Red Rain

[InkyGirl]

Oh boy. A book that comes from fundies nightmares - Red Rain! Forced public school attendance! Religious containment! Ebil Government! And the audio book is read by our latest discovery, the Penningtons!

aubreyhansen.com/2011/08/first-red-rain-excerpt.html

the auidobook is free 'til Halloween

Edited to add the linky

[MonkeyMomma]

Oh boy. A book that comes from fundies nightmares - Red Rain! Forced public school attendance! Religious containment! Ebil Government! And the audio book is read by our latest discovery, the Penningtons!

aubreyhansen.com/2011/08/first-red-rain-excerpt.html

the auidobook is free 'til Halloween

Edited to add the linky

Have you listened to it? Can you report on it?

I thought about getting the free audio book (read by a Pennington, no less!), but I'm trying to get through my trashy historical novel before it's due at the library.

[dairyfreelife]

Chapter One overview (done as the chapter went along so not perfect with my thoughts intertwined).

It begins with two children being forced to go to an evil school controlled by the evil government. Anyway, Mira and Standard’s (Stanyard?) father tells them to just remember God and his Word. Apparently there is some force at getting the kids to school. For some reason these “officers†actually call what they are doing indoctrination. I am thinking the writer has read Orwell’s 1984 and Dickens’ Hard Times or her parents have. Also, who is Philadelphia? I guess I will find out.

Now we get some neighborhood descriptions, sort of. Apparently they live in 79, some sort of camp. Lots of houses five years ago, now most are gone and many of those left are unoccupied. What do the houses look like though? I’d like to know this. Are they cookie-cutter? I would assume in a camp like this. Are they the same colors? What are they made of? Are they all one-storied, two-stories? Are they more like townhouses? No descriptions and now she talking about how there used to be three buses and now hardly anyone goes to school anymore.

Bloodshed! The officers used to shoot people who don’t obey apparently, but they aren’t doing that much right now. I guess that’s where all the people went? The evil government killed them? Now I am feeling Fahrenheit 451 a bit. The characters here will fight against oppression! I am guessing that is what will happen just like what happened in the other three books I have mentioned. Just my guess anyway.

The teachers don’t want to be there and want the children gone. They will sing praises when children don’t need to be “trained†there anymore. Main character (Mira) says she wants to snap and ask who he will sing praises to.

Wait, wait, I’m confused already. I thought Mira was the narrator since it’s in first person and that was the only name that came up earlier. Her brother Standard (Stanard? Stanyard?) pulled Mira onto the bus earlier, and it seemed like Mira was the “I†in the narration. Now it is apparently someone named Philadelphia? Then who is Mira to Philadelphia? Did I miss something? It seems like Mira is just a classmate now, but what was the point in the beginning then? I think I must have gotten confused somewhere or her writing has confused me somehow. :?

Okay, got a description of the school a bit. A concrete box with a sea of electricity is how it is described. It is a boring building with boring rooms of concrete and metal. I am writer, meaning I love to write and it currently my major. One thing I have heard over and over and over again is “show, don’t tell†when writing. This means don’t tell me it boring, show me it is boring. Tell me the walls are egg-shell white and the hallways and rooms are bare of anything. Tell me the halls that were once filled with students now hardly make a sound throughout the day. Describe the classrooms boring features for me. Now, I am guessing this girl is homeschooled and therefore has never set foot in a school. Normal schools have posters and display student’s works and show their accomplishments. A boring school to me would not show such things. Normal schools have color, often proudly displaying the school’s colors. A boring school would not. She is self-published and it appears she just had some random people proof-reader. A real editor would have worked with her on such things and this would not be much of a problem. Aubrey (that’s her name right?) could be a good writer. She seems to have the talent and the drive, but this needs more work imo.

Back to the chapter in question: There are only five people in the high school. The girl, Philadelphia, who I am now assuming is the main character, is one of them. There is also Mira, Cami, Standard (Stanyard) and Aide. I am not sure if I spelled those right so don’t quote me on those names.

