The book what Lori wrote: The Power of a Transformed Wife Pt2

[samurai_sarah]

Continued from here:

Last post by @IntrinsicallyDisordered

Quote

I wonder what Lori would think of my marriage.  We cohabitated beforehand and were "technical" virgins before our church wedding (Catholic though, does Lori hate Catholics?  I assume so).  My mother was so proud of me that I "did everything right".    Turns out that's because I'm a lesbian!  Of course the years of long distance followed by preserving our purity by just saying no to penetration was easy for me and if I wanted to lord it over others without filling in important specifics I'm sure I could.  I thought I could pray it away and when we said I Do in front of God, everything would be perfect and fixed, because that's what God wants, right?  That's what more than one priest had told me.  Fake it until you make it, essentially.  Instead I had a nervous breakdown and haven't been able to step foot in a church in years without having a panic attack.

My husband is my best friend, we have been best friends for 20 years now (and will be married for 10 next year), he recognized and accepted my sexuality before I could (though he did think I was more of a Kinsey 3 than a 5), we've made our marriage work for us in all areas and he tells me daily how much he loves me and how happy he is, and I do the same for him.   He has supported me through so much - dealing with childhood abuse, chronic illness, my very tangled, abusive and crisis prone family...I often feel as though the abuse and illness I went through were worth it, because without that series of events, we would never have met.  I'm a staunch feminist - and there's the whole sexuality thing - but my husband never feels like he's not being taken care of, or taken for granted.  At home I wait on him like a 50's housewife with making and serving his every meal, picking out his clothes, etc because I want to and it makes me happy - but he helps with the dishes, does the vacuuming and mopping and enjoys it.  I can't recall my father ever even washing a glass, and he would mutter about "f***ing c***s" if my mother (meekly and gently) asked him to put something in the sink or take off his work boots before he came inside.

My husband and I fight, and then we make up.  We have the things that drive us nuts about the other, but we talk through them when we fall into bad behavior - I tend to lash out like an angry, tired toddler, he becomes rigid and authoritarian and hates to apologize, I'm one of those women constantly saying "I'm sorry" for any and no reason, which drives him crazy, I'm emotion fueled and he might as well be Vulcan most of the time - but we've never gone to bed angry.  Both of us have parents that didn't communicate and didn't like each other, and we're conscious of that and strive for something better.

I don't want him to lay down his life for me, I wa

nt to spend every moment we have together, and I'd want to die with him.  He is my heart, my strength, my everything.  And he thinks Lori is full of shit and has no idea what she's talking about when it comes to men or God.

Edited 23 minutes ago by IntrinsicallyDisordered

 

[molecule]

Technical virgin my arse.

OH OH OH YOU GUYZ!!!!! 

I bet I know why she has such a bug up her arse about butt stuff.

Oh, gross. Now I'm reminded that one of my long-time BFFs used to say she was a technical virgin, since she'd only had anal sex.  I'm going to go throw up a little bit now.

[Koala]

@lawfulevil (tagging her since I can't attribute this quote to her because of the fresh thread)

Quote

She met Ken in December of her senior year because he was her roommate's brother. She thought he was attractive at first sight

She has trouble with TRUTH:

Quote

I wasn't attracted to Ken when I first met him.

I guess whichever version fits the story she's telling at the time.

Link in spoiler:

Spoiler

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2011/04/emotional-attraction-vs-physical.html

Putting this in a spoiler, because I could see Lori editing the post to make it reflect what she wrote in her book.

 

[foreign fundie]

1 hour ago, samurai_sarah said:

Continued from here:

Last post by @IntrinsicallyDisordered

 

@IntrinsicallyDisordered

That was probably the most moving post I have read on this forum so far. Wow. Maybe you should write a book on marriage

[FundieFarmer]

I wonder what Lori would think of a book review of Koala's posts proving where the book has disagreed with her blog. Or a book review of solely her most ridiculous quotes therein- letting the book speak for itself.

Blech. Lori is a mess.

[crawfishgirl]

In her video, she looks much older than her supposed age of 57.  I'm also in my 50's, but my skin isn't nearly as wrinkled.  For someone who considers herself a health nut, she must not have bothered to read articles about sunscreen and sun damage.  Too much of that California sun....

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

2 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

@IntrinsicallyDisordered

That was probably the most moving post I have read on this forum so far. Wow. Maybe you should write a book on marriage

  Thank you!

We have had a long, unusual journey for sure.  He's seen me at my worst so many times and never stops loving me, or thinking I'm beautiful even when I'm horribly ill or have gained weight or can't wear anything but loose sloppy clothes because anything else is too painful.  He's endlessly patient and kind and understanding - not perfect, because that doesn't exist - but I so often think so much more than I deserve...and then out of the blue he'll ask me what he ever did to deserve me and it just blows me away.

