Myka Stauffer of The Stauffer Life: Where's Huxley???

[Glasgowghirl]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

There was a tv show back in the early 2000s called “Adoption Stories.” I don’t believe Discovery Channel or TLC play the reruns anymore, but they used to. And I think I watched all the episodes. It was an extremely saccharine sweet portrayal of adoption. The families adopting older kids from foster care were the most down to earth adoptive parents. They knew what they were getting into it seemed. They were accepting of their children’s struggles. However it was the international baby adoption that seemed to be the most stomach turning. One family in particular was adopting a baby from Russia. I could be remembering wrong because it’s been over a decade, but I’m pretty sure the mother of the family said something like, “we have to go to Russia to get a white baby. You can’t get white babies in the US.” She may not have used those exact words, but that was what she was saying. And it was disgusting. It was like she was choosing her baby based on looks alone and it was disturbing. 

I remember watching some of the shows, I don't remember that particular episode but a lot of the people adopting international did rub me up the wrong way. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I remember watching some of the shows, I don't remember that particular episode but a lot of the people adopting international did rub me up the wrong way. 

I have been searching and searching and I can’t find the episode or even the family name. It was so long ago I’m starting to wonder if it was a different show about adopting altogether. But I really think it was Adoption Stories on Discovery and TLC. We know TLC will run some shows with pretty awful families and act like they are great people...

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m reminded of the Barnett family that adopted a girl from Ukraine and then falsified her birth certificate to make her a legal adult so they could abandon her. We talked about this on FJ. I saw on some other parts of social media that people were automatically believing these parents and it made me so angry. It’s like people loved the idea that the movie “Orphan” became real life. I was disgusted that people would believe the parents with no evidence! They were just going by what the parents said. Since then it’s become pretty obvious that Natalia was in fact still underage when they abandoned her. She just didn’t fit into their life any longer and wanted rid of her. They could have “rehomed” her. That’s an actual option as we all now know. But nope. They chose to falsify records and abandon her. The family is lead by yet another mother who wants attention and back pats. She wrote about how her amazing parenting made her son become a child prodigy. Which is complete bullshit. Because if she was such a great parent, wouldn’t her other two sons also be prodigies? And wouldn’t she have been a better parent to her adopted daughter? The fact that he was a prodigy had nothing to do with her obviously shitty parenting.

Edited May 30, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[NancyDrewFan1989]

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

There was a tv show back in the early 2000s called “Adoption Stories.” I don’t believe Discovery Channel or TLC play the reruns anymore, but they used to. And I think I watched all the episodes. It was an extremely saccharine sweet portrayal of adoption. The families adopting older kids from foster care were the most down to earth adoptive parents. They knew what they were getting into it seemed. They were accepting of their children’s struggles. However it was the international baby adoption that seemed to be the most stomach turning. One family in particular was adopting a baby from Russia. I could be remembering wrong because it’s been over a decade, but I’m pretty sure the mother of the family said something like, “we have to go to Russia to get a white baby. You can’t get white babies in the US.” She may not have used those exact words, but that was what she was saying. And it was disgusting. It was like she was choosing her baby based on looks alone and it was disturbing. 

I remember this show, I used to watch it when it was on TLC during one of my summer vacations in middle school in the morning. I remember exactly what you are talking about. There were parents who were down to earth and others who seemed like they just wanted to get their face on TV for thirty minutes. I really hope that the children featured in these stories are doing well with their families. 

[hoipolloi]

According to this Buzzfeed article, the Stauffers worked with this adoption agency in adopting Huxley:

WACAP has since merged with Holt International and their rep declines to address the Stauffers' case in particular although she says, "'Putting it on social media and describing it as, 'We found another family,' well what does that mean?' Cox said. 'Did they go through an agency? Was there another home study done on the other family? That part is highly unusual.'"

 

Edited May 30, 2020 by hoipolloi

[Giraffe]

I’ll probably never know what happened but that’s never stopped me from speculating before. The speculation bus I’m driving says he was given to some family they’re acquainted with and then custody/adoption was legally transferred from the Stauffer’s to his (hopefully) forever family. 
 

Myka’s a retired registered nurse. That’s why her justification that “his new mom’s a medical professional” stands out to me as a huge wtf?!? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

According to this Buzzfeed article, the Stauffers worked with this adoption agency in adopting Huxley:

WACAP has since merged with Holt International and their rep declines to address the Stauffers' case in particular although she says, "'Putting it on social media and describing it as, 'We found another family,' well what does that mean?' Cox said. 'Did they go through an agency? Was there another home study done on the other family? That part is highly unusual.'"

