Pregnant woman's views on (lack of) privacy

[2xx1xy1JD]

I thought this was an interesting article. Not all pregnant women want to be viewed as a walking uterus.

http://therumpus.net/2012/05/on-pregnan ... -and-fear/

[bananacat]

I have to admit that I am terrified of pregnancy and always have been. Part of it is the pain that I will inevitably face when the baby has to somehow get out of my body. But seeing both of my sisters-in-law go through pregnancy at the same time a few years ago made me horrified at all the unwanted touching and comments. These kids ended up being my nieces and I never made a baby name suggestion unless they specifically asked for it. I made a point to never be intrusive with my questions and the farthest I ever went was a generic "how are you feeling?" unless they brought up the topic first. Everyone has their own little bits of advice and I can do my small part by not contributing. But if someone touched my stomach without asking, I don't think I could stop myself from getting violent. Some people are just so insensitive.

[Maggie Mae]

I found the comments on that article to be interesting as well. I can't believe (well, I read here, so I can believe) that some people completely missed the point of the article. Being pregnant is not the only thing in the world, and it is not something for everyone to be all up on. I am horrified by people's response to pregnancy. Between "mommy wars" and women losing all sense of self, the whole concept freaks me out. I do not like the idea of my uterus being hijacked, but I am even more opposed to having to talk about my uterus, my breasts, my mucus, what i'm going to do next, my bowel movements, and being felt up by strangers.

[Feberin]

Interesting article. As somebody who is currently pregnant I can understand some of her feelings but other things just don't bother me. Such as anyone besides my husband and son touching my belly is something I find extremely rude especially in the case of strangers. But at the same time I love that the talk focuses on the baby when I'm in conversations. I'm so excited to have another baby that I love to talk about what we will be naming her and how the nursery is decorated.

Also while I was eager to tell people I wanted to wait for a different reason. I am not a person that likes to share emotional things and I really did not want to tell people that I was expecting then have a miscarriage. So I insisted we wait to tell most people until we were out of the first trimester. My husband is much more open and while he respected my decision he whined and begged me to let him tell people. And in the case of my MIL she huffed about the fact that I wouldn't let her post anything on facebook.

I wonder how the author is going to feel when she actually has the baby. I've found carrying around a small baby to be much worse in terms of people focusing conversation on the baby and random people touching the baby (which I really hate especially when they've just finished coughing or sneezing). I mean before the baby is born conversation is limited to a handful of topics afterwards you could converse for hours about how the birth went, is the baby sleeping, feeding method and how it's going, will the baby's eyes stay blue and many other topics.

[littlehouse]

I was rubbed by my Aunt while pregnant. I hate being touched. Without thinking I reached out and grabbed her tummy. I do feel bad about it, but it was pure instinct. Another Aunt went to rub my tummy when I was about 2 months along, I stopped her by saying there is no baby there but if you want to rub the baby you need to go crotch level. I am a bag. :)

[deelaem]

While these issues are important, I'm a bit more worried about a pregnant woman's lack of privacy in regard to current legislation that would dictate what she is allowed to do with her pregnant body. Nothing says lack of privacy like ultrasound rape.

On another note, bananacat wrote -

seeing both of my sisters-in-law

and I just wanted to give her a shout out for the grammar homerun. :clap: :lol:

[bananacat]

Meh, I'm a language descriptivist. Don't congratulate me on using one type of grammar over another, because it is meaningless praise.

[Rosa]

One of the few good things about my pregnancy was the high chance that if people touched me or pissed me off, I would puke on or near them. Also I apparently looked really angry the whole time (the face was actually "nauseated trying not to puke" but whatev) so most strangers stayed the fuck away.

[InkyGirl]

The perk of being fat pre-pregnancy - no one can tell if I'm just fatter or pregnant. I think the only people who have touched my belly are Mr, Inky, my mom and the doctor.

[valsa]

I was rubbed by my Aunt while pregnant. I hate being touched. Without thinking I reached out and grabbed her tummy. I do feel bad about it, but it was pure instinct. Another Aunt went to rub my tummy when I was about 2 months along, I stopped her by saying there is no baby there but if you want to rub the baby you need to go crotch level. I am a bag. :)

I'm kind of seriously contemplating carrying a squirt bottle/spritzer if I ever get pregnant. If it works on stubborn cats, it's bound to work on rude people, right?