Anti-religion indoctrination is forefront here. The evil teachers and government here want religion annihilated. I am guessing our main character is going to rise up against this and be the hero. I mean the heroine. Philadelphia is a girl, I presume. Got this figured out already. Continuing on…

Philly is apparently sneaking to read her Bible when she can. Something about downloading files on readers. Her mother was apparently killed doing this and only Philly and her dad still do it, I think. Philly now does this for her peers. I am guessing it is illegal wherever they are. Does the place have a name? I must have missed it if it was said.

Oh no! Not the file with the Bible! It is gone! I bet the evil government is behind this. How tragic! Everyone’s Bibles are gone! No fear, Philly will get their files back pronto!

End of Chapter One.

My comments: I want to see more descriptions. What do the classrooms look like exactly? What do the main characters look like? The Dad? The officers? The teachers? Do the students have uniforms? Do the teachers? Are there young children in the school as well? Is there a playground or is it believed young children shouldn’t play? Maybe they make them do military exercises for gym if they have gym classes? I am not getting any real descriptions here. Show me what this place looks like. I am curious.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Chapter One overview (done as the chapter went along so not perfect with my thoughts intertwined).

It begins with two children being forced to go to an evil school controlled by the evil government. Anyway, Mira and Standard’s (Stanyard?) father tells them to just remember God and his Word. Apparently there is some force at getting the kids to school. For some reason these “officers†actually call what they are doing indoctrination. I am thinking the writer has read Orwell’s 1984 and Dickens’ Hard Times or her parents have. Also, who is Philadelphia? I guess I will find out.

Now we get some neighborhood descriptions, sort of. Apparently they live in 79, some sort of camp. Lots of houses five years ago, now most are gone and many of those left are unoccupied. What do the houses look like though? I’d like to know this. Are they cookie-cutter? I would assume in a camp like this. Are they the same colors? What are they made of? Are they all one-storied, two-stories? Are they more like townhouses? No descriptions and now she talking about how there used to be three buses and now hardly anyone goes to school anymore.

Bloodshed! The officers used to shoot people who don’t obey apparently, but they aren’t doing that much right now. I guess that’s where all the people went? The evil government killed them? Now I am feeling Fahrenheit 451 a bit. The characters here will fight against oppression! I am guessing that is what will happen just like what happened in the other three books I have mentioned. Just my guess anyway.

The teachers don’t want to be there and want the children gone. They will sing praises when children don’t need to be “trained†there anymore. Main character (Mira) says she wants to snap and ask who he will sing praises to.

Wait, wait, I’m confused already. I thought Mira was the narrator since it’s in first person and that was the only name that came up earlier. Her brother Standard (Stanard? Stanyard?) pulled Mira onto the bus earlier, and it seemed like Mira was the “I†in the narration. Now it is apparently someone named Philadelphia? Then who is Mira to Philadelphia? Did I miss something? It seems like Mira is just a classmate now, but what was the point in the beginning then? I think I must have gotten confused somewhere or her writing has confused me somehow. :?

Okay, got a description of the school a bit. A concrete box with a sea of electricity is how it is described. It is a boring building with boring rooms of concrete and metal. I am writer, meaning I love to write and it currently my major. One thing I have heard over and over and over again is “show, don’t tell†when writing. This means don’t tell me it boring, show me it is boring. Tell me the walls are egg-shell white and the hallways and rooms are bare of anything. Tell me the halls that were once filled with students now hardly make a sound throughout the day. Describe the classrooms boring features for me. Now, I am guessing this girl is homeschooled and therefore has never set foot in a school. Normal schools have posters and display student’s works and show their accomplishments. A boring school to me would not show such things. Normal schools have color, often proudly displaying the school’s colors. A boring school would not. She is self-published and it appears she just had some random people proof-reader. A real editor would have worked with her on such things and this would not be much of a problem. Aubrey (that’s her name right?) could be a good writer. She seems to have the talent and the drive, but this needs more work imo.