I never wanted to be married when I was growing up, I never dreamed about it or thought about a husband at all (my first love, another girl who was also struggling with her identity, and I used to talk about how we'd live together on an island with our cats and our "lovers" - who would look like androgynous long haired angels of course - would come visit us by boat once or twice a year, maybe less because you know the seas would be really bad and stormy and we didn't want anything to happen to them ;).  I did always want children, lots of them, which, along with my religious upbringing and what I now recognize as compulsory heterosexuality, was a large part of why I went through with the wedding, only to find out it's never going to happen.  And while that's devastating, the fact that the problem is on both sides makes it something we can handle, because we are together in this as we are in everything else.  I'm not his "helpmeet", I'm his partner in life.  It's my job not just to serve and listen, but also to challenge and advise.  And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Our marriage is unconventional and not without its difficulties, but it works for us and is never a struggle or a trial or a cross to bear, and that's what matters.  Everyone is different and that's where Lori goes so, so wrong - you can't shove people into narrowly prescribed roles and have them pantomime their way into a "perfect" marriage.

[Hisey]

12 minutes ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

  Thank you!

We have had a long, unusual journey for sure.  He's seen me at my worst so many times and never stops loving me, or thinking I'm beautiful even when I'm horribly ill or have gained weight or can't wear anything but loose sloppy clothes because anything else is too painful.  He's endlessly patient and kind and understanding - not perfect, because that doesn't exist - but I so often think so much more than I deserve...and then out of the blue he'll ask me what he ever did to deserve me and it just blows me away.

I never wanted to be married when I was growing up, I never dreamed about it or thought about a husband at all (my first love, another girl who was also struggling with her identity, and I used to talk about how we'd live together on an island with our cats and our "lovers" - who would look like androgynous long haired angels of course - would come visit us by boat once or twice a year, maybe less because you know the seas would be really bad and stormy and we didn't want anything to happen to them ;).  I did always want children, lots of them, which, along with my religious upbringing and what I now recognize as compulsory heterosexuality, was a large part of why I went through with the wedding, only to find out it's never going to happen.  And while that's devastating, the fact that the problem is on both sides makes it something we can handle, because we are together in this as we are in everything else.  I'm not his "helpmeet", I'm his partner in life.  It's my job not just to serve and listen, but also to challenge and advise.  And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Our marriage is unconventional and not without its difficulties, but it works for us and is never a struggle or a trial or a cross to bear, and that's what matters.  Everyone is different and that's where Lori goes so, so wrong - you can't shove people into narrowly prescribed roles and have them pantomime their way into a "perfect" marriage.

That is a truly beautiful story.

1 hour ago, crawfishgirl said:

In her video, she looks much older than her supposed age of 57.  I'm also in my 50's, but my skin isn't nearly as wrinkled.  For someone who considers herself a health nut, she must not have bothered to read articles about sunscreen and sun damage.  Too much of that California sun....

Yes! Thank you! I'm just a few years younger than Lori, and whenever I see her,I worry that I look that way to others 

[polecat]

2 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

In her video, she looks much older than her supposed age of 57.  I'm also in my 50's, but my skin isn't nearly as wrinkled.  For someone who considers herself a health nut, she must not have bothered to read articles about sunscreen and sun damage.  Too much of that California sun....

 

Or maybe she's just got the face she's earned.

[Fruitcake]

3 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

I wonder what Lori would think of a book review of Koala's posts proving where the book has disagreed with her blog. Or a book review of solely her most ridiculous quotes therein- letting the book speak for itself.

Blech. Lori is a mess.

Pretty please, I would like to see  @Koala be to Lorken as Blessed Little Blog is to the Naughlers. Do we need to fundraise for webhosting? 

[polecat]

Something about that video struck me as really, really off. It's not something I want to snark on at all, but it is something I really don't understand. Can someone more well-versed in this family lore PM me, please?

[desertvixen]

@lawfulevil, A-plus on your post! 

That's what got me too - I mean, if you decide you're never going to divorce because you think it's the end of the fucking world (note from person whose parents are divorced and is divorced herself: It's not.  Divorce can be a lot less traumatic than, I don't know, staying with an abusive jerk.), then shouldn't you marry someone you really LIKE and LOVE?  I mean, she never really says how much she loved him, but the didn't agree on a lot, or like any of the same things, or really have much in common.  The whole part where she thanks God they had kids is super revealing.