[Nora509]

I'm currently pregnant and I totally relate! People feel they have a right to know EVERYTHING - from the conception date to how much weight you've gained. I am an intensely private person and that is something many people just can't understand. When people pepper me with personal questions, I automatically clam up and feel defensive. I'm not anti-social by any stretch, but I just don't like near-strangers asking if I plan to breastfeed. We waited until I was about 4.5 months to tell anyone and my in-laws are still furious. They haven't spoken to us in months. I don't think they had a "right" to know as soon as the stick was dry, but they feel differently. Being pregnant feels vulnerable somehow and I think people need to be more respectful of pregnant women's privacy.

[eohiken]

This was a great article.

I didn't have much problems with people touching my pregnant belly. Could be because I exude touch-me-and-die vibes all the time but most especially when up the duff.

[SealFan1963]

I wonder how the author is going to feel when she actually has the baby. I've found carrying around a small baby to be much worse in terms of people focusing conversation on the baby and random people touching the baby (which I really hate especially when they've just finished coughing or sneezing).

This. I always kept my tiny babies covered as much as possible when in public. It especially bugged me when people would let their grubby children (all children are grubby IMHO including my own, unless fresh from the bath) touch my baby's hands. I always made my children ask if they wanted to touch a baby and then I would only let them touch the baby's head.

When I was pregnant and working full-time, the question that made me want to punch people was "You're still here?" Heard it just about every single day from 8 months on.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Aside from my husband, mother and sister and toddler, there is ONE PERSON- a close friend of ours who I allow to touch "the belly". - There's no definable reason why I'm OK with HER and nobody else but I'm ok with her.

Strangers? I'm evil and I mess with them "what are you doing" "feeling the baby" "um i'm not pregnant, i'm just fat" (despite the fact that I AM pregnant)

[bananacat]

I can't believe that people would let their kids just touch babies. Every day I am even more horrified by how inconsiderate other people can be. When I was a kid I would have never just touched a strange baby (and I still wouldn't). I was also taught to ask permission before touching anyone's animals and if the person said no, I had to respect that.

[StacyW]

I must give off "don't touch me" vibes because I had 3 children and nobody every touched my belly, except of course my husband. But also at the time I was working mostly with guys and they're not likely to do that.

[Kitty]

That lack of privacy and the Mommy Wars are part of why I do not ever want children. I have a temper and I don't respond to people getting in my personal business/space very well. If only looks could kill... actually, scratch that, I don't want to go to prison for murder.

[ilovetchotchkes]

That lack of privacy and the Mommy Wars are part of why I do not ever want children. I have a temper and I don't respond to people getting in my personal business/space very well. If only looks could kill... actually, scratch that, I don't want to go to prison for murder.

I have a temper too. I use it to defend my kid and parenting from idiot family members. But i can totally understand why you would not want to be a parent thanks to the mommy wars. Its fucking brutal. ANY way you parent=UR DOIN IT WRONG.

[desertvixen]

I'm currently pregnant and I totally relate! People feel they have a right to know EVERYTHING - from the conception date to how much weight you've gained. I am an intensely private person and that is something many people just can't understand. When people pepper me with personal questions, I automatically clam up and feel defensive. I'm not anti-social by any stretch, but I just don't like near-strangers asking if I plan to breastfeed. We waited until I was about 4.5 months to tell anyone and my in-laws are still furious. They haven't spoken to us in months. I don't think they had a "right" to know as soon as the stick was dry, but they feel differently. Being pregnant feels vulnerable somehow and I think people need to be more respectful of pregnant women's privacy.

Oh, God, YES.

One of the reasons I liked being pregnant in the Army is because I didn't have to deal with the random people touching me. Still got the people wanting to tell me their horror stories. I'll share my experience, but only if the other person is interested.

And yes, fuck the Mommy Wars.

[So Many Lies]

I don't know why people feel ok with saying things like 'you're sooo huge!' and the like. It is dumb.Especially when you are full term I mean, what do they expect?

[Deleted03]

I don't know why people feel ok with saying things like 'you're sooo huge!' and the like. It is dumb.Especially when you are full term I mean, what do they expect?

or when you're far from full term! My friend was producing 2x the amount of amniotic fluid and everyone kept telling her how big she was. She did not like that. I mean she can look in a mirror thank you very much.