Single Fundies and Valentine's Day

[refugee]

I'm not proud of this... But for years, when we were in fundiedom, VD (and my birthday, anniversary, and christmas) was a chance for the culture (or the kids) to guilt my spouse into not taking me for granted for at least that day, and think of me, even if it was to buy that awful Whitman candy they have at the drugstore. There was even a stretch of a few years where the kids were able to manipulate him into buying *good* chocolate for those special days.

I kind of got into the habit of buying thoughtful little presents for myself, over those years.

My dh says he loves me, but gift-giving is certainly not one of his love languages.

When he realized it was VD yesterday (might have had something to do with the fancy chocolate bar I left by his cellphone while he was showering), he decided we should go out for burgers and a movie, so that's something, anyhow.

(Although this year he kind of spoiled the xmas and birthday gifts, by expressing his resentment at the kids' insisting that he spend more than $5 on gifts for me... I know we're a bit worried about money, but I think I'm going to tell the kids not to bother from here on out. Frankly, I don't care if I never get another gift from the guy.)

And yeah, I guess that makes me something of a mercenary. Or *had* been. I've known the kids nag their dad to get me presents on special occasions, and I haven't tried to stop them. 

Like I said, I'm not proud of it.

I don't need no stinkin' presents. Okay, so maybe I'm developing some pride, now.

[Elementally Amy]

Well they are humans so i assume it's the same for them as for the rest of us. For some it's a sad reminder that they are single in a culture that promotes motherhood above all else and for some it doesn't really matter.

Personally, I have been alone on every v-day so it's never really been about romance. I used to give my college friends cards that had the "No greater love than this" verse, now It really is just a day. The only thing sad about it is that it means paczki season is over. That is my personal experience though. I'm sure if i had ever been in a relationship on vd i might be nostalgic. Everyone is different.

[smittykins]

All this talk about VD makes me think of this(apologies in advance):

 

 

[FormerlyFundyLite]

On ‎2‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 8:11 PM, Miss M said:

Really, you found it hard to be alone on a Hallmark Holiday??  I don't get, I really don't, and I have been married and divorced, and going on 5 years since a committed relationship and VD is just another day I don't give a shit about!  I really don't get it, I mean I REALLY don't, so you are alone, get over it and get on with your life, live your life to the fullest, volunteer, help other people, and maybe you won't feel like you need someone to justify your existence on VD!!!

Everybody is completely entitled to their own opinion, and responsible for their own feelings--and I'm glad that Valentine's Day (and the incessant commercialization/over-promotion of it) doesn't bother you. Having said that, a lot of FJers are in the process of recovering from a culture that programmed them to believe, as one of their most fundamental beliefs, that their purpose and worth in life--the very justification of their existence, if you will--was tied up in marrying and having children.

Yes, it is just another day, just like Christmas (which happens to be the "wrong" day, BTW--most people acknowledge that Jesus wasn't actually born on the 25th of December) or Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day or any other holiday that was arbitrarily slapped on the calendar and which people might struggle with. We're all at different stages/seasons/phases of life, and for those working hard to deprogram themselves from the damaging thought patterns taught by many branches of fundydom, your comments will potentially come across as unfeeling at best and downright cruel at worst.

[browncoatslytherin]

i don't remember much about valentine's day growing up. there were chocolates and candies and such, of course, but there wasn't a whole lot put into it from what i remember. my father was never one for romantic gestures in any form, so perhaps that is why.

fiance is currently very loving and is always doing some sort of nice gesture, whether it's making dinner or doing other tasks for me, or just picking up a candy bar at the grocery store once in a while for us. on holidays, he usually puts an effort into an extra gesture, but he's usually doing that kind of thing all year round. this year, he had one of my friend's at-home business put together a basket for me of geeky things that included a dobby necklace, a severus snape pop vinyl figure, a harry potter magical creatures colouring book with colouring pencils, and a packet of butterfinger bites (my favourite candy bar type of candy). perfect for me, since i'm not really a typical candy-and-roses type of person.  for him, i got him a back issue of wwf magazine from january 1991, which featured his favourite wrestler on the cover (mr. perfect curt hennig). we know each other too well when it comes to presents lol.

i have to wonder what some fundies do for valentine's day, if they even acknowledge it at all. is it used as an excuse for sweet fellowship?

[nolongerIFBx]

26 minutes ago, browncoatslytherin said:

i have to wonder what some fundies do for valentine's day, if they even acknowledge it at all. is it used as an excuse for sweet fellowship?

In the IFBx culture I was in, you went to the Valentine's Banquet which was usually the only reason to get dressed up all year. Given Carlin and Alyssa's dress in the latest photo, I wondered if Carlin was going to Crown/Temple Baptist's banquet and if the Alyssa and John were also going.

For reference, Rebecca talks about going to the Valentine's Banquet in her love story: http://unusualmaidenbutterflydays.blogspot.com/p/tale-of-four-brides-my-story-part-1-as.html

 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I love Valentine's Day! But I love pretty much every holiday (or excuse for decorations and treats). The children and I put up and/or make decorations for everything. We give them a little box of treats at the table in the morning with a Valentine breakfast and then later we usually have a family Valentine party with festive food and desserts. I usually write each child a little love note, and they sometimes write them to each other, as well. Then I stick those in their little boxes My husband is of the very frugal sort and we never get each other anything extravagant. This year, like every year, I picked out a new, fancy chocolate bar for him and he recreated a special memory from our first date for me. It took very little effort, cost less than two bucks, and made my heart explode. 

