Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 17

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"Corona Christ"

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Even in states that are not giving stay-at-home orders, people are being encouraged to only venture out for essential services. Essential services usually include groceries, banks, healthcare, senior care and in Florida, gun stores. What?

But also, in a lot of our states, churches are defined as “essential.” In 11 of the most at-risk states of the coronavirus, church gatherings have not been banned.

So, why is gathering in a church not as dangerous as sitting in a restaurant? Is it because God will protect you in a church but not Applebees? Or is it that praying is worth the risk? Or (I think I got it now), Republican governors are afraid of pissing off their evangelical base, of which they are members too?

It’s no more important for you to go to a store and buy a gun than it is for me to go to the mall and buy a new iPhone. Likewise, it’s not important for you to go to church or any religious gathering. The point here is, DON’T GATHER!!!

There’s only one way for us to defeat the coronavirus and that is for us to stop giving it to each other. And trust me, you can catch it in church.

If we can hold classes on Skype and Zoom, then we can praise Jesus with a webcam. God gave you WiFi. Use it.

The states with exemptions for zealots are Florida, Louisiana, Tennessee, West Virginia, New Hampshire, Delaware, Michigan, and Mississippi. Oklahoma and Arkansas don’t have any bans on any gatherings. Missouri and Alabama just closed shops but I don’t know about church exemptions.

Experts say if the public totally cooperates, it can save up to 2 million lives in this country. But if the Jesus freaks get their way, we’re all going to see Jesus a lot sooner than we want to.

A pastor was arrested in Florida after he held church services despite a ban on gatherings in his county. Later, the county added churches as “essential” services. In Sacramento, California, 70 members of one church are infected with the coronavirus. Religious conservatives are always defensive about appearing uneducated and anti-science, but it’s their fault when they do shit like this.

Some pastors argue the stay-at-home orders violate their freedom of religion. No, it doesn’t. When it picks and chooses which religions have to stay home and which can hold gatherings, then you can say it’s violating your religion. Right now, my freedom to sit at Starbucks is being violated. If I can deal without a mocha frap, you can go a little while without going to church. I might love mocha fraps as much as you love Jesus.

I am not a religious person. That doesn’t mean I want to suppress your religion or convert you to my position. I don’t care what or whom you worship. But, I do care if you use your religion to infringe upon other people’s rights…or in this case, their lives. I don’t want this month of self-isolation inside a studio apartment to be for naught because some fundamentalist whackjob will breathe covid-19 on me in May.

This isn’t Hobby Lobby refusing insurance that pays for birth control. This is killing people. The same god you believe will protect you in church is the same god that brought the coronavirus (I know. You’d rather blame the Chinese).

Zealots, stay home. Skype God and order delivery from Chick-fil-A (though, if you really want a religious experience from a chicken sandwich, order Popeyes). And the best part is you can praise Jesus in your sweatpants.

 

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"MAGA Masks"

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The Trump administration is now encouraging everyone to wear face masks. They don’t protect you as much as they protect other people, but it’s another step in getting rid of this virus so we can return to our normal lives.

Even though the scientists and doctors in his administration endorse masks, Donald Trump says he will not wear one. He said, “I don’t know, somehow sitting in the Oval Office behind that beautiful Resolute Desk, the great Resolute Desk, I think that wearing a face mask as I greet presidents, prime ministers, dictators, kings, queens — I don’t know, somehow I don’t see it for myself.”

First off, dictators? In the Oval Office? Behind the “beautiful” Resolute Desk? Donald Trump intends to host dictators in the Oval Office and his concern is that a mask would be inappropriate? Also, who’s coming over for a visit during this pandemic? I don’t see that happening.

Second, the slouching guy who doesn’t know how to wear a suit, or a tie, with 20 pounds of orange goop on his face, and with a bleached combover of a hair transplant so bad, it’s held together like his tie, with scotch tape, is afraid of how a face mask will affect his appearance.

And this is why it’s OK to make fun of Trump supporters. Yes, I’m often told we should respect their viewpoints and try to understand their anger and resentment. I understand their anger. They’re racists. While Hillary Clinton caught a lot of shit for disparaging them as “deplorables,” she was right. They’re racist. They’re stupid. They base their opinions on bullshit conspiracy theories. And, they support a lying conman reality TV host like Donald Trump who tapes his hair to his head. Pardon me, but I’m going to make fun of these people.

And while we’re told we should start wearing masks, we need to understand they don’t replace social distancing. We still need to keep that in effect…especially if you’re an old lady wearing a face mask walking up on me at the bank asking me to hand you something you could have picked up yourself. Sorry. I’m still really annoyed by that happening last week. She probably watches Fox News, but at least she’s aware of the pandemic.

While taking a walk a couple nights ago late at night, when I thought I wouldn’t run into anyone, I ran into someone. I kept six feet away, but he came to a corner just as I did. He said that he noticed I was doing the “social distance thing,” but I didn’t have to worry because he didn’t care. I don’t understand that. I asked, from at least six feet away, “What don’t you care about?” He said, “I’m not worried about no virus so you’re good with me.”

From his logic, since he believes it’s a hoax, I don’t have to keep six feet from him. I can tell he watches a lot of Fox News. So if he doesn’t care or believe in the pandemic, then I can’t catch covid-19 from him? That must be the same Donald Trump rule where if you’re in a photo with someone who tests positive for covid-19, then you can’t catch it if you don’t see the photo.

This guy was a Trump supporter. I didn’t ask and he didn’t say, but yeah. He had it written all over him. Am I stereotyping? Yes, but he was a Trump supporter. He was an older guy walking to a convenience store on a beer run with a grey ponytail that went to the back of his knees. He was a Trump supporter. Plus, as he left he said, “Watch out for N-words.” And, he didn’t say “N-words.”

So, yeah. I can make fun of Trump supporters. I’m very comfortable lumping them all in together. If you’re a Trump supporter and you want me to stop throwing you in with racists and morons, then you gotta stop supporting a racist moron. You gotta stop supporting Donald Trump.

It’s OK to make fun of all Trump supporters, especially if they’re going to get us all killed. When this pandemic is over, I encourage you to continue your social distancing from Trump supporters.

 

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