Back to the chapter in question: There are only five people in the high school. The girl, Philadelphia, who I am now assuming is the main character, is one of them. There is also Mira, Cami, Standard (Stanyard) and Aide. I am not sure if I spelled those right so don’t quote me on those names.

Anti-religion indoctrination is forefront here. The evil teachers and government here want religion annihilated. I am guessing our main character is going to rise up against this and be the hero. I mean the heroine. Philadelphia is a girl, I presume. Got this figured out already. Continuing on…

Philly is apparently sneaking to read her Bible when she can. Something about downloading files on readers. Her mother was apparently killed doing this and only Philly and her dad still do it, I think. Philly now does this for her peers. I am guessing it is illegal wherever they are. Does the place have a name? I must have missed it if it was said.

Oh no! Not the file with the Bible! It is gone! I bet the evil government is behind this. How tragic! Everyone’s Bibles are gone! No fear, Philly will get their files back pronto!

End of Chapter One.

My comments: I want to see more descriptions. What do the classrooms look like exactly? What do the main characters look like? The Dad? The officers? The teachers? Do the students have uniforms? Do the teachers? Are there young children in the school as well? Is there a playground or is it believed young children shouldn’t play? Maybe they make them do military exercises for gym if they have gym classes? I am not getting any real descriptions here. Show me what this place looks like. I am curious.

Excellent sum up. You're right, show, don't tell, is so important in writing, especially in "fictionals." I read some of this dreck, and color me impressed. The writing is very amateurish, which seems to be pretty common among the fundie crowd. I put more thought into writing a 500 word movie review than most fundies put into writing actual books.

[Hane]

Just ran and bought it on Kindle for $2.99. It will be my junk food for the daily commute. The lady with the pink Kindle guffawing, spit-taking, and cussing on the Amtrak 6:56 and 5:15 will be me.

[InkyGirl]

Thanks DairyFree for taking the plunge and listening to the whole thing, I made it a couple of minutes in and had to stop listening. Maybe today I'll try and listen to the whole thing. :?

I'm not much of a writer but even I know you need to establish what character is the MAIN character!

[finleeport]

I'm learning to be a writer, but I could tell that this story has many grammar mistakes, not to mention a very poor, narrow, black-and-white plot.

[dairyfreelife]

I may have been confused since I am listening to the audiobook. I agree with Finleeport, there are grammar mistakes and the plot seems very black and white so far and quite narrow. And I don't mind doing this since I haven't been able to do some of my homework because the site for it is down so it gave me something to do.

Chapter 2

The home computer is missing the Bible too! All the copies of the Bible are gone in the camp! The United, which is the evil government group here, must have found them and deleted them! Nope, it was a virus on the system apparently, so they aren’t after the Bible. Or are they? Dun dun dun! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Philly is miserable without her Bible and she cannot function without it.

The school does inspections. They all have to line up and are told to behave right, smile even if you aren’t happy, etc. Then they are forced into separate rooms. Finally, we get a description of someone! It is of the woman who is inspecting Philly. She has blond hair with pink cheeks. Philly is moving into Mrs. Nolan’s house for some reason. Philly is almost 18. Her coyness gone? I thought coyness meant pretending to be modest or shy or reluctant to commit to something? It seemed obvious to me what Mrs. Nolan wanted in the first place. She stated she wanted Philly to live with her and her husband. I think Philly is the one being coy here. It just sounds a bit odd here. Aha! “Adopting†young Christian adults and making them a part of the world once they hit 18. Got it! The fundie fear of Christian children in the world is the point of this story. The world is evil to them in real life. It is evil here too apparently. Hide your children! Don’t let the evil government “break†your children!

In this world, you either assimilate or you are removed. They ease you into reality instead of dumping you into the streets. It is all a big lie though. They just want your children because :think: they want to get rid of religion? Hmm, still figuring this one out. I think Aubrey's point is that the government wants robot children who are anti-religious and they want to brainwash the Christian children to their side.

