The horrors! Boys taught homemaking, girls independence

[FloraDoraDolly]

It is one thing to raise your children within your cultural framework, it is another thing to deliberately deny your children the basic skills necessary to function as adults in the broader community. Basic housekeeping, cooking and budgeting are essential life skills, just like reading and writing and knowing how to wipe when they use the loo. I think parents have the responsibility to equip their children to grow into self sufficient adults.

In our society, there are MANY children from various subcultures who aren't being taught those basic life skills. In my city, only about 20% of the boys graduate from high school. The adult illiteracy rate is 47%. Frankly, that's a greater cause for concern than some fundie who doesn't let their son learn how to make his own toast. The kid can figure it out later when he is grown. But the high school dropout who can't read (and whose parents can't read) won't be able to figure out much of anything.

And yes, unless there's abuse or neglect or something illegal going on, parents do have the authority to raise their kids however they want. What's the alternative? Bringing in an army of social workers to inspect each home and tell the fundies to raise their kids a certain way, or else? To be sure, there are times when protective services do need to be called in, but Johnny not learning how to cook isn't one of them.

[JesusFightClub]

What about when a woman is raised only to choose college and career (as most women are), and later would rather be a homemaker but is lost (as most women who come home from the workforce are) is not that also a great disservice?

No. Tell you what, "homemaking" isn't rocket science. Rocket science, however, is. This is why you need a lot of training to be a scientist and bugger all training to keep your home tidy and clean and cook basic meals.

When pressed on exactly what is so difficult about wiping up messes, taking out rubbish or making soup, fundies always say "Time management!!!11!!" Tell you what, that's my day job, balancing competing tasks and making sure that everything is completed by deadlines. I don't think that if I gave up work and stayed at home, I would suddenly lose all knowledge of time management.

[Ariel]

That is all.

But I don't wannnnaa learn how to change a diaper :cry:

The saddest part about the gender disparity amongst fundies (and old-timey America) is that they are setting their sons up to possibly be moderately successful, but the women haven't got a shot in hell at a good life unless they bag a husband and 'stay sweet'. Divorce didn't increase because society got worse, divorce increased because women began to be able to provide for themselves sans husband.

[docmom]

Oh noezzz!!!!eleventy!!111!

My husband and I are causing the demise of the country every second we are alive! Hubby is the domestic, staying home with the baby, cooking and cleaning - while his ebil, liberated wife is off working to support the family :o

Obviously, hubs and I are evil sinners who are doomed to hell because we just don't know appropriate gender roles.

You are confusing the ENTIRE COUNTRY with your twisted ways!!11!!!11!

You are probably pushing through the legislation banning women from staying at home right now!!1!!!111

[walnut]

These are skills that one needs in life. Women should be able to fix cars and men should be able to run a household. Most guys I know and live alone, they proudly cook, clean, and they are proud of their organized wardrobes, clean bathroom, flawlessly ironed, crisp shirts. It does not emasculate them at all. They do not live in a junk yard, and they can have people over anytime. And, I repeat, they are proud of their tidyness.

[walnut]

Oh noezzz!!!!eleventy!!111!

My husband and I are causing the demise of the country every second we are alive! Hubby is the domestic, staying home with the baby, cooking and cleaning - while his ebil, liberated wife is off working to support the family :o

Obviously, hubs and I are evil sinners who are doomed to hell because we just don't know appropriate gender roles.

I am totally confused now. My head is spinning. I have been iving in a li! :lol:

[FloraKitty35]

My mother taught all three of older brothers (as well as myself) how to cook and clean. Even worse both of my grandfathers could cook, as well as one great-grandfather (and he was a deacon in his local Methodist church). The horror of it all!

[Carla Bruni]

I moved in with a coddled young man when I was 21 and he was 25. I had been taught to cook and clean because that's what adults (of any gender) do; he had not because he first had a nanny, then he had boarding school, and then he lived in a frat house with five other equally inept men. We were together for four years - just enough for me to teach him how to use the George Foreman and boil pasta. We're still very good friends, and he still calls me in full-on panic mode because he doesn't know how to use his oven after TWO YEARS of living on his own. I think he's figured out chicken tenders, but that was after a good deal of coaching.