 

The little girls adopted from China with albinism mentioned in this thread were also adopted through that agency. They must be one of the big agencies in China for Americans to use. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m reminded of the Barnett family that adopted a girl from Ukraine and then falsified her birth certificate to make her a legal adult so they could abandon her. We talked about this on FJ. I saw on some other parts of social media that people were automatically believing these parents and it made me so angry. It’s like people loved the idea that the movie “Orphan” became real life. I was disgusted that people would believe the parents with no evidence! They were just going by what the parents said. Since then it’s become pretty obvious that Natalia was in fact still underage when they abandoned her. She just didn’t fit into their life any longer and wanted rid of her. They could have “rehomed” her. That’s an actual option as we all now know. But nope. They chose to falsify records and abandon her. The family is lead by yet another mother who wants attention and back pats. She wrote about how her amazing parenting made her son become a child prodigy. Which is complete bullshit. Because if she was such a great parent, wouldn’t her other two sons also be prodigies? And wouldn’t she have been a better parent to her adopted daughter? The fact that he was a prodigy had nothing to do with her obviously shitty parenting.

I remember this story and I remember one from a few years ago from when I was in college involving a single mother and her son she adopted from Russia. The child named Justin started to show "violent and psychopathotic behavior" so she decided to send him back to Russia. The young boy now known as Artyom Saveliev was put on an eleven hour plane ride with a note saying that she didn't wish to care for him anymore. This sparked outrage and, I believe, played a major factor in stopping American's adopting from Russia. He now lives or lived in a group home in Moscow for children who are unlikely to be adopted. The only good thing that came out of this story is the mother had or has to pay child support for him until he is eighteen. I tried looking up more on this story, here is in the link to an article below, but there really hasn't been any more updates. 

Everything that I had read up on sounds like this:

The single mother, who already had a child biologically, adopted an older child from an orphanage. Once she received the child she expected him to adjust to life in America normally overnight with no issues. Instead he was struggling to adapt to his new life in America because mommy thought it would take only a couple of days causing him to lash out. So, after not allowing or at least giving him the time to adjust to his new life in America with her and her son she decided to send him back. The family claims she went to psychologists for advice, but what psychologist would recommend sending him on a plane back to Russia.

I just want to make this clear, I have not read or remember reading anything about this child having special needs. Someone can correct me if I am wrong. It is a truly sickening story because she really didn't give him a chance. She adopted him in 2009 and in April 2010 he was on a plane back to Russia.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/dianeclehane/2012/05/31/u-s-mother-who-returned-her-adopted-son-to-russia-ordered-to-pay-child-support/#53a2ba3a521f

[JermajestyDuggar]

The biggest problem (in my very much not expert opinion) with overseas adoption is that parents are taking the kids away from any sort of support they could have received in their home country. The people who know this child best cannot do home visits or any type of help after these kids are taken thousands of miles away. Sure they might be able to make some calls or send emails but often there may be an error or miscommunication due to language. These adoptive parents have zero trial periods. They just pick up the baby and take them home in a matter of hours or days. If a person adopts a child from their own country, there are supports in place that these people can utilize. And there’s often not a big cultural or language barrier to deal with. When you adopt from China, you are basically on your own after you get home. And since healthcare can be expensive here, you will have to pay out of pocket to get the therapies and supports your adoptive child needs. So many adoptive parents just aren’t equipped to deal with all this on their own. 

[hoipolloi]

Although the Stauffers may not be fundie Xtian -- hard to tell what their religious beliefs are, TBH -- Huxley's adoption displays many of the red flags described by Kathryn Joyce in The Child Catchers. 

It would be great if the Stauffer case led to things like federal (i.e., 50-state) standards for domestic and international adoptions, as well as more mandated post-adoption follow up to be sure that the adopted child is thriving or receiving the care s/he needs.

 

 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

When you adopt from China, you are basically on your own after you get home.

This is where I think more government support is needed - support in accessing services, regular contact to see how things are going, and so forth. Like the maternal child health network which follows up after birth here is what I'm thinking of I guess. It's going to be an intense period of adjustment, support would be useful.

 

2 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

'Putting it on social media and describing it as, 'We found another family,' well what does that mean?' Cox said. 'Did they go through an agency? Was there another home study done on the other family? That part is highly unusual.'"

I first came across "rehoming" in the case of the politican described earlier. It doesn't sound like it is either "unusual" or that any home studies are involved anywhere.

I am curious about the legal side though - to transfer guardianship of a child is possible here, but will result in questions being asked, and the younger the child the more questions. I know several grandparents who have custody of grandchildren for various reasons and for all of them to be able to sign school forms, take the child to the doctor routinely etc required going through a process that meant government departments were aware that it had happened.  It feels like children have more potential to fall through the cracks in informal "rehoming", and that can be concerning.

