Nothing More Important than Motherhood

[rward]

I am childfree. I never wanted children, which is good, because I can't physically have them. I've gotten used to the incessent questioning of my motives, health, and about the deep, unrelenting sadness people assume I have or will feel because I don't have children.

What I can't quite swallow with good grace is the idea that nothing is more important than being a mother. That women who aren't mothers aren't adults. That people who aren't parents are selfish, lazy and irresponsible. That I just can't know what love is without being a mother.

abannerisunfurled.blogspot.com/2013/05/how-my-mothers-fanatical-views-tore-us.html (hopefully, i broke the link properly)

I'll speak for myself--being a mother is a blessing. It's the actualization of powers of procreation which I hold. If I hadn't become a mother, there are parts of my nature/character which I'd never have been able to develop. Will there be seasons in life for other things besides the immediacy of active mothering? Yes. Will I ever do anything more important than mothering? No.

That can be said of ANYTHING. I never became a pilot, so parts of my nature have not developed. I never killed a man in Reno just to see him die, so those parts of my character never developed.

If things were different, they wouldn't be the same. Stop trying to make that transcendental.

[Childless]

As a mother, I can say with 100% certainty that being a mother is not the most important thing in the world. Maybe for some women it might be, but for others its not. Why not just let people be who they want to be and live their own lives. This obsession fundies have with trying to dictate how everyone else should live is unhealthy.

[lorem ipsum]

This was always my mother's point of view when I was growing up. As a result, once I had my own children I deeply struggled to accept the fact that although I love my kids, I am not That Kind Of Mother, and I felt like this made me a crappy parent and woman -- like I must be subpar or damaged in some way because I couldn't force myself into that mold.

I stayed at home for the first 7 months of my sons' lives, and then again for another 9ish months later on, and I can tell you without a doubt that although mothering is an important part of my life and identity, it's not everything. I NEED to work, NEED to study, NEED to hold an identity beyond "mama". Not to mention that objectively, if I was to find a cure for cancer or something, that would probably be more important for humanity than my mothering style. :P

For some women being a mom is all they ever wanted and they're completely fulfilled in that role, so saying motherhood is the most important thing they'll ever do may be true for them. But it's not fair -- and can be damaging -- to project that onto ALL women. :(

[tanksmom]

Being a mother is an important part of my life because I am a mother. Before I became a mother to humans I had pets that were an important part of my life. Before that I was a wife that was an important part of my life. Through it all I've worked which has also been...you guessed it an important part of my life. At the risk of sounding like the fundy nightmare the only time that being a mother was even close to the most important thing in my life was when I was pregnant and had medical issues that needed to be addressed. Since then my boring life has enough important things in it that I don't feel the need to pick being a mother as ZOMG the most important thing that have ever happened!!!! As with so many other gender specific mantras what holds true for some doesn't hold true for all.

[GolightlyGrrl]

It's so funny that fundies extoll the virtues motherhood being the most important thing in the world when so many of them are piss poor examples of motherhood.

[Mama Mia]

It's so funny that fundies extoll the virtues motherhood being the most important thing in the world when so many of them are piss poor examples of motherhood.

That's what I don't understand.

They constantly talk about being super feminine - implying loving and nurturing and soft and sweet and calm and understanding - but some of them go out of their way to basically torture their children and make their lives miserable.

Most of the moms I knew would sometimes lose it and freak out at their kids, or give a smack once in a while, or spend too much time on the computer, or feed them Mc Donalds too much or otherwise not be the idealized version of gentle, patient motherhood -- but NONE of them would systematically PLAN to terrorize their kids.

And if motherhood is the most important thing to them - why don't they at least TRY to learn a little something about child development and realistic expectations ?

Motherhood was the most important thing to me, yet I blew it frequently - but at least I acknowledged that I wasn't always doing as well as I should - instead of glorifying being impatient and mean. That seems to be what many (not all) of these people do.

