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Single Fundies and Valentine's Day


roddma
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I wonder what single Fundies do on Valentines' Day since they cna't go anywhere alone, can't dance, listen to romantic songs etc. I found it hard enough being solo pre marriage/ no partner on V day let alone imagine being Fundie . I still don't get into the day much now, but thinking about it for single Fundies. i imagine Jana Duggar and Joy will babysit while Boob, Michelle, Ben, and Jessa have a date night

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28 minutes ago, roddma said:

I wonder what single Fundies do on Valentines' Day since they cna't go anywhere alone, can't dance, listen to romantic songs etc. I found it hard enough being solo pre marriage/ no partner on V day let alone imagine being Fundie . I still don't get into the day much now, but thinking about it for single Fundies. i imagine Jana Duggar and Joy will babysit while Boob, Michelle, Ben, and Jessa have a date night

Really, you found it hard to be alone on a Hallmark Holiday??  I don't get, I really don't, and I have been married and divorced, and going on 5 years since a committed relationship and VD is just another day I don't give a shit about!  I really don't get it, I mean I REALLY don't, so you are alone, get over it and get on with your life, live your life to the fullest, volunteer, help other people, and maybe you won't feel like you need someone to justify your existence on VD!!!

Also, because I know it is coming throw all the flack at me you want, and then go think about it, women who are suppose to be strong and proud and independent as we FJ's are worrying that we won't get props on VD...bullshit!!

 

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Calling Valentine's Day "VD" for short is making me snicker, especially after seeing a booth for the Mutter Museum at the Tattoo Convention in Philadelphia.

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3 minutes ago, FloraKitty35 said:

Calling Valentine's Day "VD" for short is making me snicker, especially after seeing a booth for the Mutter Museum at the Tattoo Convention in Philadelphia.

I am in my early 50's and myself and my single friends, guys included have been calling it VD for years and years...I will be texting all my friends "Happy VD" tomorrow, and they will all laugh and text me back the same!

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4 minutes ago, Miss M said:

Really, you found it hard to be alone on a Hallmark Holiday??  I don't get, I really don't, and I have been married and divorced, and going on 5 years since a committed relationship and VD is just another day I don't give a shit about!  I really don't get it, I mean I REALLY don't, so you are alone, get over it and get on with your life, live your life to the fullest, volunteer, help other people, and maybe you won't feel like you need someone to justify your existence on VD!!!

Also, because I know it is coming throw all the flack at me you want, and then go think about it, women who are suppose to be strong and proud and independent as we FJ's are worrying that we won't get props on VD...bullshit!!

 

I've heard mother's day called a Hallmark Holiday and for me it is the hardest day of the year. Different people have different life experiences and different things are difficult for them. For some fundie girls I am sure Valentine's day isn't a big deal but I am sure for the ones that are really longing for a courtship or for that certain someone to notice them it is hard seeing all the reminders of romantic love. Being strong and proud and independent doesn't mean you don't want a person to share your life with or haven't had a past experience that makes that day sad or lonely. I'm not trying to rip you a new really, but try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and have some empathy. 

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Excuse me Im married now. I never mentioned anything about my marital status yet you jumped the gun. I did find it hard to be unpartnered in a couple-oriented world in my younger days and even if I was single now I would have gotten over it. It's just a day like Mother's Day. I learned married doesn't always mean happy on any day. I just happened to land a DH that treats me equally. Im still a strong and free thinking left leaning woman. I give DH credit for making me see what right wing GOP was made of.

Really, you found it hard to be alone on a Hallmark Holiday?? I don't get, I really don't, and I have been married and divorced, and going on 5 years since a committed relationship and VD is just another day I don't give a shit about!



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Do fundies typically celebrate Valentine's Day? Do they avoid it due to its Catholic name/murky pagan or Catholic roots/literal giving away of hearts without the permission of anyone's father? 

I know the Bateses do I Love You Day instead. Is that something they came up with themselves, or a common workaround (like Harvest Day for Halloween)?

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At the fundie lite Christian school I taught at, the principal who was there the last three years I taught there had a "fun" Valentine's Day activity where she had a chart posted in the teacher's lounge for the mostly female staff to go write up what they got from their significant others and the one who got the best gift as determined by the principal got a prize. For those of us who she knew were completely unattached, our names were on the chart with a black piece of tape going across from them that said "SINGLE" on it in white letters followed by a sad face. 

I sincerely wish that I were making this up. And it did suck to be single in that environment on Valentine's Day as people openly expressed condescending pity. Including the students. I hated Valentine's and the payback I got from fate was that I met my husband on Valentine's Day ten years ago tomorrow. It is kind of a special day for us now. 

