Just hide the damn candy

[ILoveJellybeans]

If she has to spank him so often for that, its obviously not effective.

She should put it out of his reach so he isnt tempted, or give logical consequences. When we baked cupcakes once at the daycare I used to work at, a few kids decided that they couldnt wait until later to have them, so stole and ate more than their fair share when nobody was watching. What we did (as well as talk to the kids about why it was wrong to steal the cakes), was bake some more so theres enough to go round, the next day, we let everyone who didnt steal the cakes have some, but not let the kids who stole the cakes have any, as they had already had some yesterday. They were about four as well, and they understood that.

[Trynn]

Maybe the kid is doing it for attention? Someone upthread mentioned that this is kid #10 or 11. If that's the case, he may feel quite a bit neglected, especially if his sisters are doing all the raising. Sure a swat or two from momma hurts temporarily, but he is still getting her attention. His primary love language may be physical touch. Sure a swat hurts for a second or two, but at least it means his mother is touching him. (In a way he's too little to know is inappropriate.) And, if momma is one to put a child over the knee when she spanks, he is even being held in her lap for a little while.

The problem may not actually BE the candy.

Is there anybody besides me who thinks this could could develop an eating disorder by being forced to spit candy into the trash? I know a lot of people with EDs who go on chew/spit binges. If the kid is learning this is acceptable, it could lead to a whole host of problems.

[Conuly]

Is there anybody besides me who thinks this could could develop an eating disorder by being forced to spit candy into the trash? I know a lot of people with EDs who go on chew/spit binges. If the kid is learning this is acceptable, it could lead to a whole host of problems.

I don't think it's unreasonable to have him spit out candy he shouldn't be eating. But really, the easy way out is generally best - just put it on a higher shelf!

[happy atheist]

My kids have always had "treat buckets" where they could reach them, and they were allowed to have a piece of candy pretty much whenever they wanted, as long as they asked first. I never had to hit them and they were never obsessed with the candy. And neither of them is overweight. When they were young I would have to go through their stashes semiannually and throw away stuff that was too old. My teenager has stuff in there now from 2 halloweens ago. He knows that the candy is there if he gets the urge, so it doesn't become a fixation.

Obviously I did something wrong and should start beating him. It's never too late, right?

[synchroswimr]

I sincerely hope the number of times she says she swatted him is an exaggeration and that 1) she isn't keeping track and 2) it didn't take her that long to figure it wasn't working.

Poor kid

[celestial]

you can't really expect a four year old to resist candy that is within his reach IMO.

Parker, the kid in the story, is her two-year-old. Even less likely than a four-year-old to be able to control his actions in that way!

[moodygirl86]

This little guy sounds like a really cute kid! Shame he's got a nutjob for a mother. And yes, ITA that many of these fundie parents deliberately put temptation in the little one's way just so they've got an excuse to thump them when they "transgress". Fucking sick bastards.

[Hisey]

Ypestis, you are making the fundie argument-- if you are against spanking, it must be because its abusive, and clearly it is not always abusive.

I have children. I have never hit them. It's just not the kind of relationship I want to have with them. I want to have a relationship based on trust and respect. If I had a teacher who hit me -- even once -- the relationship would never be the same again. It might not be terrible, it might even be good, but it would be different.

Spanking may be effective, who knows? It is certainly not always abusive. But it creates a relationship that I don't want to create. Besides, trust me, there are so very many other ways to discipline a child. Many of these ways can be done with gentleness and love.

Recently, my youngest was picking on a child younger than her. I learned about it from the child's mother. I was so ashamed, angry and disappointed in my daughter. My first instinct was to punish her (though not by hitting).

Instead, I thought about it some more. My daughter did not really see this little boy as a person. So I had her write a letter to him, apologizing. We wrapped up a few small gifts for him. We discussed the situation while we were doing this. We also talked about what kind of gifts he might like (little girls love to give gifts). We gave him the letter and presents with an apology. It *was* discipline (my daughter wasn't entirely happy about it) but it was gentle. It also took a bit of creativity and thought. My daughter knows, though, that any further teasing will result in punishment--taking away her computer game, though, not corporal punishment.

