Ben and Jessa self help videos

[DeFrauder]

I am assuming that this is going to be a thing. Ben is unable to be more than a supporting 'actor' in this video although when prompted he has a lot to say about how he would take cold showers to punish himself for sinning and that reminding himself that he would have an unpleasant cold shower would deter him from sin. He doesn't do this anymore, but simply turns his sin over to Jesus to deal with. Cos you know Jesus already paid the debt for his sin. As I listened to him speak all I could think was "is he talking about masturbating??!"

 

This was in response to someone asking for help with self-harming. Although Ben tried to be sensitive he equated his cold showers with the self-harm the questioner is afflicted with. They should have told the person to seek actual psychiatric/medical help if they are self-harming.

 

.inquisitr.com/2244447/duggar-videos-jessa-seewalds-husband-discusses-past-battles-with-self-harm-video/

[jinseng]

Shoot me - I really think Ben is kind of sweet in these videos. I think he is showing compassion and sensitivity to others in his own way.

[blessalessi]

I dont think he is talking about masturbation, in particular, it seems that he took cold showers to punish himself for anything he did that was wrong, and he is assuming that self-harm is as simple to manage as his own teenage guilt trips.

He is just being your average naive and inexperienced fundie trying to answer huge questions by relating to his own limited and inadequate experience.

[J'Lurker]

I love that all sins are equal because Jesus. And of course, without Jesus you can't have a sense of morality. It just makes so much sense! Please never seek medical treatment for medical issues, because you just aren't praying hard enough.

I'm sure he WAS talking about masturbation in particular, but not only masturbation. It also makes me sad that people who are really, actually struggling are turning to the Duggars Seaworlds[tm][/tm] for help and advice.

[goldfishgoddess]

Too bad Josh didn't take a load of cold showers instead of molesting his sisters.

[nst]

Shoot me - I really think Ben is kind of sweet in these videos. I think he is showing compassion and sensitivity to others in his own way.

not only will i not shoot you - I will one up you and say I find him adorable and I miss the damn puppy :nenner:

I did watch the video - ok - bits of it - mostly the parts where he displayed his muscles :D

as for the part where took a lot of showers :D - what an image :cracking-up: but as supporting actor in his video - good for him for deflecting - he isn't perfect :D clearly he knows that HA

[Gobbles]

I have a long history of self harm and taking cold showers can in fact help. It is a so called "skill". Things to do when you feel the need to harm yourself. Those are different for every person. Some eat very spicy food, others put peas in the shoes and walk on them, others take ice cold showers. It can be something as simple as smelling a nice smell or go for a run. Most of the time you talk about that with your therapist and try to find out what works for you and what not. When I was inpatient I was also offered skills like that. Putting a ice pack on your wrist for example was the no. 1 skill used In my opinion.

For me personally those did not work, but I now people who used them successfully. That has nothing to do with curing self harm or whatever causes it, it is just a way to deal with it and trying to prevent self harm episodes. I always told myself that I can hurt myself if I wait for an hour (or any other time). Mostly by then the urge was gone or not a strong as before and so it made it easier to deal with it.

I'm not completely self harm free, but it is much better than it used to be. From multiple times a day to every six months or so. I also had years without any self harm at all. My Doc said that some recover fully (most of the time before their 20s) and some deal with it in some sort of way for the rest of their lives. It is a unhealthy coping mechanism but so is drinking too much coffee or beer.

[WhiteRun]

I feel so sorry for that person- dealing with self harm is extremely difficult (from past experience) but having it burden you even more once you've turned to religion must be terrible.

I can see where Ben was trying to be sympathetic (although he shouldn't of compared self harm to a cold shower) but with the horrible shame this person is going though it can lead to a relapse. Often you can't think clearly enough to stop yourself. Medical help should of been recommended.

[DeFrauder]

Shoot me - I really think Ben is kind of sweet in these videos. I think he is showing compassion and sensitivity to others in his own way.

Yes, I agree. He is just naive. Feeling so guilty you "self-discipline" by having a cold shower is a lot different then feeling so guilty that you "self-harm" by cutting yourself or other dangerous methods.

If Ben and Jessa really want to help people then they need to go to school and learn about these issues. Otherwise they could cause real harm to people that are seeking help.

[DeFrauder]

I have a long history of self harm and taking cold showers can in fact help. It is a so called "skill". Things to do when you feel the need to harm yourself. Those are different for every person. Some eat very spicy food, others put peas in the shoes and walk on them, others take ice cold showers. It can be something as simple as smelling a nice smell or go for a run. Most of the time you talk about that with your therapist and try to find out what works for you and what not. When I was inpatient I was also offered skills like that. Putting a ice pack on your wrist for example was the no. 1 skill used In my opinion.

