Mayim Bialik To Divorce

[SisiL78]

That's too bad. I really like her, although I find some of her ideas rather kooky. Sometimes things just don't work out, people grow apart... although still breastfeeding a child who is old enough for kindergarten must be a huge strain on one's romantic relationship.

I find it interesting that his mother converted too. That's something I've never heard of happening.

[lilwriter85]

I wonder about those things, too. I do wonder what the discussion was like between her and her beloved about who would work and who would be the at-home parent. I think I would have had a hard time being an AP mother and practicing extended breastfeeding while simultaneously having a Hollywood career and pushing a book and honoring religious holidays. I know she has been said to be an overachiever, but at some point something has to give and unfortunately, it sounds like that was her marriage. Sad.[/quote]

I agree with this part, something had to give. Maybe money played into the work factor with Mayim and her husband. Mayim likely maintained a lot of her entertainment industry connections during the years she didn't act. The hubby knew this and maybe he supported Mayim getting back into the business. They were happy with Mayim's new success but over time work schedules might have strained their relationship. When it comes to AP and extended breastfeeding, I wouldn't be surprised if Mayim's hubby and kids are on the TBBT set often. I like Mayim as an actress, but I predict that once TBBT ends, her acting career might die down a bit or I can see her taking an extended hiatus from acting to be with her kids.

[duplessis3]

There may have been stress too from a large portion of her family thinking he wasnt really Jewish since his conversion wasn't orthodox. And if she was moving toward a more traditional / orthodox practice, including strict obsevance of niddah, that might have been very hard .

[Freyacat]

I am a cynic. Although I practice AP too, I'm thinking she mentioned that their parenting style didn't impact their decision to divorce because she didn't want to hurt sales.

APing has been around a long time; like thousands of years.

While I don't think her APing caused the divorce, I think she felt the need to bring it up because she knows critics will leap on that and claim it caused the problems... just like when Katie Granju (aka Mamapundit) had a very nasty divorce with much public mudslinging, and then her son died of drug problems, lots of people were like "How's that AP parenting working out?" The problem is that both Granju and Bialik are really snotty and braggy about what totally awesome parents they are, and they act way superior to people who don't parent the same way. That rubs people wrong, so then when something goes wrong people kinda indulge in some schadenfreude. A superior attitude seems to be a somewhat common problem with AP parents - I used to call myself AP, until I got involved with an AP group and saw how crazy smug some AP moms get and stopped wanting to associate myself with that label even if I follow some of the typical practices.

[Deleted03]

While I don't think her APing caused the divorce, I think she felt the need to bring it up because she knows critics will leap on that and claim it caused the problems... just like when Katie Granju (aka Mamapundit) had a very nasty divorce with much public mudslinging, and then her son died of drug problems, lots of people were like "How's that AP parenting working out?" The problem is that both Granju and Bialik are really snotty and braggy about what totally awesome parents they are, and they act way superior to people who don't parent the same way. That rubs people wrong, so then when something goes wrong people kinda indulge in some schadenfreude. A superior attitude seems to be a somewhat common problem with AP parents - I used to call myself AP, until I got involved with an AP group and saw how crazy smug some AP moms get and stopped wanting to associate myself with that label even if I follow some of the typical practices.

I haven't found her snotty to be honest.

Personally sharing your bed with your two kids must be hard on anyone. I can't imagine doing that...

[PennySycamore]

While I don't think her APing caused the divorce, I think she felt the need to bring it up because she knows critics will leap on that and claim it caused the problems... just like when Katie Granju (aka Mamapundit) had a very nasty divorce with much public mudslinging, and then her son died of drug problems, lots of people were like "How's that AP parenting working out?" The problem is that both Granju and Bialik are really snotty and braggy about what totally awesome parents they are, and they act way superior to people who don't parent the same way. That rubs people wrong, so then when something goes wrong people kinda indulge in some schadenfreude. A superior attitude seems to be a somewhat common problem with AP parents - I used to call myself AP, until I got involved with an AP group and saw how crazy smug some AP moms get and stopped wanting to associate myself with that label even if I follow some of the typical practices.

I haven't kept up with all things AP and I did not know Katie Granju had divorced, but yeah, I found her snotty. I once sent a list of references for an article or something she was working on and she wrote back asking me for the whole

damn paper. Hell, I'd sent her the abstracts which is what I had access to. She could just haul herself to the UT library if she needed the whole thing. Btw, I never got any thanks for how I'd helped her.

