Making a covenant with "daddy". A lesson in what happens

[Koala]

when your parents have no emotional boundaries. Also called: Fundie parents run amok.

http://treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com/2012/07/shes-not-little-girl-anymore.html

Boring birthday post right?

WRONG!

Next Friday evening she will be making a covenant with her daddy in a beautiful ceremony next to our herb garden. I'll be sharing that post soon!

And a link to: http://treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com/2010/10/commited-to-courtship.html

Boundaries people. You can haz them.

[Swamptribe]

What the hell is a 'covenant with her daddy'?

[eineAnanas]

Yikes, that whole post squicked me out. Am I understanding correctly that the girls actually have a signed contract between themselves and their father?

[linnea27]

What the hell is a 'covenant with her daddy'?

If I remember right, the girl makes a "covenant" to her father, basically that her virginity is his until he gives her away in marriage.

ETA: Here is the definition from the writer's own blog:

Stephanie and her younger sister Emily have both separately entered into a covenant with their Daddy that basically states that they will keep themselves pure for their husbands, obtain their father’s blessing on their courtship and will wait for Daddy’s full release before entering into marriage. In this Covenant, Terry agrees to protect them from unqualified men, teach them God’s principles of life, and pray for them and for God’s choice of their life partners.

For Stephanie’s ceremony Terry and I asked Pastor and his wife to join us and Stephanie at a Victorian restaurant. After the meal, we discussed the Covenant and prayed together. After the Covenant was signed, Terry presented Stephanie with a signet ring with an emblem of a key before a heart, under an umbrella. This emblem signifies that the key to her heart is safely guarded by her authority.

[uncreative]

The daughters having matching signet rings really squicks me out (it's not the ONLY squicky thing about this...just the one that jumps out right now). It reminds me of the Sister Wives' matching claddagh rings.

[GenerationCedarchip]

What the hell is a 'covenant with her daddy'?

I get the impression that this is still a fringe sort of thing, but if it's what I've heard of, it's almost like a purity ball without the ball. They basically do the "I pledge my purity, obedience, etc.. to daddy and daddy will be my 'cover' until I get married," shtick in a personalized ceremony. I don't know about other traditions, but in the reformed fundie world, this is still pretty much on the outer fringe. The idea of daddy being his daughter's "cover" has gotten to be pretty mainstream in reformed fundieland but the ceremonies related to it seem to still be somewhat less so.

[crawfishgirl]

Where's the part about her daddy promising to teach her how to be a responsible, educated adult who can analyze a situation and make her own decisions? Oh wait, the males have to rule over the females since they aren't capable of rational thought. :x

[gardenvarietycitizen]

That vagina dress would be just the thing!

(that is, if the daughter wore it in protest!!!)

[Burris]

"...they will keep themselves pure for their husbands, obtain their father’s blessing on their courtship and will wait for Daddy’s full release..."

They always fail to see the double entendres.

...

...or perhaps they see them all too clearly.

[crazytalk]

By the time we came to our marriage, both of us had been married and divorced, and had left a trail of numerous broken relationships behind us. We had given pieces of our hearts to so many different people that there was little left over for our “life partnerâ€. We do not believe this to be God’s best and by God’s grace, we have chosen a different path for our children.

I never got this argument. So, by dating around, and loving different people before you find "the one," this diminishes your heart? Loving limits your heart, breaks it down to smaller than it was before? But having 19 kids, no way Jose, that actually makes your heart bigger? Or somesuch.

[slickcat79]

Stephanie and her younger sister Emily have both separately entered into a covenant with their Daddy that basically states that they will keep themselves pure for their husbands, obtain their father’s blessing on their courtship and will wait for Daddy’s full release before entering into marriage. In this Covenant, Terry agrees to protect them from unqualified men, teach them God’s principles of life, and pray for them and for God’s choice of their life partners.

Wait...God's choice or Daddy's choice? Is there actually any difference?

[Little_Eyes]

Wait...God's choice or Daddy's choice? Is there actually any difference?

I don't think so, and that's what sad about it. It could be that they will fall for a man their father doesn't like but they will never have a chance to make that choice. What squicks me out is the fact that this whole thing is based on the infallibility of the father's judgement. It's not like their father is God and is all the things they attribute to their God. The father is not perfect and wise. If he were as Godlike as they think he is, he wouldn't be enslaving his daughters like this.

[heinz57]

I never got this argument. So, by dating around, and loving different people before you find "the one," this diminishes your heart? Loving limits your heart, breaks it down to smaller than it was before? But having 19 kids, no way Jose, that actually makes your heart bigger? Or somesuch.

And am I reading this wrong or are they saying they don't have much feelings for each other???

[holierthanyou]

That vagina dress would be just the thing!

(that is, if the daughter wore it in protest!!!)

I am picturing a fundy daughter with a "rebellious heart" who can attend her purity ball in a beautiful, virginal white gown, and then pull a ribbon to reveal the vagina dress... sort of like Katniss' dress being able to catch fire in the Hunger Games.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I am picturing a fundy daughter with a "rebellious heart" who can attend her purity ball in a beautiful, virginal white gown, and then pull a ribbon to reveal the vagina dress... sort of like Katniss' dress being able to catch fire in the Hunger Games.

