How do fundies handle Menstruation?

[Maude]

Growing up, I honestly can't remember a time when I wasn't aware of the basics menstruation, puberty, and sex. It was only when my peers began talking about it, as we were going through it, that I realized that not everyone was privileged to have the information that I had. I met a girl at a sleepover one time who thought her cycle only came for three days every three months, and that she couldn't go swimming during that time. I remember looking at her like she had two heads, so to speak. It doesn't sound sympathetic, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around where she had gotten these ideas. I suppose her mother or sister was just irregular and she based her conclusions on this, but still. I feel like not giving your child a proper sex education should be considered parental neglect. I also had a Mennonite friend who was told nothing about menstruation and was trying to hide it by stuffing paper towel into her underwear. We finally told our school guidance counselor and she had to explain everything to my friend. :(

[Hane]

my mom (ex-catholic, fundie lite) wanted to "celebrate" it with something special like a necklace or a lunch. I told her no, i just wanted the pads and to be alone. I went to the usual seregated education class at school, but never really paid attention until it actually started. My brother saw my bloody underwear in the laundry and thought I was dying, lol, but my mom set him straight and life moved on.

I always promised my daughter that we'd play hooky on the day it "happened" to her and have a girls' day out, and she held me to it. (I didn't want her to equate it with "taking a sick day.") We went to the mall and got her an outfit (sage green top, khaki shorts, and matching socks and ball cap--the height of Gap fashion 20 years ago) and had lunch.

My younger sister found my underwear and had hysterics, but Mom calmed her down.

[AnnieC 305]

I do wonder

http://hephzibah-girls.blogspot.com/201 ... woman.html

Williams showed great disdain for these young women. He openly told the girls in residence at HH that when the book of James talked about man's works done without faith as filthy rags, this was also a reference to God's great disdain for soiled menstrual rags. According to Williams, there was nothing more disgusting to God than a woman's menstrual cycle. Women who were holy and acceptable to God were supposed to marry young and spend most of their years without menstrual periods through pregnancy and nursing to suppress the menstrual cycle so that God would find them of value. Perhaps that is why the girls at HH report that they stopped menstruating the day that they walked through the door (a little bovine hormone in the powdered milk they were forced to drink, perhaps?) and only menstruated when the home was under threat of investigation for abuse.

On the other hand they also seem to act as if any woman who in any way, shape or form even acknowledged their sexuality is utterly disgraceful. Which might explain why those higher up in the hierarchy don't seem to be marrying off their daughters and why the sons only seem to marry girls from families further down the lists and why we rarely heard from the mother's any more.

Which also might link back to the idea of extreme thinness = Godliness. Because when you get that skinny you don't menstruate. So if you're very slender and not getting your period then you don't need to be a brood mare for Christ, but if you are then God must want you for a fertile one and the sooner they marry you off the better.

[JesusFightClub]

Due to taking her in with me in the bathroom stall, the MiniVixen already has some familiarity with it, and the idea that it's normal and you deal with it.

When we went to Basic in 1998, there was at least one girl in each group of about 20 who didn't seem very well-informed about the whole process, and there were quite a few with no tampon knowledge.

It's really strange but that still happens now! My mum gave me a book explaining the business to me as a kid, but the book said you start when you are 15, so starting at 9 was worrying.

Small Relative has seen her mum change a tampon (she likes following people into the bathroom too!), so she gets that bit, but she doesn't get the how and why. Trying to explain seems to make her more confused, so we leave it at the moment as "something that happens to big ladies, but not scary or bad." SR unfortunately has seen a fair bit of blood due to injury and gets mixed up with categories.

I have the amazing Gross Period Story which I love to share with men ;) I reckon it's TMI for the interwebz but it is funny to see them shudder...

[VintageJen1984]

A bit of irony, I started at Baptist girls camp at age 11. (But evangelical Baptist, not fundie or even fundie light). I'd read Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, and my mom had already explained periods when I asked. (Being born in 84, I had no idea what a sanitary belt was, either, and found the idea hilarious at the time. Doesn't sound all that weird now. I'd like to use cloth pads as well, but the people I share a washing machine with are not down with it, so I don't.)

Anyway, my mom was one of the chaperones for camp, and I was so glad she was in the dorm when I discovered it. I had taken my swimsuit into the bathroom to change for swim. And then I screamed for her. I wasn't scared or upset (further than that I'd now have to miss swim time, at least) but I was afraid she wasn't going to have any pads or anything and I was going to be stuck on that toilet all afternoon, LOL! All the other chaperones she was hanging out with were laughing at my reaction, though. I still don't think it's funny. She later told me she knew it would happen soon because I was acting very moody.