[Freyacat]

I haven't found her snotty to be honest.

Personally sharing your bed with your two kids must be hard on anyone. I can't imagine doing that...

I tried reading her AP book and found it very smug, like she had it all figured out and if you don't parent exactly like her, you just aren't doing it right. There was very little acknowledgment that kids and families are all different, and just because she babywears, homebirths and breastfeeds doesn't mean that everyone can do those things or even should do them. So I found her a bit insufferable even when I agreed with the practice she was recommending. YMMV.

[Freyacat]

I haven't kept up with all things AP and I did not know Katie Granju had divorced, but yeah, I found her snotty. I once sent a list of references for an article or something she was working on and she wrote back asking me for the whole

damn paper. Hell, I'd sent her the abstracts which is what I had access to. She could just haul herself to the UT library if she needed the whole thing. Btw, I never got any thanks for how I'd helped her.

She's remarried now and her younger kids are with hubby #2. But when she divorced #1, she wrote a very, very nasty article about him in some big media outlet (I forget which one) and really raked him over the coals very publicly. It really made a lot of people, me included, cringe for their poor kiddos.

Edited to add: Here it is! http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/08/fashi ... print&_r=0

Sorry to veer off topic... back to the regularly scheduled snark!

[Deleted03]

I tried reading her AP book and found it very smug, like she had it all figured out and if you don't parent exactly like her, you just aren't doing it right. There was very little acknowledgment that kids and families are all different, and just because she babywears, homebirths and breastfeeds doesn't mean that everyone can do those things or even should do them. So I found her a bit insufferable even when I agreed with the practice she was recommending. YMMV.

oh sure I'll take your words, I only read her blog.

Although now that I've thought about it I found it very weird also all the times where she says that she only likes some cast members (the one who plays Sheldon and the one who plays Bernadette) and seems to be a little disdainful of the rest who are too "hollywood" for her. (particularly one post where she explains why she does not hang out with everyone else including that supposedly there's no vegan food at the general buffet, when really I'm sure it would not be that hard to get them to have decent vegan options).

[bea]

I do feel bad for Kate Granju's kids after reading that article but DAMN, her ex sounds like a douchebag. I'm old enough to have observed a number of divorces involving guys who've sued for full custody in a situation where the mom was staying at home with them. The thing was, they didn't even WANT full custody, had no idea what to do with the kids during the day and would either have to hire a nanny or put them in daycare. They just had some lawyer-suggested half-baked idea that getting the kids away from the mom would mean that the kids wouldn't be mad at Daddy anymore, and hey, not paying child support = saving tons of money! One guy even GOT custody of the kids, only to give the mom full custody after six months because having the kids around meant he couldn't easily date.

Some of the really strident fathers-rights lawyers don't give a shit about fathers' rights, IMHO. It's just a good way of dragging the case on forever and getting paid more.

Anyway.

I got turned off the whole attachment parenting thing by watching someone do it. The kid was with parents 24/7, slept with them, nursed until she was 3, parents never left her with anyone and by the time that kid was 4, the parents were DONE. I mean, they sent her to 5-full-days preschool and while she still slept with them, for the most part, they burned out on parenting.

I did extended breastfeeding with my kids and co-slept and did babywearing, but I HATED those AP books. They all seemed so smug, including Bialik's book, which I read out of a lingering fondness for Blossom. It was like if you didn't do EVERYTHING the way they did, you weren't doing it right. You had to not vaccinate, breastfeed until 3 or 4, co-sleep until the kid practically moved out on their own, delay solids, blah blah blah, with no sense of moderation or that some kids might want their own space at 7 months (my youngest, for example) or that parents may need different things and every family is different.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I do feel bad for Kate Granju's kids after reading that article but DAMN, her ex sounds like a douchebag. I'm old enough to have observed a number of divorces involving guys who've sued for full custody in a situation where the mom was staying at home with them. The thing was, they didn't even WANT full custody, had no idea what to do with the kids during the day and would either have to hire a nanny or put them in daycare. They just had some lawyer-suggested half-baked idea that getting the kids away from the mom would mean that the kids wouldn't be mad at Daddy anymore, and hey, not paying child support = saving tons of money! One guy even GOT custody of the kids, only to give the mom full custody after six months because having the kids around meant he couldn't easily date.