That seems to be one of the main differences between them and the most moms --- a "normal" mom will sit around with her friends and commiserate about how their kids are driving them nuts , and how they aren't always handling it well,. These moms will sit around and tell each other if the kids are driving them nuts it's because they aren't beating them enough and the kids are sinners.

[SPHASH]

Didn't Mullet tell the checkout girl at a supermarket who was studying to be nurse that being a mother was higher calling than being a nurse?

[lizziesmom]

I am not a mother. I would have enjoyed children but it wasn't in the cards. I've managed to live a fullfilled, rich life in spite of this and am a valued 'aunt' to dozens of young adults whose lives I was involved in. Sometimes having an adult who isn't your parent actually opens the lines of communication during the teen years.

Edit to add: I too, am the proud parent of a four footed kid. Lizzie is my six year old King Charles Cavalier spaniel.

[itaintmebabe]

I am not a mother of humans, but I have cats and dogs. I think lots of people have the innate need to care for something, whether they be human children, animals, or whatever. But there's also more to life than that as well. Everyone is different and everyone has different abilities. Saying "motherhood is the most important" is simply a way of them justifying them not doing anything else except bearing children. It's a validation of the choice they made in their lives to stay at home and raise kids. Nothing wrong with that if that's what they want, but there's nothing wrong with those of us who choose not to do that either. It's better not to become a mother if you think you might not be good at it than to do it just because you think it's expected of you by society.

Yes, I have to admit, sometimes I do feel a little sad because I do not have kids, but it is not because I do not have actual physical offspring. It's more of a sadness of what brought me to that decision because of how both my parents and my husband's parents treated us that would make each of us decide to break the cycle. But instead of dwelling on it, we got on with our lives and lived them the way we wanted.

[Freyacat]

For me, nothing else in my life is as important as motherhood. But it's not the *only* important thing in my life, and that's where I think some of the fundies cross the line into unhealthy. I also have a marriage, a part time job, and hobbies and friends that also matter to me. While my son is the very most important thing to me, my whole world doesn't revolve around him and only him.

I'm also not dumb enough to think everyone is like me; I know women who are happily childfree, women who are currently without children but want to be mothers, I know mothers who didn't plan to be mothers and made the best of it, mothers who dreamed of homeschooling a large family and are thrilled to now be doing so, mothers who are very career focused, and everything in between. The world sure would be boring if we were all alike.

[dairyfreelife]

I think motherhood is important in general. It's just not the most important thing in the world. Being a parent is a very important job. I love children, but am waiting because it's a big job. As a mother one day, the care and life ofanother person is in my hands and is my job in a way. But it's the father's job too. Fatherhood is just as important. Having loving and caring parents is important to growing healthy, happy children in general. Even when it comes to serious issues, loving and caring parents do whatever it takes to keep their children happy and healthy. Parenthood is a serious responsibility. But so is my job. And currently my dogs are my responsibility and their care and well-being is in my hands. Right now one of my biggest and most important jobs is making sure my dogs are fed and walked and cared for. Being a dog owner is my most important job right now. A few weeks ago, school was my most important job, followed by my dogs, then my jobs, then myself, then the home. Now school is removed from the equation.

[AVENues]

I love, love children, they are amazing. But I don't want any noise, dirt, mess in my house. That's it. That is pretty much the end of the story.

[Full enough quiver]

Being a mother is the most important thing I've ever done. It's probably the most important thing I will ever do. It's certainly the only thing I ever wanted to do. But then again, I've never been terribly ambitious. I have a job, not a career. It pays the bills. I don't get any fullfillment from it, and I don't care. I'm not curing cancer. Some people really will cure cancer, save lives, change the world. And that is awesome. Some people can't or don't want to be mothers, and that's ok. Their lives still matter, their choices are just as good. Some people can even do both. Those people have my undying admiration, because they are freaking amazing.

[JMarie]

Didn't Mullet tell the checkout girl at a supermarket who was studying to be nurse that being a mother was higher calling than being a nurse?

Then why did Mullet allow Jill to become a fake midwife, if Jill's only purpose is to be a mother?

