Is what you say you get by Teri Maxwell

[SPHASH]

In Teri's latest Mom's Corner she talks about scheduling, the buddy system (gee that sounds familiar), and consequences when kids don't get their shit together.

[Letgo]

I always wonder how it works in these families when Mom and Dad are the law, yet an older sibling is responsible for the care and behavior of a younger child. Who has the consequence if they are not ready in the morning, the younger or older child? Both? How old ARE these younger children? Trying to get a two year old ready for the day is different than trying to get an 8 year old ready. I have and idea: Mom and Dad could skip the walk completely and get all the younger kids ready themselves.

[MrsFoxx]

Ugh. A college friend of mine just posted that on Facebook. She has four children under six, a husband who works two low paying jobs to make ends meet and she seems perpetually stressed on Facebook. She spend most of her status updates bemoaning her lack of structure and schedule and wondering how her husband puts up with such a struggling stay-at-home wife.

Oh, and her husband told her (an elementary teacher before they had kids) that she wasn't qualified to teach their kids, so she can't homeschool.

Personally, I think she needs Zoloft and he needs a vasectomy.

[smittykins]

I have and idea: Mom and Dad could skip the walk completely and get all the younger kids ready themselves.

But that would mean they would actually have to--gasp--*parent*! :pink-shock: :pink-shock:

[usmcmom]

In Teri's latest Mom's Corner she talks about scheduling, the buddy system (gee that sounds familiar), and consequences when kids don't get their shit together.

Okay, I just had a vision of Teri Maxwell throwing her hands in the air and screaming "YOU KIDS BETTER GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!" and stomping off with her green smoothie.

[divadivine]

Ugh. A college friend of mine just posted that on Facebook. She has four children under six, a husband who works two low paying jobs to make ends meet and she seems perpetually stressed on Facebook. She spend most of her status updates bemoaning her lack of structure and schedule and wondering how her husband puts up with such a struggling stay-at-home wife.

Oh, and her husband told her (an elementary teacher before they had kids) that she wasn't qualified to teach their kids, so she can't homeschool.

Personally, I think she needs Zoloft and he needs a vasectomy.

She needs a Pepsi & Zoloft. And she needs to stop whining on social media about her lack of structure & schedule so she can actually get it together. She sounds like a few of my friends. It gets old after awhile.

[YPestis]

Someone once noted that Teri's obsession with her schedule may be due to her depression. Depressed people may have a hard time tending to day to day activities. A schedule would greatly help aid like that, removing the effort to make decisions on daily matters. I think it's scheduling and having someone over her that made Teri's depression manageable. Could she be better off with some anti-depressive meds, counseling and perhaps a pepsi here and there? Well, of course. However, she didn't seek recourse in modern medicine or soda. She choose Steve and scheduling. Steve removed her need to make major decisions. The Schedule removed her need to make daily decisions.

The "older sibling caring for younger sibling" thing is probably required in most large families, even if the mother is energetic and involved. Young humans require so much supervision and energy that a mother cannot possibly care for more than a few at a time. Older siblings are required in order to ensure smooth running of households. Fundies like to spin it as "teaching older children responsibility" and "fostering sibling relationships". However, modern society would count that as child labor.

[denimjumper]

In all honesty, her post did not bother me at all. I did not find anything truly awful about her advice.

If your children aren't getting up in the morning, they do need to go to bed earlier. I have kids. This *does* work and makes for a peaceful morning. Ten hours of sleep for a 12 year old? Absolutely. I have seen it overnight.

If you expect kids to follow the program without some supervision, I don't care how many "buddies" you assign, you are going to have some screw ups. Kids are kids. She's right on that. And if you're out of the house and expect it all to occur without you, I'm not surprised if you get a rude surprise. no, it does not take 1.5 hours to get up, get ready and get to breakfast. I don't care if you home school or public school, there are places to be in the morning, on time.

Nothing to snark on for me this month. It seems quite practical advice.