Some of the really strident fathers-rights lawyers don't give a shit about fathers' rights, IMHO. It's just a good way of dragging the case on forever and getting paid more.

Anyway.

I got turned off the whole attachment parenting thing by watching someone do it. The kid was with parents 24/7, slept with them, nursed until she was 3, parents never left her with anyone and by the time that kid was 4, the parents were DONE. I mean, they sent her to 5-full-days preschool and while she still slept with them, for the most part, they burned out on parenting.

I did extended breastfeeding with my kids and co-slept and did babywearing, but I HATED those AP books. They all seemed so smug, including Bialik's book, which I read out of a lingering fondness for Blossom. It was like if you didn't do EVERYTHING the way they did, you weren't doing it right. You had to not vaccinate, breastfeed until 3 or 4, co-sleep until the kid practically moved out on their own, delay solids, blah blah blah, with no sense of moderation or that some kids might want their own space at 7 months (my youngest, for example) or that parents may need different things and every family is different.

See and what AP is supposed to be about supposed to be, at least my interpretation of it, is that you do what is right for your family. Otherwise, burning out leads you to act in ways that is not... attachment parenting.

I vaccinate, but I co-sleep, extended breast feed, baby wear, etc, and horror of horrors because we're Jews, my son has no foreskin. That in and of itself earns me the badge of "pariah" in most AP circles.

The smugness... it burns. Seriously, I just roll my eyes some days at the "sanctimommies" who are all up in arms because their child may have eaten a graham cracker because "ZOMG SUGAR IZ OF TEH DEVIL!". Where as, i'm over in my kitchen laughing as my 2 1/2 year old helps me make homemade carrot cake. :P (he's an ace at cracking eggs!)

[PennySycamore]

bea and illovetschochkes, what you two both said. I 've been around the birth/Breastfeeding community for 32 years and some of the smugness has been around since then, but I think Bill Sears codifying stuff into Attachment Parenting made it much worse. I noticed that in his books there was absolutely no signs that he'd ever done anything wrong, never done anything he regretted he done as a father,. I simply cannot stand his writing. I recall about 12 years ago or so stating on an email list for leaders of a certain nursing mothers group that slings were not the only way to carry your baby and that some moms might prefer using a front pack. ( I'd said that one of my friends found a BabyBjorn helpful when her baby had to be in a cast for a while.) I really got attacked for tthat. It seems that the arrogance of Dr Sears has come off on some of his followers. I ought to mention the smugness thing to the

head of ATI.

(NB: I am phasing my support for Breastfeeding moms out of my former org to a new Breastfeeding org without a particular parenting philosophy except for sensitivity to your baby's needs and respectful communication. And yes, that why my iPad autocorrects Breastfeeding to capitalize it.)

[Coconut Flan]

It's interesting to hear how the arrogance may have come about. I've encountered it many times and it was enough to convince me to never claim any connection at all to AP.

[duplessis3]

Bill Sears actually says a lot of stuff he regretted as a parent...mostly with his first 3. i am a take the meat, leave the bones kinda gal, but have been around a lot f the better than thou folks. the thing is they exist every where...with Chirstians, AP, liberals, conservatives etc. i always liked the idea of the original sin being pride. (and this is not to say i am not guilty of this kind of pride.)

[ilovetchotchkes]

bea and illovetschochkes, what you two both said. I 've been around the birth/Breastfeeding community for 32 years and some of the smugness has been around since then, but I think Bill Sears codifying stuff into Attachment Parenting made it much worse. I noticed that in his books there was absolutely no signs that he'd ever done anything wrong, never done anything he regretted he done as a father,. I simply cannot stand his writing. I recall about 12 years ago or so stating on an email list for leaders of a certain nursing mothers group that slings were not the only way to carry your baby and that some moms might prefer using a front pack. ( I'd said that one of my friends found a BabyBjorn helpful when her baby had to be in a cast for a while.) I really got attacked for tthat. It seems that the arrogance of Dr Sears has come off on some of his followers. I ought to mention the smugness thing to the

head of ATI.

(NB: I am phasing my support for Breastfeeding moms out of my former org to a new Breastfeeding org without a particular parenting philosophy except for sensitivity to your baby's needs and respectful communication. And yes, that why my iPad autocorrects Breastfeeding to capitalize it.)

I don't think you're the only one. THe group I"m in is doing the same phasing.