Meanwhile, I see my landlords' two boys - 14 & 12 - grilling, doing laundry, planting, weeding, etc. High fives all around to their mom, who basically explained that unless everyone contributes to the household, no one's going to get dinner. Seems to be working :)

[August]

I moved in with a coddled young man when I was 21 and he was 25. I had been taught to cook and clean because that's what adults (of any gender) do; he had not because he first had a nanny, then he had boarding school, and then he lived in a frat house with five other equally inept men. We were together for four years - just enough for me to teach him how to use the George Foreman and boil pasta. We're still very good friends, and he still calls me in full-on panic mode because he doesn't know how to use his oven after TWO YEARS of living on his own. I think he's figured out chicken tenders, but that was after a good deal of coaching.

Meanwhile, I see my landlords' two boys - 14 & 12 - grilling, doing laundry, planting, weeding, etc. High fives all around to their mom, who basically explained that unless everyone contributes to the household, no one's going to get dinner. Seems to be working :)

Does he have trouble with an ATM? Washing machine? This level of ineptitude in a person of average intelligence is weird (although common). You just have to do certain things to manage in the world. You have to keep your clothes clean and presentable, keep vermin at bay in your living space, get around somehow. It's not calculus, you can't throw up your hands and say it's all too hard, I'll live without it.

[Nothing2CHere]

My parents' relationship has always been stereotypical with my mom taking care of the house, doing the grocery shopping, the cooking, the laundry, etc. although she always worked at least part time, too. Despite this, my parents never taught us that things like cooking and the laundry were exclusively "women's work," and chores in my house are evenly divided between my husband and myself. Evidently this arrangement just worked for my parents. My mother is one of those types who just takes it upon herself to be in charge of all the household work (with yes, my brother and I both having chores, usually involving the dishes). I remember when I was in college, she would practically beg me to bring my laundry home when I came for a weekend visit.

Anyway, so at my parents' house, Mom runs the household show. Which makes me occasionally wonder about my father, because in all my years growing up, I never saw him use the washing machine, and the stove was used pretty much for boiling water for hot dogs if my mom wasn't around to insist on making them for him. And yet, he lived on his own for a few years before he and my mom met, so obviously at some point he did know how to do these things. His mother had died when he was in college, so she wasn't coming over and doing these things for him!

[Carla Bruni]

Does he have trouble with an ATM? Washing machine? This level of ineptitude in a person of average intelligence is weird (although common). You just have to do certain things to manage in the world. You have to keep your clothes clean and presentable, keep vermin at bay in your living space, get around somehow. It's not calculus, you can't throw up your hands and say it's all too hard, I'll live without it.

Like I said - coddled. Never had to do laundry, never had to cook, never had to actually clean beyond wiping down a countertop. When I fixed our vacuum (unscrewed the various parts to dislodge a clog), it was an event worthy of a Facebook update because he'd just go buy a new one. He now expenses most of his meals, so the chicken tenders are for when he's dateless and workless for the night. I feel for his future wife :(

[louisa05]

There is a tiny apartment just below our half of what would be a duplex had they not converted the basements into tiny apartments years ago. A couple of years ago, a college kid doing a semester long internship at a nearby company lived there. He was 22 years old and his mama and his aunt would come once a week while he was at his internship and clean the place, do his laundry and stock his refrigerator with pre-made meals and frozen food.

I shared this on another forum at the time and was told he was probably "mentally challenged" or "too busy" or any large variety of other reasons that would justify a fully grown 22 year old needing his mommy to do all of that even when he lived nearly two hours from home. I just can't justify it. And if he was capable of this particular internship, he certainly was not challenged in any significant way. By the end of the thread, however, it was clear that a large number of people commenting had been cared for by mommies in much the same way well into adulthood.

My nephew has been coddled that way and cannot do much for himself, either. But that is because his mother's entire family treats children like infants until they are around 25. His uncle is going to jail soon and he was telling us that his aunt is beside herself because "child care" for his cousins is going to be so expensive while she works to support them. His cousins are 12 and 15 years old.