The horrors! Boys taught homemaking, girls independence

[dairyfreelife]

Raising homemakers has a new article up:

As I research and study feminism’s effects on the traditional homemaker I learn more and more about our current culture, and often find these disturbing sentiments:

“I’m teaching my boys homemaking skills so they can run a home.â€

"I’m teaching my daughters to make their own living and be able to care for themselves, to not have to depend on a man, in case they never marry or something happens to their husbandâ€

Bolding mine.

It does make sense to teach our boys skills that a husband will use to minister to a pregnant wife, etc. and I’m not referring to that. What I am speaking of is teaching boys homemaking skills in order for them to live as long term bachelors in prolonged singleness. For most of us, extended singleness is not the goal, for many more parents however, marriage also isn’t “the goal.â€

So, just in case she is too ill to run a home, he should know how to do it. That's all and male singleness is bad, though Paul disagreed. How about just wanting our sons to live happy and healthy lives?

do we teach our boys these things because we fail to teach that “he who finds a wife find a good thing?†Do we teach them to be part time homemakers so they can care for a home on their own, without a wife, because we push college and career so much? Or do we teach homemaking skills out of necessity because at the same time, we teach their sisters to “not depend on a man?â€

So, sons are to provide, but college and careers are bad things? If he's poorly educated and isn't working, how is he going to do that? :think: And super independent me doesn't see the issue with not depending on a man. I don't think people should depend on others all that much, but that's just me. :shrug:

when our sons finally do marry, sadly, they join a wife who may have been taught that she should make her own living

And this is bad because...

We’ve got young men who have been trained to do that which is woman’s work, and we have daughters trained to take on the man’s work. This is feminism’s doing. This is foolish and unbiblical. Woe to us! No wonder we are so confused as a country.

Yep, knew this was coming. I'm not confused. I think it's them who are confused. Life doesn't fit nicely in a little box.

If our young men can bring home the bacon and fry it up too, as can many single girls, why marry?

So...the only reason I should get married is because I can't take care of myself? And he only married me to keep his house clean? Er, yeah, that sounds like such a nice relationship. Makes me so thrilled to get married one day, so I can spend my days cleaning up a house, which we all know how fun it is to scrub toilets and fold laundry. Yippee!

From the comments:

I worry about my daughter, she is only 2, and I worry by the time she is a teenager will women even be permitted to be home? What will this world look like?

Uh, yes.

The last four comments the author didn't comment on, but they take her to task on her article.

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/jennifer-ross/

[Verin Sedai]

Oh man, I better go tell my dad that all of the cooking and cleaning that he did for his apartment full of single male missionaries was buying into the ebil feminist plan to ruin our country!! How ungodly of him. :naughty:

[ILoveJellybeans]

Why cant all genders be taught both skills?

Fundies dont understand because everything all has to fit in a little box, but life doesnt fit in a little box.

Its important for men to know how to cook and clean because they are basic life skills. If only women could cook and clean and a mans wife dies, what does the man do? Live off pizza and live in a filthy house? Remarriage might not be an option, especially straight away, as it takes time to get over this sort of thing, and some people dont want to get remarried if their partner dies. Or what if she doesnt die, but becomes disabled in an accident and is not capable of doing all the chores and cooking? Theres also the not thought of for fundies cause theyre controlling reasons, such as what if their son marries a man or woman who cant cook, or him moving out to live by himself, or going off to college.

It is important for women to know how to be independant and have skills needed to work, even if she plans on being a stay at home mom once she has children. What will she do if her husband dies, or becomes disabled in an accident which means he cant work? What would she do if her husband's money isnt enough to feed the family? What if her husband goes crazy, quits his job and decides to instead do a load of missionary stuff which doesnt give him money? What if she is the one who has the best education and best chances for getting a high paying job compared to her husband. Also for non fundie reasons, theres also what if she does not want to get married, or wants to marry a woman-they cant both stay at home. What if she wants to have a job? Or if she doesnt want to have babies?

[Ariel]

But what if the boys want to eat or live in a clean house?

I hate how basic home skills are treated differently between genders.

When I was 7 my mom bought me a kids cookbook. I really liked it, and really got into cooking. I loved trying new recipes and cooked a lot all through my childhood, because it was fun for me, but no one made anything of it.

