Modesty without looking extreme

[luckylassie]

I know people have different definitions of modest. What are your beliefs about it? Is it just in how you dress? Do any of you go skirts only like the Duggars? Do you think that the Duggar girls clothing choices make them stand out?

[Patsy]

I believe modesty often has a lot to do with others' standards. In situations with some nudity, there are certain areas I don't care about exposing. I still cover them the rest of the time in consideration for others. I know the modern thing is to say that fundie modesty is about this, but I don't think it is for most people. Example of an exception: I think Kim @ LiaS has said before that they often wear shorts around the house, so that, to me, is modesty for other people.

Frankly, I think some standards are dumb, and I don't respect them in and of themselves. But I will often respect them for others.

Back to modern fundie modesty: I think it's definitely cultural, I still don't get most arguments for skirts-only (either go by modern standards of men's/women's dress, or the contemporary standards of the verse; picking a time fifty years ago just makes your hard-on for the fifties more obvious), and I think some choose it to attract attention but others honeslty don't.

[Ridiculous]

I'm skirts only. Skirts go past the knees. Short sleeves ok, 3/4 or long sleeves better. No sleeveless. Neckline no more than 3 fingers from collarbones. I wear a normal bathing suit, albeit a much more covering than normal one. My clothes don't really stand out at all.

I think the Duggars' clothes don't stand out so much now, but their older style did.

For the most part, I do think it's best to dress "normally" but with looser clothes and\or more coverage rather than going full frumper. The frumpers wave a "Look at me!! I am DIFFERENT!! Attention everyone!! HIGHLY RELIGIOUS FOLK OVER HERE!!" flag. The exception would be for religiously or community-required clothing. In that case it's not so much about drawing attention to yourself as different from the larger population and more about identifying yourself as part of a specific group.

[debrand]

Why are skirts more modest than pants? Please don't think that I believe that a person is wrong for wearing skirts only. There is nothing wrong with having your own individual style.

Whenever I wear a dress or skirt, my hubby always makes comments about 'easy access' I've heard other women say the same is true of their spouses/boyfriends. That doesn't seem modest to me.

[clibbyjo]

I mostly wears skirts and not because of modesty. I like skirts and I like "good fitting" jeans. We know the good fitting jeans are hard to come by, so its skirts for me.

I agree with the "look at me,super fundies over here!" mentality of those in the frumperlicious catagory. Look at the 7 sisters, for example.They are modest in style,but they get tons of attention because of the hideous, matching frumpers. They love the attention,they just got interviewed(again as they say)by a radio station because he picked them out of the 4H crowd from their frumpers. A normal skirt and shirt would be more modest.

[dormouse]

I'm not religious but I dress modestly because I do not like my body and I think that, as a married woman, I am no longer trying to "catch" someone so I feel uncomfortable showing too much skin. I also work with an ex, so I wouldn't feel comfortable dressed too sexy either. However, my definition of modest is probably not the same as our fundies. My dresses and skirts never go above the knee. In the summer, I almost always wear a knee-lenght black skirt and some cute t-shirt (band, retro cartoon character, etc.) I like 3/4 or 1/4 sleeves, but try to avoid tank tops and cap sleeves at work because it shows my tattoo and it has given me trouble before (see post about christian bullies in the workplace). In the winter, I wear straight jeans, and add a cardigan over the t-shirt. I basically don't like to show my thighs and midriff, cause I'm what some people call a "skinnyfat", and dressing modestly gives the illusion that I'm, well, just skinny.

[maybeizfundie]

Skirts only here. I gave up caring what people think of me a long time ago, so I wear what I'm comfortable in and what fits my understanding of modesty.

Being fat, it's hard to find pants that would be modest without being sloppy on me, so I don't even bother with them. I loooove the loose-pants and tunic combination (salwar kameez) that women wear in India and other countries thereabouts. But that would definitely be an attention-getter around here. Whereas skirts and headcovering are more "Oh, fundie. Or maybe Amish. huh."

[valsa]

If someone wanted to run around naked- more power to them. I think "modesty" is a bunch of crap made up to let some people feel superior to other people.

[browngrl]

Why are skirts more modest than pants? Please don't think that I believe that a person is wrong for wearing skirts only. There is nothing wrong with having your own individual style.