If she hadn't been at camp I think I would have been mortified to talk to any of the other ladies that came with us. Now, if I'd started at 13 or 14 I probably would have calmly and nicely asked one of them for a pad, but at 11 I was just embarrassed.

[Patsy]

I always promised my daughter that we'd play hooky on the day it "happened" to her and have a girls' day out, and she held me to it. (I didn't want her to equate it with "taking a sick day.") We went to the mall and got her an outfit (sage green top, khaki shorts, and matching socks and ball cap--the height of Gap fashion 20 years ago) and had lunch.

That's really sweet.

[Guest LilaFowler]

I would think a fundie family would be happy a girl got her period. That means she can have 30 (or more) babies in the future. I never would have thought of Carrie White's mom. I consider Carrie's mom to be her own brand of crazy. :lol:

[Mama hamster]

Growing up, I honestly can't remember a time when I wasn't aware of the basics menstruation, puberty, and sex. It was only when my peers began talking about it, as we were going through it, that I realized that not everyone was privileged to have the information that I had.

Same for me.

When i had my first period at my dad's house i called through the bathroom doorm door that he had to get me some tampons. He yelled back that he did not knew which to get and i basically told him that he had 13 years to prepare for this moment and had to suck it up now. 15 Minutes later i had them and my dad said that i should have waited till i was back at my mother's :lol: .

[dawbs]

I sincerely hope not, from what I've heard, menstruation seems unpleasant enough without adding a slap to it. The time period I'm referring to is the early 1990s, so I hope things have changed since then.

*snip*

I've heard it more of 'you're a woman now, this is a ceremonial 'slap' as a way of saying this is the last time I can treat you/spank you like a child'

Not sure that makes it better, but there it is.

[susang]

I do wonder

http://hephzibah-girls.blogspot.com/201 ... woman.html

On the other hand they also seem to act as if any woman who in any way, shape or form even acknowledged their sexuality is utterly disgraceful. Which might explain why those higher up in the hierarchy don't seem to be marrying off their daughters and why the sons only seem to marry girls from families further down the lists and why we rarely heard from the mother's any more.

Which also might link back to the idea of extreme thinness = Godliness. Because when you get that skinny you don't menstruate. So if you're very slender and not getting your period then you don't need to be a brood mare for Christ, but if you are then God must want you for a fertile one and the sooner they marry you off the better.

At Hephzibah House Ron Williams preached from the pulpit that menstruation was called the curse because it was a curse. He taught us that when a young girl began menstruating it was God's sign to the papa that she was ready to be married. He taught us that a godly woman would have few periods because she would be either pregnant or nursing all her reproductive years. He taught that spiritual young girls did not menstruate as early as girls who were exposed to romance novels and flirted with boys.

When I was at Hephzibah House (1981-1983) not one girl menstruated after her first week. Not the heavy girls, not the thin girls, not the mature developed girls, not the young irregular girls.

[Kaylee]

When I was at Hephzibah House (1981-1983) not one girl menstruated after her first week. Not the heavy girls, not the thin girls, not the mature developed girls, not the young irregular girls.

That's freaky. The same thing happened at New Bethany & Happiness Hills. We had a chart and had to mark whenever we used the bathroom or were on a period, and it seemed like the only ones who ever did were the girls who'd just got there. I just figured it was stress, work, poor diet, etc but it should't have affected everyone like that. I'm not sure about women that were at Hephzibah House, but it seems like a higher number of people than normal that I know from girl's homes also had fertility or other "female" problems later in life.

[glossy]

Geez, reading this I was lucky. I was almost 15 so a) I knew it was coming and wasn't shocked or scared, and b) luckily had parents who, although they never told me about menstruation, weren't weird about it. When I told my mom she was just like "Oh really? Wow, I thought that happened ages ago and you didn't feel like telling me." and then she threw my pyjamas in the washer and taught me how to wash my underwear properly.

I can't imagine not knowing what was going on and thinking I was dying or something, how scary that would be!

[QueenMother]

I read on some fundie blog, can't remember which one, about drinking herbal tea for the cramps. It may have been chamomille or raspberry leaf tea.

