New Low in Parenting Trends: Free Range Kids

[Glass Cowcatcher]

So, following on longskirtslotsakid's good deed, here's a disturbing blog I stumbled across.

http://freerangekids.wordpressDOTcom/

I am all for teaching kids age-appropriate independence-right now the offspring are playing alone outside (but in my sight) but this blog is one big missing the point FAIL! The author seems to think that the *only* trouble that can ever fall on accompanied minors is abduction, and since that's extremely rare, no need to supervise kids, at all!

From the FAQ:

Yes, [media attention after a letting a 9-year-old ride NYC subway along] was what it took for me to learn just what a hot-button this is — this issue of whether good parents ever let their kids out of their sight. But even as the anchors were having a field day with the story, many of the cameramen and make up people were pulling me aside to say that THEY had been allowed to get around by themselves as kids– and boy were they glad. They relished the memories!

Had the world really become so much more dangerous in just one generation?Yes — in most people’s estimation. But no — not according to the evidence. Over at the think tank STATS.org, where they examine the way the media use statistics, researchers have found that the number of kids getting abducted by strangers actually holds very steady over the years. In 2006, that number was 115, and 40% of them were killed.

Wake up. There are other reasons why kids need to be supervised. A lot will depend on age and individual kids, but:

-make sure kids are behaving well with other kids

-safety concerns, i.e., not playing near traffic

-keeping kids from drinking, drugging, whatever.

-if YOU do not know where your kids are, they probably do not know where YOU are, and cannot contact you in an emergency.

-As pointed out in the other thread, there are laws concerning at what age and how long kids can be left alone.

And I just have to snark on this, currently the first blog entry:

Readers — Get a load of this. For their senior trip, some students from a Philly high school went to Williamsburg, VA for four days. When eight of them got into trouble for causing plumbing damage in a hotel bathroom, they were sent home, on a train. So can you guess what the problem is, according to the media (and livid parents)?

These “children†(aged 17 and 18, I presume) were on the train “unchaperoned!†For five whole hours! And, of course, “Anything could have happened!†as one mom predictably lamented.

You know what? Something DID happen. They screwed up and got sent home. But being on a train with your friends in your later teen years is NOT an unacceptable risk — because it isn’t a risk at all. It’s no big deal! Treating it like it’s the equivalent of sending a three-year-old on a solo cross-country Greyhound trip MAY be the reason the kids were such jerks at the hotel: They’re used to being treated like babies.

Let’s hear it for the school that is not caving in. Instead, it is pointing out the students signed a contract before the trip that said they could be sent home if they got in trouble. And they did and they were. Without a chaperone. Imagine that. – L.

Um, hello? The kids were sent home because they were misbehaving. The didn't act well in the presence of their chaperones, why exactly do they think that they are going to behave well on the train?

I can't speak for VA but the train system where I live has had several violent incidents, including one where a group of teenagers killed a young man about their age by pushing him off the platform and he was hit by a train, so I do not think letting kids travel alone would be safe.

Some of her advice for "liberating" kids:

1. Warn your family beforehand, then turn off your cell phone for a day. Better still, leave it on the nightstand so you won’t be tempted to press, “On.†Why? Mostly because one morning my 10-year-old called to ask me, “Mom? Can I have another piece of banana bread?†And I realized: Our kids are getting used to us making ALL their decisions. Even the banana bread ones. Time to stop treating them like toddlers. (At least, once they actually AREN’T toddlers.)

I do not want my kids to go around eating food, without permission because 1. they make an ungodly mess! 2. i want them to learn healthy eating habits, stick to a general meal schedule, and not satisfy food cravings at a whim and 3. we have a budget! Nothing about lack of independence here.

When you’re standing around with a bunch of other parents all waiting for soccer to start, or school to open, or the bus to come pick them up, volunteer to watch all the kids yourself. Give the other parents a little break. This way you are creating community. It’s your way of saying we’re all in this together and we can help each other out. It’s also a way of saying, “Look, I don’t think anything so horrible is about to happen here at this bus stop that we need five adults to fight for the lives of five or six children.â€

If the other parents are too nervous to accept your kind offer, flip it around. Ask them to watch your kid! This creates a sense of shared responsibility, too. And gives you time to go to Starbucks.