Back to the program: Philly wants to go home to her daddy. She is 17 in this novel and calls her father “daddyâ€. I don’t think I have called my dad that since I was in elementary school. It sounds childish to me. Anyway, she doesn’t want to assimilate into the real world, none of the students want to apparently.

Her father is assigned to go to a base on Mars! Philly cannot come. Is this supposed to be set in the future? I never heard the time frame, but I assume it is. If so and this is science-fiction, why is the technology not more interesting? Everything here is basically what we already have. There are no books. They are all on the computer, which is not a far-fetched idea. She waves her hand across the digital picture frame to scroll through pictures. This isn’t a far-fetched either. It is not a big deal, but if this is set 50 years from now, even 10 years from now, I imagine more advanced technology. I just don’t see much imagination here with this.

Back to the chapter: She is looking at an image of her brother who is not yet 19 in the picture. He has dark hair and is wearing a lab coat. Her brother’s name is Ephidus? (Sp?). He was sent to Mars without a choice and has never come back. It does not say how long ago he was sent to Mars. Her father does not want to go on this assignment, but it sounds like he may not get a choice. So, I guess the plot is supposed to thicken from here.

End of Chapter Two.

Comments: This chapter had more descriptions than the first, but it still is greatly lacking in this area. There seems to be some mistakes in grammar from the sound of the audio. I am also not seeing the same drama that Aubrey is seeing. Maybe Chapter Three will explain the plot better? I’ll get to it tomorrow because I need to work on my tarea de Espanol.

P.S I wonder if there will be any romance. I doubt it, but it would be nice and maybe spice things up a bit.

[Hane]

Just finished reading the whole damn thing. It doesn't take long to skim through crappy writing--and the book apparently is just a novella.

Here's what gets me about the story: The Ebil Gummint is persecuting the protagonist and her family for being Christians, and uses its Ebil Intarwebz to delete all the Bibles. But, because of all the lack of description of what Christians are and what they believe, they might as well be facing persecution for being redheads or stamp collectors or people with medium-sized teeth (thanks, Bored of the Rings). We are given no indication of WHY the Gummint is so Ebil, other than the fact that it's decided to be a "one-world" government and to eliminate all religions.

The author says Philadephia et al are Christians, but in no way distinguishes them as such.

And don't get me started on the "Us poor Christians are being PERSECUTED and MARGINALIZED" shizz. Mainly because it ain't happening, and Certain People are just afraid that their WASP privilege is starting to erode.

[Kitten]

So teh ebil school is training children and telling them to smile even if they aren't happy Wow, this sounds a LOT like...ATI!!!!!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[finleeport]

And don't get me started on the "Us poor Christians are being PERSECUTED and MARGINALIZED" shizz. Mainly because it ain't happening, and Certain People are just afraid that their WASP privilege is starting to erode.

I have a name for those kinds of Christians; Pessimistic Christians, Melancholic Puritans, Gloomy Jesuits, Jesus Freaks of Despair, and Nostalgic Malvolios (Shakespeare).

[gilora]

Gloomy Jesuits! :lol:

[Deleted03]

Divergent is a much better dystopia... :D

[Hane]

Divergent is a much better dystopia... :D

Damn near ANYTHING would be a much better dystopia! Utopia/dystopia is my favorite literary theme, so I get ticked off when it's done badly. (A couple of years ago I read a horrible YA novel about a USA in which families were allowed only one child apiece, full of plot holes and the requisite horror of the impending Evil One-World Government.)

Nip on over to amazon.com to read my nasty little review of this trainwreck. I had to struggle to delete much of the snark I originally wrote.

[Deleted03]

Damn near ANYTHING would be a much better dystopia! Utopia/dystopia is my favorite literary theme, so I get ticked off when it's done badly. (A couple of years ago I read a horrible YA novel about a USA in which families were allowed only one child apiece, full of plot holes and the requisite horror of the impending Evil One-World Government.)

Nip on over to amazon.com to read my nasty little review of this trainwreck. I had to struggle to delete much of the snark I originally wrote.