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15 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

At the fundie lite Christian school I taught at, the principal who was there the last three years I taught there had a "fun" Valentine's Day activity where she had a chart posted in the teacher's lounge for the mostly female staff to go write up what they got from their significant others and the one who got the best gift as determined by the principal got a prize. For those of us who she knew were completely unattached, our names were on the chart with a black piece of tape going across from them that said "SINGLE" on it in white letters followed by a sad face. 

Holy crap, can you say passive-aggressive?!

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19 minutes ago, libriatrix said:

Holy crap, can you say passive-aggressive?!

Two of the three "winners" are long since divorced. I am ashamed to say that that amuses me. 

The ways in which that principal sowed division among her staff are countless and kind of epic. She should probably be in the bad boss hall of fame and the Valentine's Day contest is only the beginning. 

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I googled "I Love You Day" and there is a National "I Love You Day on October 28th. But it is ironic how Fundies or other conservative religions alter the names of days so they can participate in them.

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3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Two of the three "winners" are long since divorced. I am ashamed to say that that amuses me. 

The ways in which that principal sowed division among her staff are countless and kind of epic. She should probably be in the bad boss hall of fame and the Valentine's Day contest is only the beginning. 

As far as some of the "winners" being long since divorced, I think that's funny.karma.jpg.f8f38ecde9ad86e66956e2da2e626d

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Yeah I think it's great that there are people who can call it a Hallmark holiday. But for some it's harder than others. As far as I am concerned it's as hard as Christmas this year. To me it's  usually about who I'm missing and the specific memories of the day.

 

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7 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Yeah I think it's great that there are people who can call it a Hallmark holiday. But for some it's harder than others. As far as I am concerned it's as hard as Christmas this year. To me it's  usually about who I'm missing and the specific memories of the day.

 

It is actually far from historically accurate to call it a "Hallmark Holiday". Exchanges of cards and gifts go back to the 17th Century if not farther. Hallmark was founded in 1910. 

Link: 

http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day

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I've called it a Hallmark Holiday mainly because it seems that Hallmark and similar companies have taken it over.  "Buy a card! Buy flowers!  Buy jewelry!  Go to dinner!  Buy red underwear!"  My anti-VDay mindset predates Mr. CatLady, and i always saw the culture as kind of pushy (disclaimer--this is just my opinion).   Much of what people do on VDay happens on any random date night, so i never wanted a marketing campaign telling me i should be doing all this stuff on a cold February day. 

I know i'm in a tiny minority here, but my intention is not to put anyone down for celebrating 2/14.  Most people are perfectly happy with it, and there's no one right way to observe it.  In response to people asking me over the years what my 2/14 plans are and i say "nothing," a few have gone so far as to say, "how sad for Mr. CL that you're so unromantic"  or some such.  Like it's their business to know whether he's going to score tonight.

 

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13 minutes ago, catlady said:

I've called it a Hallmark Holiday mainly because it seems that Hallmark and similar companies have taken it over.  "Buy a card! Buy flowers!  Buy jewelry!  Go to dinner!  Buy red underwear!"  My anti-VDay mindset predates Mr. CatLady, and i always saw the culture as kind of pushy (disclaimer--this is just my opinion).   Much of what people do on VDay happens on any random date night, so i never wanted a marketing campaign telling me i should be doing all this stuff on a cold February day. 

I know i'm in a tiny minority here, but my intention is not to put anyone down for celebrating 2/14.  Most people are perfectly happy with it, and there's no one right way to observe it.  In response to people asking me over the years what my 2/14 plans are and i say "nothing," a few have gone so far as to say, "how sad for Mr. CL that you're so unromantic"  or some such.  Like it's their business to know whether he's going to score tonight.

 

We just like an excuse to celebrate something. I'm not sure what is wrong with that. I find it dreary to have to boycott everything in the name of doing your own thing or whatever it is. Life is dreary in general. Why not celebrate when an occasion presents itself? 

The whole "I do that all the time" thing is not necessarily true, either. I also wonder if everyone is really on board all the time, too. I have a cousin who loved all holidays for her entire 30 years until she got married and her husband refuses to acknowledge any of them (he barely even acknowledges Christmas). So now she posts stuff like your post for every holiday from Christmas to St Patrick's Day. And I'm not sure that someone who spent her first 30 years loving that kind of stuff can do a full 180 about it all so easily. I have a feeling she is telling us how she doesn't care because she is still trying to convince herself. 

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55 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

We just like an excuse to celebrate something. I'm not sure what is wrong with that. I find it dreary to have to boycott everything in the name of doing your own thing or whatever it is. Life is dreary in general. Why not celebrate when an occasion presents itself? 

