Garfunkel and Oates Song on Fundie Purity

[Shina]

These awesome women, of "Sex with Ducks" fame, have created a new ode to fundiedom. It's called "the Loophole" and made me laugh hysterically and have to explain saddlebacking to my European roommate. And now I'm debating the ramifications of reposting it; how many fundie lite friends will Bible verse me for this...

 

Because I'm a generous person (and drank a lot of wine tonight) I've decided to share the awesome with FJ. Enjoy!

 

Warning: Not suitable for work. Excessive use of crude language, such as "fuck".

 

 

[BravaAmica]

That was made of win. (Do a lot of fundies really take the dirt road and still consider themselves virgins?)

[Seven Severn]

These awesome women, of "Sex with Ducks" fame, have created a new ode to fundiedom. It's called "the Loophole" and made me laugh hysterically and have to explain saddlebacking to my European roommate. And now I'm debating the ramifications of reposting it; how many fundie lite friends will Bible verse me for this...

Because I'm a generous person (and drank a lot of wine tonight) I've decided to share the awesome with FJ. Enjoy!

Warning: Not suitable for work. Excessive use of crude language, such as "fuck".

:clap: :clap: Oh, man! And the last line just put it over the edge. :dance:

[sassycupcake]

I wonder if either of them were ever sent to IFB Bible camp, because "exploiting the loophole" was the most common form of sweet fellowship when I was of brainwashing age.

[BravaAmica]

I wonder if either of them were ever sent to IFB Bible camp, because "exploiting the loophole" was the most common form of sweet fellowship when I was of brainwashing age.

I believe they're both from small towns, but did not meet until they were in LA. So it's plausible that they were exposed to "the loophole."

[tropaka]

and I always thought that this was an urban legend (the idea that "fifth base" somehow saved your virginity)

[lilith]

Do religious girls really do this? Why not blow jobs instead?

I've had casual sex in my life, but anal sex is, in my opinion, much more of a serious proposition. I've only had it in one long term relationship (this one) and I couldnt do it if i wasn't totally relaxed and totally comfortable with my partner. I just dont see the purity ring crowd being willing or able.

I do remember reading something once about BYU girls having had anal sex in much higher numbers than average college girls. It just seems odd to me.

[sassycupcake]

Some girls in my IFB youth group/ Bible camps did give BJ's instead of full-on-anal, but some were convinced that a beej counts as "Onanism" while anal doesn't. Others fell prey to "Well, you gave X a BJ (and some pieces of your heart), so you have to give ME more..."

I've always heard that fifth base is far more common amongst Catholic girls, but having never been Catholic, I can't testify to that.

[Megan]

(Oops, I had two tabs open and replied to the wrong thread!)

Relevant note: I was raised Catholic and don't know anyone who did the anal loophole. Mind you, my friend group was divided between hardcore Catholics who weren't taking any chances and cafeteria Catholics who didn't follow abstinence at all.

[Mela99]

I love these two. This makes me love them even more.

I was raised Catholic. The "abstinence by anal" was actually fairly popular in some of my circles. A funny humor book out there called The Catholic Girl Guide to Sex provides some funny insight.

[doggie]

They have several good songs one about vagina's but it is not on youtube yet that I can find. The one on pregnant woman is good.

[Shina]

I've never personally known anyone who's pulled this loophole trick.

In my fundielite dates it was either:

a) have sex anyway and don't talk about it

b) have sex, feel horrible, confess tearfully to the pastor, promise to be good, rinse and repeat.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Holy crap, I consider myself pretty worldly but I've never ever heard it referred to it as "fifth base" (or "taking the dirt road" ROFL). I always learn something new at FJ.

[MonkeyMomma]

Do religious girls really do this? Why not blow jobs instead?

I've had casual sex in my life, but anal sex is, in my opinion, much more of a serious proposition. I've only had it in one long term relationship (this one) and I couldnt do it if i wasn't totally relaxed and totally comfortable with my partner. I just dont see the purity ring crowd being willing or able.

I do remember reading something once about BYU girls having had anal sex in much higher numbers than average college girls. It just seems odd to me.

I know my sample size equals 1, but, yeah, I actually know someone who did this. I do not get it either.

[congusto]

That was terrific! Thanks for posting. I am now stuck with "Everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see" running in a loop through my head. Hopefully it will be expunged before I go to my son's SK class for Reading Buddies soon :lol:

As someone who went to Catholic schools, a convent for High School, I hadn't ever heard this in that environment. Ever. Plenty of people were having sex, but if it was something you felt bad about, well that's why Confession exists. Anonymous Confession. Five decades of the Rosary, Sorrowful Mysteries, if you please - voila - problem solved. God knows we are imperfect.

[mirele]

I heard this from Mormon teens in Utah in the 1990s: "Be moral, go oral." I'm thinking anal would have been a bit much.

I also remember a discussion that floated around after the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky thing. Clinton said it wasn't sex, a lot of huffy people said, of course it's sex, and the discussion in Utah was that there were thousands of teenagers who were very certain it wasn't sex.

[snarktastic]

Never heard of these 2 - they're great. Also, learned some new expressions here today :lol:

[Minerva]

That made me laugh pretty hard.

I've heard of teenage girls having anal because they want to remain "virgins". None of them for religious reasons, however. And no, _lillith, they did not enjoy it in the least bit.

[lilith]

I have fallen down a Garfunkel and Oates rabbit hole. How did I not know of the existence of these awesome women before? I have a girl crush on them both.

[gilora]

Are those their real names? I tend to doubt it, unless there's also a Simon and Hall duo running around.

[thekate]

Are those their real names? I tend to doubt it, unless there's also a Simon and Hall duo running around.

No, they are Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome. If you're in the US, you might recognize Kate from Scrubs (later seasons) and Raising Hope.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garfunkel_and_Oates

[Avalondaughter]

Holy crap, I consider myself pretty worldly but I've never ever heard it referred to it as "fifth base" (or "taking the dirt road" ROFL). I always learn something new at FJ.

I'm enjoying these new expressions too. I had an ex who called it "riding the Hershey highway"

I was pretty obsessed with keeping my virginity throughout my teen years. Although I was somewhat influenced by my early experiments in evangelicaldom most of it was just my belief that since physical innocence was irreversible that I could only lose it with the RIGHT guy at the RIGHT time and it had to be perfect and beautiful and a sacred (in my way, not in a Christian way) introduction to a new phase of life.

I never would have ever considered anal, but a few heads were between my legs before any penises were.

[camdendayton]

Their song where they're supposed to be the same woman but one at 29 and one at 31 is my favorite:

H-gfxjAaZg0

Might have something to do with being 30 and starting to feel that biological clock thing I've always heard about...

[gilora]

Their song where they're supposed to be the same woman but one at 29 and one at 31 is my favorite:

H-gfxjAaZg0

Might have something to do with being 30 and starting to feel that biological clock thing I've always heard about...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :clap:

[Freyacat]

I have fallen down a Garfunkel and Oates rabbit hole. How did I not know of the existence of these awesome women before? I have a girl crush on them both.

Me too - I got on an obsession with their music a year or so ago and had two of their songs stuck in my head all the time. This one:

and this one:

I didn't know they had new stuff out, though! Awesome!