My (male) cousin decided he liked cooking when he was in late elementary school and everyone proclaimed that he should become a chef and open a restaurant because omg! a boy liked to cook :roll: On the plus side, no one made him put down the spatula and pick up a hammer or anything. :)

This sort of thing is right up there with dads 'babysitting' their kids in my opinion.

[anjulibai]

Wonder how long term SAHDs and SAHSs fit into this woman's view.

[FloraDoraDolly]

If fundies want to raise their kids this way, that's their business. I don't agree with it, but at the same time I don't always agree with things that some liberal parents do. My problem with these fundies is when they inject "the whole country is going to ruin" into their arguments. It's never about how this is what they believe is right for their particular family, faith group, or subculture-- EVERYBODY has to live the way they do or else the whole country is going to Hell.

[dairyfreelife]

Why cant all genders be taught both skills?

Fundies don't understand because everything all has to fit in a little box, but life doesn't fit in a little box.

Its important for men to know how to cook and clean because they are basic life skills. If only women could cook and clean and a mans wife dies, what does the man do? Live off pizza and live in a filthy house? Remarriage might not be an option, especially straight away, as it takes time to get over this sort of thing, and some people don't want to get remarried if their partner dies. Or what if she doesn't die, but becomes disabled in an accident and is not capable of doing all the chores and cooking? There's also the not thought of for fundies cause they're controlling reasons, such as what if their son marries a man or woman who cant cook, or him moving out to live by himself, or going off to college.

It is important for women to know how to be independent and have skills needed to work, even if she plans on being a stay at home mom once she has children. What will she do if her husband dies, or becomes disabled in an accident which means he cant work? What would she do if her husband's money isn't enough to feed the family? What if her husband goes crazy, quits his job and decides to instead do a load of missionary stuff which doesn't give him money? What if she is the one who has the best education and best chances for getting a high paying job compared to her husband. Also for non fundie reasons, there's also what if she does not want to get married, or wants to marry a woman-they cant both stay at home. What if she wants to have a job? Or if she doesn't want to have babies?

He is supposed to get married and only know basic skills for a pregnant wife. And their sons won't marry men cause gay is sin and ebil and Jebus hates it, duh!

But you don't teach such things because preparing for said things means not trusting God, so you don't teach girls to be independent. God will take care of her, just like it takes care of everyone and no Christian has ever starved to death or anything.

[anjulibai]

What exactly are basic skills to care for a pregnant wife? Wouldn't that be cooking and cleaning and other general homemaking things?

And what do they think women should do if their husbands die or their fathers die before they are married? How are they supposed to survive? God really doesn't just provide.

[louisa05]

Why cant all genders be taught both skills?

Fundies dont understand because everything all has to fit in a little box, but life doesnt fit in a little box.

Its important for men to know how to cook and clean because they are basic life skills. If only women could cook and clean and a mans wife dies, what does the man do? Live off pizza and live in a filthy house? Remarriage might not be an option, especially straight away, as it takes time to get over this sort of thing, and some people dont want to get remarried if their partner dies. Or what if she doesnt die, but becomes disabled in an accident and is not capable of doing all the chores and cooking? Theres also the not thought of for fundies cause theyre controlling reasons, such as what if their son marries a man or woman who cant cook, or him moving out to live by himself, or going off to college.

It is important for women to know how to be independant and have skills needed to work, even if she plans on being a stay at home mom once she has children. What will she do if her husband dies, or becomes disabled in an accident which means he cant work? What would she do if her husband's money isnt enough to feed the family? What if her husband goes crazy, quits his job and decides to instead do a load of missionary stuff which doesnt give him money? What if she is the one who has the best education and best chances for getting a high paying job compared to her husband. Also for non fundie reasons, theres also what if she does not want to get married, or wants to marry a woman-they cant both stay at home. What if she wants to have a job? Or if she doesnt want to have babies?

I know a woman I went to college with who got an education degree, taught for a few years, then married, converted to the IFB and had three kids. She let her teaching certification expire because she would never have to work again and her husband would provide.

