Steve Maxwell's message to the Cougars on FJ

[uber frau]

This blog, re-written by a normal person.

"We had an early start this morning, Dad insisted the bus pull out at 8am! Mary climbed back into bed and slept until lunch, and the rest of us lounged around and watched the scenery go by. It's so different out here, especially in contrast to the time we spent on the east coast.

We've made this drive a few times in the past, so the landscape is becoming more familiar to us. Last time we all drove out this way was for Chris and Anna's wedding. It's hard to believe it hasn't even been three years and they already have a one year old and another kid on the way. They talked about coming with us to visit Anna's family, but Anna couldn't get the time off work.

The bus windows are a great way to take in the panoramic views we zipped past after going through Cheyenne. Rugged mountains, herds of antelope, crazy rocks, grazing cattle, Union Pacific trains chugging along, and massive wind turbines; I think I got a lot of good pictures.

I wish I had gotten a picture of the lone antelope I saw at the top of a hill. He looked so majestic, like the spirit gods from Princess Mononoke, but Jesse had the camera and all we got was a blur. Not posting that one!

Because it's summer, Dad was worried about the bus engine overheating. Mom kept telling him if he would just slow down driving up the hills, it wouldn't be that bad, but Dad's a stickler for the schedule. After a whole morning in the bus, we were praying for a rest. Yes, the bus has a bathroom, but we'd rather just use it for emergencies. Anna appealed to Dad, she knew we had plenty of time to get to Eagle before noon tomorrow, and couldn't we stop for a while? It was Joseph who pointed out the rest area.

The rest area was actually a place we'd stopped before, but that was in the middle of a snowstorm (Dad and his schedule again!), so it was nice to visit when we weren't pondering freezing to death and not being found until spring. Family memories, right? Turns out, this place has some neat climbing features. Anna and I were wearing skirts, but changed so we could make the climb, because it's rattlesnake season. Mary woke up and decided she could climb in her pajamas, but Mom told her not to wear her flip flops unless she wanted to get bit.

Check out a few of the shots I got today. The guys didn't notice they were wearing the primary colours until they stopped for the picture; at least they weren't matching. We're stopped for dinner, and since we were all up so early, we'll probably all fall asleep before 11. We'll be in Eagle tomorrow, hopefully not so stupidly early!

Later everyone,

Sarah"

Still not normal. She shouldn't even be there in the first place. A normal 31 yo wouldn't be hauled around the county in a bus, sleeping inches from her younger siblings in a pokey bunk (at least she has a curtain, it's probably more privacy than she gets at home) and providing an act in her parent's traveling freak show.

[kunoichi66]

And it was a weak minded woman that fell for it. So here is Steve trying to tempt we weak minded daughters of Eve. For shame, Steve.

Following this analogy, Steve has just revealed himself to be the Devil in disguise.

Can I hear an 'irony', FJ?

[VooDooChild]

I love the second to the last pic where the "children" are (again) paired up as couples. :?

[Shoes Grace]

Still not normal. She shouldn't even be there in the first place. A normal 31 yo wouldn't be hauled around the county in a bus, sleeping inches from her younger siblings in a pokey bunk (at least she has a curtain, it's probably more privacy than she gets at home) and providing an act in her parent's traveling freak show.

Yeah, it occurred to me while writing it that I was voicing her way younger than 31, more like early-mid 20s. Mary hits about her own age, but Joseph and Jesse may as well be 10 and 12. I should've probably changed the bus to an RV and maybe even put them up in a hotel, but this entry on its own could at least pass for a family vacation type post. It wouldn't be possible to re-write the entire blog without having to abandon the effort entirely to writing about the parallel universe where the Maxwells are normal. In our universe, Steve should be wearing the Evil Goatee[tm][/tm].

[thoughtful]

girl in pink frumper showing ankle at Walmart

how is babby formed / how girl get pragnent?

[Black Aliss]

You can see the entire shirt here. There's definitely a line of text, but it looks like a URL ending in google.com. Anyone able to get a closer look?

titus2.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/DSC_1445.jpg

(edited because breaking link)

code.google.com, which page now tells [wanna-be] google developers to go to developers.google.com for dev tools and such.

[August]

Cougar-me finds Joe incredibly defrauding. Definitely a rival for Lawson Bates for my No.1 fundy. Nathan Bates wins the best chest competition but he's not cute enough for me.

