Andrea Mills of YouTube infamy Had Cancer and Died

[mango_fandango]

Many, if not most, women would see that situation and run a mile. Even if Tom had no kids it would be too much; not only did he lose his wife very recently, but it all happened so fast. You’re really not ready for a relationship that soon. Add a large family into the mix and it becomes ten times worse... and that’s not mentioning the homeschooling thing (which would be a lot to take on)... this whole situation is so complicated. 

[under siege]

Just now, texasdreamer said:

Does Tom think he is the only man to ever be in this situation? My charitable contributions will be used to help people in my own community who are in need but maybe too proud to be on you tube. Good luck finding a new wife. A desperate woman for sure. Who could live like that? I hope the kids have a chance to see how others live. I just started going down this rabbit hole. Havent quite got to the religious reasons etc. But finding the whole thing particularly swarmy.

 

Finding a woman to live in such a tiny tiny space which lots of kids? That's going to take a special woman to tackle that hurdle!!  Unless he makes that long-dreamed-for extension happen sometime very soon.

[Petronella]

1 minute ago, under siege said:

Finding a woman to live in such a tiny tiny space which lots of kids? That's going to take a special woman to tackle that hurdle!!  Unless he makes that long-dreamed-for extension happen sometime very soon.

Yeah. I could see some idealistic, starry-eyed woman imagining scenes from The Sound of Music while she thinks of stepping in and "saving" all those kids from their grief, but remember: Captain Von Trapp had a lovely living situation! Living that out in a too-small space, not so romantic...

Edited October 1, 2019 by Petronella

[Koala]

2 hours ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

Is there a reason shopping is such a high priority item right now? Babies grow quickly but did they really all grow out of their entire wardrobes in a month? The requests for clothes and whip-rounds for clothing donations are bizarre when their home and possessions are fine. 

I am thinking the weather is turning on them.  Andrea died right on the cusp of the seasons changing, and I am thinking that with colder weather moving in, they might need things quickly.  I know he said the elastic on baby Hannah's sleeves were cutting into her little arms, so that would have needed to be addressed right away.  

32 minutes ago, under siege said:

The cheap Walmart shoes I don't understand. Maybe if they had 3-5 pairs etc, maybe but to only have cheap shoes. Yes, Andrea replaced them sooner than 6 months if they were too far gone but she'd make kind of a big deal about it and kind of shamed the child.

I have wondered about the super cheap shoes as well.  I will say that Wal-mart carries a brand I like- I think it's Earth Spirit?  I will buy some of those occasionally when I see a cute pair.  My husband is always really funny, though, about making sure everyone in the house has good shoes.  That's a big priority for him.  

It's weird, because Tom doesn't even seem concerned with having them try them on- he just tosses sizes in the cart.  That's crazy. 

 

Edited October 1, 2019 by Koala

[Dandruff]

I suspect Tom is currently managing his family as one would a complex IT project - scheduled and budgeted with additional efficiency measures added when possible  He has lost a "resource" (not to imply he didn't love Andrea because I'm sure he did).  His sense of control has likely been very shaken.  I think he's falling back on what he does best but needs to remember to consider the kids', and his own, emotional needs as a priority.

[Giraffe]

7 minutes ago, Koala said:

 

It's weird, because Tom doesn't even seem concerned with having them try them on- he just tosses sizes in the cart.  That's crazy. 

 

I get the sense that’s how he does things in general, that even when she was alive he never bothered getting to know the kids. Andrea wanted them so she got them and was effectively a single parent. So the kids have gone from a single parent family to fending for themselves with meagre financial resources.

[Petronella]

39 minutes ago, Koala said:

It's weird, because Tom doesn't even seem concerned with having them try them on- he just tosses sizes in the cart.  That's crazy. 

That is crazy. Awful! Was that really in a video? Do we know it for sure?

Shoes need to fit properly! Even adults should try them on, because different brands and styles fit differently, but ESPECIALLY children must, because they're growing!

How is that not obvious? You don't need to have some special bond or experience to realize that a big reason you're buying shoes is because the kids have become new sizes! Sheesh.

Edited October 1, 2019 by Petronella

[Queen Of Hearts]

In fairness to trying things on, Andrea would buy things and take them home and have the kids try on and return if they didn't fit. Heck, I do the same thing with my two kids. Tom even mentioned having some sizes wrong so I highly doubt he'd make a kid wear something that wouldn't fit.  This criticism seems very BEC.