And thank G-d. I attended a meeting of a DIFFERENT local group than the one I usually go to (my usual one is utterly non judgmental and amazing, hence the phasing) and was shocked at how much judgymcjudgerson crap was going on. Vaccines are of TEH DEVIL! Everyone has a yeast infection and should not eat wheat! or sugar!

[FaustianSlip]

Mayim Bialik is not Orthodox (although maybe she wants to go in that direction). I think she may have described herself has conservadox. She does some things, like working and filming on holidays, that Orthodox Jews and some conservative Jews believe completely unacceptable.

I didn't say she was Orthodox. I said that her observance has moved in an Orthodox/traditional direction- very pronouncedly so. The person she regularly refers to as her spiritual mentor, Allison over at Jew In the City, would probably be classed as Modern Orthodox Machmir, or something along those lines. I also believe Mayim and her family attended an Orthodox shul, which would mean that her husband, not having an Orthodox conversion, could not participate, as he would not be considered Jewish by that community. As a convert, I can definitely say that something like that would put a strain on my marriage- not the observance part, necessarily, but that my spouse would ask me to find a spiritual home in a community where I was not actually recognized as a valid member of that religion would be a major, major issue for me. And given that any time Mayim talks about religion, she cites Orthodox sources and nothing else (Rebbitzen Jungreis, Jew in the City, Partners In Torah, et cetera, none of whom would consider her husband's conversion valid, BTW), I think it's reasonable to assume that her television filming schedule notwithstanding, that's where her head is at. Maybe this was all a non-issue, of course, but combined with the sudden television comeback, that's potentially a lot of stress on a relationship.

Anyway, it's all speculation. I'm sorry for the kids, and I hope it works out as well as can be expected in situations like this. I did always find it kind of inappropriate, though, how Mayim would post constantly on Facebook and Kveller about how cute and dreamy and this and that the Maccabeats are. I mean, some of them are totally cute and dreamy, but she went on about it a lot.

[luckystone]

On their first date (they'd been study buddies in University for a while) she told him she couldn't marry anyone unless they were Jewish.

For real? I wouldn't convert for someone so prejudiced, I'd tell them to fuck off.

Not surprised. Poor man.

Mayim annoys me tremendously.

The comments blaming it on attachment parenting were bizarre though. Did she say she was a 24/7 parent or something? I was under the impression attachment parenting involved things like co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, picking up when crying (though not necessarily all) and just generally being there for your kid so they know you love them. Everyone seems to think it means never leaving their side or letting them do anything?

[FaustianSlip]

Look, I can't see myself marrying someone who isn't Jewish. I mean, never say never, but it's very, very hard for me to imagine that happening. It has nothing to do with prejudice (not least because Jews come in all kinds of colors and nationalities) and everything to do with the fact that I plan to raise any children I might have as Jews, I want to have a Jewish household, and Judaism is a fundamental enough part of who I am that I want to share it with whomever I might marry. I don't want to impose, say, the strictures of a kosher kitchen on someone who doesn't even believe in kashrut, or have a weekly debate about why we should go to shul on Saturday instead of going to a movie. I also wouldn't want to feel that someone might have converted "for me" (not to flatter myself), because that's a terrible reason to convert to any religion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that any more than there's anything wrong with someone who's very Catholic wanting to marry another Catholic or someone who's a devout Mormon wanting to marry another Mormon. I wouldn't marry someone who's extremely politically conservative, either, because it's in such opposition to the most basic principles that I stand for. Your religion and your politics (and how you live those things) say something about who you are and what you believe. If you're a big Rick Santorum fan, for instance, we're not going to have a future as boyfriend and girlfriend because I can tell right from the start that neither the right to choose nor gay rights are a priority for you. Which is your own prerogative, and we can still be friends and all, but we won't be dating, because I like being in a relationship that has a chance of going somewhere, and I'm not going to sympathy marry someone that isn't compatible with me.

I also find Mayim Bialik somewhat... hard to take a lot of the time, but on that particular aspect of things, I'm not going to fault her. That said, if it was that important to her that she date and marry Jewish, it seems really inappropriate that she went on a date with a guy that she presumably knew well enough at the time to know he wasn't Jewish (they had been friends prior to their first date). It puts all of the onus on him, religiously-speaking, and that's not cool.

[luckystone]

I guess I view it as different to things like political opinions - but maybe it's not, to some people. I do agree though as there are some things I wouldn't compromise on with a partner and someone who didn't understand equality (women, gay marriage, whatever) would be out in my mind. I suppose I draw a distinction, but it's hard to articulate, so I'll have a think about it.

