Need God? Take the Quiz!

[slickcat79]

This may have been snarked on here before but, I found this link on Christopher Maxwell's wedding photography page. Yes, even when getting married, you should be considering whether or not you are hell-bound.

needgod.com

I originally thought it was another Maxwell product, but apparently it's part of Ray Comfort's Living Waters Ministry.

SPOILER ALERT

If you think you are going to heaven, YOU ARE WRONG.

[Gil]

it looks like you'd get the same no answer no matter how you answered any given question.

[Esther]

OH SHIT, I'M GOING TO A MADE-UP PLACE WHERE A RED DUDE WITH HORNS AND A PITCHFORK IS GOING TO POKE ME IN THE EYE.

Oh, wow. These people are ... interesting.

[No Fun My Babe]

:lol:

Oh noes, I'm damned for all eternity. I've done bad, bad things. Oh wait, I don't believe in fairy tales. Phew. *wipes brow*

[argypargy]

I'm going to hell!! I'm not concerned, but apparently I should be!

:banana-dance:

[Terrie]

Meh. If I went to Heaven, I'd miss all my friends. :)

[freejoytoo]

I said I wasn't bothered that I was going to Hell and it told me I SHOULD be concerned because it was like standing on a highway and not believing in trucks :lol:

Hell is where the interesting people are.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I'm going to hell.

I'm very much looking forward to the music.

[Anxious Girl]

And this is why I don't like religious quizzes. It's a load of bullshit to try and trap people to feel guilty to join a cult to "better" their souls; when the cult leaders are actually trying to brainwash their sheep into doing what they want.

[pixydust]

You can't win with that test! I answered every question "right" and it still said that I break the 1st commandment and I'm going to hell.

Oh, but wait, I'm Jewish and hell is a Christian concept...I'm cool, I'll just go to Florida when I die! (Sorry, Caroline in the City reference!)

[PennySycamore]

OH SHIT, I'M GOING TO A MADE-UP PLACE WHERE A RED DUDE WITH HORNS AND A PITCHFORK IS GOING TO POKE ME IN THE EYE.

Oh, wow. These people are ... interesting.

Don't forget the bifurcated tail!

From O Brother, Where Art Thou? :

Tommy Johnson: I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.

Everett: Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.

Pete: I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?

Everett: Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.

Tommy Johnson: Oh, no. No, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He loves to travel around with a mean old hound. That's right.

[Childless]

The thing's rigged. It will tell you you're going to hell no matter how you answer. It's a ridiculous ploy to insight guilt. As far as Christian doctrine goes, you'll get into heaven as long as you accept Jesus Christ as your savior. You don't need to do anything else. So, in addition to trying to guilt you into sharing their fucked up beliefs, they're also lying. Way to be Christian there Ray. :roll:

[Sola]

It's another version of Ray's Good Person test. A total load of craptrap and it doesn't matter how you answer it is never enough.

[OddlyAmused]

Hell's going to be a party!

[Effie]

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. - William Shakespeare

[debrand]

I think that it would be fun to answer Comfort's good person test in a silly manner. Afterall, you can't win no matter what you do so you might as well poke fun at the person giving the test

My favorite question is the one about lusting after someone. I can't remember how it is worded but the questioner is trying to get the other person to admit to committing the sin of adultery(except in your thoughts) I always thought it would be funny if the person answering pretended like the questioner was coming on to him/her.

Ray comfort: So, have you ever looked at a woman who wasn't your wife with lust?

Test Taker: Lord no. Are you coming on to me? Because that mustache of yours is hot!

The best responses to this type of silly test came from Christopher Hitchens.

By the way, did you know that in Exodus god rewards the midwives for lying? Check out Exodus 1. The midwives were rewarded for lying about the male Hebrew babies. So, either bible god is fickle or he isn't as black and white as Comfort wants him to be.

[Deleted02]

Well I'll be in good company in hell! :D

[slickcat79]

By the way, did you know that in Exodus god rewards the midwives for lying? Check out Exodus 1. The midwives were rewarded for lying about the male Hebrew babies. So, either bible god is fickle or he isn't as black and white as Comfort wants him to be.

God also warns against incest in leviticus, but he seems pretty cool with what went down between Lot and his daughters. Not to mention the metric shit-ton of biblical caveats that go along with "thou shalt not kill".

I thought the fact that I donate to charity might help me out, like that was one question I could get "right", but apparently god doesn't give a shit about that.

[debrand]

Well I'll be in good company in hell! :D

It says in Revelation(spelling?) that people praise god all day long. That sounds insanely boring. I'd rather stay in hell, talking art and literature with my favorite writers and artists then puff up the ego of some spirit being.

[debrand]

God also warns against incest in leviticus, but he seems pretty cool with what went down between Lot and his daughters. Not to mention the metric shit-ton of biblical caveats that go along with "thou shalt not kill".

I thought the fact that I donate to charity might help me out, like that was one question I could get "right", but apparently god doesn't give a shit about that.

Even offering up your virgin daughters to be gang raped doesn't prevent god from saving your sorry butt. Turning around to look at the city you are leaving behind will get you turned into a giant salt pillar. Somehow, I think bible god has his priorities screwed up.

edited for mistake

[celestial]

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. - William Shakespeare

Hey, I like that!

[emmyfair]

Ray Comfort the test said I'm going to hell.

[Patsy]

it looks like you'd get the same no answer no matter how you answered any given question.

Welcome, welcome to one-size-fits-all fundiedom!

It's like faith and the power of prayer. A Christian can move mountains, and the fact that not one ever has is irrelevant to that 'fact'. I know God will protect me, so if anything bad happens we'll just redefine 'protect' to mean, er... If you call on God, he will answer. Oh, there are people who have, and he hasn't? It's still true. Nobody can raise children while disabled without Jesus' provision. Someone has? No, still true.

It's illogical and stupid when people apply these rules to themselves, but infuriating when they apply them to others.

[anniebgood]

What a bunch of craptastic horseshit. So going to church, giving to charity, and helping feed the poor doesn't count in God's eyes?

Bull shit.

[Guest Anonymous]

At this exact moment I am sitting in a leather swivel chair, speaking in a haughty British accent, stroking a cat, and listening to a James Bond theme tune (Nancy Sinatra, "You only live twice"). I do not need a quiz to tell me that I am evil and headed for Hell.