[Petronella]

30 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

In fairness to trying things on, Andrea would buy things and take them home and have the kids try on and return if they didn't fit. Heck, I do the same thing with my two kids. Tom even mentioned having some sizes wrong so I highly doubt he'd make a kid wear something that wouldn't fit.  This criticism seems very BEC.

I'm glad to hear it. That kind of shopping sounds to me like more work than just trying things on first, but I only have two kids so maybe that's why I didn't think of it that way.

[Tekas_76]

Did you notice in the video "Dads Don't Know How to Shop" that Asher (the son he took with him and Eden) was walking in a weird way? Or is the shoes that are damaged and don't give stability or he's getting a problem due to all those cheap shoes with no proper sole for a growing foot. Notice the way he is putting is feet on the floor, that is strange, it can be bad for him in the future.

In the meantime Thommas (Junior) is getting a belly almost as big as his father. The Wallmart shopping cart was full of candy, noodles, pasta, butter, crisps, so carbs fat and sugar. When Thommas said to him to get red apples he didn't want (because they're not his favorites, only the green ones, so he just wanted those). I just hope the man would stop thinking only on himself and get something good and healthy for the kids, fruit, vegetables, grains, less carbs and sugar… But he is a big kid and only thinks about his desires and thing he likes. really, that's a family guy?

[Koala]

36 minutes ago, Tekas_76 said:

When Thommas said to him to get red apples he didn't want (because they're not his favorites, only the green ones, so he just wanted those). I just hope the man would stop thinking only on himself and get something good and healthy for the kids, fruit, vegetables, grains, less carbs and sugar… But he is a big kid and only thinks about his desires and thing he likes. really, that's a family guy?

That made me soooo mad!  Tom was buying absolute garbage right and left.  The one thing that Thomas asked for was a bag of apples, and Tom insisted that they wouldn't be eaten!

Candy, juice, Poptarts, a shit load of Ramen, and cereal?  A-okay!  Apples?  Nah, those are a waste of money.  I was so glad that he relented and bought them, but super irritated with his snarky "we'll see..." about whether they would be eaten.

I buy Gala apples in 5lb bags from Sam's.  Right now they are just under $1 a lb, which I am loving.  I also buy their 4lb. bag of frozen blueberries for smoothies, and fresh bananas (I freeze some of those as well).  The apples last our family of 4 for a little over a week.  I have two teenagers, who love to eat them with peanut butter.  My husband eats them plain.  The bananas are either eaten plain, put in cereal, or frozen for smoothies.  They last less than a week.  The blueberries are replaced weekly, as my husband makes himself an INSANE number of smoothies per week.

For us, Poptarts, Ramen, and juice would be the real waste.  No one would eat the first two, and the only juice we keep is orange juice. 

 

Edited October 2, 2019 by Koala

[louannems]

On 9/30/2019 at 5:40 PM, Pecansforeveryone said:

@FecundFundieFundus

I sat through last night's family game night and it was a noisy, chaotic mess with Tom presiding loudly.  I only watch to observe the children.

In all of the videos since Andrea's death, little Solomon has really been acting out.  Poor kid is begging for attention but he is really just irritating and his brothers all ignore him.  Eden is too quiet, as usual, but she always was.

Once again, baby Hannah is dumped into bed, overly tired, without a bath, diaper change, jammies, and cuddles. Asher leaves to put her to bed and returns right away.

Then Hanna screams for 10 minutes while some YouTube friends are upset and post that.  One said Hanna was still used to being nursed to sleep and probably misses her mommy. Rachel, Tom's moderator, says Hanna does not remember that and, also, Thomas blocks that comment.

Eventually, Judah retuns with Hannah, who is placed on the dining room table during game night, and given chocolate chips!!!

Another thing that bugged me was after last week's game night, he takes Eden and justice Walmart shopping for clothes and they don't get home till 1:30 am!  I'm not sure if that was a school night or not, but still way past a kid's bedtime!

 

[under siege]

53 minutes ago, Tekas_76 said:

Did you notice in the video "Dads Don't Know How to Shop" that Asher (the son he took with him and Eden) was walking in a weird way? Or is the shoes that are damaged and don't give stability or he's getting a problem due to all those cheap shoes with no proper sole for a growing foot. Notice the way he is putting is feet on the floor, that is strange, it can be bad for him in the future.

