How do fundies handle Menstruation?

[Trynn]

I was confused by that but it was because sanitary belts no longer existed by the time I read it.

Yeah, I was confused by that too. It wasn't until years later when my grandma explained a few things to me that I finally understood.

While reading the book, I also didn't understand why wearing a tampon was this big huge deal where, "we don't recommend internal protection until you're much older." At this point, I was 12 (roughly Margaret's age?) and thought that tampons were the best invention ever, and why did one's age matter?

[joe_mulcahy]

I'm a male, so I hope no one minds me answering despite my lack of first direct experience on the matter.

Not quite the fundies we talk about here, but there were a number of Jewish girls at my school. Round about the time we were 10-12 years old, I noticed some of them would come to school with faint red marks on their faces. A close friend of mine had such a faint red mark under her left eye one day. As the day wore on, it became rather darker, so I asked her what had happened. At first, she was reluctant to talk about it at all, but when I continued to express concern, and even asked if she had been in a fight, she finally confided in me that her mother had slapped her. Horrified, I asked whatever for, but she wouldn't tell me, but whatever it was, I concluded it must have been a serious offense.

Years later, when I sported similar bruising as a result of a fight on the pitch, and was just talking with her, she mentioned that it was a custom in their community to slap girls upon their menarche. I was utterly gobsmacked! Why on Earth would a mother slap their daughter for simply beginning to menstruate? That makes no sense whatsoever in my mind!

For some background, I learned about menstruation rather early on in my life. When I was six years old, I came upon my father with his hands in a bloody bucket. Of course I panicked, and asked what he had killed, but as it turns out, he was simply rinsing out my mother's sanitary towels(he liked to water the garden with the bloody water, and I do that as an adult with my own wife's pads as there is no better fertiliser....no, I'm not joking, try it, your garden will be the envy of your neighbours!).

My parents had an agreement amongst themselves that if I was ever old enough to ask about something, I was old enough to hear an explanation, so both my parents got together and explained the entire process of mentruation, from the role of FSH at the start of the cycle, to the methods with which women throughout the ages dealt with the flow, and the cultural taboos associated with them. I will admit, as a six year old, I was rather lost, and never fully understood the role of luteinising hormone until I was an older teenager (my parents had a way of forgetting my age, and overloading my poor head with information I struggled to grasp). but I understood early on that it was a natural process of the human body, and nothing to be ashamed of, so to hear that girls in the Jewish Community near where I lived were routinely slapped for it, just made little no sense at all to me.

[bananacat]

Razing Ruth's dad freaked out when she had her first period. He thought that she had smuggled some boy into her bedroom and lost her virginity. Once her mom calmed him down, it was still weird. Charting cycles is done in a public place, on the family calendar. The moms already mark theirs on it, and then the daughters use a different colored dot to also track theirs. As far as I know, the Duggars do the same thing. It is so creepy to track that in such a public place where all your siblings can see, but Daddy needs to be able to track it to make sure none of his property has become impure and unsellable. The whole thing is freaky as heck.

I think in some families the mother takes a girl out for tea or some other thing when she first starts, but it absolutely not a celebration in general. They'll say a bunch of cliched lines about womanhood and stuff, but really it's a time that fundie fathers worry about their daughter becoming a sexual woman. I'm sure that many fundie fathers have nightmares from the time of menarche until the girl's wedding night. It's a time to get stricter with them if that's even possible, and also start all this purity ball, purity ring, purity pledge nonsense.

I doubt there's much explanation of the biological side, except a stern warning that it means she can pregnant now.

[latraviata]

My parents went through a 'fundie-lite' phase for a few years. When my mom had 'the talk' with me, it involved tea, cookies, and reading me Bible passages about menstruating women. She *did* give me some actual biological facts, though, so it could have been worse, I guess.

53 years ago my mother did the tea and cakes thing, thank god in a very festive fashion and without reading the bible.

I was only 10 and I knew it was bound to happen, because I was well informed.

Sadly, I couldn't sit on my grandfathers lap anymore and at that time I had no idea why and that it had anything to do with my 'being a big girl now'.

