Advice for men on how to dress so women won't stumble!

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I've done this satirically, but knew you all would enjoy it. In real life I am totally sick of lectures at work on how we sex kittens of 50+ must dress so the men young enough to be our sons won't stumble in our presence. This is my response! I thought the Duggar boys could use this advice! The Maxwells could have provided every photo (Well except two I suppose!) :lol:

http://hopewellmomschoolreborn.blogspot ... women.html

[auntsally28]

This is fantastic....thanks so much, I needed a giggle :)

[debrand]

I loved it. However, I must be weird because I like short sleeved sports shirts. :embarrassed: You should have covered hair styles too. LOL Under no condition should a man shave or keep his facial hair neatly trimmed. He must grow a full, bushy beard and not pick food out of it.

[JesusFightClub]

I loved it. However, I must be weird because I like short sleeved sports shirts. :embarrassed: You should have covered hair styles too. LOL Under no condition should a man shave or keep his facial hair neatly trimmed. He must grow a full, bushy beard and not pick food out of it.

I loved it too! :lol:

Debrand, or only pick food out of it when it's been there a while and he can do it while talking to an (entranced, horrified) woman...

Here is a disgusing beard story for you. My brother and me know a guy with an EPIC beard and a liking for the smelliest foods ever (kimuchi, oily fish, pickled egg, kippers...) He eats with his hand and then HE WIPES HIS HANDS ON HIS BEARD.

:o

[Peppercorn]

Wonderful! The only thing lacking is more photos of defrauding men. 8-)

I'd like to see an article like this passed off to fundies as serious. Would they even get it?

Good to know I'm not the only one completely put off by those stupid US flag pins.

[snuggles911]

It's about time for something like this. I'm tired of all of the advice geared toward women. I recently read a facebook post telling women not to wear button-down shirts or cross-body bags b/c they bring a man's attention to her breasts. The post was a mile long and warned that men lose all control when they see an attractive woman. I guess that would excuse rape. :think:

[kpmom]

OMG, so funny.

And Ryan Gossling defrauds me just by existing. AVON!

[RachelB]

OMG, so funny.

And Ryan Gossling defrauds me just by existing. AVON!

Some people (e.g., Dulé Hill) just make me think, "I'm glad you are a human being in the world and that I get to look at you on occasion."

[Just_Jane]

I wanted more examples of what men should not to wear. For educational purposes of course. ;)

[Bookworm89]

I just five enjoyable minutes reading that post. Though the pictures of Ryan Gosling are very defrauding and I didn't have anyone around to yell AVON. lol. :lol:

Glad you turned their ridiculous rules back on the fundies.

[So Says I]

You made my day, Hopewell. :lol: I was forced to yell "Avon!" at my own defrauding avatar, heh.

[anniebgood]

If I could cause Alexander Skarsgard to stumble towards me I'd be satisfied that my life was in pretty good shape.

I've exed Tom Selleck off the list, he's still dying his hair and mustache. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

[Trynn]

One time at a Christian summer camp, we girls were all herded into the auditorium so a panel of women could lecture us on issues of purity and modesty. One day they were doing a Q and A day for modesty, and someone asked what I'd always wondered: "how come there's no modesty section for guys? They can be just as defrauding."

The answer? A woman spoke up quickly, "girls, have you read "The Secret Keeper?" Holds up book, "It talks all about modesty and how we girls need to be modest..."

And I was just like, da fuq?

Like seriously, the guys get to go around with their pants down around their ankles but the girl who had cancer had to go change her top because her scar from surgery looked too much like the beginning part of cleavage? What. The and FUCK!

[IamCanadian]

Remember to ALWAYS tuck your shirt in, wear a belt and accessorize your belt with a cell phone holster.[/quote

The bolded part just kills me

[Carla Bruni]

This is fantastic, particularly the sleepwear! :mrgreen: Also, Snuggies are highly recommended, except you need to wear them with a tie belt of some kind, otherwise the defrauding outline of male buttocks can send any woman into a state of ravenous self-dildoing immediately.

