Awkward Christian Music Album Covers

[Black Aliss]

I ran across this collection today and I've been snickering ever since. I'm especially fond of the ones that feature ventriloquists and their dummies because what better medium than audio recordings could there be for a really terrible ventriloquist?

 

[ladyamylynn]

Yes! I love this stuff! 

[louisa05]

@ladyamylynn Noooooooooo! Not Carman.

Way to give me Christian school PTSD flashbacks. 

Carman rapping is the one of the worst things ever recorded. 

[ladyamylynn]

@louisa05

 

[kpmom]

Oh my these are great!

Yeah, what was it with all the ventriloquist dummies?

"He Touched Me" might have been the best, but it's hard to choose.

[louisa05]

@ladyamylynn Now you're just being cruel. 

True confessions: 

The high school teachers did a lip sync/dance thing to a Carman rap song at homecoming one year. I was in it. It was horrific. 

Thankfully, this was before everyone had a cell phone with video camera in their pocket and I don't believe it survived for posterity. 

[mango_fandango]

@Black Aliss

First photo: Ahahahaha oh god that hair is awful

Second photo: *runs away screaming*

Third photo: WTF?

[smittykins]

6 minutes ago, smittykins said:

https://goo.gl/images/RyXG63

[PennySycamore]

Regarding the album of the ventriloquist and his dummy, my dad always thought that it was ridiculous that Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy had a radio show.  It was popular, too.  Edgar's genius was his comedic timing and the lines he wrote for Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd.

[pamplemousse]

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

 

[nausicaa]

The first one made the cut for the hair alone. The second is exactly what I see Jill Rodrigues doing if she ever goes on a fitness kick. 

[dawbs]

I had this one growing up...


That Jim & Tammy are Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker (link description seems accurate from my memory)...
I still have the damn doll somewhere.  I put new batteries in it a few years ago to see if it still played...it doesn't.  I'm mostly releived.

[PennySycamore]

@nausicaa, regarding that first cover, you know the old saying "The higher the hair, the closer to God".  That lady has real Church of God (Cleveland, TN) hair.

[LadyCrow1313]

11 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The first one made the cut for the hair alone. The second is exactly what I see Jill Rodrigues doing if she ever goes on a fitness kick. 

First picture reminds me of Michelle Pfeiffer's hair in Hairspray (the 2007 version). Second picture reminded me of Olivia Newton John's "Let Get Physical" song.

Hmm. "Let's Get Physical For the Lord" is both a fitting and frightening Christian album title; I'd get a kick out of it if it was a real thing.   

[wikinggirl]

This is amazing! And what's up with all the ventriloquist dolls? 

I've always loved the Louvin brothers album cover, but oh man, some of these! 

I think this is my favorite! 

[NakedKnees]

15 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

 

That God's Chosen Puppet one just exemplifies so many of FJ's favorite fundie values... countenance-emphasizing neckline, sickly sweet lady smile, speshul snowflake chosen-one-ish-ness.... wow.

[wikinggirl]

16 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Fear not. There are plenty more where those awful album covers came from.

This polka record only reminds me of John Candy in Home Alone, you know, the Polka King of the Midwest. 

 

[mango_fandango]

"He Touched Me" just sounds so wrong, particularly these days. 

[PennySycamore]

23 minutes ago, wikinggirl said:

This polka record only reminds me of John Candy in Home Alone, you know, the Polka King of the Midwest. 

 

Polka masses used to be a thing (and maybe still are, for all I know) in the upper Midwest.

[kpmom]

1 hour ago, NakedKnees said:

That God's Chosen Puppet one just exemplifies so many of FJ's favorite fundie values... countenance-emphasizing neckline, sickly sweet lady smile, speshul snowflake chosen-one-ish-ness.... wow.

And maybe even a little B&D going on there.

[PopRox]

Is it bad that I'm thinking of looking up some of these on YouTube, to see if I can find what some of these weird visuals SOUND like? (Right now I'm kind of assuming they all sound like the Rodrigii).

[Exposedknees]

[wikinggirl]

3 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

Polka masses used to be a thing (and maybe still are, for all I know) in the upper Midwest.

What? That's amazing! And so so weird!

I tried finding some Norwegian Christian album covers, but not much look. There's probably something out there though, because I own a LP with "A Selection Of Norwegian Christian Jazz, Psych, Funk & Folk 1970-1980". It's pretty amazing. 

But I did find this which I had on a cassette as a young child in the 90s. The Christian aspect totally flew over my head, I just liked the songs and of course her hair! 

[Black Aliss]

My favorite changes just about every hour. This one, though. . .I never imagined Christian Metal was a genre. And Barren Cross still has a myspace page, where you can stream their music! https://myspace.com/barrencross

 

[formergothardite]