Adrian Peterson and the Pearl method of abuse

[Toothfairy]

I'm not using this an excuse. I know many people who break the cycle. I did. My husband did as well. However for others it'

The cycle ended with me and my siblings. Not one of us raised a hand to discipline any child. There comes a time when we have to stand on our own two feet and stop using how we were raised as an excuse to hit another human. It is not right. Full stop.

I'm not using this an excuse. I know many people who break the cycle. I did. My husband did as well. However for others the cycle never ends. Some people who were abused become abusers. Some people who witness their parents doing drugs might become drug addicts. It's a cycle that's hard to break. For me I wouldn't beat my children with cords or golf clubs because I know that feeling of being beat so severely that you can't sit down or walk for weeks. Being afraid of doing something bad and getting my ass whooped. Or my mother telling me wait until my father gets home to beat my ass after she just got done whooping me. Even if I was a smart mouth, strong willed kid. Back then there was no child services or police to help. Although I turned out alright many other adults who went through this do not. They keep that with them thinking it's the right way to do things. So now their kids have to go through the same thing they did. It's easier said than done to try and break that cycle. Can it be done? YES, but it's going to take a whole lot of willpower or something to set them off to realize that they shouldn't be doing this. Maybe even counseling.

[It'sFunToRun]

I got beat with a switch. I had to go find one myself. My siblings also got beat. Sometimes we couldn't sit down for weeks. I think the Pearls abuse method is much worse than getting beat with a switch. I did see the photos and I do agree that it's a little obsessive to leave marks like that on a four year old.

That disturbs me so much because I once met a girl who worked at a BDSM club as a submissive and she was what is called a "heavy player". I hung out with her once a few hours after a "heavy" session and even though she had some marks on her she was still able to sit normally. And she talked about grown men hitting her with paddles as hard as they could (she liked it).

[It'sFunToRun]

The cycle ended with me and my siblings. Not one of us raised a hand to discipline any child. There comes a time when we have to stand on our own two feet and stop using how we were raised as an excuse to hit another human. It is not right. Full stop.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

My parents rarely hit and not more than a smack or two, but I think that any amount of hitting is wrong. The only reason I forgave my parents for hitting me was because I know that their parents hit them a lot more and a lot harder. I think that you have to judge people given context. I swear I'll never hit my children at all!

Anyone thinking of hitting their children should look at what a considerate, well-mannered, member of society I turned out to be ;)

[BrownieMomma]

I did a little reading up on this and googled for pics.

Mr. Peterson freely admits what he did, according to what I read. Although I have aware all my life of switchings and spankings and taps on a diapered butt, it has only been in this story that I've encountered the idea that it's okay to do it until they bleed. The thing I heard the most in the past is glorying "being taken to the woodshed."

The pictures are terrible. Peterson knew he was going to be in trouble with his wife and that the kid was going for a doctor visit upon return to the mother's home.

So, my thought on this is that Mr. Peterson actually has his thoughts and heart in the right place. He sorely needs some parenting skills though.

He is actually seeing his child when he is no longer with the mother. That is a big thing right there. Then he is actually attempting to parent his child while the child is with him. Another big thing - he didn't foist it off on his mother, his new woman, or a nanny. Or ignore it. He saw his son did something wrong and he did something about it. I think it is important to remember this.

What he did was ignorant. There are several ways to teach and correct a child who done something like take the other child's turn.

I truly and sincerely hope that Mr. Peterson will be motivated to learn better parenting methods rather than just stop seeing his son, or worse, continue with such poor parenting skills.

[Mecca]

You are going to have to excuse me for disagreeing that Peterson's heart and thoughts are in the right place when he beat he kid for a long time until he suffered lacerations and bled and stuffed leaves in said child's mouth to keep him from screaming. He tortured his own flesh and blood. Apparently Montogomery County agrees with me, thank goodness.

What I think is important to remember is children are humans that deserve the same protection under the law when it comes to domestic violence. The days of hitting them into submission should be over. Hard to believe we are still discussing this barbaric method of discipline in 2014.