[Feberin]

Motherhood for me is the most important thing I have done in my life. If I had not had kids perhaps I would have done other great things but I chose to have children and doubt I will accomplish anything impressive in my life. Kids require lots of time and effort so I figure it's pretty important. I can also hope they turn out to be smart and well rounded adults that give something to society but who knows if that will happen. They're still young and could totally be future serial killers or something.

I have never understood how not having children makes one selfish. I think people who have children they cannot afford or care for properly (pretty much all fundies) are the selfish ones. They're the ones thinking that babies are cute or God needs more little warriors or they deserve a baby not considering the other five kids eating cheese made from a dress or sleeping on Costco shelving. That is selfish! Saying that you don't want kids is merely a life choice. I think most people giving you a hard are just jealous since parenting is a lot of work.

[2xx1xy1JD]

The blogger is quoting Rebecca Walker - the daughter of acclaimed author Alice Walker ("The Color Purple"), who is also an author herself.

The quote is taken from this article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... ocialLinks Ms. Walker does not have a relationship with her mother, and her mother basically disowned her when she was pregnant with her son. Ms. Walker has also accused her mother of some pretty extreme neglect. The quote was made in that context.

I also read her line about the importance of mothering as being about the impact on the child. Sure, I do many things that are enjoyable and worthwhile in my life. There are very few things, though, that match the impact that a parent has - for better or worse - on the life of a child. That's not an argument for having children even if you aren't inclined or equipped to care for them. To the contrary - it's an argument for saying that if you do decide to have children, you should do so mindfully, because it is a huge responsibility and what you do can shape another person's entire life.

[AVENues]

Didn't Mullet tell the checkout girl at a supermarket who was studying to be nurse that being a mother was higher calling than being a nurse?

She WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?! :pink-shock: You start telling every random person around you what they should do with their lives?! :doh:

[AVENues]

PS: xnSBIMfmv7I

http://youtu.be/xnSBIMfmv7I?t=2m36s <- the very part where faux Michelle lectures the shop assistant. I couldn't embed to start at 2,35 but here's the link :)

**Sorry about the shop assistant's response!!! :lol:

[ari_belle]

Didn't Mullet tell the checkout girl at a supermarket who was studying to be nurse that being a mother was higher calling than being a nurse?

on tv???

[ari_belle]

PS: xnSBIMfmv7I

http://youtu.be/xnSBIMfmv7I?t=2m36s <- the very part where faux Michelle lectures the shop assistant. I couldn't embed to start at 2,35 but here's the link :)

**Sorry about the shop assistant's response!!! :lol:

HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS???? and where are the rest of the full episodes?? so much better than watching the duggars, or even snarking on the duggars...it's watching someone else snark on the duggars!

[AVENues]

See? Welcome to FreeJinger, dearest. I have known about these but I have discovered other videos too, they are in the Duggars Doing topic.

[Muriel]

Motherhood is a very important part of my life, but it's not everything to me... I can't imaging how the mothers who say being a mother is everything to them are going to deal with the empty nest stage.

I'm a mother of 3 teenagers, I love watching them growing, maturing and learning to become who they want to be.

I'm also a wife, a citizen, a social worker, I get fulfilment in my life from a lot of different things: my job, my social life, my involvement in my community and so on...

We recently went on vacation without children for the first time in 18 years, we spent 10 days in NYC, it was great, like a second honey-moon, of course we missed our children but this is a matter of balance !

It also put a very heavy burden on children when they know there is no life for their mother outside of them.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

oh my gosh that video was hilarious, I had never seen it either!

[Full enough quiver]

I totally agree that having no life outside your children is unhealthy, and puts a big burden on them. For me, nothing I do is going to impact the world (for good or evil) as much as being a mother. And I'm ok with that. We can't all be leaders and innovators. I'll leave that to people smarter than I am. What I can do is raise girls that are loving and compassionate, who care about other people's rights, and hopefully if they have kids (and I hope they do) they'll be raised the same way, on and on through the generations. I'm raising "arrows" for reason, truth, and compassion. That's an impact on the world I can feel good about. :)