[usmcmom]

I just read the article and I do agree with her point that kids (at a certain age) need to be responsible for getting themselves up and ready for the day. This is something I worked with my kids on when they were fairly young. (In fact my homeschooling sister always commented that public school kid couldn't think for themselves. Yet, mine were up and at the table on their own each morning by 7:00 and she couldn't get hers out of bed before ten. But that's a whole different rant.)

What I don't agree with - and this is fundie-wide - is the whole "buddy system." I don't think a pre-teen or teenager could necessarily get themselves AND a preschooler ready in 90 minutes. When I had my own preschoolers, I couldn't always manage that. Preschoolers have spills and accidents. They have tantrums. Lots can happen to throw off the schedule and I just don't like the idea of an older sibling being responsible for that. This is why I get so frustrated with quiverfull families - the moms really don't do any of the parenting.

Oh, and when I was a teenager, I DID need 90 minutes each morning. Because I had to wash and condition my hair each day, then dry it, then curl it. Then make sure my makeup was just right. But I was a heathen - a heathen that set my alarm accordingly for my primping needs.

[polecat]

I think I'd have a hard time snarking on most of this.

I think that is often the case with children. We expect them to do what they are supposed to do, and we are unhappy, disappointed, and frustrated when they don't. We forget that they are children. We have to keep working with them so they can learn to do what they should do.

She is dead-on here. A lot of parents have really high expectations for their kids and then get frustrated when the kid can't live up to them. "Clean your room!" to a 5 yo sounds like so much noise. Sure, the kid needs to clean his/her room, but where to start? I used to sit with my kids, "Ok, let's make your bed first! Now we'll get your toys picked up. Oops! Dirty clothes on the floor! That's no good! Let's get them in the hamper!" And voila, clean room. Sure, it takes time, but it gives them a framework for cleaning their room, and I don't have to get irritated because I've told them to clean their rooms 10 times and they're still messy.

Moms tend to live in reactionary mode, putting out one fire after another. Ideally, however, the fires should be prevented from ever starting. That means taking protective measures.

I'm down with this, too. Case in point: Trip to the grocery store with a kid who's tired, sick, cranky, hungry, thirsty, whatever = surefire recipe for public tantrums. I only remember a handful of tantrums with my kids not because I was a perfect mother (ha!) or because they were darling specimens of tiny humanity (ha!) but because I made sure to head off problems at the pass. Sick kid? Give him lots of rest and low-intensity activities. Hungry/thirsty/tired kid? Snack, drink, nap. And so on. Much easier to prevent problems than it is to run damage control. Doesn't always work, but it definitely worked for us.

Being someone who is chronically and maybe obsessively on time, I have little tolerance for those who are chronically late. (I know that's not necessarily nice of me but having people in my family who are chronically late -- by hours, not minutes --, I find it inconsiderate at best more than I find it endearing or easy to excuse.)

[HoneyBunny]

Someone once noted that Teri's obsession with her schedule may be due to her depression. Depressed people may have a hard time tending to day to day activities. A schedule would greatly help aid like that, removing the effort to make decisions on daily matters. I think it's scheduling and having someone over her that made Teri's depression manageable. Could she be better off with some anti-depressive meds, counseling and perhaps a pepsi here and there? Well, of course. However, she didn't seek recourse in modern medicine or soda. She choose Steve and scheduling. Steve removed her need to make major decisions. The Schedule removed her need to make daily decisions.

Very true. Just getting through one's own ADLs becomes overwhelming with severe depression; being mom to a litter of kids? Unimaginable. At my sickest, I had to break things down into small periods of time with one activity for each. A larger chunk of time with multiple things to do would actually cause me to dissolve into tears (which, now that I've not had severe depression for almost 15 years, seems unfathomable). Since I suspect many homeschooling mothers of large families suffer from some degree of depression, post partum if none other, I can understand why so many latch on to what Teri Maxwell is preaching.

And, on this "Mom's Corner", I think she right about most of it. The buddy system, not so much. But having expectations, outlining desired behaviors, providing consequences...hard to argue with any of that.

Damn.