I think any dystopia that is not subtle has the potential to be horrible. That's the thing about dystopia... they have to be subtle! don't give out in the first chapter that the Bible is not allowed anywhere! wait a couple chapters before showing the perfect world is imperfect!

[Hane]

I must applaud dairyfreelife for enduring the audiobook for us, and commenting on it.

To be fair to the author, though, I have to admit that the print version does give some description of the houses in the protagonist's compound, and of the school. Could these have been left out of the audiobook for the sake of brevity?

In a masterpiece of exposition, though, the author describes a metal chair at the school as "boring."

[Deleted03]

I must applaud dairyfreelife for enduring the audiobook for us, and commenting on it.

To be fair to the author, though, I have to admit that the print version does give some description of the houses in the protagonist's compound, and of the school. Could these have been left out of the audiobook for the sake of brevity?

In a masterpiece of exposition, though, the author describes a metal chair at the school as "boring."

O_o audiobooks are not supposed to be summarized versions of books...

[dairyfreelife]

I must applaud dairyfreelife for enduring the audiobook for us, and commenting on it.

To be fair to the author, though, I have to admit that the print version does give some description of the houses in the protagonist's compound, and of the school. Could these have been left out of the audiobook for the sake of brevity?

In a masterpiece of exposition, though, the author describes a metal chair at the school as "boring."

Perhaps? I only remember talk of a dining room and that there is a gate to the compound. Not much else. Now, the base and the protagonist's home on Mars is described more vividly. But I agree with Sophie on this one.

O_o audiobooks are not supposed to be summarized versions of books...

I always thought audiobooks were supposed to be the books read aloud.

O_o audiobooks are not supposed to be summarized versions of books...

Chapter Three:

Going out into the world, just trying to experience the world here is meant to be a negative thing. I’m not really sure why though. Yes, they will have to claim to lose their faith. And I got her nickname right. Her daddy calls her Philly. All the kids are Christians. If the place is anti-religion, why are only Christians being represented here? What about all the other religions? Wouldn’t they be persecuted too? The author makes it seem like only Christians can pull through and keep their faith.

Philly’s father has to go on the mission and she has to stay. They argue about it. She calls him daddy constantly like a child. Does the author know she is writing about a girl who is almost 18 and nearly finished with school? Seriously, it is just weird for a young woman to call her father “daddy†like she is five. It makes the arguing sound like she is child trying to argue with an adult, not a young woman arguing with her father. I had to remind myself that this was between an almost 18-year-old and her father and not between an eight-year-old and her father more than once. Of course, Philly obeys her daddy and agrees to stay with the Nolans, but in the end she gets to go to Mars with her daddy after all.

There was nothing interesting and no real character development in this chapter. I was thoroughly bored with this chapter. What does Philly look like already? What does she like besides the Bible? Does she ever “hang out†with her peers? Is that not allowed? I am left with more questions than answers. I feel like I should be on edge, anticipating something exciting, but I’m not feeling it. Maybe it’s Grace’s voice? The characters are flat.

End Chapter

Chapter Four:

Philly is headed to Mars with her daddy. Again, the mention of them being Christians, but it seems oddly placed here. They are catching their flight to Mars and of course no one knows or cares that they have a religion. How many people catching planes care in real life? Just like everyday flights, people are far too busy to care, thinking about where they are going, getting through the long security check, etc. Religion isn’t what they are thinking about. Maybe they pray for a safe flight, but that is probably it.

Apparently Commander Ambrose is not a good person and Philly doesn’t like him. Is he part of The United? I wonder if The United is meant to represent the United States. After all, most fundies think the government is evil and wants to destroy their religion. They are being persecuted here and falsely believe they are being persecuted in real life.

That’s about it for this Chapter. Nothing else happens. Though the plane is described in much better detail than anything else I have heard so far. I still want to know what the characters look like.

End Chapter. No comments this time.