[hoipolloi]

45 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I am curious about the legal side though - to transfer guardianship of a child is possible here, but will result in questions being asked, and the younger the child the more questions. I know several grandparents who have custody of grandchildren for various reasons and for all of them to be able to sign school forms, take the child to the doctor routinely etc required going through a process that meant government departments were aware that it had happened.  It feels like children have more potential to fall through the cracks in informal "rehoming", and that can be concerning.

All this, which is why there need to be federal laws (enforceable in all 50 states & US territories*) about adoption and the treatment of adopted children, including their transfer to another home. The monstrous Harts gamed the lack of interstate oversight to adopt and then remove their already at-risk children from oversight in MN, taking them to OR where they continued the abuse with little or no intervention. 

According to all reports, Huxley's move to a different home has occurred completely outside OH's child welfare system -- no one seems to know anything about it or have exercised any oversight. We only have the Stauffers' word that he is safe and well, and in a loving home. I hope it's true and that the Stauffers aren't lying, but that is all fucking scary.

*Territories should be included given what's been happening in the Marshall Islands.

Edited May 30, 2020 by hoipolloi

[Pleiades_06]

5 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

All this, which is why there need to be federal laws (enforceable in all 50 states & US territories*) about adoption and the treatment of adopted children, including their transfer to another home. The monstrous Harts gamed the lack of interstate oversight to adopt and then remove their already at-risk children from oversight in MN, taking them to OR where they continued the abuse with little or no intervention. 

According to all reports, Huxley's move to a different home has occurred completely outside OH's child welfare system -- no one seems to know anything about it or have exercised any oversight. We only have the Stauffers' word that he is safe and well, and in a loving home. I hope it's true and that the Stauffers aren't lying, but that is all fucking scary.

*Territories should be included given what's been happening in the Marshall Islands.

Omg I had no idea about the Marshall Islands. Just one one example of how flawed these systems can be. 

Disrupted adoptions are the main reason why Ethipia stopped this.https://www.seattleglobalist.com/2015/12/21/ethiopia-international-adoption-regulation-washington-hana-williams/44659

[MirrorMirror]

56 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

This is where I think more government support is needed - support in accessing services, regular contact to see how things are going, and so forth. Like the maternal child health network which follows up after birth here is what I'm thinking of I guess. It's going to be an intense period of adjustment, support would be useful.

 

I first came across "rehoming" in the case of the politican described earlier. It doesn't sound like it is either "unusual" or that any home studies are involved anywhere.

I am curious about the legal side though - to transfer guardianship of a child is possible here, but will result in questions being asked, and the younger the child the more questions. I know several grandparents who have custody of grandchildren for various reasons and for all of them to be able to sign school forms, take the child to the doctor routinely etc required going through a process that meant government departments were aware that it had happened.  It feels like children have more potential to fall through the cracks in informal "rehoming", and that can be concerning.

You would be surprised how easy it is to transfer guardianship. Guardianship & custody are legally two different things.

Sometimes a quick transfer of guardianship is great news. It can keep kids out of foster care when there is a loving, responsible relative ready to step up. But a lot of times how easily it is to legally rehome a child is just one of the million ways the system fails these kids.

[Dana723]

I get the feeling - and this is truly just my opinion - that she's one of those people who are more concerned with how things look than working hard to make things work.  It looked good for their viewers to see they were adopting a special needs child from another country and look how wonderful they are for doing that?  Then when it came time to do actual work, they weren't willing to put that much effort into it.  It was easier to pass him off to someone else and then cry about how hard it was to give him up.

Edited May 30, 2020 by Dana723
missed a word

[NancyDrewFan1989]

27 minutes ago, MirrorMirror said:

You would be surprised how easy it is to transfer guardianship. Guardianship & custody are legally two different things.

Sometimes a quick transfer of guardianship is great news. It can keep kids out of foster care when there is a loving, responsible relative ready to step up. But a lot of times how easily it is to legally rehome a child is just one of the million ways the system fails these kids.

If it is that easy to "rehome" children whether adoptive or not, then there should be a law in place to help protect and provide support for the child. I don't know what type of law, but one where the parents don't exploit the child for their own personal gain.

[HeadshipRegent]

Has this article been posted here?

https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

It’s a really long seven part read and from a few years ago but so worth it. It’s very, very easy for adoptive parents to “rehome” their children and face zero consequences for it.

[jlbturtle]

15 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The little girls adopted from China with albinism mentioned in this thread were also adopted through that agency. They must be one of the big agencies in China for Americans to use. 

My husband and I were adopting from China before COVID shut our entire adoption down. Although Holt is a large agency they are not the largest agency working with China.  It was the agency we were using CCAI out of Denver.  