In the meantime Thommas (Junior) is getting a belly almost as big as his father. The Wallmart shopping cart was full of candy, noodles, pasta, butter, crisps, so carbs fat and sugar. When Thommas said to him to get red apples he didn't want (because they're not his favorites, only the green ones, so he just wanted those). I just hope the man would stop thinking only on himself and get something good and healthy for the kids, fruit, vegetables, grains, less carbs and sugar… But he is a big kid and only thinks about his desires and thing he likes. really, that's a family guy?

We are now seeing the junk that Tom would get with the $50 budgeted in for him that wasn't part of Andrea's shopping list.

The lack of enthusiasm for the apple's Thomas wanted was a concern. It's all about Tom and what he wants. He did say that it's all about convenience at the moment but I doubt very much he'll wake up one day and think 'it's time to eat healthier'. Not unless someone intervenes or he gets a health scare.

One thing I doubt very much that Tom would have noticed about Andrea's shopping was the fact a lot of her fresh fruit and vegetable shopping was done at their local grocery store. That and what her garden produced.  That, IMO, wasn't enough for a family of 10/11 but still, it was a lot more than what is being shown over the last few weeks.

This has never been a family to eat healthy though. Andrea only went back to healthier options (homemade potato chips, muffins etc) when there was an overwhelming about of people voicing their concerns about all the crap that went into the shopping cart every time.
Have a look at their favourite meals (I posted a link to the Meal Train awhile back). Beans and canned pears are as healthy as it gets.

 

[Koala]

I saw the Meal Train suggestions.  Out of 10 suggestions, only 3 had a green veg.  The rest, is overwhelmingly crap.  Ramen, fried chicken, waffles and pancakes, "biscuit pizza".  It's all garbage.  

On one hand, those kids are going to cherish those cards.  It's a glimpse into what their mama made and liked- something many of them won't remember.  

On the other hand, it's very sad.  These unhealthy habits are being ingrained in the kids, and it's going to be very difficult for them to change it as they get older.  

I think a lot of what they make is very cheap junk in small quantities.  Andrea once had a viewer inquire about why she made such small proportions, and she basically said that they didn't need much to eat and almost knocked families that do cook larger meals by acting as if it was an odd thing to do. 

The problem is, her kids aren't filled by tiny carb. laden meals.  They are still hungry, and that's why you rarely see them without candy in their hands.  

I fear that diabetes is going to be a major problem for this family.  

37 minutes ago, louannems said:

Once again, baby Hannah is dumped into bed, overly tired, without a bath, diaper change, jammies, and cuddles. Asher leaves to put her to bed and returns right away.

Then Hanna screams for 10 minutes while some YouTube friends are upset and post that.  One said Hanna was still used to being nursed to sleep and probably misses her mommy. Rachel, Tom's moderator, says Hanna does not remember that and, also, Thomas blocks that comment.

Baby Hannah breaks my heart.  She's given food that's not cut properly for a baby/put to bed with a mouth full of food, and her clothes and bedding are filthy.  The saddest part, is that Asher is the only stability she has.  No one else parents her.  

Edited October 2, 2019 by Koala

[Dandruff]

3 hours ago, under siege said:

This has never been a family to eat healthy though. Andrea only went back to healthier options (homemade potato chips, muffins etc) when there was an overwhelming about of people voicing their concerns about all the crap that went into the shopping cart every time.

At some point, maybe, Tom will be called out on the crap.  In the meantime, I'd guess that their supporters are even more inclined to help them since they're obviously struggling.

[FecundFundieFundus]

I'm not a dietician so I won't put my oar in there. I do question the importance of the convenience factor as they're still receiving home cooked meals from friends and neighbors. Food is probably the only real comfort the kids get. Eating poorly as self comfort is probably less harmful than other avenues they could go down, I guess. 

[Giraffe]

5 hours ago, louannems said:

Then Hanna screams for 10 minutes while some YouTube friends are upset and post that.  One said Hanna was still used to being nursed to sleep and probably misses her mommy. Rachel, Tom's moderator, says Hanna does not remember that and, also, Thomas blocks that comment.

That’s vile & evil, pure and simple. 

Eta: If they (Rachel & Tom) think the babies will be fine because they won’t remember Andrea, they know nothing of bonding & attachment. Not that I think Tom does anyway, but what a horrible thing to say - basically saying Andrea’s death has no emotional impact since the baby won’t have any memories of her. That makes my stomach churn!