Whenever I wear a dress or skirt, my hubby always makes comments about 'easy access' I've heard other women say the same is true of their spouses/boyfriends. That doesn't seem modest to me.

Yes !!!

I always wonder about just this thing. I guess the easy access of skirts makes filling your quiver easier.

[maybeizfundie]

Easy access: Not if you're wearing bloomers, too. :p

(I don't, but they're popular with some)

[Deleted02]

I wear jeans/shorts to my knees and t-shirts. I don't show a lot of skin because I just don't want to and I have serious tan lines.

[apple1]

The actual definition of "modest" is to not draw undue attention to oneself.

It has NOTHING to do with skirts/dresses vs. slacks.

[fundiefan]

If someone wanted to run around naked- more power to them. I think "modesty" is a bunch of crap made up to let some people feel superior to other people.

I agree. Wear what you are comfortable wearing. If someone else doesn't like it, it is their problem, not yours/mine.

Prefer skirts/dresses, go for it. But remember it's your standard and your choice for your reasons.

Clothing choices rarely define one's character, values or morals.

[forever ago]

^what apple1 said.

I dress fairly conservatively, not because of any religious edict (I'm an atheist) but because some clothes just feel really really weird, also I have a ton of body-image issues and dressing like a skank would definitely not help.

The spectrum of modesty isn't a line going from modest to OH GOD WHAT A WHORE. It's a circle, because imo it's possible to be so modest you're immodest... for two different values of 'modest'.

I consider this: http://www.thekingsdaughters.com/ to be modest to the point of being immodest. You're covering up and being 'feminine' to the point you're just drawing attention to yourself.

As for what I wear, I don't wear shirts that would show cleavage if I actually had boobs. I wear camisoles under low-cut v-necks. My 'conservatism' really depends on what I'm wearing as far as my shirts, since imo it's not hard to be modest with pants/shorts/skirts. I have a lot of shorty shorts, yeah, but I don't own a skirt that comes above the knee, just because I hate having my legs appear covered but they're actually touch a very cold chair when i sit down. I don't wear skirts and dresses anyway, I feel like I can't move at all.

[nolongerIFBx]

I wear skirts only except for working out and, recently, laying tile b/c I was crawling all over the floor, LOL. I've worn skirts only all my life so it is what I am comfortable with. I just don't have a desire to wear pants so I don't understand the big deal.

I've been in churches where they taught skirts only, no slits, even keyhole closure are immodest and ones who taught if it's long and loose it's okay.

Truly it comes down to if modesty is important to you then you should dress by your definition of modest and (at least try!) not to judge others for dressing by their definition of modest.

[Jessica]

I have a pair of pants but 95% of the time I wear skirts. I just don't like my butt and crotch being outlined for all to see. Plus, skirts are cooler. In the heat I can get a nice breeze and in the winter it's easier to layer yoga pants under a skirt than it is under another pair of pants. That's just my personal preference though. I don't care what you wear as long as I don't have to see your butt crack.

Edit - If I had the money I'd have a bunch of Little House on the Prairie dresses to wear around the house. Not for modesty or religious conviction but I just like historical clothing. Most of the reason Titanic is one of my favorite movies is because of the costumes. ;) I also like a lot of what have been called "Pride & Prejudice dresses" and the clothing depicted in Biblical paintings. But that's jsut me. ;)

[loveandwar]

By fundie standards, I'm not modest at all. lol. I love a good pair of blue jeans or shorts. My shorts don't go above mid-thigh, mainly because that's where my tan line is. Haha. Dresses/skirts usually at the knee or right above it. I like layering - I have several t-shirts that are sheer/show a too much cleavage by themselves. I have tanks in a variety of colors that I layer underneath.

[jockosmom]

I loooove the loose-pants and tunic combination (salwar kameez) that women wear in India and other countries thereabouts. But that would definitely be an attention-getter around here. Whereas skirts and headcovering are more "Oh, fundie. Or maybe Amish. huh."

I've always thought the way Indian women dress looks very comfortable too. I'd like to give that a try, but as mentioned above, it would definitely draw attention.

[liltwinstar]

I don't think of myself as dressing "modestly" - for me, it's more about what I feel comfortable in and what feels appropriate to me. Also, I like to look polished for work, so my work clothes tend to be more on the conservative side. Skirts are at least knee-length, I wear camisoles/tanks under sheer blouses, etc. I *love* wide-legged trousers with heels and a cute top, or a pencil skirt and cardigan. That said, there are a few things that I don't wear - shorts, for one, or super-low-cut tops. Those things are personal preference, though, since I'm chubby and well-endowed. So I don't want my flesh oozing out of anything, if that makes sense - but that's more of a fit issue than a modesty issue.