[lawfulevil]

Despite her waffling, I think the cold fish reading is an older-Lori retrospective, not how she actually felt at the time. We all know Lori has no problem deleting the old truth in favor of the new truth, which then becomes the always truth. She totally wasn't in lust with him and we have always been at war with Eastasia. I also wonder if she married him despite the fighting because she'd been single all through college and thought this was the best she was going to do.

I do think it's been so long since there was real chemistry between them that it's less painful for Lori to pretend it never existed. She had four children between May 1983 and January 1989, and we know Ken wasn't any help, having sex with him probably became one more damn chore (10 minutes and some lube) somewhere in here.

Ken totally strikes me as the kind of guy that will keep you up at night whining about his boner until you give in so you can get some sleep.

[Lurky]

@lawfulevil Yes, Ken makes me think of the guy who wrote this letter to Dan Savage (love the reply)  (For those not familiar with Dan Savage, he writes a kink-friendly sex advice column, so may not be SFW)

http://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2016/10/26/24645700/savage-love

[Granwych]

On ‎11‎/‎5‎/‎2016 at 11:13 AM, crawfishgirl said:

In her video, she looks much older than her supposed age of 57.  I'm also in my 50's, but my skin isn't nearly as wrinkled.  For someone who considers herself a health nut, she must not have bothered to read articles about sunscreen and sun damage.  Too much of that California sun....

And there must not have been too many thong-wearing females at her beach.

15 hours ago, lawfulevil said:

Ken totally strikes me as the kind of guy that will keep you up at night whining about his boner until you give in so you can get some sleep.

So introduce him to his best friend, Rosie Palm and her five sisters, and don't forget the lube.

[lawfulevil]

Those guys always think of masturbation as the desperate (and sinful probably) last resort of looooosers, not an ordinary human sexual activity, so they think it damages their masculinity and will howl like you're shooting them in the nuts if you suggest it.

Ken's bludgeon is that Christian wives aren't allowed to turn their husbands down for sex, but less Godly abusers will just call you selfish or tell you that if you don't put out whenever they want that justifies them cheating on you or even seeing prostitutes.

[lilwriter85]

On 11/5/2016 at 9:13 AM, crawfishgirl said:

In her video, she looks much older than her supposed age of 57.  I'm also in my 50's, but my skin isn't nearly as wrinkled.  For someone who considers herself a health nut, she must not have bothered to read articles about sunscreen and sun damage.  Too much of that California sun....

I recall she posted on her old blog that sunscreen was full of toxic chemcials and that she and her kids never used it.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

That's funny about the the sunscreen. It seems for someone who is a health nut it hasn't done her much good. Tumors and all. 

[Koala]

From today's post:

Quote

Something I did learn from Oswald’s writings, however, is the term, “self-pity is satanic.” Whenever I begin to feel sorry for myself in any way, inadequate, feeling left out, or mistreated, I remember this phrase. When my oldest daughter was going through one of the difficult teenage insecurity times, I shared this with her and it helped her get out of her self-pity trap immediately. Focusing on ourselves never produces anything good. 

What Lori fails to mention, is that she and Ken were likely the ones who caused that insecurity...in both of their daughters.  What she also fails to mention, is the Biblical passage that her assertion (self pity is satanic) is based on.

To assert that something is satanic is a pretty big thing, and to offer absolutely nothing other than "Oswald Chambers said so" is laughable.

Lori has written extensively about her desire to control the eating habits of others.  Her desire to control the weight of her daughters was an extension of that, and the result was that both of her daughters dealt with body image and near eating disorders (they've both written about it online).

To harass your child to the point that they are battling such insecurities and then blithely link their emotions to satanism is both cruel and abusive.  

That Lori brags that she helped her "get out of her self pity trap immediately" is disgusting.  

They most likely didn't just "snap out of it" Lori.  They learned you weren't a safe person to talk to.

Spoiler

 

Taking a look back at Ken and Lori's comments on their daughters' weight (names are being redacted):

Ken-

Quote

Yes, we talked to (daughter) about her weight gain, but we did it as we thought sensibly. (Daughter) would never be considered fat but she carried with her some fat in the areas women tend to get it, and it doesn't work for ballet well. Fortunately, the group she danced for always wore elegant longer dresses to the knees... 

Quote

(Daughter) looked good, but a couple of times probably added an extra 5 lbs on top of the 5 she normally carried

Quote

Does anyone want to hear that tey have gained an extra 5 lbs in the behind?

Lori:

Quote

As our daughters got older, if we thought they were gaining weight, we would talk to them about it. I know this is supposedly a "taboo" subject but we felt no subject was "taboo" with our children. If we saw any sin in their lives, we would talk to them about it.

