Blogger attempts to kill herself and daughter

[fundiefun]

getoffmyinternets.net/blogger-attempts-to-kill-daughter-herself/#comment-275535

thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/

This is making its rounds on the web the blogger kelli stapleton of The Status Woe who has an autistic teenage daughter tried to kill them both in a murder suicide attempt in a minivan using charcoal burning grills. They were found and Kelli is going to be okay, but Issy most likely has permanent brain damage. There is huge debate in the autism community of was this a mother pushed too far with no support or help or a mother who genuinely is a killer.

[ILoveJellybeans]

OMG that is awful :(

[sassyNoz47]

She had more support then most.. I'm sickened by this and by all the people feeling sorry for the mother. Yeah its a rough life!! But who's life isn't at times? I've read her blog at times....she had such a support network, People are forgetting about the victim. Issy she is where the focus should be, there is never any excuse to kill your child, its never ok never.

[Conuly]

There's always that "debate". Every time somebody murders (or attempts to) their disabled child, people come out in droves to claim that stress made them do it. Quite a lot of people literally get away with murder this way, and it is sickening. I wish Growing Joel was still updating his site on the murder of autistics.

[Wenny]

After reading her blog I am torn on this, she (the mom) has been hospitalized (one was level 2 head trauma) twice from attack from her daughter plus death thearts to her two other siblings. To get her to calm down they had to make a system where if she didn't hit, scream, for two mins she got a token. She got the daughter a treatment center and she made remarkable process until the insurance said she couldn't stay there so they had to turn to private funding. Eventually that ran out and the daughter was sent home. (From what I am seem)

Just tragic all around.

[mockingbird]

Wow, that's horrible. I read some of the blog, and she seemed pretty level-headed, but on the other hand it's just a blog, people can create whatever persona they want. The one thing I did notice was that she hardly seemed to mention her other kids, but I'm not sure if that is a reflection of her really ignoring them IRL (I know Issy probably demands a lot of attention but they were hardly ever mentioned in the two pages I read, which seemed weird) or if she just wanted the blog to focus on parenting one child.

I can definitely feel for her situation. I can't imagine what it is like to live with a violent child and I imagine there are a lot of complicated feelings of love vs. fear in that type of situation. However, I can't condone what she did or say this was an appropriate response, in any way. It is still wrong to kill your child. Period.

ETA: I found this on her blog in an entry where she talked about Issy's aggression and her own fears for her life: "I hope the hitting will stop. ...And If I am killed, I hope I don’t get revived by some well-meaning EMT or ER doctor. I would hate to have to die like that TWICE! I wear a DNR (do not resuscitate) bracelet, and have paperwork filed at the hospital. But this remains a huge concern of mine." http://thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/page/3/

It seems like she was depressed/troubled which is not surprising. Most healthy people do not just randomly file a DNR. There is another entry one or two dates after that where she talks about her struggle to get Issy treatment and how she understands extreme protests like hunger strikes and self-immolation. Isolated, that wouldn't really stand out to me, but it just seems to match up with depressed/possibly suicidal thoughts.

[Wenny]

Wow, that's horrible. I read some of the blog, and she seemed pretty level-headed, but on the other hand it's just a blog, people can create whatever persona they want. The one thing I did notice was that she hardly seemed to mention her other kids, but I'm not sure if that is a reflection of her really ignoring them IRL (I know Issy probably demands a lot of attention but they were hardly ever mentioned in the two pages I read, which seemed weird) or if she just wanted the blog to focus on parenting one child.

I can definitely feel for her situation. I can't imagine what it is like to live with a violent child and I imagine there are a lot of complicated feelings of love vs. fear in that type of situation. However, I can't condone what she did or say this was an appropriate response, in any way. It is still wrong to kill your child. Period.

ETA: I found this on her blog in an entry where she talked about Issy's aggression and her own fears for her life: "I hope the hitting will stop. ...And If I am killed, I hope I don’t get revived by some well-meaning EMT or ER doctor. I would hate to have to die like that TWICE! I wear a DNR (do not resuscitate) bracelet, and have paperwork filed at the hospital. But this remains a huge concern of mine." http://thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/page/3/

It seems like she was depressed/troubled which is not surprising. Most healthy people do not just randomly file a DNR. There is another entry one or two dates after that where she talks about her struggle to get Issy treatment and how she understands extreme protests like hunger strikes and self-immolation. Isolated, that wouldn't really stand out to me, but it just seems to match up with depressed/possibly suicidal thoughts.

I wonder if her blog will be used in trial? In the "dancing on edge" a comment was posted from sep 6 about how if anyone reads it, it showed she was pushed to the edge. It seems like a cry for help.

[mockingbird]

I think I read somewhere that postings online only count as "hearsay" but I'm not sure. I think it would probably be helpful if they could use it.

