Awkward Christian Music Album Covers

[mango_fandango]

OH MY LORD I AM DYING  

Off to Google....

OK. Found some gems. The first is saved on my computer as "LOL". The second terrifies me.

[CyborgKin]

22 hours ago, ladyamylynn said:

@louisa05

 

Yo Kidz 1 was the first CD I owned! 

Quote

Yo, microphone test one, two, what is this MCL’s tellin you what the deal is
Bass in my music, high in my walk, the groove is in my step, and the rhythm’s in my talk
“L” is the name rhyming is the game, none of the rhymes will ever sound the same
‘cause I step to the mike with the smoothest stride and this jam here is on a cat vibe

chorus
On the cat vibe
I’m just steppin’ to the beat
On a cat vibe
Coolin’ on the street
Lookin for some answers enough to fill nine lives
Questions, yes I’m a pest, I confess
But I’m on a cat vibe

The street’s the place where I live, me and my homeys can make it if
We just stay tight that’s what friends are for, but sometimes friends can lock the door
Love on the streets is hard to find, it sure would be nice to find the right kind
I’m a kitten bitten with a bug to find a better way, but until I do, I’ll stay

chorus

dialog break

Because I’m coolin’ that’s all that matters to me
In the real world I’m lonely but I got deal you see
I’m lookin for some answers enough to fill nine lives
Questions, yes I’m a pest, I confess
But I’m on a cat vibe

 

[pamplemousse]

22 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The second is exactly what I see Jill Rodrigues doing if she ever goes on a fitness kick. 

Did you say you were looking for Christian exercise records?  Note: Michelle Duggar and Teri Maxwell would not approve...these harlots on the covers are not wearing skirts over their exercise outfits.

 

[wikinggirl]

As a follow up to "he touched me", I found this gem. 

And since I fell down the rabbit hole, here's a couple more!

 

 I have no words... Let's exploit people with disabilities! 

Something for Lori?

 

Who needs Hotline bling when you can get a hot line to heaven? 

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

10 minutes ago, pamplemousse said:

Did you say you were looking for Christian exercise records?  Note: Michelle Duggar and Teri Maxwell would not approve...these harlots on the covers are not wearing skirts over their exercise outfits.

 

Neither would Jill Rodrigues, per her hair, makeup and modest clothing tutorial. Anything that shows where the legs meet with the torso is defrauding. Of course as a woman of God and a wife Jill always strives to keep herself looking "nice and trim" for her husband. So yes to the workout, but it must be in a modest skirt. 

[Black Aliss]

My inner 12 year old boy is ROFL over some of the album titles.

I'll see yer crippled boy, singing midget, and handless organist and raise you three blind girls:

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

55 minutes ago, wikinggirl said:

As a follow up to "he touched me", I found this gem. 

And since I fell down the rabbit hole, here's a couple more!

 

 I have no words... Let's exploit people with disabilities! 

Something for Lori?

 

Who needs Hotline bling when you can get a hot line to heaven? 

Change out the little boy in the wheelchair with "poor, crippled Amy Foster" and Jill Rodrigues has a new CD to hand out as an incentive for joining Plexus. "Crippled Amy's Prayer" could go platinum. 

[smittykins]

1 hour ago, pamplemousse said:

Did you say you were looking for Christian exercise records?  Note: Michelle Duggar and Teri Maxwell would not approve...these harlots on the covers are not wearing skirts over their exercise outfits.

 

Not to mention that first album features the ebil Contemporary Christian music.  If it ain't Gothard-approved traditional hymns, it gives you TEH DEMONS!!!1!1

[SamiKatz]

6 hours ago, Exposedknees said:

 

Not signed in

They're female.  Gotta have a chaperone!

[pamplemousse]

3 minutes ago, SamiKatz said:

They're female.  Gotta have a chaperone!

Fortunately, there is one guy there, so there's your chaperone.

Karate anyone? Or superheroes? Take your pick.

 

 

[PennySycamore]

Beverly Exercise  is an exercise program on a local Christian TV station.  Beverly wears a leotard and tights on the show.  She may wear a pair of track shorts over her leotard.  (it's been years since I saw the program.)  I wonder if the station has ever gotten letters about Beverly's "immodest" attire.

[dpndetfarm]

This blog has some repeats of albums already posted, but there are some hilarious ones that I have never seen here or anywhere else (not that I have done a lot of looking before today). It's like they all took a course on how to be a creepy singer for god.

http://lazyspleen.blogspot.com/2013/08/embarrassingly-bad-album-covers.html?m=0

 

[RoseWilder]

1 hour ago, SamiKatz said:

They're female.  Gotta have a chaperone!

Are you sure they're female?

90% of the women on these album covers look like men in drag. 

[older than allosaurs]

I have to say, I'm a big fan of the Louvin Brothers.

Not only did they build and paint that Satan besides writing the song, living its lyrics, and singing the tightest harmonies possible, they wrote some of the best bluegrass tunes ever: "If I could only win your love," "Cash on the barrel head," "The Christian life" (remember the Byrds doing that?)
 

Quote

 

Back in those days the Louvins took an active role in designing their covers,” writes Charles Wolfe in the biography In Close Harmony, The Story of the Lovin Brothers. “It was Ira who built the set for the cover Satan is Real and built that devil too.

“The brothers took it to an old rock quarry near Nashville where they started a fire from old tyres that had been soaked with gasoline to get them to burn real good.”

