TMI Warning: Fundie sex

[Guest LilaFowler]

I warned you ahead of time. If you're still reading, get your brain bleach now. With people likes the Bateses and the Duggars, are they allowed to get completely nude during sex? Are they allowed different positions or just missionary? I wonder if they scream out to God during it? I wonder if sex is allowed to be fun or just for the purpose of producing children?

[Deleted02]

I would think some of them get freaky as shit because they are so deprived.

But I think it's mostly missionary and just rocking back and forth. What fun.

[tehgoobster]

Well, I've read a little bit about Dr. Ed Wheat's Intended for Pleasure (the book Jim Bob gave Josh on his wedding day), and it's not too bad. I mean, it's not great, but it's not horrible, either. Apparently, he frowns upon anal and oral sex, though oral sex is a bit more tolerated. I think he lists about seven or eight positions, so it's pretty basic.

[bananacat]

One of the best ways to have good sex is to practice by yourself. But because masturbation is forbidden, it probably takes them longer to figure out what they like. I hope couples can figure out how to have sex that's great for BOTH partners after so many years together, but they're facing an uphill battle with no masturbation, a lifetime of sex shaming, and the stress of having so many kids.

I think it really depends on the fundies though. I worry most about the ones who take the wifely submission seriously, because it's a set-up for marital rape. I also think that some of these men don't care if their wives enjoy it, and some probably think that women can't enjoy it.

The Duggars were mainstream before they converted, and Jim Bob doesn't seem domineering, so I hope it's good for both of them. Now that the oldest ones do all the work, Michelle probably has more energy to enjoy it. They probably remove all their clothes and experiment with different positions. The Bateses probably also try different positions because they were also raised mainstream. I doubt any of them go further than that though, and even the mildest fetishes are probably considered idolatry.

There are probably other fundies that are different though, especially the ones with the domineering husbands. I don't see Geoff Botkin and his wife (whose name I can't remember) really getting into sex or doing it frequently, especially now that they are done having kids. They probably take off all their clothes, but they definitely seem like lights-off, only at night, only in the bed people. And I'm sure that if Teri Maxwell can't have Pepsi, she isn't allowed to enjoy sex either.

[Joykins]

Nothing will surprise me when it comes to fundie sex, especially after that Jimmy Swaggart scandal back in the 80s and the more recent Ted Haggard one. And the diaper congressman. Although maybe that says something, they're not really comfortable exploring their kink with their wives?

[TVR]

Most fundies I know really believe that sex is made for the pleasure of both. Crappy men exist in both the "normal" world and the "fundie" world - those men who couldn't care about a woman's pleasure. On a number of christian sex forums the books Sheetmusic and She Comes First are recommended.

[simplysweet]

I asked my sister and even though she is a prude/fundie she indulged me this once........mostly to admonish my ways I think. =D

She said it is "missionary" for them all of the time because that is what he prefers and that "sex is only for conceiving children" so you should "be looking in your husbands face during the act."

I have to go and drink that entire convo from my memory..........

[Joykins]

Back when Christian Forums was still very active there was a lot of discussion of sex in the women's health forum and it ran the gamut from "I wish my husband would leave me alone I have a NEWBORN BABY for crying out loud" to "how should I go about doing anal?" Not all of them were fundies though.

[dilannsmom]

So, I grew up in a relatively liberal IFB church...not liberal in the real world, but liberal in IFB circles (not quiverfull, not headcovering, not skirts only...BUT, no dancing, no drinking, no movies). In my teens I was pretty sure that missionary position was the only position that church members were allowed to use. Missionary, church...made sense when I was 16.

And seriously, if my man didn't believe in oral he would no longer be my man!

I have heard it taught that, biblically, sex is for both the man and woman to enjoy, but I'm pretty sure that a submissive wife would be more than willing to "fudge" how fulfilling her orgasm is. But, if you are a good fundie woman and you don't have a fulfilling sex life, perhaps you just aren't as far along in your walk with God as your pew-mate is.

[xReems]

I wonder if some fundie husbands think about whether their wife is enjoying or they just do their thing and call it a night.

No offense, found it kind of creepy when JB gave that book to Josh, even though it was staged. I don't know why, but my man and I just winged it and didn't really need a book to tell us how to have sex.

What I want to know is once the woman has gone through menopause and can no longer conceive, does the sex stop? Or if they woman learns she cannot get pregnant, does the sex stop?

[Sweetpea1]

How many bottles will it take to clean my brain? (Shoulda known better.)

[secondtry]

my church is pretty conservative, and we do the 'familylife' marriage stuff there (which voddie baucham and the dalys speak for)...but even at our weekend marriage seminar, there was a video on orgasms, the importance of them (for BOTH sexes) and a lecture geared towards men on ...um, not letting your woman down, if you will...i really think if some of these fundies are trying to make sex, even within marriage, bland, boring and bad...they are trying VERY hard.

[luckylassie]

Before I go and look for the brain bleach, I remember on T.V. when they were talking about Oprah interviewing wives from the FLDS sect. Somewhere it was disclosed that LDS wives kept their clothing on at all times even during sex. Some of the men had never seen they're wives naked...if you can believe that.

But anyway...I wish there was brain bleach

[GenerationCedarchip]

I actually got married in the old fundie church, so I got to hear at great length all about the reformed fundie view on sex. Basically, you are supposed to never ever masturbate. And you sure as heck can't have sex before marriage. But then on your wedding night, I guess you're just supposed to flip a switch in your head because their view was that once you had that ring on your finger, you could pretty well swing from chandeliers if you wanted to. They were big on the whole "no denying sex to your partner unless you're ill" stuff, though.