[danvillebelle]

There are so many videos popping up all over youtube of people ripping them to shreds.  

They will never recover their "brand" after this (one can only hope).  If they had any respect for their children they would delete all their social media and drop off the radar, but they seem to be attention whores so fat chance of that happening.

[Glasgowghirl]

3 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

There are so many videos popping up all over youtube of people ripping them to shreds.  

They will never recover their "brand" after this (one can only hope).  If they had any respect for their children they would delete all their social media and drop off the radar, but they seem to be attention whores so fat chance of that happening.

I agree that would be the best move for all the family but they definitely seem to love the attention. A lot of youtube reaction and drama channels have covered it in the past few day's and not one of them has agreed with what they did and I haven't read one comment defending their actions. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I agree that would be the best move for all the family but they definitely seem to love the attention. A lot of youtube reaction and drama channels have covered it in the past few day's and not one of them has agreed with what they did and I haven't read one comment defending their actions. 

I’ve definitely read people defending them. They were usually people who knew very little about the family and we’re giving them the benefit of the doubt. I think anyone who knows a lot about this family, could defend them. Besides the long time leg humpers of course. 

[smittykins]

On 5/30/2020 at 8:35 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

There was a tv show back in the early 2000s called “Adoption Stories.” I don’t believe Discovery Channel or TLC play the reruns anymore, but they used to. And I think I watched all the episodes. It was an extremely saccharine sweet portrayal of adoption. The families adopting older kids from foster care were the most down to earth adoptive parents. They knew what they were getting into it seemed. They were accepting of their children’s struggles. However it was the international baby adoption that seemed to be the most stomach turning. One family in particular was adopting a baby from Russia. I could be remembering wrong because it’s been over a decade, but I’m pretty sure the mother of the family said something like, “we have to go to Russia to get a white baby. You can’t get white babies in the US.” She may not have used those exact words, but that was what she was saying. And it was disgusting. It was like she was choosing her baby based on looks alone and it was disturbing. 

I miss that show.  Several older children were adopted by LGBT people(and one birth mother chose a gay couple to adopt her baby because “I don’t want him growing up prejudiced”).  There was also a couple who adopted from China, who explicitly said that they chose to go that route because they didn’t want to deal with birth parents. ?

[hoipolloi]

7 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I agree that would be the best move for all the family but they definitely seem to love the attention.

Absolutely, but being social media stars seems to be their main, maybe only, source of income. Myka has been a SAHM, having given up her nursing career years ago (at the time she married James?). I guess James has his auto-detailing business or whatever else he does but I doubt that it brings as much as their YT channels have done.

[older than allosaurs]

15 hours ago, HeadshipRegent said:

Has this article been posted here?

https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

It’s a really long seven part read and froma few years ago but so worth it. It’s very, very easy for adoptive parents to “rehome” their children and face zero consequences for it.

I second that this is an important and illuminating article. Since it was published in 2013, some states have passed legislation to limit this informal "rehoming," and if I remember right, Facebook banned rehoming pages. Most adoption regulations are at the state level, and it's really hard to get any kind of clarity or uniformity from those those differing legislatures. 

A couple other odds and ends on the last few days of comments:

WACAP -- I adopted through WACAP more than 30 years ago -- they are oldtimers in the biz, and at least back then were on the forefront of "best practice." They encouraged openness in domestic adoption long before most agencies got on board, and unlike many U.S. agencies, they didn't throw hissy fits about requirements of the international Hague Compact that many countries entered into after a bunch of baby buying scandals (in the '90s? -- I forget. There have been so many). I don't know about their current level of practice. 

Adopting a second albino child (or other special need) -- I don't know anything about that family, but I think there are OK reasons for seeking out, or making yourself available to, another child with the same condition. Finding resources, knowledgeable doctors, and best practices takes time and effort that may not be transferable to another condition. Also for those kids, who are already set apart by a transracial, transcultural adoption, it may be nice to have someone around who resembles you and shares some of your experiences. I have a friend who adopted two children several years apart with the same rare genetic syndrome, which includes blindness. No question the second kid benefited from what the parents learned with the first, and the first one benefited from having a sibling who could relate.  

I'm glad I didn't know about the Stauffers before this thread. I probably would have broken my TV by throwing stuff at them. 

 

[kiwi]

Absolutely, but being social media stars seems to be their main, maybe only, source of income. Myka has been a SAHM, having given up her nursing career years ago (at the time she married James?). I guess James has his auto-detailing business or whatever else he does but I doubt that it brings as much as their YT channels have done.

As fas as i was aware he details “church friends” cars for free for content. He (up until probably now) never charged for his services. Bet that will change now [emoji23]