What IS the ideal age to get married in P/QF?

[Juliakitty]

I saw a Sarah Mally book in the library the other day and remembered someone here saying she's 32 and not married...which isn't surprising if she's following all of those rules that prohibit a young woman from even being friends with a young man. But I thought QF promoted young marriage, like at 16 or 18. So if it's cool to be 32 and single...what is the ideal age to get married, according to them? Because if there is one thing I know about them, it's that there is only one right way to do things and everyone must do things exactly that one way, OR ELSE. :twisted:

[clibbyjo]

My friend who is an escapee from QF got married right at 18 because they thought the end of the world was coming in her church. Her parents and her ex parents were both pastors and encouraged them to marry. They figured since it was the end of the world, they might as well. When the end of the world didn't happen, they were stuck because divorce is a big no-no. 27 years later she got out and is now happy,single and buying her own house. :) (yay, a QF story that ends well)

My QF nieces are 23 and 24 and both have broken "courtships" so they are single.(and living at home of course) The QF's who homeschool/home church really have no chance to meet anyone. My nieces go to a tiny ,backwoods church and work from home. I think they got the only single guys their age at church and now dumped them so their is noone else to chose from.

[ophelia]

I think VF and the whole NCFIC crowd around Scott Brown is really into marrying young. Scott Browns son-in-law Taylor was 17 when he married blair (23yo). The ATI followers don't seem to be much into marrying off their children when they are still in their teens. It also seems that ATI-girls have more oppurtunities to meet boys in their age, for example on mission trips (if your parents can afford it) or while working in the IBLP headquarter. That's how Kendalyn Kowalchuk, now Staddon, met her husband an I think she is also in her late twenties.

[let-them-eat-cake]

I would say 18-23 is ideal.

[bananacat]

Well, according to their theory children are an unmitigated blessing no matter what, so to be consistent they really should favor early marriage to let their kids have blessings as soon as possible, and as many as possible. Saying "Oh, my 16 year-old shouldn't have a kid yet" is perfectly reasonable, but they've never been reasonable. I think delaying marriage to avoid "blessings" is not much different than birth control, and all their inane arguments against BC could just as easily apply to delaying marriage. But luckily most of them end up being more practical, if only because they selfishly need their kids to help them raise other kids and/or bring money into the family so the actual age tends to be more reasonable.

[dormouse]

My ex-fundie friend got married right at 18, and she was a virgin. Her abusive pastor ex-husband was 34. They started courting when she was 16 and he was 32. Her family thought something wasn't right but they didn't want to say anything because he was a "Man of God". I'm so glad she got out. Her new husband is also a lot older than her, but he treats her right and is a mainstream christian.

[darkplumaged]

I can only think of three fundies who've gotten married at 17 or younger: Autumn, Taylor Tsantles, and Lauren Chapman. (Well, Lauren's mother was very young, too, but she was married more than 20 years ago. I'm talking about recent marriages.)

The ideal age does seem to be 18-23 or so, though I can think of far more brides and grooms over 20 than under.

[Avalondaughter]

Marrying young is a good way to prevent premarital sex too. If they marry off at the time that their sexual urges are becoming seriously powerful, then there is no danger of anything illicit.

[Guest Anonymous]

Getting married really young just to have sex so it won't be a sinful thing is really a BAD idea. I'm sure that happens in alot of cases. I get the feeling that is why Josh Duggar wanted to get married so fast, he seemed like a horny guy..which is completely normal for a guy his age. Poor Anna.

[Letgo]

Getting married really young just to have sex so it won't be a sinful thing is really a BAD idea.

Oh yes, totally agree. But it does happen, probably frequently since I have read so many courtship blogs and articles that advocate short engagements in order to avoid sin. A mom I know advised her daughter that it is better to take your time when courting unless the temptation to sin is too strong and then you get married right away. Just don't get that. A friend of mine knows a young couple who admit to getting married right after high school so they could have sex. No education, no life experience, no jobs. They, and their two children, now live in a garage.

[GenerationCedarchip]

From my time in fundieland, it sure seemed like it differed a lot by social class. Rank and file folks in the church were often pushed to marry young - especially the girls. However, among the professional and upper middle class sorts, it was expected that girls would at least do some college. Marriage between 21-25 was the norm for the women and since guys were expected to be able to provide for a family, they tended to be at least a few years older.

[gustava]

From my time in fundieland, it sure seemed like it differed a lot by social class. Rank and file folks in the church were often pushed to marry young - especially the girls. However, among the professional and upper middle class sorts, it was expected that girls would at least do some college. Marriage between 21-25 was the norm for the women and since guys were expected to be able to provide for a family, they tended to be at least a few years older.

Then some of those chicks are definitely beyond their shelf life. Some of those patriarchs better get a move on.

[Justme]

Aren't the guys supposed to have purchased a home "debt free"? Or is it only the Maxwell's who believe this?

[alysee]

I escaped before it could happen and although my family was very conservative we didn't necessarily believe in courtship per say. It was more of an unwritten rule that you would marry someone from our church. And there will always be chaperones. And I will marry someone from "our church" but the difference is we both escaped and we stayed together. The plan was to get married after he was done college college at 22. We are 25 now and living in sin and loving it. With no immediate plans to get married. On a side note I can't even imagine being married at 22. I was so immature then! I can just imagine I would have been well on my way to 8 children. Gross.

[MamaJunebug]

:ugeek: Ahem. having given this the utmost thought, I think I can say with authoriteh:

The ideal age to get married is 9 and 12.

No, no, stay with me, here: Those are the ages of the youngest Serven boys when their relatively aged parents permitted their oldest daughters to marry in 2009.

I presume at ages 9 and 12, the boys were old enough to no longer need 25- and 29-year-old nannies living in the basement lower level with them while Mother and Father slumbered above. And besides, by that time there were 15- and 18-year-old nannies sisters still belowdecks.

:think:

(Am I particularly snarky tonight? I feel like I am. Am I? Must be the weather, invigorating!!!)

:whistle:

[GenerationCedarchip]

Then some of those chicks are definitely beyond their shelf life. Some of those patriarchs better get a move on.

Oh yes. The last of my fundie friends married at 27 and she was deemed very lucky to still be able to snag a godly man, per the elders' wives at church. The fact that she married one with a college degree and a good job really chafed the matchmaking parents of some of the women in their early 20s("Just think how many more babies MY girls could have given him!!") if I remember all my gossip correctly.

[Letgo]

The perfect age to marry is whatever age the girl is when a suitor is deemed acceptable by Daddy and he allows it.

[ADoyle90815]

It seems like in some families, the girls have to wait for their mother to hit menopause, since before then, they're needed to raise their siblings. That, and they have to wait for the right suitor to approach their Daddy to get his approval to start courting.