Weekends find me in cute jeans or capris, a t-shirt of some kind, and flip flops or cute flats.

My life got so much better when I stopped worrying about modesty! Now I can worry about things like fit and figure flattery, rather than obsessing about "covering up."

[Kaylee]

I think modesty is more about attitdue and not dressing to draw attention to yourself than about exactly what you are wearing. That said, I do think that certain clothes in certain situations are immodest, but that varies depending on the type of clothing acceptable to the situation and culture/group of people that will be present.

For me, part of it is dressing appropriate to the situation. In general, I try to keep necklines at least a couple inches above my bra and were no cleavage will show even if I bend over. I do wear sleeveless dresses and tops as long as the sleeves are not cut so they show sideboob, but not strapless and if I wear spaghetti straps I wear either a shirt underneath or a shrug or jacket over the top. I usually wear dresses or skirts, and I like them at least knee length, but prefer mid-calf or full-length. I wear jeans or pants sometimes, but nothing really tight, and I try to wear them with longer tops that are at least hip or thigh length. When it's really hot, I may wear longish shorts (not more than 2-in above my knee) and/or tank tops at home, but I usually change before going out anywhere. I do wear a "normal" one-piece bathing suit for swimming, and a tri-suit (sort of a swimsuit/bike shorts hybrid) for triathlon, and I wear longer, slightly loose bike shorts or capris & sleeveless tops or short sleeved tees over a sports bra when working out.

I was "skirts only" for several years, and more strict on modesty "standards", but there were times that it really wasn't practical or actually modest. I worked in a men's prison for 6 years as a guard, and wore a calf-length uniform skirt for 2 of those years (I had to switch to pants when I made the cell-extraction team, because of the protective suits we wore over our uniforms). Even with capris underneath, it still presented a problem when walking on stairs or upper tiers, but I did get less comments on my figure in it than when I switched to pants (our pants were cut for men and, even going up 2-3 waist sizes, they were still too tight fitting on someone like me with a big butt). I figured pants made a lot more sense when riding a motorcycle, working out, or doing certain house/yard chores. I also wore them when working in real estate on days I had an inspection to attend and might have to climb a ladder or look in a crawl space, and for showing large tracts of mountain or wooded land.

I don't think the Duggar girls' clothing makes them stand out so much now, but the clothes they were in the past certainly did. I don't even have much of a problem with jumpers, but the thing of dressing the whole family in matching outfits just annoys me for some reason. I don't know that I'd really even think anything about the way they dress now if I hadn't seen the earlier pics and didn't know that there was a religious aspect to it.

eta: For the women that like the shalwar kameez type look, but won't to blend it, you can get a similar sort of effect with long palazzo pants (loose, flared pants) and a matching tunic top or short tunic dress. With solid pants and a more western style top, it doesn't stand out near as much, but gives the same sort of silhouette.

[forever ago]

I don't think the Duggar girls' clothing makes them stand out so much now, but the clothes they were in the past certainly did. I don't even have much of a problem with jumpers, but the thing of dressing the whole family in matching outfits just annoys me for some reason. I don't know that I'd really even think anything about the way they dress now if I hadn't seen the earlier pics and didn't know that there was a religious aspect to it.

Oh god, me too. Never, ever dress your kids in matching outfits, unless said outfits are school/band/sports uniforms. You're basically telling the world that your kids are lemmings with no real personality, who are basically brainwashed into following your every command.

[formergothardite]

I think modesty is more about attitdue and not dressing to draw attention to yourself than about exactly what you are wearing. That said, I do think that certain clothes in certain situations are immodest, but that varies depending on the type of clothing acceptable to the situation and culture/group of people that will be present.