[Hestia]

As a ex-fundie, the time of my menstruation I was 13. My mother had given me a booklet that had the factual information in it at age 10. I knew what it was, put a pad in my ballet tights and got on with dancing. I told her later. She got all excited and organized a special family dinner. Bleh. I was very uncomfortable! I was lucky though, my period was not painful until I got older (about 16), by which time I managed to go to the Doctors by myself and ask for the pill one afternoon when I was in town alone. It was risky because he was a family friend, but he gave it to me no questions asked. He never told my family, and I kept the pills on my person until I left home two years later.

[jenny_islander]

"Mama cloth" is not fundie, but crunchy. I use it. Not to give TMI, but the commercial type of pad gives some people painful problems, problems that can give rise to infections that require antibiotics to resolve. "Mama cloth" doesn't cause these problems. It can also be shaped to fit the individual exactly and its absorbency can be adjusted to exactly suit each person's needs.

[JesusFightClub]

I started when I was 9.

Small Relative has already made some conversational approaches to me on the subject (she is five). "Ladies have blood coming out of them when they are big, right?" I said "Yeah, but don't worry. Once it starts for you, when you are big, I will explain it."

[Justme]

I wonder how many young girls are scarred to death when they wake up with blood down there. :( They have no idea what is happening to them.

Can you imagine a woman like Sarah Maxwell not knowing anything about sex. It's very possible, given her issolation. Sure her brothers have knocked up women, but they probably keep "mum" to her. From what I glean about Stevie, he's probably told them kissing makes babies.

[Patsy]

My friend grew up in a fundy family and they wouldn't tell the girls until they started...and made the older sisters keep it a secret! When my friend got hers she thought she was dying.

Gather 'round, beloved hags, and hear Patsy's tales of menstruation. It is a bee-yootiful summer's day, I'm still on the job-hunt, so let's talk about crotch-bleeding.

I know that I knew the basics of menstruation by 5, because it was at 5 that I came from the loo at a friend's party, was told by the friend's mother "You were in there a while, are you all right?" and responded "That's between me and my mother." I had constant bladder infections at the time, and knew that big girls get bleeding from their private parts when they're bigger, and they wear special pads. Non-period but still down-there blood + big girls get periods + you don't need to discuss your period with anyone if you don't want to, even Mummy, but Mummy will talk to you about it and help out if you have any concerns at the time = stranger, you have no right to know about the blood in my pee.

Well, it was logical to me then, anyway. By the time I was 14, I'd conferred with my mother, teachers, human anatomy books and the internet on the matter, so I knew a bit more about menstruation and cervixes and all that delightful stuff, and yet my internal monologue - the words that instantly popped into my brain on that lizard brain level - when I got my period at 14, looked down and saw, was "Oh my God I'm dying." A split second later my brain remembered that this actually happens to everyone, but in that moment my reaction to this horrible unknown thing was exactly the same as so many others, even though I had been well-informed.

[GeoBQn]

I'm a male, so I hope no one minds me answering despite my lack of first direct experience on the matter.

Not quite the fundies we talk about here, but there were a number of Jewish girls at my school. Round about the time we were 10-12 years old, I noticed some of them would come to school with faint red marks on their faces. A close friend of mine had such a faint red mark under her left eye one day. As the day wore on, it became rather darker, so I asked her what had happened. At first, she was reluctant to talk about it at all, but when I continued to express concern, and even asked if she had been in a fight, she finally confided in me that her mother had slapped her. Horrified, I asked whatever for, but she wouldn't tell me, but whatever it was, I concluded it must have been a serious offense.

Years later, when I sported similar bruising as a result of a fight on the pitch, and was just talking with her, she mentioned that it was a custom in their community to slap girls upon their menarche. I was utterly gobsmacked! Why on Earth would a mother slap their daughter for simply beginning to menstruate? That makes no sense whatsoever in my mind!

I've read that the slap is to give the girl "a small taste of the hardships of being a woman." I don't think a lot of Jewish families do that any more, at least among mainstream Jews.

[Katiebug]

I have also read about "mama cloths"... homemade washable menstrual pads. :S

I hate this terminology, but it stems more from the cloth diaper making WAHM crowd more than from fundies. Many childfree women use cloth pads and "mama cloth" isn't terribly reflective of that reality. I use cloth liners as backup and flat-out refuse to buy them from any site that markets them as "mama cloth".