[docmom]

I think there is a cultural component to this. I have heard several of my husband's older relatives (he's African American) talk about whipping children and some gave me advice when my son was born that I'd need to whip him to keep him in line because (their words) "black boys need to be whipped to turn out right". Although both my husband and I were spanked growing up (in my case a few hand spanks, occasional implements in his case) we vowed not to ever hit our children. His siblings don't hit their children either and the older generation are commenting on what nice kids we all have. Somehow this sterotype that black kids NEED to be hit must be eradicated and we should be looking to black leaders to do this. The NFL has a golden opportunity to educate here and I sincerely hope they take it. If there is never a reason it's OK to hit an adult with a tree branch, it's never OK to do it to a child.

[ariel9]

I absolutely despise whoppings. I hate it when people laugh at them (there are youtube videos of parents whooping kids) or promote them. I got them as a kid and I don't think they help at all. After that you can't really have a healthy relationship with your parents because all you're concentrating on is your fear. I still to this day am afraid to talk to other adults as an adult because of it. I have a friend who got them too. She is very timid around other people and even hates to be close to them. I just think they're the cowardly way out of parenting. Like really you couldn't think of any words to say to your kids, you just had to hit them. All you're teaching your kids is that hitting people is a good way to get people to cooperate with you. I hate that people think its the only way for kids to "turn out good". Not everyone who got beat as a kid is a model citizen.

But through all of the comments going that made my soul itch :angry-banghead: there were some good/ funny ones too

- Essentially you have to take away the sport since thats all these athletes respect.

-The league policy should be agreeing to 4 points, Be nice to dogs, women, and children. Stay away from drugs.

- Those whoopings must not have worked since Peterson has 7 kids by 5 baby mamas.

[twinmama]

I did a little reading up on this and googled for pics.

Mr. Peterson freely admits what he did, according to what I read. Although I have aware all my life of switchings and spankings and taps on a diapered butt, it has only been in this story that I've encountered the idea that it's okay to do it until they bleed. The thing I heard the most in the past is glorying "being taken to the woodshed."

The pictures are terrible. Peterson knew he was going to be in trouble with his wife and that the kid was going for a doctor visit upon return to the mother's home.

So, my thought on this is that Mr. Peterson actually has his thoughts and heart in the right place. He sorely needs some parenting skills though.

He is actually seeing his child when he is no longer with the mother. That is a big thing right there. Then he is actually attempting to parent his child while the child is with him. Another big thing - he didn't foist it off on his mother, his new woman, or a nanny. Or ignore it. He saw his son did something wrong and he did something about it. I think it is important to remember this.

What he did was ignorant. There are several ways to teach and correct a child who done something like take the other child's turn.

I truly and sincerely hope that Mr. Peterson will be motivated to learn better parenting methods rather than just stop seeing his son, or worse, continue with such poor parenting skills.

Is it better to have a father who beats the shit out of you, or no father at all? I can't praise someone for doing what a father SHOULD do... be there.

[starfish]

If AP had done this to a stranger he had met at a bar, no question that's aggravated assault. If he had committed this act against an elderly person, no question it is aggravated assault. If a teacher at a day care had committed this act against a child in her care, then it's aggravated assault.

The fact that he did this to his 4 year old child in the name of discipline does not make a difference. It's still aggravated assault.

[longtimelurker6]

The pictures are terrible. Peterson knew he was going to be in trouble with his wife and that the kid was going for a doctor visit upon return to the mother's home.

So, my thought on this is that Mr. Peterson actually has his thoughts and heart in the right place. He sorely needs some parenting skills though.

He is actually seeing his child when he is no longer with the mother. That is a big thing right there...

I don't think there's anything remarkable in a man spending time with his child after he's no longer with the mother. The vast majority of divorced/ never married fathers I know have done this.

As for his heart being in the right place... he lost his temper. It doesn't matter where his heart was. His hands were the problem.

I can agree he needs parenting skills though.

Edited to add: I have wondered to what degree steroid use is responsible for the violent behavior of many pro athletes.

[salex]

Edited to add: I have wondered to what degree steroid use is responsible for the violent behavior of many pro athletes.

I have asked the same question possibly here and definitely in real life. It was blamed for spousal abuse in the past and I'd not be surprised if it is a part of it-- not all, but part-- now.

[Three and Done]

If AP had done this to a stranger he had met at a bar, no question that's aggravated assault. If he had committed this act against an elderly person, no question it is aggravated assault. If a teacher at a day care had committed this act against a child in her care, then it's aggravated assault.

The fact that he did this to his 4 year old child in the name of discipline does not make a difference. It's still aggravated assault.

I completely agree with you and cannot understand how it isn't. Here in NY state, it's legal to hit your children, even with objects, as long as you don't leave bruises, cause lacerations, etc.