I have also read about "mama cloths"... homemade washable menstrual pads. :S

On the messianic blog I read the 21 year old daughteer shared an entire post on how delightful the day was spent sewing new pads with mama, and how little sister will be starting this beautiful event soon and it's so exciting talking with her about it and waiting with great anticipation for her cycle to begin.

[Deleted07]

Reminds me of that very first episode of 7th Heaven where Lucy is desperate for her period to become a woman! :roll:

[AnnieC 305]

That's freaky. The same thing happened at New Bethany & Happiness Hills. We had a chart and had to mark whenever we used the bathroom or were on a period, and it seemed like the only ones who ever did were the girls who'd just got there. I just figured it was stress, work, poor diet, etc but it should't have affected everyone like that. I'm not sure about women that were at Hephzibah House, but it seems like a higher number of people than normal that I know from girl's homes also had fertility or other "female" problems later in life.

When I spoke of women and girls using weight to control menstruation I was referring to some of the families we follow in theses blogs. To me they look anywhere from healthy slender to OMG scary skinny. And you never see a lone of them with a weight "problem", ever. I was speculation that the same attitude toward menstruation that informed Ron Williams might be at work there, the ideas that:

- Your period is the sign of sin or a sinful nature

- Having sex makes you lose all respect. Even after marriage, although pregnancy redeems you somewhat

- But if you are showing sin nature via a cycle, getting married and pregnant right off will stop that and show God's redeeming grace even as you then lose respect

- Maybe all these princesses who aren't marrying, or who are and then not having children right off, are controlling their cycles with weight or dieting so they don't have to marry and lose the respect of their community

It's just a thought.

What happened to both of you and anyone trapped in those houses is horrific and awful and I am so very, very sorry that it happened. That it sounds like it happened in different places operating under different leaders is beyond scary. That is just so not right at all.

[freejoytoo]

I remember my mum telling me I was too young for tampons when I first started my period (twelve) but I think that was more that she thought I should start off with pads because they were easier. I still don't really understand her reasoning as she isn't religious in any way.

I can't remember ever not knowing about menstruation. I think I must have followed my mum into the bathroom once and asked her what it was because I can't remember specifically finding out about menstruation. I always knew it was something which would happen to girls when they were older. Having a big sister helped because I remember reading her puberty book (Everything a Girl Needs to Know!) when I was about eight and all her teenage magazines (which also gave me an early idea about contraception and that you should ALWAYS use a condom!)

I only know one fundy-lite girl and I don't know how she was taught about it. She's pretty religious but her family don't go in for the curse of Eve stuff, or at least I hope they don't! I knew another fundy-lite girl who did use tampons. I guess they're not fundy by Duggar standards though!

[susang]

That's freaky. The same thing happened at New Bethany & Happiness Hills. We had a chart and had to mark whenever we used the bathroom or were on a period, and it seemed like the only ones who ever did were the girls who'd just got there. I just figured it was stress, work, poor diet, etc but it should't have affected everyone like that. I'm not sure about women that were at Hephzibah House, but it seems like a higher number of people than normal that I know from girl's homes also had fertility or other "female" problems later in life.

Raine, Are you in contact with enough women to collect some data on their cycles? I am very curious about the menstrual thing and how it pertains to the female problems so many of us have. I would love to know if the same thing went on to the same extent at NB and Happiness Hill. I read a study done in Sweden a while back that followed institutionalized adults whose menstrual cycles were chemically controlled. They did not have much data on pregnancy and fertility obviously, but the long term results were pretty significant. Osteoporosis, vascular disease and reproductive cancers are what I remember the most.

At Hephzibah House we were alarmed and curious that none of us had periods. We actually discussed it when ever we could. No one seemed to question that our stopped cycles were somehow related to Williams religious beliefs about menstruation.

I am not sure about the thin factor. The thing about severe dieting to stop menstruation is that it effects different women differently. It might take a year for one girl and just a month for another to get the desired effect. We all stopped within a week. (81-83)

[Kaylee]

Raine, Are you in contact with enough women to collect some data on their cycles? I am very curious about the menstrual thing and how it pertains to the female problems so many of us have. I would love to know if the same thing went on to the same extent at NB and Happiness Hill. I read a study done in Sweden a while back that followed institutionalized adults whose menstrual cycles were chemically controlled. They did not have much data on pregnancy and fertility obviously, but the long term results were pretty significant. Osteoporosis, vascular disease and reproductive cancers are what I remember the most.