For me, part of it is dressing appropriate to the situation. In general, I try to keep necklines at least a couple inches above my bra and were no cleavage will show even if I bend over. I do wear sleeveless dresses and tops as long as the sleeves are not cut so they show sideboob, but not strapless and if I wear spaghetti straps I wear either a shirt underneath or a shrug or jacket over the top. I usually wear dresses or skirts, and I like them at least knee length, but prefer mid-calf or full-length. I wear jeans or pants sometimes, but nothing really tight, and I try to wear them with longer tops that are at least hip or thigh length. When it's really hot, I may wear longish shorts (not more than 2-in above my knee) and/or tank tops at home, but I usually change before going out anywhere. I do wear a "normal" one-piece bathing suit for swimming, and a tri-suit (sort of a swimsuit/bike shorts hybrid) for triathlon, and I wear longer, slightly loose bike shorts or capris & sleeveless tops or short sleeved tees over a sports bra when working out.

I was "skirts only" for several years, and more strict on modesty "standards", but there were times that it really wasn't practical or actually modest. I worked in a men's prison for 6 years as a guard, and wore a calf-length uniform skirt for 2 of those years (I had to switch to pants when I made the cell-extraction team, because of the protective suits we wore over our uniforms). Even with capris underneath, it still presented a problem when walking on stairs or upper tiers, but I did get less comments on my figure in it than when I switched to pants (our pants were cut for men and, even going up 2-3 waist sizes, they were still too tight fitting on someone like me with a big butt). I figured pants made a lot more sense when riding a motorcycle, working out, or doing certain house/yard chores. I also wore them when working in real estate on days I had an inspection to attend and might have to climb a ladder or look in a crawl space, and for showing large tracts of mountain or wooded land.

I don't think the Duggar girls' clothing makes them stand out so much now, but the clothes they were in the past certainly did. I don't even have much of a problem with jumpers, but the thing of dressing the whole family in matching outfits just annoys me for some reason. I don't know that I'd really even think anything about the way they dress now if I hadn't seen the earlier pics and didn't know that there was a religious aspect to it.

eta: For the women that like the shalwar kameez type look, but won't to blend it, you can get a similar sort of effect with long palazzo pants (loose, flared pants) and a matching tunic top or short tunic dress. With solid pants and a more western style top, it doesn't stand out near as much, but gives the same sort of silhouette.

Exactly and I think so many fundies ~coughgodsdaughtercough~ miss that and instead spend all their time talking about how modest they are which isn't modest at all.

When I was 50 lbs skinner I wore skirts above the knees and shorts a lot in the summer. But I have so many body image issues now I pretty much wear long skirts, jeans and capri pants along with plain t-shirts. I need to lose weight and get clibbyjo to give me a make-over. I dress like I do because of insecurity, not modesty.

[debrand]

Easy access: Not if you're wearing bloomers, too. :p

(I don't, but they're popular with some)

The only way that a man knows you have on bloomers is if you show him. And I am pretty certain that goes against most people's definition of modesty. :lol: Although, in some situations, it might be fun. ;)

[3 is enough]

I don't think the Duggars girls' regular clothing looks extreme, but their bathing suits are absolutely ridiculous. They draw more attention than a regular one-piece, and guys would be constantly looking for the frumper to float up so they could get a glimpse of the body underneath, even if it is covered by a bodysuit.

I grew up in the age of miniskirts, and while my school did not have a uniform, the girls did have to wear skirts or dresses. I always wore shorts under my skirts, because if you flashed your underwear, the boys would tease you. I wasn't the only one- all the girls did it. By high school the rules were relaxed, and it was jeans all the time.

These days I live in the desert, and the summers are HOT. I dress appropriately for my age and body type. I do wear longer shorts but when I go out I'm more comfortable in a skort so I look like I'm wearing a skirt, but I have the added coverage of the shorts underneath. They stop just above my knee, but I'm short, and long skirts don't do much for me. I'm not comfortable in low cut necklines, but have no problem with sleeveless tops, just not spaghetti straps. I have a real issue with women of a certain age who dress like teenagers, and there are a lot of them where I live. Finding jeans was a nightmare a few years ago, when there were only super low cut or "mom jeans" to choose from, but things are a bit better lately.

[SinInTheCamp]

The actual definition of "modest" is to not draw undue attention to oneself.

It has NOTHING to do with skirts/dresses vs. slacks.

Basically. If you're uncomfortable in what you're wearing it will show on your face and in your posture, drawing the attention of other people. So skirt-haters can keep wearing pants and shorts and skirt-lovers can keep wearing skirts.

I'd wear more skirts if it weren't for the chub rub that those of us with larger thighs are prone to, especially in summer.