For those of you who wanted to see a little more defrauding going on in the male department, may I suggest http://deshommesetdeschatons.tumblr.com/? :cracking-up: (Link not broken because it's Tumblr and it's amazing.)

[Joan of Snarc]

Some people (e.g., Dulé Hill) just make me think, "I'm glad you are a human being in the world and that I get to look at you on occasion."

Gah! I fell in love with him watching the movie "Holes." So sexy!

[AVENues]

K, I have to confess. I found that mint green shirt to be absolutely great looking. But I peed myself a little when I saw the sleepwear : )))

[RachelB]

Gah! I fell in love with him watching the movie "Holes." So sexy!

Totally! "I can fix that."

Yes. Yes, I bet you can.

[Flossie]

Good to know I'm not the only one completely put off by those stupid US flag pins.

Hey, I wore one on my coat for years after 9/11. Is there a reason flag pins are undesirable?

I recently read a facebook post telling women not to wear button-down shirts or cross-body bags b/c they bring a man's attention to her breasts.

Don't forget that wearing a 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 point type of seatbelt. That perpendicular strap that separates the breasts is a virtual signal to "look at my boobies!" True Godly women would rather wear only a lap belt and risk death or preventable serious injuries rather than defraud the fragile male. They should also disable their airbags to prevent their countenance from being marred in case of accident. It's better to be an attractive corpse than to break the nose or blacken the eyes.

[thoughtful]

Ah, Hopewell, if only the men around me would take your advice -- I would be so relieved at not being defrauded and . . .

Wait -- what the hell am I saying?!

:lol:

[pennywort]

This is being discussed on another blog:

allauthority.blogspot.com/2013/05/whats-guy-to-wear.html

[RachelB]

This is being discussed on another blog:

allauthority.blogspot.com/2013/05/whats-guy-to-wear.html

"A handgun is always appropriate"???!

:?

Not in my world, it's not.

[Cheetah]

That was so funny. Nice writing!

[Jezebel]

The whole bit about cheap, scratchy, ill-fitting suits, worn with short-sleeved shirts, and hairy, naked wrists protruding from the jacket cuffs had me in stitches! Be cause oh man, that bit about a well-tailored suit being the male equivalent of lingerie is so, so true, and a cheap, ill-fitting suit is one of the biggest turn-offs ever. There are a lot of reasons why the Pissing Preacher would repel me no matter what he wore, but his crappy suits are like the noxious maraschino cherry on that shit sundae.

As for polo shirts, they need to be faded, slightly frayed, and worn by a guy who looks like he spends all his time on a sailboat. They should never, ever be tucked in. Especially not into pleated-front khakis.

But if a guy is in earnest about not wanting to defraud me, he needn't go to any great lengths. Huge, baggy gym shorts (especially in a shiny synthetic fabric, with the manufacturer's logo prominently displayed) flapping below his knees; an oversized t-shirt bearing another logo or crude, "funny" saying; squishy, oversized athletic shoes; and a ballcap with yet another logo on it will ensure that I keep my legs tightly crossed in a man's presence, no matter how hot he may be. I will never pop a ladyboner for a logo-ized American man-toddler, ever.

[Rescinded and Mended]

One time at a Christian summer camp, we girls were all herded into the auditorium so a panel of women could lecture us on issues of purity and modesty. One day they were doing a Q and A day for modesty, and someone asked what I'd always wondered: "how come there's no modesty section for guys? They can be just as defrauding."

The answer? A woman spoke up quickly, "girls, have you read "The Secret Keeper?" Holds up book, "It talks all about modesty and how we girls need to be modest..."

And I was just like, da fuq?

Like seriously, the guys get to go around with their pants down around their ankles but the girl who had cancer had to go change her top because her scar from surgery looked too much like the beginning part of cleavage? What. The and FUCK!

That's one of the most seriously screwed up things I've heard in a long time. Honestly, when fundies have reached a point where they feel the need to lecture about how cancer scarring is considered seductive to them, then it's time for them to shut up and sit down.

Because if any woman should have any surgery or treatment for cancer, the most important thing to worry about is not getting better, but defrauding the menfolk, dontcha know. :roll: