about him. 

I just want them to go away. I really do believe that the Stauffer's are going to go out of their way to get Huxley and his new family on their YouTube channel in an attempt to replenish their image. The family seemed to have a growing empire through YouTube and now that is all going away because of their cruel exploitation of Huxley.

For some reason, I believe that they will try to get Huxley "back" in a screwed up custody agreement with his new family. Basically, a deal where Huxley spends the night at their house one or two nights a week in order to exploit him more. All the while the new family will be responsible for Huxley's healthcare, well being, etc while the Stauffer's continue to exploit and make money off of him. I really hope his new family takes care of them and squashes the Stauffer's if they try something like this in court. I can guarantee you the two of them are going to go out of their way to do damage control to their image. For what it is worth I  REALLY HOPE that they do not try this. But given their tone deaf reaction to criticism it wouldn't shock if they tried to pull something horrific like this. 

[DarkAnts]

According to Buzzfeed, Huxley is not in the state system (foster care). I worry so much that he was sent to another family that will decide to rehome him again.

[MirrorMirror]

I came out of several years of lurking to respond to this thread. My husband and I were houseparents at a group home for MANY years. I am currently a guardian ad litem & working on becoming a clinical social worker. So this subject is obviously very close to my heart.

When I hear stories like this, I always come at it objectively. I have seen cases like this from all angles. I have held crying children all night long while they asked me what was wrong with them, why their parents would give them up. I've also seen my bio children be physically bullied by fosters simply because of jealousy. I even caught a child once about to push my then 2 year old down a flight of steps. My husband & I have broken up fights, had knives pulled on us.

So I know that behavioral issues can be a VERY REAL thing. Some of the children are going to grow into legitimate sociopaths, & they know exactly how to play the system. And I actually agree that sometimes "rehoming" (Ugh, I hate that word), is the right step. However, the Stauffers disgust me. Adoptive parents like them are a dime a dozen. It's all fun & games until there is actual work. I can't tell you how many children I have raised...yes, raised... because their trauma behaviors didn't fit their "parents" picture perfect life anymore. They have a saviour complex. Rationalizing their decision to give up with, "Well we saved this poor child from orphanage in _______, so really we improved their life no matter what the outcome."

Never once did we ever give up on a child. Report behavior, yes. Make sure they weren't left alone with other children, yes. Give up, never. But I know very loving, good parents who have. And the decision ripped them to shreds. The Stauffers are not those parents. I had to stop watching the clips people have been sharing on social media, I was moved to tears & fury all at the same time. I'm not convinced that Huxley's behavior was all that bad. But even if it was a 10th of what they want us to believe, there is still no reason to treat a child like that!!!

Hopefully Huxley has found his forever home, & although they have now caused him even more trauma by rehoming him, hopefully in the long run it is better. Because those two don't need to ever be let near an adoption agency again.

[adidas]

The first time I heard of her was this week when our news (Australia) covered it. It sounds like she has been internationally condemned. Good. 

This is the article. 

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/youtuber-myka-stauffer-blasted-for-rehoming-adopted-autistic-son/news-story/6d2df4c7427cc39bd1494974f18a213e

[Melinda]

I was really surprised when I read the news about the Stauffers here in Finland. 

[Glasgowghirl]

I don't see her trying to get him back but I do see her trying to get updates to put on her channel to say he is doing fine to make herself look better. 

[SuperSluth]

13 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Should there be more government oversight and long term support of adoptions, internal and overseas?  I find the process in the US very hard to understand to be honest,it's very different to here. It's very unlikely the Stauffers would have been able to adopt here.

I can see how foriegn this seems. Part of it is consumerism culture. These people are basically buying babies. And the adoption agencies are basically selling them/trafficking them (historically orphanages in Romania, Russia, China). The other part is the lack of social safety net. Americans prefer to be independent, they dont want help from the government or support services. A very strange combination. But you put on cute outfits and everything seems cute and normal ? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

52 minutes ago, SuperSluth said:

I can see how foriegn this seems. Part of it is consumerism culture. These people are basically buying babies. And the adoption agencies are basically selling them/trafficking them (historically orphanages in Romania, Russia, China). The other part is the lack of social safety net. Americans prefer to be independent, they dont want help from the government or support services. A very strange combination. But you put on cute outfits and everything seems cute and normal ? 

There was a tv show back in the early 2000s called “Adoption Stories.” I don’t believe Discovery Channel or TLC play the reruns anymore, but they used to. And I think I watched all the episodes. It was an extremely saccharine sweet portrayal of adoption. The families adopting older kids from foster care were the most down to earth adoptive parents. They knew what they were getting into it seemed. They were accepting of their children’s struggles. However it was the international baby adoption that seemed to be the most stomach turning. One family in particular was adopting a baby from Russia. I could be remembering wrong because it’s been over a decade, but I’m pretty sure the mother of the family said something like, “we have to go to Russia to get a white baby. You can’t get white babies in the US.” She may not have used those exact words, but that was what she was saying. And it was disgusting. It was like she was choosing her baby based on looks alone and it was disturbing. 

[formergothardite]

6 hours ago, adidas said:

It sounds like she has been internationally condemned. Good. 

She very clearly wanted lots of internet fame, and she got it, just not the way she wanted. A good chunk of the world seems to be horrified at what she did. I do wonder if this will lead to any lasting change in how people adopt children as props.