For me personally those did not work, but I now people who used them successfully. That has nothing to do with curing self harm or whatever causes it, it is just a way to deal with it and trying to prevent self harm episodes. I always told myself that I can hurt myself if I wait for an hour (or any other time). Mostly by then the urge was gone or not a strong as before and so it made it easier to deal with it.

I'm not completely self harm free, but it is much better than it used to be. From multiple times a day to every six months or so. I also had years without any self harm at all. My Doc said that some recover fully (most of the time before their 20s) and some deal with it in some sort of way for the rest of their lives. It is a unhealthy coping mechanism but so is drinking too much coffee or beer.

It sounds like you are describing methods for distracting yourself from the compulsion to self-harm. I think that is healthy to be conscious that you don't want to do it and to use methods that distract yourself from the compulsion.

I am sorry to hear that you struggle. It must be difficult. :-( I have OCD and it can be a trial sometimes, especially as it gets worse if I am under a great deal of stress. Thankfully I have never had a self-harming problem, but i most certainly overwash my hands. I have found that a small dose of Zoloft has liberated me.

In my opinion, the trouble I have with Ben's remedy/advice is that he equated cold showers with self harm instead of viewing cold showers as a distraction tool. The cold showers he took were his (very mild) form of self-harm meant to punish himself. That isn't healthy and I am glad he stopped doing it and found peace in his faith instead. However, it shows he doesn't understand the issues he is trying to help people with and that can cause more harm.

There is nothing worse than seeing a therapist that is emotionally and intellectually under-equipped to deal with the problems that the help-seeker is presenting to them.

[Gobbles]

@DeFrauder

Tbh I haven't watched the video before I made my post. :whistle:

I can't stand seeing him talking and it is worse when it is about a topic I care deeply about it.

Usually it happens when I'm so stressed that all other normal type of relief won't work. Then I try to prevent it, which is really hard work. Some people think that it is so damn easy, nope it isn't. Your whole body/brain screams for relief and you technically know what helped before but obviously it is not good for you.

For me it started quite early. Might be OT but during my short time here I saw that this is normally and that is why I love being on here, even if it is less often than before the "incident". I got depressions when I was around 11/12. Self harm came a few years later around 14 I think. And it all ended with a suicide attempt at 15. All because no one seemed to know what was going on with me, why I felt so different and wrong. That started at early age. My parents noticed it for the first time in a group for babys. At 18 (!) I was finally diagnosed with a Autism Spectrum Disorder and that is when my struggle finally ended. But somehow I learned that self harm = help and so my brain still remembers that as an easy solution.

I would be a perfect object for fundies I guess. A Atheist who struggled with life. Believe in God and you will be fine. Guess that is how it happens? I went to a Christian private school, it was the only rather cheap one we could afford and well, it can't be compared to your Christian private schools in the US, way more liberal. Girls in hotpants and tops with much cleavage. Relationships... Normal school but with fee and a special emphasis on protestant stuff. Even those liberal Christians told me to pray for help or that they will be praying for me. I thanked them for thinking of me, but I would have needed their real friendship, not a prayer. :cry:

I agree with your last sentence. I meet so many professionals who diagnosed me with wrong diagnoses. At one point even with an eating disorder solely because of my BMI (low since my birth) and my picky eating habit which a lot of people with Autism have.

I can't even imagine having my problems in a fundie world. Prayers, prayers, prayers but no real help. Add my sexuality to the rest and I would end up in some sort of camp for troubled teenagers for the rest of my life. :angry-banghead:

[DeFrauder]

@DeFrauder

Tbh I haven't watched the video before I made my post. :whistle:

I can't stand seeing him talking and it is worse when it is about a topic I care deeply about it.

Usually it happens when I'm so stressed that all other normal type of relief won't work. Then I try to prevent it, which is really hard work. Some people think that it is so damn easy, nope it isn't. Your whole body/brain screams for relief and you technically know what helped before but obviously it is not good for you.

For me it started quite early. Might be OT but during my short time here I saw that this is normally and that is why I love being on here, even if it is less often than before the "incident". I got depressions when I was around 11/12. Self harm came a few years later around 14 I think. And it all ended with a suicide attempt at 15. All because no one seemed to know what was going on with me, why I felt so different and wrong. That started at early age. My parents noticed it for the first time in a group for babys. At 18 (!) I was finally diagnosed with a Autism Spectrum Disorder and that is when my struggle finally ended. But somehow I learned that self harm = help and so my brain still remembers that as an easy solution.