At Hephzibah House we were alarmed and curious that none of us had periods. We actually discussed it when ever we could. No one seemed to question that our stopped cycles were somehow related to Williams religious beliefs about menstruation.

I am not sure about the thin factor. The thing about severe dieting to stop menstruation is that it effects different women differently. It might take a year for one girl and just a month for another to get the desired effect. We all stopped within a week. (81-83)

I'm still in touch with 3 women who were at New Bethany with me (1994-1996) and 4 from Happiness Hill (1997-1998). My sister was at Rebekah from 94-98. I also know a woman from my old church who who was at New Bethany around 1990-1992 and is one a facebook group with a lot of people from NB. I was on there for a little bit, but I dropped out because there was a lot of drama and some of it was hitting too close to home. I never heard the preaching against menstruation so much, but bro. Mack was pretty obsessed with anything he thought he could smell "down there" and something about the scent of female hormones being responsible for lust. I think some girls still had their periods there, because we had to put toilet paper in the trashcan and there were sometimes pads, but I know at least a couple people's stopped because they've talked about it. They were shut down not long after I turned 14, so I hadn't even started yet when I was there.

At Happiness Hills, I went from a regular cycle to stopping totally within the first moth or so, and didn't have another period for years. Even now, I maybe have 2-3 a year and have PCOS. Of the 8 people I'm still in touch with, 5 of us have PCOS or similar symptoms, 7 have had fertility problems, and 1 of those has endometriosis. The woman who had several children was diagnosed with cervical cancer in her 20s and had a couple surgeries for it then ended up needing a hysterectomy in her early 30s (she's quiverful and was trying to avoid it with the other surgeries). My sister has 4 kids (one while she was at Rebekah and had to give her up for adoption) but also has really heavy painful periods and trouble with fibroids.

[AmyP]

I'm still in touch with 3 women who were at New Bethany with me (1994-1996) and 4 from Happiness Hill (1997-1998). My sister was at Rebekah from 94-98. I also know a woman from my old church who who was at New Bethany around 1990-1992 and is one a facebook group with a lot of people from NB. I was on there for a little bit, but I dropped out because there was a lot of drama and some of it was hitting too close to home. I never heard the preaching against menstruation so much, but bro. Mack was pretty obsessed with anything he thought he could smell "down there" and something about the scent of female hormones being responsible for lust. I think some girls still had their periods there, because we had to put toilet paper in the trashcan and there were sometimes pads, but I know at least a couple people's stopped because they've talked about it. They were shut down not long after I turned 14, so I hadn't even started yet when I was there.

At Happiness Hills, I went from a regular cycle to stopping totally within the first moth or so, and didn't have another period for years. Even now, I maybe have 2-3 a year and have PCOS. Of the 8 people I'm still in touch with, 5 of us have PCOS or similar symptoms, 7 have had fertility problems, and 1 of those has endometriosis. The woman who had several children was diagnosed with cervical cancer in her 20s and had a couple surgeries for it then ended up needing a hysterectomy in her early 30s (she's quiverful and was trying to avoid it with the other surgeries). My sister has 4 kids (one while she was at Rebekah and had to give her up for adoption) but also has really heavy painful periods and trouble with fibroids.

This is really dreadful, is there a way that they could have given you hormones without you knowing it? Did you have to take a "vitamin" or anything like that while you were there? It really could just be stress, though. My cycle stopped for several months at one point because of a stressful situation I was in. I went to the dr, concerned that i might be pregnant, but he said that ovulation can be repressed by emotional and physical stress.

[Kaylee]

This is really dreadful, is there a way that they could have given you hormones without you knowing it? Did you have to take a "vitamin" or anything like that while you were there? It really could just be stress, though. My cycle stopped for several months at one point because of a stressful situation I was in. I went to the dr, concerned that i might be pregnant, but he said that ovulation can be repressed by emotional and physical stress.

It's possible, because they fixed all the food at both places. Some of us worked in the kitchen, but there was milk and things like that (made from powder, so it was already sort of weird tasting and grainy sometimes) it could have been mixed into or just added to food. I know stress can do that, but it seems strange to happen so quickly to so many people. The thing that really makes me wonder is the number of us that have had problems even into our 20s and 30s, when most of us left around age 19 or before.

[Trynn]

I'm just speculating here, but different people react to stress differently. If stress was the reason, I don't think the results would be so across the board like that. Also, it seems like for me, at least, stress brings my period on, and I'm told I'm not the only one. So, I'm more inclined to think the food or water was somehow tampered with.