 

 

 

 

 

[Hisey]

46 minutes ago, Koala said:

From today's post:

What Lori fails to mention, is that she and Ken were likely the ones who caused that insecurity...in both of their daughters.  What she also fails to mention, is the Biblical passage that her assertion (self pity is satanic) is based on.

To assert that something is satanic is a pretty big thing, and to offer absolutely nothing other than "Oswald Chambers said so" is laughable.

Lori has written extensively about her desire to control the eating habits of others.  Her desire to control the weight of her daughters was an extension of that, and the result was that both of her daughters dealt with body image and near eating disorders (they've both written about it online).

To harass your child to the point that they are battling such insecurities and then blithely link their emotions to satanism is both cruel and abusive.  

That Lori brags that she helped her "get out of her self pity trap immediately" is disgusting.  

They most likely didn't just "snap out of it" Lori.  They learned you weren't a safe person to talk to.

  Hide contents

 

Taking a look back at Ken and Lori's comments on their daughters' weight (names are being redacted):

Ken-

Lori:

 

 

 

 

I've looked at the free chapters of Lori's book. In the chapter about health,  she starts talking about how moms are responsible for their kids' health. She urges moms to look at their kids. She writes,  "What about your children? Are you pleased with their weight and fitness, or could they be doing better?" That's the first thing she mentions, on the subject of childhood health. Don't want fat kids, y'know.

[Koala]

There are quotes on the internet by both of their daughters.  Lori & Ken's cruelty led to serious issues for both of them.  But hey, they're thin, so that's a win, right Lori?

[usmcmom]

4 hours ago, lawfulevil said:

Those guys always think of masturbation as the desperate (and sinful probably) last resort of looooosers, not an ordinary human sexual activity, so they think it damages their masculinity and will howl like you're shooting them in the nuts if you suggest it.

Ken's bludgeon is that Christian wives aren't allowed to turn their husbands down for sex, but less Godly abusers will just call you selfish or tell you that if you don't put out whenever they want that justifies them cheating on you or even seeing prostitutes.

Ken also wrote a very long wall-o-text on Cabinet Man's post in which CM told us husbands should only "get her off 80% of the time."  Ken's response was in defense of Robert, insisting he was NOT blatantly sinning by going against scripture that says husband sand wives are to fulfill EACH OTHER'S sexual desires in the marriage bed. So we know where Ken stands on mutual pleasure in the bedroom.

I Corinthians 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Ken insisted that this scripture did not mean "all the time."  So exceptions are okay when he and Lori want to use them; just not when it comes to submission.  

Regarding Lori's post about self pity; just how would she describe her little tantrums on Amazon?  She certainly cried "not fair!" a lot regarding that book of hers. 

[PopRox]

The issue of Lori body-shaming her daughters about her weight is heartbreaking!!! I teach ballet to young girls, and I would NEVER do that, because I struggled with body image/eating disorders myself and would never, in a hundred thousand years, want them to go through what I went through.

The only time I ever said anything about a student's weight was when I noticed a student lost a dramatic amount of weight in a few months, and even then I quietly raised my concerns to the studio owner, NOT the girl (learned that the girl had been physically ill, but was on the mend, thank goodness. Saw her over the summer and she looks much better!).

It's sad that I show more concern for other people's children than Lori does her own.

[lilwriter85]

6 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

That's funny about the the sunscreen. It seems for someone who is a health nut it hasn't done her much good. Tumors and all. 

Lori can be a bit weird when it comes to different health topics. She had a crazy blog post about she treated a fractured arm with ice dipping. She was also pushing using turmeric for various health ailments and saying they were better than pharmaceutical drugs.  There are other fundies that have similar beliefs as Lori on health topics. I find Lori to be odd because her father was a pathologist. For some reason, I have thought her shitty comments and crap theories on autism are some of the worst things she has blogged about.  I hope that none of her grandchildren have any healthy issues because I see Lori being a total bitch as usual  and making up crappy things.

 

[December]

5 hours ago, Hisey said:

I've looked at the free chapters of Lori's book. In the chapter about health,  she starts talking about how moms are responsible for their kids' health. She urges moms to look at their kids. She writes,  "What about your children? Are you pleased with their weight and fitness, or could they be doing better?" That's the first thing she mentions, on the subject of childhood health. Don't want fat kids, y'know.

 

Yikes. It's pretty messed up to phrase something like weight or physical fitness in terms of what "pleases" someone. The only opinion that should matter is a doctor's, and the person themselves. 

Also, in the grand scheme of things, if the worst fear about a child that a parent has to entertain is that the kid might become overweight... what a fortunate life they must lead!