Edited October 2, 2019 by Giraffe
Came back to say more.

[under siege]

46 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

That’s vile & evil, pure and simple. 

Eta: If they (Rachel & Tom) think the babies will be fine because they won’t remember Andrea, they know nothing of bonding & attachment. Not that I think Tom does anyway, but what a horrible thing to say - basically saying Andrea’s death has no emotional impact since the baby won’t have any memories of her. That makes my stomach churn!

I don't usually post things from facebook but this video dispells anything Rachel (and Tom) were saying that the baby wouldn't remember Andrea.  The video clearly shows Hannah not only recognizing her Mom but very sweetly (and heartbreaking) saying 'Mama' repeatedly.  

I suspect this video will be made private if they realise it's been shared outside the Mills family/friends circle. (this video was posted to Tom's page by Grandma Kitty - Tom's mother)

https://www.facebook.com/tom.mills.522/videos/10220285341783642/UzpfSTEyMTEwNTQ1MTI6MTAyMjAwNzU1NjgyOTg3NTU/?__tn__=%2Cd-]-h-R&eid=ARDQVUrPAAriyLSmQQ7PKIWVT90A4imNrQVJ9AwsS-SGwN2FbtL5FUstzBZGzLJyUyJJyekYWL58K5TW

 

Edited October 2, 2019 by under siege

[Giraffe]

@under siege thank you for posting this. Hopefully it was only Rachel in a moment of stupid.

[Queen Of Hearts]

On September 23, Grandma Kitty posted a news article linking sugars to cancer.  I hope she is trying to work behind the scenes to get the family to eat healthier.  

In looking at her page, I also see that she had a son (Tom's brother) who was born with a rare disease and died at age 12.  That family sure has had a lot of hardships and young deaths - both Tom and Andrea's family.  So sad. It makes me grateful for the longevity I've experience from both sides of my family.  It is truly a gift many don't get.

[Dandruff]

I wonder if, and how often, the children might see a dentist and pediatrician in the future.  Has Tom mentioned his intentions with regard to their medical care?

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, under siege said:

I don't usually post things from facebook but this video dispells anything Rachel (and Tom) were saying that the baby wouldn't remember Andrea.  The video clearly shows Hannah not only recognizing her Mom but very sweetly (and heartbreaking) saying 'Mama' repeatedly.  

I suspect this video will be made private if they realise it's been shared outside the Mills family/friends circle. (this video was posted to Tom's page by Grandma Kitty - Tom's mother)

https://www.facebook.com/tom.mills.522/videos/10220285341783642/UzpfSTEyMTEwNTQ1MTI6MTAyMjAwNzU1NjgyOTg3NTU/?__tn__=%2Cd-]-h-R&eid=ARDQVUrPAAriyLSmQQ7PKIWVT90A4imNrQVJ9AwsS-SGwN2FbtL5FUstzBZGzLJyUyJJyekYWL58K5TW

 

That's the saddest thing I've seen in a while.  Poor babies.

[AverageJane]

I hope Rachel is already married because he seems to be quite dependent on her.

I seem to remember in a previous livestream  he said Hannah had quit nursing before Andrea died.  Something about Andrea being so sick the last month she didn't really nurse Hannah.  

I'm going to have to quit watching the videos because Tom is just too much of a full of himself asshat and the videos aren't enjoyable.  I've watched Andrea since almost the beginning but Tom centric vids are just too obnoxious. 

[louannems]

1 hour ago, Dandruff said:

I wonder if, and how often, the children might see a dentist and pediatrician in the future.  Has Tom mentioned his intentions with regard to their medical care?

Andrea had said that none of them visit dentists.  She bought some dental kit and she checked the kids' teeth herself!  Of course, no x-rays.  She cleaned their teeth using charcoal, whatever that entails.

They do not vaccinate, and do not do well child checkups.  They only go to the doctor for broken bones and stitches.

[Dandruff]

35 minutes ago, louannems said:

Andrea had said that none of them visit dentists.  She bought some dental kit and she checked the kids' teeth herself!  Of course, no x-rays.  She cleaned their teeth using charcoal, whatever that entails.

They do not vaccinate, and do not do well child checkups.  They only go to the doctor for broken bones and stitches.

Maybe he'll reconsider, at least as far as dental care is concerned, since Andrea can no longer try to do it.  I'm hoping.