However, if I smacked Mr. Three (which I would never do), it would be assault, and if I hit him with an object, it could be felony assault.

Our justice system is completely fucked up.

[thoughtful]

The Daily Show is doing a long segment on this, and doing pretty well, so far.

[ladyamylynn]

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfre ... ffect-belt

This is a really well-written take on the situation.

[starfish]

Have any fundies or the Pearls come out in support of him? I haven't heard anything from these types of groups in particular,

just a bunch of child abuse apologists or NFL/media/sports commentators sharing their uninformed opinion.

As far as AP spending time with the kids even though he's not with the mom anymore, I really don't think he had "relationships" with any of the mothers. Seven kids by 5 women that we know about. That's ridiculous. I think he financially supports them because he legally has to, and he has lawyers to take care of that. But he had never even met the child that was murdered by the mom's boyfriend.

[DomWackTroll]

Have any fundies or the Pearls come out in support of him?

Voddie Baucham says it’s totes unfair that black liberals can defend whipping children, but if a black conservative Christian like Voddie said it...

facebook.com/VoddieBaucham/posts/10152561290502550

[BrownieMomma]

I would surely doubt any fundies or the Pearls are publicly supporting him. He didn't do it because of command from God. He says he did it because that's what he learned growing up. He is not a public religious figure, unless you consider football a religion. ;)

Parenting is a skill. You learn it. Mostly you learn it from your parents.

Sorry to sound racist but in my experience, which I lived seven years in a housing community (it wasn't a project but it was for low income people and in the ghetto part of town) in the ghetto... black men just aren't around much to parent their sons. This is not just based on my experience, I've read for years of the social problems due to black men being all but erased from the family structure.

I would like to believe that even post-divorce, most men are around for their children but I also have admin'd a stepfamily forum and its just rampant how many of these fathers are checked out of their kids life, and even when they are involved, their parenting skills are low and frankly, many divorced dads seem to toss the parenting right onto their own mother or their new girlfriend instead of parenting.The term is Disney Dad and it is rampant.

I have some statements and articles about this issue with Adrian Peterson and I truly believe he thought that method of discipline was fine. Where did you expect him to learn any differently? Even if he had been mandated to attend some kind of parenting education class after the birth of a child, what's the chance that he'd listen? After all, he turned out fine, didn't he?

I think that he's suffered some consequences and getting some negative publicity has opened his eyes. He states that he is willing to learn better.

I am willing to give him a chance. He might not change, in which case he probably shouldn't see any kids unsupervised. But he might. People, including parents, can learn new skills.

BTW, if you know anything about the Pearls, you know they had nothing to do with this. There is nothing about this that even evokes Pearls.

[CallmeChaCha]

I would surely doubt any fundies or the Pearls are publicly supporting him. He didn't do it because of command from God. He says he did it because that's what he learned growing up. He is not a public religious figure, unless you consider football a religion. ;)

Parenting is a skill. You learn it. Mostly you learn it from your parents.

Sorry to sound racist but in my experience, which I lived seven years in a housing community (it wasn't a project but it was for low income people and in the ghetto part of town) in the ghetto... black men just aren't around much to parent their sons. This is not just based on my experience, I've read for years of the social problems due to black men being all but erased from the family structure.

I would like to believe that even post-divorce, most men are around for their children but I also have admin'd a stepfamily forum and its just rampant how many of these fathers are checked out of their kids life, and even when they are involved, their parenting skills are low and frankly, many divorced dads seem to toss the parenting right onto their own mother or their new girlfriend instead of parenting.The term is Disney Dad and it is rampant.

I have some statements and articles about this issue with Adrian Peterson and I truly believe he thought that method of discipline was fine. Where did you expect him to learn any differently? Even if he had been mandated to attend some kind of parenting education class after the birth of a child, what's the chance that he'd listen? After all, he turned out fine, didn't he?

I think that he's suffered some consequences and getting some negative publicity has opened his eyes. He states that he is willing to learn better.

I am willing to give him a chance. He might not change, in which case he probably shouldn't see any kids unsupervised. But he might. People, including parents, can learn new skills.

BTW, if you know anything about the Pearls, you know they had nothing to do with this. There is nothing about this that even evokes Pearls.

In a similar vein, are you willing to give Ray Rice a chance, too?