I would be a perfect object for fundies I guess. A Atheist who struggled with life. Believe in God and you will be fine. Guess that is how it happens? I went to a Christian private school, it was the only rather cheap one we could afford and well, it can't be compared to your Christian private schools in the US, way more liberal. Girls in hotpants and tops with much cleavage. Relationships... Normal school but with fee and a special emphasis on protestant stuff. Even those liberal Christians told me to pray for help or that they will be praying for me. I thanked them for thinking of me, but I would have needed their real friendship, not a prayer. :cry:

I agree with your last sentence. I meet so many professionals who diagnosed me with wrong diagnoses. At one point even with an eating disorder solely because of my BMI (low since my birth) and my picky eating habit which a lot of people with Autism have.

I can't even imagine having my problems in a fundie world. Prayers, prayers, prayers but no real help. Add my sexuality to the rest and I would end up in some sort of camp for troubled teenagers for the rest of my life. :angry-banghead:

I hope you stay healthy :-). It sounds like you are on the right path. I am so glad that you missed out on fundieism. You are right to fear that things would have been difficult for you. I don't think they mean to hurt people---they just do.

[RosyDaisy]

Ben and Jessa doing self help videos? Uh, folks don't fire your REAL therapist.

[MatthewDuggar]

They certainly think they are something special. I wonder what makes them think (other than being "Christian") that they are qualified to be dishing out help as if it's their profession. Two barley early 20-somethings, now washed up reality TV stars with no jobs. Seems like the Christian music festival gig was a big flop. (I'm sure they blamed it on the rain). He might want to grasp at different straws... maybe the ones at Chic-Fil-A where he should be working.

[jinseng]

Yes, I agree. He is just naive. Feeling so guilty you "self-discipline" by having a cold shower is a lot different then feeling so guilty that you "self-harm" by cutting yourself or other dangerous methods.

If Ben and Jessa really want to help people then they need to go to school and learn about these issues. Otherwise they could cause real harm to people that are seeking help.

True... they are naive. But it actually made me happy that they had the balls to talk about self-harm. Too often people steer away from topics like this, which only perpetuates stigma. More christians should familiarise themselves with mental health issues. I actually liked Ben's comparison to taking a cold shower. No, it's not 'self-harming' behaviour, but it is 'self-sabotaging' behaviour. I'd always welcome honesty and humility from the Duggars, no matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant their admittance is. I was impressed because not even once have any of the other Duggar kids really divulged any personal weaknesses or dysfunction... so I welcome any comments Ben is willing to share on the issue.

[southernfriedwriter]

According to my Facebook feed, Jessa is married to Bill. :lol:

[JennBunny]

I don't think that these two have enough life experience to be offering advice to anyone. It's cool I guess that they want to, but it's not going to be sound advice.

[fundiefan]

I don't think that these two have enough life experience to be offering advice to anyone. It's cool I guess that they want to, but it's not going to be sound advice.

Exactly. Two sheltered kids schooled only in the bible are not going to be reliable, helpful sources for real life issues.

I actually think it's pathetic. Get real jobs, live real lives. As it stands, they are no more helpful or important than my teenage nephew who thinks he knows everything.

[doggie]

Exactly. Two sheltered kids schooled only in the bible are not going to be reliable, helpful sources for real life issues.

I actually think it's pathetic. Get real jobs, live real lives. As it stands, they are no more helpful or important than my teenage nephew who thinks he knows everything.

I think it is extremely irresponsible. they may damage people because they don't have any training or experience. they try to play doctor without education.

[Wenny]

I wonder if working out is in the place of cold showers now days?

[ShepherdontheRock]

Exactly. Two sheltered kids schooled only in the bible are not going to be reliable, helpful sources for real life issues.

I actually think it's pathetic. Get real jobs, live real lives. As it stands, they are no more helpful or important than my teenage nephew who thinks he knows everything.

Well, I mean, their mom/dad-agers set up for them to give dating/guy advice to other teen girls before any of them had ever started courting, so why would this be any different.

Not to mention not going to a "tavern" so one can avoid the temptation to get drunk and have sex.

It boggles the mind how ANYONE takes their advice seriously.

[HarleyQuinn]

Ben saying cold showers are self harm reminds me of Jessa saying "the other victims are totally okay with Josh." They're both down playing very serious incidents. It would be one thing if showers were a way to distract one's self from cutting,burning, etc.

The scary thing about theae idiots is leg humpers might start listening, not getting serious help, or learn to down play things like this too.

[ADoyle90815]

I think it is extremely irresponsible. they may damage people because they don't have any training or experience. they try to play doctor without education.

I agree, since they have so many leg humpers who might just follow their advice which is a scary thought.

[balsamicvinegar]

Shoot me - I really think Ben is kind of sweet in these videos. I think he is showing compassion and sensitivity to others in his own way.

I've always seen Ben as a caring person. In his own way...

I don't think he really understands the message he's sending out, but at least he's genuine (to me). If he could step away from the fire and brimstone and get into a real Christian college, he probably could make a decent pastor.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I think they know if they get enough followers, they can really make some income by being youtubers.