[FundieFarmer]

I think the social media posts that really get me are the ones that follow this formula:

"WE DON'T LIKE THIS HOLIDAY BECAUSE WE DON'T NEED A MAINSTREAM HALLMARK HOLIDAY TO TELL EACH OTHER WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
I LOVE THIS HUMAN EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR
HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS HUMAN
I DON'T LOVE THIS PERSON ANY EXTRA ON VALENTINES DAY
HERE IS WHAT I AM DOING ON VALENTINES DAY TO SHOW THIS PERSON I LOVE THIS PERSON
VALENTINES DAY IS STUPID
YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING ON VALENTINES DAY EVEN THOUGH I JUST TOLD YOU"

I saw so many of those yesterday. It's a giant mind bend. Why are you doing that? Seriously. Why? 

[CyborgKin]

On 14/02/2016 at 11:34 AM, roddma said:

I wonder what single Fundies do on Valentines' Day

Single Dominionists do the same thing they do every day: try to take over the world!  (For God, of course.)

[Othello]

All holidays are a social construct!  But social constructs aren't necessarily all bad. Certain people may enjoy them or not, and that's cool either way; I'm something of a grinch when it comes to holidays because of a fundie upbringing that either effed up the joy of holidays or skipped them (Reformation Day anyone? I dressed up for Halloween this past October for the first time, at 24), but holidays carry a weight of emotion and memory for some, and I think I'm learning to participate and enjoy them. For V-day, however, in a long-distance relationship, I ate nearly an entire frozen pizza, watched a movie, and had a lovely phone call haha. Might plan a conquest for Half-Price Chocolate Day as well later today, who knows!

Growing up my dad would get my sisters a carnation or a rose, which was a sweet gesture and was well meant; unfortunately it reinforces the "your heart belongs to your dad for the first 2+ decades of your life" notion. 

[tumblr]

I typically enjoy Valentine's day because I enjoy pointlessly cutesy things, that's just who I am. However yesterday was the first year since my mother passed away that I was completely alone and it was actually really painful for me. It had nothing to do with the supposed hallmark meaning of the holiday or the fact that I didn't have a romantic partner to be with. I certainly don't think that my being lonely and sad yesterday weakened me as woman or as an independent thinker. 

Everyone celebrates different holidays different ways and the holidays someone chooses to celebrate or the way they choose to celebrate them does not say anything about that person other than their attitude towards a holiday. 

[Fundiefoodie]

Back when I was homeschooled and "fundie" we always celebrated valentine's day the same way. It so happens that Oregon, the state we were living in, has its "birthday" that day. My dad would buy a bunch of carnations, one for each of us girls (we didn't have brothers) and our mom. Then my mom made a heart shaped gingerbread cake with a powdered sugar stencil of oregon on top. Then after dinner we'd all sing the Oregon Theme Song (yes, sooo nerdy! And the song is full of Manifest Destiny bullshit!) and then give each other homemade valentines. Sometimes my grandma would join in. Honestly I kind of enjoyed it and look back at it fondly now. Super weird, unique, and yet kind of sweet. I can still sing the Oregon Theme Song but cringe at the lines like "conquered and held by freedmen/ fairest and the best." Not all fundies try to turn every holiday into a religiously appropriate event. Some of us were just really nerdy people with lots of ignorance about westward expansion and the persecution of people of color in our state!

I'm not at all fundamentalist anymore, but still go to church. Unfortunately a lot of single church people in my demographic (late 20s and up) feel pretty left out because there's often such an emphasis on marriage and family, even if the church isn't all that conservative (mine is nicely progressive). But I love valentine's day! I see it as an excuse to remember all the love I have in my life... family, friends, or significant others! I live with a bunch of single women and two years running we had a huge valentine's day party for all our single friends. I kind of think we made all our coupled friends jealous with how much fun we had...we had couples asking if they could come too haha. It can be a hallmark holiday and that annoys me but you don't have to avoid the holiday altogether to protest the capitalistic greedy gift companies who tell you how you need to celebrate it. 

[Rear Window]

On February 14, 2016 at 7:34 PM, roddma said:

I wonder what single Fundies do on Valentines' Day since they cna't go anywhere alone, can't dance, listen to romantic songs etc. I found it hard enough being solo pre marriage/ no partner on V day let alone imagine being Fundie . I still don't get into the day much now, but thinking about it for single Fundies. i imagine Jana Duggar and Joy will babysit while Boob, Michelle, Ben, and Jessa have a date night

Dust ceiling fans, clean cabinets, read the Bible, fellowship...

What went on at the Maxwell house without Sarah? Does Mary have to pick up the slack? Teri will implode if they go off schedule. 

[Alye]

There has only been 1 Valentines Day in my life that I haven't been single and that was because I knew my boyfriend was planning something and I didn't want to break up with him on Valentines- so I broke up with him a week later. As for me I have a tradition. I marathon LotR and gorge on Reece's and Doritos.

Has anyone seen the Anti-VD cards? The websites not up anymore but I managed to find some on google.