I guess my point is--even if hitting *is* effective, and acknowledging it is not always abusive, there are many, many other reasons not to hit a child.

And why is there a bucket of candy in the Coughlin house anyway? The dad has Type 2 diabetes.

[moodygirl86]

Ypestis, you are making the fundie argument-- if you are against spanking, it must be because its abusive, and clearly it is not always abusive.

I have children. I have never hit them. It's just not the kind of relationship I want to have with them. I want to have a relationship based on trust and respect. If I had a teacher who hit me -- even once -- the relationship would never be the same again. It might not be terrible, it might even be good, but it would be different.

Spanking may be effective, who knows? It is certainly not always abusive. But it creates a relationship that I don't want to create. Besides, trust me, there are so very many other ways to discipline a child. Many of these ways can be done with gentleness and love.

Recently, my youngest was picking on a child younger than her. I learned about it from the child's mother. I was so ashamed, angry and disappointed in my daughter. My first instinct was to punish her (though not by hitting).

Instead, I thought about it some more. My daughter did not really see this little boy as a person. So I had her write a letter to him, apologizing. We wrapped up a few small gifts for him. We discussed the situation while we were doing this. We also talked about what kind of gifts he might like (little girls love to give gifts). We gave him the letter and presents with an apology. It *was* discipline (my daughter wasn't entirely happy about it) but it was gentle. It also took a bit of creativity and thought. My daughter knows, though, that any further teasing will result in punishment--taking away her computer game, though, not corporal punishment.

I guess my point is--even if hitting *is* effective, and acknowledging it is not always abusive, there are many, many other reasons not to hit a child.

And why is there a bucket of candy in the Coughlin house anyway? The dad has Type 2 diabetes.

Hisey, your kids are lucky to have such a great mum. I think more parents should take a leaf from your book. Keep it up!

[Koala]

Spanking may be effective, who knows? It is certainly not always abusive.

Studies have show in to be ineffective and have linked it to mental disorders. Anytime an adult raises their hand or an object to strike a child it is abusive. Are there higher levels (for lack of a better term) of abuse? Yes. Is hitting still abusive? Of course.

[Fundie Lite]

Don't forget, if he cries or feels sad after she takes away the candy or spanks him, it's a sin!

What do you do with an overly-emotional little boy who cries at *everything*? His siblings don’t do this, and I’m at a loss as to how to handle it. I don’t coddle or encourage, but brushing it off / ignoring it hasn’t seemed to work either. Help!

While we as moms want to be gentle and understanding, we do not want our children to be ruled by their emotions. Proverbs 25:28 says, A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

My basic response with either gender has been to admonish them to self control. With a very little one, I would simply correct him in a firm voice: “No, that’s not a reason to cry. You hush.†With a 7yo, I would explain to them that falling into tears without a very good reason is very much like having a tantrum of sadness instead of anger. It’s sin, and they need to work hard to control themselves just like they would if they had a bad temper.

It might also be helpful if you can determine why he does this: is he high-strung? Prone to self-pity? Easily frustrated? Using tears to deal with anger? There may be an underlying cause that you can identify and address to help him overcome this tendency. If you can get to the root of his tears, you may be able to give him some useful tools to deal with the problem. If he’s high strung, he can learn to go to his room for some quiet time if he’s feeling stressed. If he is prone to self-pity, he needs to learn that this is another form of selfishness. Get the idea?

inashoe.com/2012/09/4-moms-qa-5/

*Edited to fix formatting.

[dpndetfarm]

What a lovely person she is. Teasing/baiting a two year old. Thats sick. Obviously she thinks she is teaching and testing his self control. NEWSFLASH!!! Two year olds dont have it.

I also agree that this poor kid is craving attention. As they say, negative attention is better than no attention.

Finally she appears to be testing her husband as well if he is diabetic. Does she think she is god and they are living in eden? If so she should plant an apple tree or something. Whatever, she is a sick bitch.

PS: spanking is lazy parenting. Efffective parenting without physical punishment takes work. Hitting is brainless.

[gravelmonkey]

Don't forget, if he cries or feels sad after she takes away the candy or spanks him, it's a sin!

inashoe.com/2012/09/4-moms-qa-5/

*Edited to fix formatting.