Seems like this could backfire easily, east of all because of the volunteering mom getting overwhelmed, but because the others might interpret that as an insult against their parenting abilities.

Get a little perspective on this strange, scared parenting era we are living in by visiting a baby superstore with your oldest living relative. (Yes, always best if they’re living.) Go around looking at all the things like baby knee pads and infra-red video baby monitors asking, “Which of these things did YOU need when you were raising us?†(Be prepared for a little scorn.)[/quote.]

This 75% is marketing, dear, and 25% improvements that really have saved lives.

This blog doesn't really strike me as anything more than an apology for laziness.

[valsa]

Get a little perspective on this strange, scared parenting era we are living in by visiting a baby superstore with your oldest living relative. (Yes, always best if they’re living.) Go around looking at all the things like baby knee pads and infra-red video baby monitors asking, “Which of these things did YOU need when you were raising us?†(Be prepared for a little scorn.)

When my oldest living relative was young, society let 5 year olds work in factories that would be shut down as unsafe for adult workers today.

[bananacat]

It seems like so many people are all-or-nothing with no sense of balance. Yes, "helicopter parents" can take it too far to one extreme, but the answer to that is not to go completely in the opposite direction. I've familiar with this site and I think a lot of people simply romanticize their childhoods without any insight into what actually happened. And it's not even limited to just extremists; plenty of mainstream people will wax nostalgic for the days when they could ride bikes around town unsupervised and play with toys without safety standards. They always say "we did suchandsuch and we turned out just fine!" What they fail to realize is that kids did actually die from dangerous things, but of course those kids aren't around to complain about the past.

Many laws exist for a reason. Children have died from not wearing bike helmets. They have died from not wearing pajamas that are flame-retardant. They have died from unsafe toys that they choked on or got cuts from. Children have died from lack of hygiene.

People are more safety-conscious now because we know better. The childhood death rate is lower than it has been in the past, and that's a good thing.

[jenny_islander]

Just an excuse for laziness? Hardly.

Topics at Free Range Kids have included:

The top five dangers to children according to statistics vs. the top five parental fears about danger to children: these lists do not match in any way, and parents need to educate themselves about the actual dangers.

What drowning looks like and how to prevent it.

Car seat installation dos and don'ts.

Actual crime rates vs. perceived crime rates and how to come down off the paranoia knife-edge.

How to raise children who have the ability to plan their own afternoon and the mental skills needed to assess potential danger.

What self-help and emergency response skills children can and should be taught by their parents.

Lenore Skenazy was branded the World's Worst Mom for sending her son off with a subway map and a sandwich at the same age that kids in her own generation were sent off with a subway map and a sandwich, in a decade when crime rates were higher than they are today. She is shining a light on national paranoia and commercial and meda abetment of same.

[FakePigtails]

What jenny said. She does go too far in her complaints sometimes but I've seen her get called out for that in the comments - by her own fans. As a whole I think the movement has merit, because as pointed out above actual and perceived dangers are often very different, and statistically the world is actually safer now. Many changes in raising kids have been for the better over the years, but others have been ridiculous and counterproductive, like stranger danger.

Ex: when I was young my parents let me stay in the car and read while they ran into a grocery store for a few minutes. I can remember that happening at around ages 6-8. Parents get in huge trouble for that and less (running into a gas station even) now and are vilified by other parents over it. But you know what? I was a responsible kid who wasn't about to mess around in the car, and I was in a safe area with plenty of people around so kidnapping was a non-issue (has a stranger *ever* kidnapped a child in that situation? I can't recall such a story, ever). In a case like that the parent's judgment should be trusted. I'm glad there's a movement to get back to that type of common sense.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Ex: when I was young my parents let me stay in the car and read while they ran into a grocery store for a few minutes. I can remember that happening at around ages 6-8. Parents get in huge trouble for that and less (running into a gas station even) now and are vilified by other parents over it. But you know what? I was a responsible kid who wasn't about to mess around in the car, and I was in a safe area with plenty of people around so kidnapping was a non-issue (has a stranger *ever* kidnapped a child in that situation? I can't recall such a story, ever). In a case like that the parent's judgment should be trusted. I'm glad there's a movement to get back to that type of common sense.