[LadyBBR]

A discussion about fundie sex wouldn't be complete without mentioning the Pearls. Michael Pearl has written a few books about sex and seems to be obsessed with it. I remember reading something that he belives marital sex is a form of worship.

[OddLittleBird]

Pearl has always struck me as the incredibly dirty old man type. I'd read it just to disagree, but I think I'd just have to burn my brain afterward.

[AnnoDomini]

Ooh, I wanna hear more about the Pearls' sex books.

[aubrietta]

I don't think we've talked about this lady before, but she's currently pregnant with her 11th, has two sets of twins, and of her ten children SEVEN of them are still in car seats. Anyways, she wrote this a while back, it's an annoying flowery description of her husband taking her to have sex outside on a bed he made in a field. I'm half squicked out and half impressed by the seemingly loving romance of it.

medicinemansgirl.blogspot.com/2011/01/laid-bare.html

My mom is fundie, and she's all about TMI in the sex department. No missionary there, and lots of super racy lingerie. Growing up, my parents would send my sister and I off to friends for the weekend so that they could have "romantic weekends" when they couldn't afford to go on a trip, they'd just staycation.

and pass the brain bleach now.

[Karsaroni]

Maybe fundie couples eventually end up having a decent (or maybe great) sex life. However, I've gotta believe that given their lack of basic sex ed and their fear of giving too much info too soon (didn't Pa Morton write on their blog that he only takes aside his boys roughly 24-48 hrs prior to their wedding to give them "the talk"?) for fear it stirs "urges" that there is no way these guys can A) last that long and B) have any idea about a woman's anatomy downtown. Also, I personally can't imagine going from 0 to 100 like some of these fundie girls do in the span of a few hours. Can't imagine that makes for a relaxing sex life, but who knows. I also can't see these girls being vocal on what they do and don't like. There's probably some fundie rule about not criticizing their man in ANY aspect of married life.

What I am dying to know is, many of these fundie brides get pregnant w/in months of getting married. Do they still have sex w/ their husbands while pregnant? I sort of feel for these guys who can finally have sex but then if the wife gets preggo right away and doesn't feel well or maybe physically shouldn't, they are back to being "dry" for 9 months. Or maybe this is why these women are desperate to get pregnant right away. Then they literally have a built in excuse to avoid.

Ahhhh, so many questions... SO many questions.

[AnnoDomini]

Stupid, stupid, stupid. NOT telling those poor boys what they're feeling and how to deal with it isn't going to prevent or minimize 'urges'--they'll just be more clueless and directionless.

I'm curious--why do we consider fundie sex to be more gross than non-fundie sex?

[Guest Anonymous]

Ooh, I wanna hear more about the Pearls' sex books.

Try the site libertytothecaptives dot net and look for michael pearl. I think he's on the index there. Now the guy that runs that site is as whacked as MP, except he thinks MP is a heretic. He has quite a few out takes from the books.

I have a very high ick factor when it comes to fundy sex, this thread will likely send me back to therapy...

[QueenMother]

I was married, the first time, in a very conservative fundie church. I was raised in the church. My bridal showers were all houseware related--no lingere at all like you see at showers today (thank God:) A few days before my wedding I was out doing some last minute shopping at Broadway (anyone remember Broadway?) I was with my mom and my oldest sister and I was getting a new bra and panties for the honeymoon, and my sister comes over to me with a beautiful white flowing nightgown and announces to me, "You may want to get this in case there is a fire at the hotel." I had no idea what she was talking about. How pitiful is that?

I knew nothing. I had never heard of the missionary position. French kissing? Oral sex? How did I survive it! LOL

I am the middle of 6 girls in my family. Six girls and we never talked about sex.

Today we are ll grown and we talk about it all the time. I laugh that we're making up for lost time. We all have talked to our own children about sex and made it an open topic for discussion in our homes.

[TMS]

My parents were friends with a fundie couple who ended up going through a divorce. My parents remained close friends with the husband. My mom told me that the husband confessed to them (my parents) that the first time he had ever seen a naked female body was when his daughter was born.

[maybeizfundie]

Yet another topic that has answers that vary widely. From the preferred FJ stereotype to a perfectly normal and healthy approach to sex in marriage.

There are books and websites out there which are maybe fundie-lite in nature but which I've seen discussed by fundies and considered acceptable.

In the cult we were part of, sex was an absolutely off-limits topic. *Never* discussed, in either a positive or negative light. The "hedges" were waaaaaaay before sex, so I guess they didn't feel a need to discuss anything beyond each other. Males and females did not touch each other. Period. Married people could hold hands (in public!!!!), but that was it.

In the rest of my travels in fundie circles, the general attitude was: Sex, in marriage, is good. It is for both pleasure and reproducing, and the pleasure is for both the man and the woman. Enjoy it. People varied in their willingness to talk about it (from sermonizing on the Song of Songs to just not talking about it at all), but I don't know the details of their private lives.

Never heard any sort of rule forbidding sex during pregnancy, though.

[bananacat]

Stupid, stupid, stupid. NOT telling those poor boys what they're feeling and how to deal with it isn't going to prevent or minimize 'urges'--they'll just be more clueless and directionless.

I'm curious--why do we consider fundie sex to be more gross than non-fundie sex?

I actually don't find it all that gross. I'm not gonna visualize all the details, but talking about sex doesn't really gross me out at all. I guess since I came of age around the time of lemon party, it's hard to top that :lol: But seriously, I just don't think it's a big deal.