[FJismyheadship]

My mama told me right around the time I was ten. Thats when she had hers, so she felt she needed to tell me then, especially because her mother didnt tell her. Somehow I got the idea that you peed blood (now knowing my mother, she probably didnt say that, and probably explained it properly, but I didnt understand it) At that point, I hadnt done any body exploration so I didnt know about the spot where babies and blood come out. I whispered to my best friend all about it lol. I had a pad in my backpack just in case, and some kids found it and tossed it around.

Then the next year, we saw "The Film" and I told my friend "See? This is what I was teling you about!" and I felt like a big girl cause I already knew all of this stuff lol.

I didnt get mine until three days before my fifteenth birthday. I too took one look at my underwear, thought I was gonna die, then remembered what it was, and called for my mother.

[xDreamerx]

I wonder how many young girls are scarred to death when they wake up with blood down there. :( They have no idea what is happening to them.

It reminds me of that scene from My Girl where she runs down the stairs screaming "I'm hemorrhaging!" because she thinks she's dying. Poor thing.

I heard the slapping thing was because the girl is no longer a child, she's a woman so it's the last time her mother would be allowed to hit her. (Kind of from the days when it was more acceptable to hit your children as a punishment).

[Elle]

I'm surprised they aren't married off as soon as they start because it already means one lost chance to have a baby.

[joe_mulcahy]

I've read that the slap is to give the girl "a small taste of the hardships of being a woman." I don't think a lot of Jewish families do that any more, at least among mainstream Jews.

I sincerely hope not, from what I've heard, menstruation seems unpleasant enough without adding a slap to it. The time period I'm referring to is the early 1990s, so I hope things have changed since then.

It reminds me of that scene from My Girl where she runs down the stairs screaming "I'm hemorrhaging!" because she thinks she's dying. Poor thing.

I heard the slapping thing was because the girl is no longer a child, she's a woman so it's the last time her mother would be allowed to hit her. (Kind of from the days when it was more acceptable to hit your children as a punishment).

Why in the world would anyone not tell their daughter about this? It is terribly frightening! Even when you know something has happened, blood in your underwear can give you a fright.

I hope the slapping thing is no longer as common as it appeared to be in my day, it is perplexing.

I'm surprised they aren't married off as soon as they start because it already means one lost chance to have a baby.

Were it not illegal to do so, they probably would! Then again, that would mean the patriarch would lose control of the girl that much sooner, and I think what draws these patriachs to the movement in the first place is their abnormal need to control others.

As for my wife, her parents gave her chocolates, a dinner with all of her favourite foods prepared, and a large sum of money upon her menarche. And no, they are not fundies, but very liberal.

[Antigone]

my mom (ex-catholic, fundie lite) wanted to "celebrate" it with something special like a necklace or a lunch. I told her no, i just wanted the pads and to be alone. I went to the usual seregated education class at school, but never really paid attention until it actually started. My brother saw my bloody underwear in the laundry and thought I was dying, lol, but my mom set him straight and life moved on.

At 5.5, Sevy already knows about periods at a level appropriate for her age, enough for her to know that someday it will happen and not be the best thing, but she won't die from it. :) soon though I'll have to gently remind her of it, since I was a early bloomer ( 11) and these days kids keep getting them earlier and earlier from what I have read somewhere but I could be wrong, it's been known to happen, LOL.

[Deleted07]

Just found this interesting article:

http://feministing.com/2011/09/06/what- ... t-periods/

[desertvixen]

Small Relative has already made some conversational approaches to me on the subject (she is five). "Ladies have blood coming out of them when they are big, right?" I said "Yeah, but don't worry. Once it starts for you, when you are big, I will explain it."

Due to taking her in with me in the bathroom stall, the MiniVixen already has some familiarity with it, and the idea that it's normal and you deal with it.

When we went to Basic in 1998, there was at least one girl in each group of about 20 who didn't seem very well-informed about the whole process, and there were quite a few with no tampon knowledge.

[Deleted07]

What the Bible says about Menstruation

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/says_ ... ation.html

Leviticus 15:19-30

And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even. And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean. And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean. Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation. And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

Now seriously, why doesn't anyone follow this article of the bible? lmao! :lol:

Goes to show what you can pick and choose, doesn't it?