Problem is what can you do other than look? No good for marriage due to their patriarchal upbringing. No good for a one night stand either as they have never even kissed. If I'm only getting one night, I don't want to spend it teaching him the basics.

Oh dear dear dear. You could train yourself up a child.

[sassycupcake]

You can see the entire shirt here. There's definitely a line of text, but it looks like a URL ending in google.com. Anyone able to get a closer look?

titus2.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/DSC_1445.jpg

(edited because breaking link)

It's a code.google.com shirt. Google hands out free T-shirts like candy to people who participate in projects/contests like Code-in, Code Jam, and Summer of Code. Since these boys fancy themselves master programmers (and many Google projects allow you to work from home with absolutely no contact with outsiders, even via email), I would bet that someone got the free T-shirt in the mail and Stevehova chose frugality over male modesty.

[jenny_islander]

Define tempt. I can find someone really hot and even have a defrauding fantasy about them without wanting to act on that fantasy

Yes, this.

Most of my fantasy men don't even exist. My husband finds this hilarious.

[jenny_islander]

Yeah, it occurred to me while writing it that I was voicing her way younger than 31, more like early-mid 20s. Mary hits about her own age, but Joseph and Jesse may as well be 10 and 12. I should've probably changed the bus to an RV and maybe even put them up in a hotel, but this entry on its own could at least pass for a family vacation type post. It wouldn't be possible to re-write the entire blog without having to abandon the effort entirely to writing about the parallel universe where the Maxwells are normal. In our universe, Steve should be wearing the Evil Goatee[tm][/tm].

Maybe make it a Maxwell Family Rolling Reunion, with the siblings all bunking together in the bus for one night only to relive their childhood, while spouses, SOs, and children follow in a caravan of RVs. Or, heck, maybe they do it every summer but only drive together for part of the way, peeling off to assorted destinations. The Mirror Universe Maxwells would be an unusually close family, but not reality challenged. Also, I think the "Oh, that's just Dad again" bits were spot on for a Sarah not raised in a family cult.

Also also, Mirror!Mom likes to take her morning depression meds with an ice-cold Pepsi Throwback.

[Marian the Librarian]

Oh, Steve - as IF! Get over yourself!! After the lifelong micromanagement/gaslighting/infantilization number you've pulled on your sons??

There's a reason they're still single, and your la-la land "courtship model" hasn't worked: a sane, healthy woman wants to marry a man capable of thinking for himself - not a man-child programmed to respond to every parental tug on the puppet strings.

[wtylcf]

Ugh, golf shirts and side-pocket khakis? They guys aren't bad-looking at all, but their look, to me, screams, "I haven't changed my personal style since 1995 and dress just like your 60 year old dad." Show me some man-thighs, or reveal your glorious chest-hair in a plunging v-neck, and then you might run the risk of properly defrauding me.

[Daenerys]

I'm so proud that at 22, I have already managed to reach the status of cougar.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I drove the same route they took a few years ago, on a trip to Boise (my husband was going there to attend a history conference - a real one, nothing VF mind you! - and I decided to take a week off of work to go with and just hang around Boise because I'd never been there). I quite enjoyed the history museum in downtown and also spent lots of time just reading and relaxing, studying at the Flying M coffeehouse. Had Basque food and took in some lectures. Good time, basically.

Which is just to say, I think I have the same picture of the tunnels on my own camera...

[copper]

My dream Maxwell scenario of the week:

Steve: After the Eagle conference, we've scheduled a 30 minute lunch with John at another Mexican restauarant. Remember, only one bean burrito each, and you may NOT request to alter our Official Maxwell Bean Burrito recipe aftwards, due to your "inspiration". Jesus only sends the bean burrito inspiration to me, got it? Fill up on the free chips and salsa, but only as long as that's under 5 chips each.

Kids: Why would we meet John? He's loading books into Uriah now.

Steve: I mean, we'll meet John-Marie.

Kids: Who is John-Marie?

Steve: Uh, whoops, I mean, our other friend John. Remember him? I was simultaneously praying for Anna Marie to have another boy. We should pray without ceasing, remember?

Sarah providentially eyes the google shirt, right as the conversation hits on John-Marie. Seeing this sign from Jesus for what it is, she enters the fateful "John-Marie" in the search bar, and finds her way to FJ. The world is never the same.

[Olive Plant]

None of these man-boys do it for me. They look very uninteresting. Someone you'd pick up in the Walmart flip-flop aisle.