The Louvins almost got burned by the fire and flying rocks which exploded, but the effort was worth it and the cover, with its 12-foot high Satan, stands, in the words of Sid Griffen in Q magazine's 100 Best Record Covers, as “a masterpiece of diabolical kitsch, both heartfelt and hilarious.

 

I loved their music before I ever knew who they were. And yes that is a truly bizarre cover.

[MarblesMom]

Personally, I thought Praise-R-Cise™ might actually get some traction.  That's gold.

But the Godly Do's on these females are just too much!  Let's hope they held stock in AquaNet.

[mango_fandango]

37 minutes ago, dpndetfarm said:

This blog has some repeats of albums already posted, but there are some hilarious ones that I have never seen here or anywhere else (not that I have done a lot of looking before today). It's like they all took a course on how to be a creepy singer for god.

http://lazyspleen.blogspot.com/2013/08/embarrassingly-bad-album-covers.html?m=0

 

OH. MY. GOD.

DEAD.

If I wasn't afraid of waking my family, I'd be crying with laughter right now. 

[older than allosaurs]

OK--this doesn't make the cut for weirdness, but I actually know Claudette. She was a bus driver for our district and would yodel to entertain the kids. She's a very nice woman, and tough as nails. I went to a Christmas concert at her church once, and there was a near blizzard. Half the choir didn't come, the audience was equally sparse, and she strode in from her farm, 8 months pregnant, and just killed the tenor part of the Hallelujah Chorus.

The part the does make the cut for weirdness is that her sister was Margo St. James who founded COYOTE, a union for sex workers, and by all accounts the two of them got along great.

 

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Just for you, @CyborgKin:

This one from the blog made me smirk:

Spoiler

I looked up some Christian artists and bands I know, with varying success. 

Larry Norman:

Spoiler

Bryan Duncan:

Spoiler

And finally, Stryper:

Spoiler

This could become a bad habit...

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

1 hour ago, older than allosaurs said:

OK--this doesn't make the cut for weirdness, but I actually know Claudette. She was a bus driver for our district and would yodel to entertain the kids. She's a very nice woman, and tough as nails. I went to a Christmas concert at her church once, and there was a near blizzard. Half the choir didn't come, the audience was equally sparse, and she strode in from her farm, 8 months pregnant, and just killed the tenor part of the Hallelujah Chorus.

The part the does make the cut for weirdness is that her sister was Margo St. James who founded COYOTE, a union for sex workers, and by all accounts the two of them got along great.

 

 

Claudette sounds like a very practical and awesome woman! She uses her maiden and married name on her albums, drives a school bus and keeps the kids entertained, manages to show up and kill the Hallelujah chorus during a snowstorm and while with child, AND gets along with her sister who supports sex workers? This is the kind of Christian lady I want as my next door neighbor! 

[older than allosaurs]

5 minutes ago, HumbleJillyMuffin said:

Claudette sounds like a very practical and awesome woman! She uses her maiden and married name on her albums, drives a school bus and keeps the kids entertained, manages to show up and kill the Hallelujah chorus during a snowstorm and while with child, AND gets along with her sister who supports sex workers? This is the kind of Christian lady I want as my next door neighbor! 

Actually Dykstra was husband #2, who died. I don't know what happened to #1, but they had five children together, and she and Mr. Dykstra had 6 more. Her maiden name was St. James.

I do think she's pretty awesome.

 

[ladyamylynn]

Not album covers, but here are some photos of Dottie, Buck, and Reba Rambo. 70's country Christian singers my grandparents were friends with. Check out the HAIR.

 

Sorry to double post but I just ate a quarter of a pot cookie, so...

[wikinggirl]

9 hours ago, HumbleJillyMuffin said:

Change out the little boy in the wheelchair with "poor, crippled Amy Foster" and Jill Rodrigues has a new CD to hand out as an incentive for joining Plexus. "Crippled Amy's Prayer" could go platinum. 

Fixed that for you! 

[GreyhoundFan]

8 hours ago, older than allosaurs said:

I have to say, I'm a big fan of the Louvin Brothers.

Not only did they build and paint that Satan besides writing the song, living its lyrics, and singing the tightest harmonies possible, they wrote some of the best bluegrass tunes ever: "If I could only win your love," "Cash on the barrel head," "The Christian life" (remember the Byrds doing that?)
 

I loved their music before I ever knew who they were. And yes that is a truly bizarre cover.

I'm a fan of the Louvin Brothers as well. Many, many, many moons ago, I worked at a public radio station in a small city smack dab in the middle of a huge rural area. Our station played a wide variety of music, including classical, jazz, big band, blues, soul, and bluegrass. When I was promoted from a student employee to a full staff member, I had to do some of the on-air bluegrass shows. It was quite a change from the classical and jazz that I knew well. I always made sure I played a couple of Louvin Brothers songs. My favorite is their version of "Knee Deep in Loving You", which was made popular by Dave & Sugar.

[MayMay1123]

how did those women get their hair like that? i know my mother used to wear it somewhat in a beehive, but she had lots of very thick, wavy hair, and it wasn't nearly as high as some of those women. mine is baby fine and stick straight, i can't imagine trying to get it to those heights! also... this thread is hilarious, thank you!

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

5 hours ago, wikinggirl said:

Fixed that for you! 

You win the internet for today! I could totally see Jill doing this...