How horrible! Being told not to cry would makes me cry harder. My parents didn't handle my frequent crying particularly well, but at least they didn't lecture on the sinful nature of crying. :crying-yellow:

[Witsec7]

Don't forget, if he cries or feels sad after she takes away the candy or spanks him, it's a sin!

inashoe.com/2012/09/4-moms-qa-5/

*Edited to fix formatting.

Repress, repress, repress. As a child I was beaten for crying and exhibiting normal human emotions, not because of religion, simply because my parents wanted control over every aspect of my life.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

How horrible! Being told not to cry would makes me cry harder. My parents didn't handle my frequent crying particularly well, but at least they didn't lecture on the sinful nature of crying. :crying-yellow:

Jeez, what a fucking bitch. My daughter is an extremely tender-hearted child, and she cries a lot. A lot. I don't always feel like I'm equipped to handle it (I am not the most patient person in the world, but that is my shortcoming, not my child's), but I've made it priority number 1 to never make her feel badly about it, or that she's wrong in some way. It's just how she's wired, and I worry about her a lot, but by being there for her emotionally I am seeing a lot of growth in her. Building her up and helping her be more confident in herself is how we go about it, because she takes so many things personally and gets her feelings hurt so easily. I don't even want to imagine the damage it would do to her to have us brush her off or ignore her. Poor little boy.

[Guest Anonymous]

Well, it didn't take long to turn into a spanking debate. Good job, everybody!

And you took just one page to start patronising us - way to go!!!

[tabitha2]

FWIW,Her kids are the most normal set of fundie kids you are going to find.Terrified drudges they are not.

[Koala]

FWIW,Her kids are the most normal set of fundie kids you are going to find.Terrified drudges they are not.

Not worth much to me. Anyone that warehouses their kids on shelving and repeatedly hits their toddler for totally predictable, toddler appropriate behavior isn't that "normal" imo.

[Witsec7]

FWIW,Her kids are the most normal set of fundie kids you are going to find.Terrified drudges they are not.

Yea hitting a todler 75 times in one day is normal. :?

[tabitha2]

I said Fundie families.Pick another VF OR ATI family discussed semi frequently here and compare.

[valsa]

FWIW,Her kids are the most normal set of fundie kids you are going to find.Terrified drudges they are not.

That's like calling someone "the most well adjusted serial killer".

Damning with faint praise, indeed.

[kb2]

Spanking isn't always abuse, but punishing kids for behaving in age-appropriate ways is always abusive, IMO. I'm pretty sure this would still be stupid if time outs were used.

[Koala]

Spanking isn't always abuse, but punishing kids for behaving in age-appropriate ways is always abusive, IMO. I'm pretty sure this would still be stupid if time outs were used.

Perhaps it isn't legally considered abuse, but I can assure you that anytime an adult hits a child it is abuse.

I would love to see someone come here and tell us that a husband hitting his wife wasn't always abuse. People would come out of their fucking trees.

[Deleted03]

Perhaps it isn't legally considered abuse, but I can assure you that anytime an adult hits a child it is abuse.

I would love to see someone come here and tell us that a husband hitting his wife wasn't always abuse. People would come out of their fucking trees.

+1

[mockingbird]

She must be purposefully tempting him... right? I just don't get how you could be so stupid not to think of moving the candy to where he can't reach when this has been going on for a month.

My kids have always had "treat buckets" where they could reach them, and they were allowed to have a piece of candy pretty much whenever they wanted, as long as they asked first. I never had to hit them and they were never obsessed with the candy. And neither of them is overweight. When they were young I would have to go through their stashes semiannually and throw away stuff that was too old. My teenager has stuff in there now from 2 halloweens ago. He knows that the candy is there if he gets the urge, so it doesn't become a fixation.

Obviously I did something wrong and should start beating him. It's never too late, right?

My mom always had a bowl of candy out, and now I do the same thing or keep some chocolate bars in the fridge. I actually don't really eat a lot of candy, but sometimes I do really want some. I think having it available and not vilified/too controlled helped me to learn moderation. My roommate last year hated that I always had a candy bowl out (I shared) because it was too tempting for her.