You're right about the last paragraph though.

[Deleted03]

Look, I can't see myself marrying someone who isn't Jewish. I mean, never say never, but it's very, very hard for me to imagine that happening. It has nothing to do with prejudice (not least because Jews come in all kinds of colors and nationalities) and everything to do with the fact that I plan to raise any children I might have as Jews, I want to have a Jewish household, and Judaism is a fundamental enough part of who I am that I want to share it with whomever I might marry. I don't want to impose, say, the strictures of a kosher kitchen on someone who doesn't even believe in kashrut, or have a weekly debate about why we should go to shul on Saturday instead of going to a movie. I also wouldn't want to feel that someone might have converted "for me" (not to flatter myself), because that's a terrible reason to convert to any religion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that any more than there's anything wrong with someone who's very Catholic wanting to marry another Catholic or someone who's a devout Mormon wanting to marry another Mormon. I wouldn't marry someone who's extremely politically conservative, either, because it's in such opposition to the most basic principles that I stand for. Your religion and your politics (and how you live those things) say something about who you are and what you believe. If you're a big Rick Santorum fan, for instance, we're not going to have a future as boyfriend and girlfriend because I can tell right from the start that neither the right to choose nor gay rights are a priority for you. Which is your own prerogative, and we can still be friends and all, but we won't be dating, because I like being in a relationship that has a chance of going somewhere, and I'm not going to sympathy marry someone that isn't compatible with me.

I also find Mayim Bialik somewhat... hard to take a lot of the time, but on that particular aspect of things, I'm not going to fault her. That said, if it was that important to her that she date and marry Jewish, it seems really inappropriate that she went on a date with a guy that she presumably knew well enough at the time to know he wasn't Jewish (they had been friends prior to their first date). It puts all of the onus on him, religiously-speaking, and that's not cool.

well sometimes you fall in love lol but other than that yes I agree. But thing is we don't know maybe he was interested in Judaism already.

I also avoid conservative dates as best as I can. Not interested, some values are fundamental for me.

[bea]

My best friend is Jewish, more observant now than she was when I met her. Her belief is that it's really important in her community to marry a Jewish person and raise Jewish kids because of the amount of effort that's gone into wiping out the Jews.

I'm a cradle Catholic who married a guy who'd been baptized in the Catholic church, but had never actually attended or learned the catechism, and some of it is hard. There's a shared frame of reference, when you're both members of particular religion, that you don't have if you marry outside your religion.

Mind you, I'm also a folk magic practitioner, and he doesn't do THAT, either. Plus we've been together 21 years, so it's obviously not THAT important to him, but it was important to me that we raise our kids culturally Catholic. He's on board with that.

[longskirts]

I didn't say she was Orthodox. I said that her observance has moved in an Orthodox/traditional direction- very pronouncedly so.

FaustianSlip, I'm sorry I left out the quote I was responding to--I was referring to OnceModestTwiceShy's comment about Mayim "maintaining Orthodox observance". I'm just saying she's not maintaining that because she hasn't gotten there. I agree that she's moved in that direction and she's heavily influenced by Orthodox thought. I don't think she's going to be fully Orthodox unless she makes some major changes in her career, because her working/filming/transportation on yom tov all disqualify her and those are big things that Orthodox Jews don't compromise on.

Also, the kiruv stuff she's attracted to often presents a very watered-down version of Orthodoxy to make it more palatable. I wonder if Mayim would really want to be Orthodox if she delved deeper into the beliefs.

[deborahlynn1979]

Mayim is kid's stuff: the Maxwells have EVERYONE beat when it comes to attachment parenting.

[CrazySister]

Mayim is kid's stuff: the Maxwells have EVERYONE beat when it comes to attachment parenting.

I'm one-upping you on this. I'd say the Arndt's have them all beat! :lol:

[2xx1xy1JD]

Mayim is currently describing herself as "aspiring Orthodox", according to Allison Josephs (Jew in the City).

Unlike some BTs ("born-again Jews"), she didn't dive head-first into extreme observance and discard her previous life after one trip or religious experience. It looks like it's been a slower progression, with a lot of thought and contemplation. Her latest post on the Kveller blog is in support of the Women of the Wall, so it looks like she has her eyes open on gender issues.