[Hisey]

I broke the cycle. It is possible. I don't believe that AP had "no choice"

However, you need certain things. You need to be aware your parents were wrong. You need to have a strong determination not to repeat their mistakes. You need to be able to structure your life so that you have relief when you are stressed. You need to have some awareness of appropriate child development. It helps to have healthy kids, a circle of support, and some money.

When I set out to have a family, I deliberately structured my life so I wouldn't get too overwhelmed. I would have liked to have worked, actually, but I was afraid of being tired. . .getting angry at some childish thing. . . It was lucky I could stay at home and my husband was willing to support us. I didn't have other things, like a supportive family, but I made do. I'm proud I broke the cycle.

AP sounds like he didn't think that "whoopings" were bad things. I mean, lots of people think they are fine. Now he knows that there is a portion of the world that thinks it is terrible to whip a child.

It also sounds like he had some level of remorse. That's way better than someone like Kelly Crawford (did you ever read her smug, horrible book on discipline?)

So, while he is a child abuser, he seems a cut above some of the fundie child abusers we read about.

[thoughtful]

Here's the Daily Show segment, which touches on several of the recent domestic violence issues in the NFL, and their stupid reactions.

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/3yx5x ... ar-players

"Here's a tip . . . you can't do to a 4-year-old what you're not allowed to do to a 300-pound lineman in a helmet and pads."

Mocking Sean Hannity, Anheuser Busch as the "moral touchstone," and a great suggestion on how to distract the public -- trust me, it's worth watching.

Oh, and the moment of Zen from the end of the show:

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/04l0l ... n-spanking

[Mecca]

Call me cynical, but I wonder if Peterson's remorse was driven more by trying to get back on the field and less about awareness. He already had one investigation under his belt for hitting one of his kids in the face leaving a scar, and yet he did this type of discipline again. Now, I have no way of knowing what AP truly feels and truly hope he does change his parenting style and learns from this, but his new found remorse sharpley contrasts his initial statement on what he did. He seems to have changed his tune once he saw the public's reaction and the NFL's reaction.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

His mother made a statement:

"I don’t care what anybody says, most of us disciplined our kids a little more than we meant sometimes," said Jackson, 50. "But we were only trying to prepare them for the real world. When you whip those you love, it’s not about abuse, it’s about love. You want to make them understand that they did wrong."

Jackson said both she and Peterson’s father, Nelson Peterson, who lives in Dallas, were "big disciplinarians" when their children were growing up. She used her hand, switches and belts to occasionally spank all six of her children — though not to the point of injury.

She stressed that her son is now getting counseling to learn alternative discipline methods, such as having a child stand in the corner for five minutes.

[Black Aliss]

I don't support what he did but I would say most parents from the "old" days would beat your ass if you got out of line. My parents got beaten by their parents with golf clubs and cords. They would have welts and couldn't sit down for a week. My grandmother beat my brother with a workers belt. The heavy ones. It was the way she was raised. Do I raise my kids the same way no. Do I spank? Yes? Did I whoop them? Yes only a few times. It didn't leave marks. I didn't over do it. And I feel Adrian over did it. He was probably angry with he hit his son. I think that this is abuse. For a four year old the scars that are on his body was wrong and obsessive. However I'm pointing this out because it's hard to get rid of something you were raised with. It's like a cycle that never ends.

I disagree. I was beaten and also chased around the house by my mother wielding a meat cleaver and threatening to cut off my thumb (because I'd been sucking it, MAYBE because I needed to comfort myself) and that was nothing compared to the emotional abuse I endured. I did not use corporal punishment on my children. You can break the cycle of abuse. But the first step is in acknowledging that maybe you weren't fine because of what you lived through.

[Jasmar]

Yep, I'm another who broke the cycle without much more than "I will never treat my kids the way my mother treated me." What I don't understand is people who claim not to see anything wrong with the way they we're abused as kids, as though the fact that they're not serial killers means they have good mental health. Or whatever.

[Emme]

The cycle ended with me and my siblings. Not one of us raised a hand to discipline any child. There comes a time when we have to stand on our own two feet and stop using how we were raised as an excuse to hit another human. It is not right. Full stop.

Same here. Parents were both hit as kids. Never laid a hand on any of us. I don't get how if it's not ok to do to a dog or adult, it should be ok to do to a kid.. (Not saying it's illegal to hit dogs, just that the general public reacts very poorly to seeing videos of animals getting hit)