The reason why parents who do this are villified is that children die when they are left inside of cars: temperatures inside, even with the windows cracked, can get 15 or more degress hotter. What feels like moderately hot inside quickly gets to be life-threatening temperatures. It happens a couple of times each summer around where I live. Every one of these deaths is preventable.

What I don't like about this blog is this attitude, the "Just because I did something dangerous/my kid did something dangerous and lived means that it is NEVER dangerous, at all."

[CanadianHippie]

Turning off your phone so your kids can't call you sounds not only lazy but dangerous. What if they actually need to contact you? What if the call you miss from your 10 year old is "mama, baby sis fell and hit her head and she's not waking up, help!"

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Just an excuse for laziness? Hardly.

Topics at Free Range Kids have included:

The top five dangers to children according to statistics vs. the top five parental fears about danger to children: these lists do not match in any way, and parents need to educate themselves about the actual dangers...

Actual crime rates vs. perceived crime rates and how to come down off the paranoia knife-edge...

Teaching kids how to react in an emergency is a bad thing, but you cannot beat around the bush: no matter how rare abductions actually are, supervising young children laxly makes it more likely that they are going to be abducted.

And, as I said in the OP, there are many more reasons besides kidnapping, besides crime even, that I think make it unwise to not provide basic supervision.

Lenore Skenazy was branded the World's Worst Mom for sending her son off with a subway map and a sandwich at the same age that kids in her own generation were sent off with a subway map and a sandwich, in a decade when crime rates were higher than they are today. She is shining a light on national paranoia and commercial and meda abetment of same.

"But previous generations did it!" is not a very strong argument.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Turning off your phone so your kids can't call you sounds not only lazy but dangerous. What if they actually need to contact you? What if the call you miss from your 10 year old is "mama, baby sis fell and hit her head and she's not waking up, help!"

Yeah it's a fat lot of good those survival skills are going to do the kids if they can't find the phone to call 911.

[emmiedahl]

I joke about being raised a free range hippie kid. Some days, I would go wander the beach or hike in the woods for hours. We usually lived in small communities, where all of the kids did that stuff. But that was more normal then, and I was about 7 or so when I began doing that. My brothers were less mature and waited much longer. I was one of those kids you could count on to stay on the path and be back at dinner time. Also, we usually lived among long-time friends. Unless I went out into nature (and I always had a firm time frame for when I needed to be back), I was around people I knew well who functioned as adoptive aunts and uncles.

Fundies talk about how this was what the fifties were like, but I am talking about hippies in Northern CA in the late seventies and early eighties. I am more protective of my children, but I think I would be different if we had more of a "village".

[FakePigtails]

The reason why parents who do this are villified is that children die when they are left inside of cars: temperatures inside, even with the windows cracked, can get 15 or more degress hotter. What feels like moderately hot inside quickly gets to be life-threatening temperatures. It happens a couple of times each summer around where I live. Every one of these deaths is preventable.

What I don't like about this blog is this attitude, the "Just because I did something dangerous/my kid did something dangerous and lived means that it is NEVER dangerous, at all."

Of course it's stupid to leave a helpless child in a car in the heat. Why do you assume I'm okay with that? It's common sense: a child old enough and the type to advocate for themselves on a mild day with the windows down some is fine to sit in a car for 5-10 minutes in a typical American suburb. I don't recall ever sitting out if it was too hot or too cold.

Jumping to assume dangerous conditions is kind of over-the-top.

[valsa]

It's common sense: a child old enough and the type to advocate for themselves on a mild day with the windows down some is fine to sit in a car for 5-10 minutes in a typical American suburb. I don't recall ever sitting out if it was too hot or too cold.

Jumping to assume dangerous conditions is kind of over-the-top.