The whole "I do that all the time" thing is not necessarily true, either. I also wonder if everyone is really on board all the time, too. I have a cousin who loved all holidays for her entire 30 years until she got married and her husband refuses to acknowledge any of them (he barely even acknowledges Christmas). So now she posts stuff like your post for every holiday from Christmas to St Patrick's Day. And I'm not sure that someone who spent her first 30 years loving that kind of stuff can do a full 180 about it all so easily. I have a feeling she is telling us how she doesn't care because she is still trying to convince herself. 

Fair enough, but as i said, i'm not trying to tell anyone that they're doing something "wrong" and i'm not saying VD, St. Pats, etc. are stupid or unworthy of acknowledgement.  I simply don't like Valentines Day, so i don't observe it.  Mr. CL has always been fine with that.  We buy each other gifts, but we do so on random days when we see something the other would like to have.   I recently bought him a retro-style bowling shirt for no reason other than that he would like to wear it on league night, and he once bought me a trunk-full of high-quality mulch because it was on sale and i'm really into gardening.  So on top of this, we see no need to run around gift-shopping because of the calendar.  About 10+ years back, i used to look up obscure holidays and throw small celebrations at my office; everyone had fun with them, and i was a regular at Party City.  But after a while, i got tired of doing it, my job and home responsibilities changed, and i rearranged my priorities to exclude doing it anymore (but through it all, i left it up to my coworkers to do VDay).

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21 hours ago, roddma said:

I wonder what single Fundies do on Valentines' Day since they cna't go anywhere alone, can't dance, listen to romantic songs etc. I found it hard enough being solo pre marriage/ no partner on V day let alone imagine being Fundie . I still don't get into the day much now, but thinking about it for single Fundies. i imagine Jana Duggar and Joy will babysit while Boob, Michelle, Ben, and Jessa have a date night

Sarah Mally is out there somewhere, shoving tracts about Valentine's Day being a Satanic celebration into the hands of unwitting passersby. 

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On February 14, 2016 at 9:24 PM, louisa05 said:

Two of the three "winners" are long since divorced. I am ashamed to say that that amuses me. 

The ways in which that principal sowed division among her staff are countless and kind of epic. She should probably be in the bad boss hall of fame and the Valentine's Day contest is only the beginning. 

It always seems to me that the ones constantly "proving" their love in a public manner (big gifts, constant social media posts) are trying to prove it mostly to themselves and those are usually big warning sign to me. But then again, that's just my experience. Like @catlady up there, my husband and I didn't do anything particularly special, well, I made a cake because any excuse to make a cake. I've gotten a little sour on the holiday simply because I dislike the idea of showing love based on mass consumption of cheap, yet obscenely overpriced goods of no practical value. All the pop up stands and aisles at the grocery stores selling $100+ bouquets of roses that will be toast by Wednesday, the cheap stuffed animals that will clutter a room for a few months while the recipient mulls over if they're mean for throwing it out, the $7 hallmark cards. Every time I saw someone lugging around a giant teddy bear for purchase yesterday I just wanted to say "oh, now don't do that, where is she going to put that?" And then feeling required to go to an over-full restaurant to eat a limited menu of overpriced food? Call me the least romantic, but don't quite understand the appeal, and the whole thing makes me sad for the wastefulness of our culture. 

There, that's my bah humbug rant. I'm going to go eat cake for breakfast and enjoy the fact that there won't be a life sized stuffed bear wearing a necklace of blood diamonds sitting at my breakfast table this morning. And that I don't need to start my day doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out when exactly is the bear allowed to be delivered to the thrift store so I can have my chair back.

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I found Valentine's Day VERY hard when I was single, especially in the years that I was a church-goer (ditto Mother's Day.)  There was such a huge emphasis on being a couple and marriage being the default state of being "blessed."  It was such a harsh reminder that neither men nor God thought of me as anything special.  If you were wanting a husband and family and God hadn't answered those prayers, well, there was something wrong with you, plain and simple (sure, there was some lip service paid to "God's timing", but, really, it was assumed that you had some shit to get together -- impure thoughts to clean up or whatever.)

After I was married to a great man who had no use for organized religion, I couldn't have cared less about Valentine's Day.  I liked that he got me gifts (as I liked when he got me gifts on other days), but I was madly in love all 365 days of the year and there wasn't anything special about 2/14. 

Now that he's deceased, Valentine's Day is just meh.  I'm long out of church, so it's kind of apples to oranges to compare then and now, but the sting I used to feel as a young, single person (who became a middle aged single person before finding the right guy) doesn't come around on the 14th of Feb anymore.

Big hugs to all who are bummed at the reminder of the things you don't have, or don't have yet.  I totally get it. 

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It was on Sunday. They were at church all day.

(unless they've slipped like me. I took a snow day and slept in. Watched Lethal Weapon 4. . .)

 

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I hate VD.  This year was easier since weekend VD means I don't have to deal with folks getting expensive flowers all day at work.

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