Fourteen years later, he was in a horrific car accident and ended up paralyzed from the chest down. After three years of rehab, he is able to work part time only--roughly 15 hours a week. She found out is not so easy to get a certification back when it has expired and can't find well paying work otherwise. They are in dire financial circumstances now with no way out.

Bad stuff happens. People need to do the best they can to have the skills to support themselves and their families.

Unfortunately, I know another woman who let a teaching license expire for the same reason--and she has seven kids. If anything happens to her husband, they will be in even more trouble.

[RosyDaisy]

But what if the boys want to eat or live in a clean house?

That's why they stay at home until they marry a fundie girl who has been trained to be a good helpmeet.

[ADoyle90815]

I know a woman I went to college with who got an education degree, taught for a few years, then married, converted to the IFB and had three kids. She let her teaching certification expire because she would never have to work again and her husband would provide.

Fourteen years later, he was in a horrific car accident and ended up paralyzed from the chest down. After three years of rehab, he is able to work part time only--roughly 15 hours a week. She found out is not so easy to get a certification back when it has expired and can't find well paying work otherwise. They are in dire financial circumstances now with no way out.

Bad stuff happens. People need to do the best they can to have the skills to support themselves and their families.

Unfortunately, I know another woman who let a teaching license expire for the same reason--and she has seven kids. If anything happens to her husband, they will be in even more trouble.

I agree that women need to learn and maintain work skills, even if they plan on being SAHM's. That car accident story reminds me of what happened to a Mormon mommy blogger's husband, as he was also paralyzed in an accident, and unable to work. The wife had been a SAHM since she started having children because that's how she was raised, so while she eventually did find a job, it was a struggle at first. That blog went private a couple of years ago, but the last time I read it, the blogger did have a job and was able to support her husband and children.

[salex]

Well, her definition of "helpmeet" is pretty outdated, I'd say. While I don't "obey" at home, I work full time for my husband's company, where he is a CEO and I am in management and part of the ownership group. I was hired by the previous CEO, when hubs was a VP. He is much happier that I have the skills for my job than he would be if I were only qualified to be a helpmeet doing dishes and mopping. ; 0

[Pearl1234]

So I have virtually not posted on here at all since I joined, but I might as well say right out that you would probably call me fundie, but seriously I think American fundi is waaaay more scary. I agree with the first part of what she said about teaching her boys skills, but like someone else said, she could have missed the last part.

Everyone should know how to fend for themselves. Whether this is cooking, cleaning, having a job....No one should just sit at home "waiting". I get tired of SAHD's who look down on girls like me who have a career, but interpret the famous Titus 2 chapter differently. I'm glad my parents never told us girl we had to stay at home!! There are certain jobs in this world that are better done by women. Eg Medical and all those mom's have medical help to deliver and then rave over their midwife, doula, nurse, doctor.....well those women are all working outside of home!!

[bananacat]

If fundies want to raise their kids this way, that's their business. I don't agree with it, but at the same time I don't always agree with things that some liberal parents do. My problem with these fundies is when they inject "the whole country is going to ruin" into their arguments. It's never about how this is what they believe is right for their particular family, faith group, or subculture-- EVERYBODY has to live the way they do or else the whole country is going to Hell.

I disagree. Those children are people with rights, not their parents' accessories or experiments. I don't like this mindset that we have to let parents have the authority to do almost anything to their children and those children have no right to a better life. This is why it's still legal to hit people, as long as you gave birth to them and they are under the age of about 13.

[bananacat]

So I have virtually not posted on here at all since I joined, but I might as well say right out that you would probably call me fundie, but seriously I think American fundi is waaaay more scary. I agree with the first part of what she said about teaching her boys skills, but like someone else said, she could have missed the last part.

Everyone should know how to fend for themselves. Whether this is cooking, cleaning, having a job....No one should just sit at home "waiting". I get tired of SAHD's who look down on girls like me who have a career, but interpret the famous Titus 2 chapter differently. I'm glad my parents never told us girl we had to stay at home!! There are certain jobs in this world that are better done by women. Eg Medical and all those mom's have medical help to deliver and then rave over their midwife, doula, nurse, doctor.....well those women are all working outside of home!!

What makes you think that? Surely you realize that in many parts of the world, men are considered better at being medical professionals. How do you know that you landed on the correct side of gender essentialism?