When I was 13 years old, I sat in a closed up van, no air conditioning, in 100+ degree weather for half an hour, because I was mad at my mom and thought that doing so would some how punish her. I narrowly avoided heat stroke. Kids don't reason or make "common sense" choices like adults- that's why they're kids.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Of course it's stupid to leave a helpless child in a car in the heat. Why do you assume I'm okay with that? It's common sense: a child old enough and the type to advocate for themselves on a mild day with the windows down some is fine to sit in a car for 5-10 minutes in a typical American suburb. I don't recall ever sitting out if it was too hot or too cold.

Jumping to assume dangerous conditions is kind of over-the-top.

No it isn't. What you described is almost always why kids end up dying in the hot car. Mom or dad assumes that it isn't hot enough outside to get dangerous inside, or that they'll only be inside for a few minutes, or that the kid will know when it's "too hot." They don't, and then the kid dies and the parents are usually prosecuted.

[Koala]

Kids don't reason or make "common sense" choices like adults- that's why they're kids.

Thank you. ITA!

Look there's a reason children have parents. Their brains are not done cooking yet and they aren't always able to gauge consequences or see around corners. Then there's the issue of lack of impulse control. They need a parent nearby to help guide them through life.

Honestly I think this woman is negligent. Bad things do happen, and a 7 year old is no match for a situation gone completely to hell. If you don't think bad things happen, please take a minute one day to see how many registered sex offenders are in your city. You might think twice before you turn your kid loose with nothing but a sandwich and subway fare.

[pixydust]

I do a lot of things that many parents won't do....I let my 4 and 6 year old play in the back yard unsupervised....no it's not fenced in and there is an alley behind it, they check in constantly. I won't let my 5 year old niece play in our yard alone, or in her own yard alone (fenced in) when I watch her.....there is waaaay to much damage that could happen! I also wouldn't let my oldest play outside alone at 6. I let my 4 year old have the same cooking privileges as the 12 year old, toast. 4 is detailed oriented....12 would burn the house down if he had access to the stove!

All kids are different, with different abilities, but all kids will rise up or down to your expectations.

[Koala]

No it isn't. What you described is almost always why kids end up dying in the hot car. Mom or dad assumes that it isn't hot enough outside to get dangerous inside, or that they'll only be inside for a few minutes, or that the kid will know when it's "too hot." They don't, and then the kid dies and the parents are usually prosecuted.

Back during Christmas I called the police to a woman who left her 7 year old son alone in the car. I was out shopping and when I got out of my car I noticed him. I was very uncomfortable with the situation, but I assumed that whoever was with him would just run in and come right back (it was a shopping center). Anyway, I went about my shopping and when I came back an hour later it was dark and he was still there. I was so upset. I called the police and sat in my car to make sure nothing happened to him until they could get there. After they arrived we all waited at least 30 more mins before she and her friend finally turned up. My only regret was that I didn't call them on my way in, instead of on my way out.

Children should never be left unattended in a car. Period.

[BelieveinScience]

Back during Christmas I called the police to a woman who left her 7 year old son alone in the car. I was out shopping and when I got out of my car I noticed him. I was very uncomfortable with the situation, but I assumed that whoever was with him would just run in and come right back (it was a shopping center). Anyway, I went about my shopping and when I came back an hour later it was dark and he was still there. I was so upset. I called the police and sat in my car to make sure nothing happened to him until they could get there. After they arrived we all waited at least 30 more mins before she and her friend finally turned up. My only regret was that I didn't call them on my way in, instead of on my way out.

Children should never be left unattended in a car. Period.

A few weeks ago I went to the local pharmacy and when I came out there was a car next to mine that had a little girl in it with all the windows half way down. (it was in the low 70s). I debated what to do and as soon as I got home I regretted not calling the police.

[reckoner]

No it isn't. What you described is almost always why kids end up dying in the hot car. Mom or dad assumes that it isn't hot enough outside to get dangerous inside, or that they'll only be inside for a few minutes, or that the kid will know when it's "too hot." They don't, and then the kid dies and the parents are usually prosecuted.

http://ggweather.com/heat/

The majority of kids that die in hot cars were cases where the parents forgot they had their child in the car and the majority were kids under 3 years old. I have to agree with FakePigtails here. If it's a nice spring or fall day, an older kid is going to be fine on their own for a few minutes in a car.

