Another Fundie Bashing the Childless/Childfree

[EmiGirl]

What's bad is people never even think about the fact that someone might not be physically able to have children.

Personally I've almost started crying a few times when asked this recently. I want kids. The funny thing is that when we got married my husband wanted kids and I wasn't so sure, but now I want kids and he doesn't. Also, with my PCOS it could be difficult for us to conceive. So when I get asked this question I tend to get a little teary sometimes.

[nokidsmom]

What's bad is people never even think about the fact that someone might not be physically able to have children.

Personally I've almost started crying a few times when asked this recently. I want kids. The funny thing is that when we got married my husband wanted kids and I wasn't so sure, but now I want kids and he doesn't. Also, with my PCOS it could be difficult for us to conceive. So when I get asked this question I tend to get a little teary sometimes.

Yeah, some people really do not think that when they are asking that question, they could be touching on some sensitive issues.

My husband had some health issues as a child and he was told he might not be able to have any kids. No way of knowing either way until he actually tried so when we were talking marriage, he brought up this possibility. It turned out we didn't but it made me aware of how asking when and if someone will have children is not only a personal question, it could really bring up some touchy stuff for the couple.

[Mecca]

Thanks Mecca. My reticence was also partly because we were having the conversation in a work environment. When my mum or acquaintances in less formal settings start that, it's far easier to say, "well how do my reproductive choices affect you? really?" I love the bingo card idea and those are the type of answers I normally have no trouble giving. And yes, my mum has pulled the grandchildren guilt trip before, until I reminded her she already has two grandchildren courtesy of my brother James. Four, if you also count their two cats. So I guess at least I'm not getting as much pressure as I would if not for that...

You are welcome. I can understand in regards to the workplace.

A little personal story -- we recently moved to a new city. My husband and I were invited to a cookout by a couple we recently met. We only knew the one couple going, but we wanted to go to see if we could meet new people. What a mistake that ended up being. It was one of those women in the kitchen and men in the backyard type of deals. :roll: I was the only woman there without children, and the brow beating I received for it was flat out disturbing. I am not a pushover. I guess they were expecting me to just take their insults. The night ended early, and we have never been invited back to these little get togethers. :lol:

[Wolfie]

What's bad is people never even think about the fact that someone might not be physically able to have children.

Personally I've almost started crying a few times when asked this recently. I want kids. The funny thing is that when we got married my husband wanted kids and I wasn't so sure, but now I want kids and he doesn't. Also, with my PCOS it could be difficult for us to conceive. So when I get asked this question I tend to get a little teary sometimes.

Yeah, I understand that one. With the Endometriosis it is questionable for me too.

[Lady]

-having them too far apart, so they'll never know each other (they're actually very close)

Because if you don't siblings within a certain time frame they'll only see each other at family reunions? :lol:

[roddma]

I have wondered if Boob and Mullet regret marrying when they were teenagers and having so many kids. And that is why they look down on everyone who choose to be childless, go to college etc. I remember reading here about how Mullet gave the checkout girl at the Piggly Wiggly or wherever a hard time about going to school to be a nurse. Jealous much Mullet?

I remember that. i use to take those coments with a grain of salt but not anymore, if onlyTLC would put it on camera. I am sure their have been more than one incident.

I am childless by chance but I applaud anyone who can make sound decisions. The child-free sites made me rethink ther reasons I wanted kids. Yes I would like but I am fullfilled without. At 42 almost 43, my chances are kinda slim anyway. I went from what if everyone decided not to have kids to what if we still lived like the generations before us with no birth control? It isn't just relgious people who think parenting is the grandest thing on Earth. Stats show 1 in 3 pregnancies are unplanned which could explain some of the sanctimonious attitudes. They miss how thier life was before kid. Then if planned maybe others didn't get the fulfillment they thought would come. I know there are some radical child-free folks who believe babies are horrid things but there are as equally radical parents. Why is one group allowed to express their opinions and another not? We are not all made to like the same things. I used to get asked a lot about kids.even by strangers. I never ask why someone doesn't have kids. Those who ask fail to be aware they could be forcing someone to recall a painful experience. I know they mean no harm because it is just an expectation. The world would be much better if everyone could make choices that were right for them and not be questioned. Too many kids are in foster care already. I guess FUndies don't see from that POV.