She also seems to have an obsession with how great heaven is going to be and commented multiple times (entries and comments) about how if she doesn't get to see her friends in real life she reassures them and herself that she'll see them in heaven. I mean, I think it's normal to discuss what heaven is like if you believe in it and look forward to seeing loved ones who passed away. But she just seems fixated on that idea and the extension to that is the only place she will ever see her real-life STILL ALIVE friends is weird. There's a whole post about this but "I'm not suicidal! That's not what this is about!" :? It reminds me of the one Seven Sisters post about heaven where it came off like they had nothing exciting in their real lives so all they could do was fantasize about heaven. Very desperate and sad. I only read up to the second page at first and it's the third one where she seems more despondent. Maybe she realized she was getting an audience and shifted from less of a casual diary style to one that's less personal/meant for public consumption - it definitely seems like there is more thought put into her writing style in the later entries. She still writes about getting frustrated and other struggles but it's more controlled.

Also, it's interesting to me that she has two articles on the 3rd... one is the one about the school kicking her daughter out where she's really upset, but the other is about Issy's homecoming with tons of smiling pictures with the mom and her friends. Almost makes you wonder when the idea to try to kill herself and Issy came into her head and if that was how she wanted the world to remember her daughter or something. Just struck me as a little ominous considering what happened, but it could be nothing.

[niagarahauls]

God. This is such a heartbreaking story for all involved. I hope the daughter recovers more than expected and doesn't end up with serious brain injuries in addition to her pre-existing disabilities. Reading the blog now so many entries seem to foreshadow a tragedy like this.

[chaotic life]

Living with a violent autistic is a hard, hard, HARD life. BTDT. I used to live in fear that one day I would snap under the violence, which is why I learned to reach out and be vocal about what we were struggling with.

Then, I moved to a more liberal state where you never had to ASK for autism support but it was automatically given. I bawled my eyes out at the IEP meeting when everything I had fought years for and been told didn't exist was handed on a silver platter and MORE.

Of course, by then, my child's medical condition had deteriorated and we only got four months of such assistance before Cystic Fibrosis claimed his life.

I don't know how I feel. I know how hard it is. Yet, I cannot imagine snapping to the point of trying to kill myself and my child. I also know how hard it is to get sufficient help when you are on the edge of insanity. To me, autism really and truly takes you into insanity. I used to tell my son's Special Ed teacher that despite my intelligence I just could NOT wrap my brain around that child's mind. She informed me that after ten years as a special education teacher, she rarely could either--it wasn't just *me* he was unique, even for autism.

I know if we had been given more time with Micah, everything would have changed with the support offered in this new state. We saw HUGE changes in his behaviors and our ability to function in just the four months we got here. His teacher here taught him to write his name. He was getting twice a week behavioral therapy sessions AND the school Psychologist was given training sessions to US and his teachers on how to handle him. In the last state, he had a terrific teacher, but that was IT. She was a lifesaver for years, because no one else could handle the duality of his medically fragile condition and his profound but atypical autism. If we had had the services this state offers from the start, if HE had as such services from the point he at least went into state care, if not from infancy/toddlerhood when he first displayed signs of being autistic, how might his life have been different?

I cannot condone violence against your autistic child. I can understand being on that brink of insanity but I cannot condone letting yourself go over that edge. However, autism is on the rise in the nation and most states STILL offer poorly constructed services or NONE AT ALL for autistic children and their families.

I haven't followed this blooger. Others are saying she had excellent services and support. If that is the case, then there is no excuse for snapping like that. If she had respite and resources and therapies and people to turn to, then she had an obligation to TURN TO THEM. No child chooses to be like this.

[mockingbird]

People is reporting that Issy is awake, walking around and asking questions. I don't know how to link on my phone, but I'm really happy to her that.

ETA: Home now, here's the article http://www.people.com/people/article/0, ... 95,00.html

[bionicmlle]

Wow. very interesting topic but a horrible situation. The People article is sure shiny and doesn't seem too balanced. Were the parents married?

[lilwriter85]

I have never read Kelli's blog before. I have looked around it and I feel bad for her because of the issues her family had. I won't condone what she did to her daughter. I'm reading a HuffPo article about the case that mentioned the insurance issues when they tried to get their daughter into a behavior therapy program. I have read blogs of other parents with special needs children and a financial and insurance issues are very common. One of blogs I follow is of a couple whose son has Down syndrome. I felt really bad for them last year when they maxed out speech therapy visits covered by their insurance. They managed to get a grant to pay for additional visits.

[mrs]

I am keeping this family in my thoughts and prayers.

Bail was set at $1.5 million.

Source: upnorthlive.com/news/story.aspx?id=985450#.UsF-RtJDs8B

[roddma]

There is no excuse for a ern to kill any child whether you are Andrea yates, Casey, Anthony, or Susan Smith or this lady. I do believe cries for help get ignored, but still I fail to understand why anyone would want to hurt an innocent being.