[FakePigtails]

Back during Christmas I called the police to a woman who left her 7 year old son alone in the car. I was out shopping and when I got out of my car I noticed him. I was very uncomfortable with the situation, but I assumed that whoever was with him would just run in and come right back (it was a shopping center). Anyway, I went about my shopping and when I came back an hour later it was dark and he was still there. I was so upset. I called the police and sat in my car to make sure nothing happened to him until they could get there. After they arrived we all waited at least 30 more mins before she and her friend finally turned up. My only regret was that I didn't call them on my way in, instead of on my way out.

Children should never be left unattended in a car. Period.

To be sure we're on as much of the same page as we can be, I want to assure you that even the most free range of the free range movement would absolutely find that unacceptable.

[notsocommon]

My friends and I ran all over the neighborhood 'unsupervised' as kids.....but here is the difference..... we could be blocks away from home and the adults around us knew exactly who we all were and exactly who our parents were. If you were acting up, mom found out before you got home. If you fell and hurt yourself, you were taken care of and mom called or you were carried home.

It is a different world. We barely know the people who live next door these days.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I rode the train alone from elementary school, plenty of kids did, often in packs of their friends. I see kids riding it now (when I'm back in Tokyo) and wouldn't think anything of it. 17 and 18 year old kids all ride the train to school, heck, 18 year olds some of them are already working their adult jobs. I was living independently already at 18 myself, working a job, paying rent, and going to university. Kids walk to the market to run errands for their parents, too, because the shops are in walking distance.

I can kinda see the "don't helicopter" thing, with regards to letting kids make decisions and do stuff independently. But the nostalgia for plain dangerous products I don't get - usually it's a misunderstanding of probability, as someone said above. People who died in accidents don't live to recount their fond memories, and it is really all that terrible that pajamas are required to be flame-retardant and they don't sell pointed end darts in the toy section? You really want darts, get bar darts already.

I think it's easier to let kids do things on their own if you live in neighborhoods where you really don't have to drive and things are just smaller scale.

[notsocommon]

Ex: when I was young my parents let me stay in the car and read while they ran into a grocery store for a few minutes. I can remember that happening at around ages 6-8. Parents get in huge trouble for that and less (running into a gas station even) now and are vilified by other parents over it. But you know what? I was a responsible kid who wasn't about to mess around in the car, and I was in a safe area with plenty of people around so kidnapping was a non-issue (has a stranger *ever* kidnapped a child in that situation? I can't recall such a story, ever). In a case like that the parent's judgment should be trusted. I'm glad there's a movement to get back to that type of common sense.

You don't watch the news? There are plenty of stories where someone stole a car without realizing a child was in it. The fact that they intended to steal a car, not a child, makes zero difference.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

You don't watch the news? There are plenty of stories where someone stole a car without realizing a child was in it. The fact that they intended to steal a car, not a child, makes zero difference.

Rolling the windows down for the kid, or leaving the keyes on to run the AC, would make it that much more attractive to steal.

[FakePigtails]

You don't watch the news? There are plenty of stories where someone stole a car without realizing a child was in it. The fact that they intended to steal a car, not a child, makes zero difference.

To clarify, I was referring to purposely choosing the child. And while I find the thought of a carjacking with a child completely horrific, the difference to me is that in all the cases I've heard of no harm is done to the child and they're back with their parents quickly. In a stereotypical kidnapping direct harm to the child is the entire point and they don't come home as often (though "stereotypical kidnappings" add up to something like 115 a year, so incredibly rare).

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I rode the train alone from elementary school, plenty of kids did, often in packs of their friends. I see kids riding it now (when I'm back in Tokyo) and wouldn't think anything of it. 17 and 18 year old kids all ride the train to school, heck, 18 year olds some of them are already working their adult jobs. I was living independently already at 18 myself, working a job, paying rent, and going to university. Kids walk to the market to run errands for their parents, too, because the shops are in walking distance.

Teenagers riding on trains in groups, where they are probably known to the train staff an other passengers, is IMO a lot different than a 6-year-old riding alone.