The same psyhcologist who praised the sibling culture before now have second thoughts . Yes siblings are great. however, Siblings aren't needed for a well rounded upbringing. You can't force anyone to get along. They are already forced to live together. IMO the older Duggar kids seem to hang in cliques.

[Feberin]

Fellow child-free ladies, can I be honest? I'm about six months shy of 30 and I still haven't made up my mind about kids and I'm starting to lose sleep/have nightmares/generally freak out over it. Sometimes I feel like there is actually something missing (like lately I walk down the street and suddenly wonder why my kid isn't beside me, I'm totally serious), other times I see my friends announce births on FB and go "whew, better you than me." NO IDEA what's going on.

I have children and have pretty much always wanted to have them. But when my husband and I first started seriously talking about having our first I totally freaked out and wasn't sure if I wanted kids or if I was ready at that point. I actually read a book that had experiences of people who were deciding if they wanted children and some people in the book decided to have kids, accidently had kids and other didn't have kids. It had their thought process and I found it really helpful. After a couple months I decided that I did want kids and was ready to start our family. I view children as a huge responsibility so I think just like any big decision I freaked out a little bit. I also freaked out when we bought our house and I chose which college to attend.

[AVENues]

I have a stepson and a home-made son, who are 10 years apart. Two kids was enough for us. I got a lot of shit for:

-only having one 'real' child

-having them too far apart, so they'll never know each other (they're actually very close)

-having two boys, and I must have wanted a girl, right?

-it would be so nice for my husband to have another one, he's so good with kids (he didn't want a third child either)...

No matter how many or how few children you have, someone will take issue with it (the caveat being those child-collecting fundies we snark about - that's not parenting, as kids need care and attention from their parents, not sister-moms). I think the only one of my friends who is a parent who has not had any crap about it has one daughter and one son, spaced two years apart - oh no, her MIL who has 4 kids, asked when the next one was coming... so yeah, everyone gets it.

One of my former colleagues and a really good friend of mine ever since - 10 years this year; she and her husband brought home their younger son - whom they were thrilled about - after he was born, we're talking days only since his birth, and one of her neighbors rushed out to congratulate them with the following words: so you have failed to make a baby girl, you must be really devastated. :o And they said it like they've ment it.

[darkplumaged]

I have children and have pretty much always wanted to have them. But when my husband and I first started seriously talking about having our first I totally freaked out and wasn't sure if I wanted kids or if I was ready at that point. I actually read a book that had experiences of people who were deciding if they wanted children and some people in the book decided to have kids, accidently had kids and other didn't have kids. It had their thought process and I found it really helpful. After a couple months I decided that I did want kids and was ready to start our family. I view children as a huge responsibility so I think just like any big decision I freaked out a little bit. I also freaked out when we bought our house and I chose which college to attend.

Feberin, do you remember the title of the book? Sounds like something I need to read.

So many people who are happily childfree say they always knew they never wanted to have children. I'm the opposite: I always assumed that if I got married, I would have them--no question about it. I had baby fever in my 20s, which oddly went away sometime during the early years of my relationship with my now-husband. (I think he'd make a great father; he just isn't that interested and is as scared of the responsibility as I am.) Now that I'm well into my 30s and getting to a point where we really need to decide pretty soon, I have no idea what to do.

[Feberin]

Feberin, do you remember the title of the book? Sounds like something I need to read.

So many people who are happily childfree say they always knew they never wanted to have children. I'm the opposite: I always assumed that if I got married, I would have them--no question about it. I had baby fever in my 20s, which oddly went away sometime during the early years of my relationship with my now-husband. (I think he'd make a great father; he just isn't that interested and is as scared of the responsibility as I am.) Now that I'm well into my 30s and getting to a point where we really need to decide pretty soon, I have no idea what to do.

I'm 99% sure that this is it; http://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Baby-Infert ... B002ECEG2U

[darkplumaged]

Thanks! I checked it out from the library.