[Austin]

When I was around 12, I discovered my wild aunt's copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves in boxes we were storing for her in our garage. I also discovered Fear of Flying in those boxes, but I digress.

Yeah, never had any real questions after that. It didn't scare me or make more more likely to have early sex (I didn't until my wedding night). :D

[finleeport]

Just found this interesting article:

http://feministing.com/2011/09/06/what- ... t-periods/

Interesting that it mentions the Orthodox Church, I am Orthodox but not fundamentalist. Not all the Orthodox Churches are alike. But we are more concerned with spirituality than with legalism. And it does not go only for women, men who are bleeding from wounds or from sickness can't take holy mass either.

[Conuly]

It is so creepy to track that in such a public place where all your siblings can see, but Daddy needs to be able to track it to make sure none of his property has become impure and unsellable.

I think it's more creepy to act like it's some big deal nobody must EVER know about EVER. Blushing and whispering if you need to ask the nurse for a pad at school, refusing to buy them if there's a male cashier - ridiculous!

And yet, a lot of young girls (and some not-so-young women who ought to be over this by now) go through the whole act where it's a shameful secret that must be hidden.

With that said, I don't track ANYthing on a big family calendar, because that's the last place I'd look. And silly though I think it is, if somebody else wants to keep it private, that's her right. But I don't think it's creepy, if the whole family tends to use one calendar, to use it to track your period. Tracking your period is useful, and not just because you want to know if it's time to use one of your bulk pregnancy tests :roll: Missed periods (if you're normally regular - some women are NEVER regular with their periods), periods that are heavier or lighter than usual, or of a different duration - these can all indicate actual illness. And if you ARE fairly regular, you want to know so you can be prepared and not wear your new white jeans that week. (That's why women in tampon ads always wear white, partially because white clothes symbolize pureness and good hygiene, but also so you can go "Wow, she's so sure it won't leak she's not worried about staining those white white shorts!")

[AmyP]

I think all the fundie lurkers are laughing themselves silly over this thread. Does anyone really think it is that big of a deal, fundie or not? I think they give their kids some pads, explain the situation, and go back to mopping the floors. I'm sure there is some purity/now you are a woman stuff, but otherwise they probably deal with it like most other people. In fact, the girls and women are all so tight in fundie culture- the girls are probably pretty well informed when they get old enough to notice what is going on around them. Those girls don't get that much private space without sisters around. They share rooms. They don't live in big houses. I can't see how it could be much of a secret, or much of a shock when it happens.

[fundifugee]

My own opinion on the matter, developed while attending the last obligatory family easter service at a fundie-lite church, is that the whole Christian focus on the blood of Christ, blood taking away the sins of the earth, previous blood sacrifices for sin, were all a really nasty case of womb envy.

Go around torturing folk and killing animals and singing and preaching about it all because you don't have the equipment to incubate life. Get over it already, church men!

[liltwinstar]

Interesting that it mentions the Orthodox Church, I am Orthodox but not fundamentalist. Not all the Orthodox Churches are alike. But we are more concerned with spirituality than with legalism. And it does not go only for women, men who are bleeding from wounds or from sickness can't take holy mass either.

My family and I converted to Orthodox Church when I was 14, and I lived with those rules the article mentions. I understand that there is supposed to be some equality with the no-communion-if-you're-bleeding rule. However, men can usually stop bleeding at will (with pressure to the wound if it's not serious) or in a short amount of time (when something scabs over), of if they can't, they're in a life-threatening situation where the blood rules don't apply and they could receive communion (provided a priest could give it to them before they bled out, but I digress). For women, to be cut off from the sacraments because of something you cannot control, it is very dehumanizing. Would you want to be one of maybe 2-3 people *not* having communion and kissing the icons on Easter? Or one of 2-3 people *not* kissing the winding sheet on Holy Friday and then having to ask the priest when you can break the Holy Friday fast because of your condition? Probably not. Everyone knows why you're standing aside! Not fun at all.

I know not all Orthodox churches are fundie, though. Not trying to attack you, just pointing out a different perspective.