Chapter Five:

More persecution complex because Philly is not to tell anyone she is a Christian. Philly only wants her Bible and did not bother to put any other books on her reader. They were all books that her teacher assigned and she did not want t read any of those. Now I am curious what the books were about. With what I have read so far, anything but the Bible would probably be on the evil literature list.

Some girl with curly blonde hair sat beside Philly, but Philly gave her a smile and did not even bother to talk to her. A bit rude perhaps? The girl talks to Philly. The girl has gray eyes and freckles. Philly asks her about going to Mars. Girl says this is the only place the transmit goes and looks away. Philly assumes the girl doesn’t want to talk to her though the girl was the one who initiated the conversation. Weird. The girl talks again and Philly panics as she learns this girl knows who her father is. She fears they will in trouble for being Christians. Dr. Smerna (sp?) is her father. At least I know Philly’s surname now.

So, apparently no. 79 was a concentration camp on Earth and it was a horrible place. Or that was just how she perceived it. The base at Mars is another concentration camp. The blond-haired girl is a 20-something and her name is Cia. They will be with Cia (sp?) at the 9-6-11 base.

Cia now knows Philly and her father (at least she didn’t say Daddy this time) are Christians. Christians have regulations, whatever that means. I got a description of their ride to the base. Still, I don’t know what Philly and her father look like.

The houses have descriptions on Mars. Dr. Nick, Cia’s older brother is described, but I am confused a bit. I thought he was there earlier, now they are just meeting him? Oh, wait, never mind. Cia was disagreeing with the officer. I admit I tuned out a little bit. This is a little boring.

Their building is all metal. They live at no. 5. The foyer has plants and there are glass ceilings. Each floor has six doors erratically placed. They live at F on the lower level. The apartment is made of plastic and metal. There is a digital frame that shows images of the galaxy and a few plants. It is nicer than the homes on Earth, though I never got a description of the camp houses on Earth to judge that. The carpet is gray and Philly hopes metal is more tolerant of Christians than concrete. (I know, not literally, but it is still funny to think about). Again, why is Christianity the only persecuted religion here if the government wants to abolish religions? Plot holes abound.

End of Chapter five

Comments: I still don’t know what Philly looks like. Also, what do they wear? Btw, love the odd beeps and computer noises in this. Not to mention the “creepy†music at the beginning and end of each chapter reading. :lol:

[Wolfie]

Sounds like a prepper favorite too.....

FYI- my mom called my grandpa "Daddy" until the day he died. But she didn't refer to him as Daddy to anybody but family members.

[JesusFightClub]

Just finished reading the whole damn thing. It doesn't take long to skim through crappy writing--and the book apparently is just a novella.

Here's what gets me about the story: The Ebil Gummint is persecuting the protagonist and her family for being Christians, and uses its Ebil Intarwebz to delete all the Bibles. But, because of all the lack of description of what Christians are and what they believe, they might as well be facing persecution for being redheads or stamp collectors or people with medium-sized teeth (thanks, Bored of the Rings). We are given no indication of WHY the Gummint is so Ebil, other than the fact that it's decided to be a "one-world" government and to eliminate all religions.

The author says Philadephia et al are Christians, but in no way distinguishes them as such.

And don't get me started on the "Us poor Christians are being PERSECUTED and MARGINALIZED" shizz. Mainly because it ain't happening, and Certain People are just afraid that their WASP privilege is starting to erode.

This!

I only listened to half the audio version, partly because the speaker sounds like she is adhering to primary school rules ("just read what the book says, don't put on voices"). But we are told they are Christians yet how do we know?

[dairyfreelife]

Nothing wrong with that. Maybe it was the way Grace Pennington reads this. It made the protagonist sound like a child was saying it instead of a young woman. I felt like it was child arguing because they wanted to do something and their dad was trying to reason his viewpoint. That was why it grated at me so much. It had more to do with the way the script was done than the word "Daddy" itself.

[browncoatslytherin]

well if this kind of shit is getting published, that certainly gives me hope that i can get published as well.