That... would be AWESOME. :D

[Conuly]

You know what's very sad is that this is significantly LESS creepy than those people who insist on this sort of covenant when their children are far too young to make any binding promise (say, at 12) or understand what they want later in life (like at 8) or even understand what they're promising (I've heard of people doing this sort of thing with 4 year olds! :shock: )

In comparison it seems almost normal, although of course it's not. If your values are such-and-fuch, and you've done a good job passing them down, surely your kid doesn't really need to jump through hoops and vow this and that. And if you've done a terrible job passing them down, is the formal promise really going to help?

(Not that I agree with the concept in the first place, but even if I *did*, I'd certainly hope I'd done a good job teaching my values and beliefs to my kid by the time she's an adult!)

[crazytalk]

And am I reading this wrong or are they saying they don't have much feelings for each other???

that's exactly my point - or, one of them. So they're belittling their current marriage, by saying that it's not as wonderful as it could have been had they been "pure" when they met. But more and more and more kids, that doesn't work the same way. Somehow that makes your heart bigger, rather than breaking it into pieces.

I also wonder how these parents met. Did they do so in a "worldly" way, or had she moved back in wtih her headship when she divorced her first husband, and her authority helped her with this one? I get the impression they did not do the courtship thing together. So, god let them make mistakes and still end up in a good partnership, so why can't their kids figure it out on their own as well? It kills me when these parents grew up a certain way, had all the experiences they wanted in their life, and now they want to limit their kids into tiny little worlds that they - the parents - can control.

[Koala]

I never got this argument. So, by dating around, and loving different people before you find "the one," this diminishes your heart? Loving limits your heart, breaks it down to smaller than it was before? But having 19 kids, no way Jose, that actually makes your heart bigger? Or somesuch.

Here's what I don't get. When you put Terry and Cheryl together you get a long history of failed relationships, ended marriages, and affairs. My favorite is that Cheryl played the poor, put upon, long suffering wife for the longest before admitting that she was having affairs too, but I digress. What on earth makes those two think they have a right to not only ask their daughters to let Terry give the "final release" on their relationships, but to ask them to sign contracts??? Makes.No.Sense.At.All.

[OkToBeTakei]

I thought my day could get no worse. Felt sick, stayed in bed read Zsuzanna's blog. At this point the actual vomiting began. Coincidence? I think not.

Now this.

Why do these insecure idiots have children? Bleh...I'm off to speak to God down the big white phone :mrgreen:

[heinz57]

that's exactly my point - or, one of them. So they're belittling their current marriage, by saying that it's not as wonderful as it could have been had they been "pure" when they met. But more and more and more kids, that doesn't work the same way. Somehow that makes your heart bigger, rather than breaking it into pieces.

I also wonder how these parents met. Did they do so in a "worldly" way, or had she moved back in wtih her headship when she divorced her first husband, and her authority helped her with this one? I get the impression they did not do the courtship thing together. So, god let them make mistakes and still end up in a good partnership, so why can't their kids figure it out on their own as well? It kills me when these parents grew up a certain way, had all the experiences they wanted in their life, and now they want to limit their kids into tiny little worlds that they - the parents - can control.

Or at least it provides a welcome diversion from facing the fact that you're stuck in a loveless marriage... I only ever met a sorta-fundie once, and he was French, so it may not be representative of most, but he had 7 children and he told me quite bluntly "After 2-3 years you don't have much to say to your wife anymore, but kids provide a ready topic for conversations, so that's why we keep making them". His interpretation was obviously that this is a glue that holds marriage together, mine was that it's pathetic...

[shesinsane]

They always fail to see the double entendres.

...

...or perhaps they see them all too clearly.

Either they're ignorant, or the person who wrote it is subversive and trying to insert things to make outsiders see this as a joke. I'm rather surprised there wasn't mention of Daddy and Daughter having a happy ending. :twisted:

[easternabeille]

Ewwww! These cult like fundie rituals of females promising their fathers' that they'll 'keep pure' and obtain their blessing before courtship or marriage always disgust me on a very deep level. There is something seriously, seriously wrong with families who do this to their daughters (why not the sons???). My father, who is slightly socially awkward tbh, would have died of embarrassment if someone suggested we take part in a 'purity covenant'. Honestly it never would have occurred to my father that he had the right to dictate what I did with my body.

[FaeT]

Poking around her blog a bit, I found this gem: http://treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com/2011/10/keys-to-obedience-tutorial.html One of the four "keys to obedience"? No complaining. Yes, because we would never want a child to express her like or dislike of something. Never. Or to complain if someone is hurting her. Can't have any of that.

[kunoichi66]

They always fail to see the double entendres.

...

...or perhaps they see them all too clearly.

I'm glad that I wasn't the only person to see that...

[Sumeri]

Ugh. So nasty. The whole thing is disgusting, plus, as my husband and I are both thrice married, her explanation of her fragmented heart irritates me too. But did any of you see this from their comment section?

That is a beautiful idea! My stepdaughter is only 8, but there's coming a day if we're not raptured out soon that I will have to handle this... I wasn't raised to do "courtship" either, so new ground here for us too!

Bolding mine. Really? Do these people honestly make plans with the disclaimer that they may not make it due to possibly being raptured at some time in the not-too-distant future?