I'll go out on a limb and assume that you also think there are jobs that men are just inherently better at. And I'm in one of those professions. Because of people like you, I have to work twice as hard to get the same recognition because some people just assume that someone is inherently better or worse at something just because of their gender. So, thanks a lot for that :roll: . You'll surely never believe it, but men and women aren't separate special species, and we're more similar than different.

[Pearl1234]

The point I was trying to make was that I don't agree with fathers telling their daughters, to stay home and 'train' to be housewives, beause that is what the Bible says and then go ahead and condeem others who don't. This especially when they use services where women are in that role and then say how grateful/happy/privilaged they are to have them. That does not match up.

Yes there are certain roles I think guys do better at, and that is more because of the physical strength needed, not because women don't have the brains or are not capable of doing the job. I'm sorry that you have to work twice as hard at your job. It is not fun when people assume, just because of your gender.

[August]

If my sons stop using their household skills the moment they find a long term partner they will be so disowned by me.

[cats_as_slippers]

I posted this in response to her comment about boys using the talents god has given them... Let's see if she lets it post and responds!

"You say if God has given men the talent for cooking then they should use it, and I completely agree. What of the talents given to some women then? If a woman has a God-given talent for math should she not use it too? Are only the talents given to men to be cultivated and cherished if they fall outside of traditional gender roles?"

[GenerationCedarchip]

I saw that article, too, and it seems ridiculous even by the standards of that blog. Now that the original owner, Sarah Mae, has gone much more mainstream, I find myself wondering what she thinks of the new management over there.

The idea that teaching regular life skills to children of both genders is somehow going to prevent them from marrying and starting a family is ridiculous. I ran into it growing up (if you're a girl in fundie, it's just assumed you'll help in either the kitchen or nursery at every church function) so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that someone would actually say it out loud. And the idea that you shouldn't prepare daughters for the "what ifs" in life? That just seems crazy to me. I know so many people who have had to negotiate layoffs, illnesses, divorce, etc... If I had a daughter, I'd feel terrible if all I taught her to do if she finds herself without a providing headship is to pray and depend upon the kindness of strangers.

[Arete]

I just do not get this shit at all. There is no "men's work" or "women's work". It's all just work.

[treehugger]

Oh noezzz!!!!eleventy!!111!

My husband and I are causing the demise of the country every second we are alive! Hubby is the domestic, staying home with the baby, cooking and cleaning - while his ebil, liberated wife is off working to support the family :o

Obviously, hubs and I are evil sinners who are doomed to hell because we just don't know appropriate gender roles.

[lilah]

anytime I read posts about raising women to have zero education beyond how to be a homemaker I think of my grandmother who lost her husband and had to raise her children by herself. How lucky she was that she had some prior skills as a book keeper to fall back on. Even then it was very hard for her.

I also just don't understand the idea that homemaking is so hard. Maybe this is because I don't have kids yet but keeping my house clean and putting real homemade food on the table is not that hard. My husband helps out with cleaning but not cooking, he hates to cook and I love to so it works out well. Also getting a masters and working has really taught me a lot about being organized and managing my time and resources well.

[Conuly]

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

That is all.

[uber frau]

I disagree. Those children are people with rights, not their parents' accessories or experiments. I don't like this mindset that we have to let parents have the authority to do almost anything to their children and those children have no right to a better life. This is why it's still legal to hit people, as long as you gave birth to them and they are under the age of about 13.

It is one thing to raise your children within your cultural framework, it is another thing to deliberately deny your children the basic skills necessary to function as adults in the broader community. Basic housekeeping, cooking and budgeting are essential life skills, just like reading and writing and knowing how to wipe when they use the loo. I think parents have the responsibility to equip their children to grow into self sufficient adults.

[feministxtian]

I left a comment saying that it was a darn good thing that I had an education and make a decent living since my husband is ill and unable to work...disability pay sucks and there's no way we could live on it...not to mention, my employer provides a great insurance plan. She didn't publish it...

And...how can it take YEARS to learn to be a "homemaker"??? Shit, the mother didn't teach me shit and I can keep a decent house, I'm a good cook, do laundry, take out the trash and fix almost anything that breaks...

God save us from helpless women!!!!