The Baltimore Mom

[atheistjd]

My husband said he would have walked up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and said, "Son, I've gone wrong somewhere if you're in a place like this, but I'm here to make it right now. Let's go home, because I want better for you that this."

-Cosign, because violence begets violence and the last thing that young man needs is to be hit in the face.

I am not judging this particular mother on this situation - this was extreme to say the least and I wouldn't expect anyone in this situation to be on their best parenting behavior, not would I expect any behavior to be representative in this situation.

That said, if you NEED to use force like this to make your kid listen to you, you may be doing something wrong. If I was acting like that as a kid (and I did some pretty stupid stuff as a teenager) and even SAW my parents, I would have stopped immediately and done whatever they said. I would have been terrified, and not if corporal punishment.

[OkToBeTakei]

The Baltimore riots and the issues of institutionalised racism is being reported heavily where I live (UK)

I kind of think the story of this one kid is not really the major focus, interesting as it is.

Sometimes FJ confuses me. More concerned with the smaller issue than the big elephant in the room.

I've seen enough threads on child discipline and as interesting as they always are is this what the Baltimore riots means to folks?

Seriously head scratching. I only ask because this is the only thread which has mentioned Riots/Baltimore ..at all.

[BrownieMomma]

If it had been a teenage girl and a father who hit her in the head like this woman hit her son I doubt he would have been praised as being a great parent.

Because, and this is a very important difference, your average adult male could probably pick up and physically remove your average teen female. This is not an option for most mothers with teen sons.

[FundieliciousTaterTot]

What bothers me is that on my social media the white conservative people in my networks have been praising this behavior because she is behaving "correctly." These are the same people who were praising white people for showing off their stock of weapons to promote readiness to defend against the riots. I find it sickening.

I don't want to derail this into a discussion on racism but basically although I don't condone violent protest, the reaction to this video sickens me.

[Koala]

Because, and this is a very important difference, your average adult male could probably pick up and physically remove your average teen female. This is not an option for most mothers with teen sons.

Beating them in the face shouldn't be an option either. And why are we making the assumption that beating was the only way to remove him?

Also, she continued beating him AFTER he was willingly leaving with her, so there's that

[BrownieMomma]

I see this video everywhere, no kidding like 10 different places it has popped up. The mother is lauded as a hero every time.

Many, many people believe in spanking. I've been round and round with this issue myself and in no way am I going to believe that if he was spanked at home that's why he is participating in a riot. That's just not even a logical conclusion.

There are also many people who think that we wouldn't have problems like riots if more parents spanked their kids. This is not limited to fundies at all, by any means.

The main thing I saw in that video is a mother desperate with love and fear. I don't know what I would do if that was my child but if mine was being an idiot and pigheaded and stubborn and caught up in mob mentality I'd knock him out cold if I had to.

The other thing, I guess I just notice odd details, she was dressed pretty nice. I thought that was a little strange but ofc I have no idea where she was or what she was doing before she went to get her son. But I get stuck on something like that.

[ladyamylynn]

Someone on my facebook just posted this video again with the captions "Mother of the Year" and "Violence is never the answer." Which is so bizarre to me... apparently outside observers can understand how, in a moment of fear, anger, and extreme duress, this woman lashes out at her family member in a violent manner. And yet, they cannot understand how the rioters also might have been driven to violent expression due to their own fear and anger?

[ViolaSebastian]

I see this video everywhere, no kidding like 10 different places it has popped up. The mother is lauded as a hero every time.

Many, many people believe in spanking. I've been round and round with this issue myself and in no way am I going to believe that if he was spanked at home that's why he is participating in a riot. That's just not even a logical conclusion.

There are also many people who think that we wouldn't have problems like riots if more parents spanked their kids. This is not limited to fundies at all, by any means.

The main thing I saw in that video is a mother desperate with love and fear. I don't know what I would do if that was my child but if mine was being an idiot and pigheaded and stubborn and caught up in mob mentality I'd knock him out cold if I had to.

The other thing, I guess I just notice odd details, she was dressed pretty nice. I thought that was a little strange but ofc I have no idea where she was or what she was doing before she went to get her son. But I get stuck on something like that.

I don't see that. She's dressed in a shirt with a jacket over it, jeans, and sandals. She looks nice, don't get me wrong, but she's casually dressed like any other person would be.

[formergothardite]

Because, and this is a very important difference, your average adult male could probably pick up and physically remove your average teen female. This is not an option for most mothers with teen sons.

Beating the child in the head shouldn't be an option either. And if it was a smallish man beating a tall teen girl in the head do you think he would be praised for good parenting?

[Chubbi]

I definitely see it as the mom being terrified that her son could be the next hashtag, the next reason for the next riot. It's incredibly difficult to be a PoC in the US.

I can't make a judgment call but honestly, I can't blame her. With the news...and like, I have cousins who are mixed black and white, but are very black-passing, so I know a little about the talks they've had from their mom, about interacting with the police so as not to get killed.

It's come to that. In 2015. In America.

You never think of that as a white person! The police are there to protect and help you from the bad guys when you're white/white passing. For PoC, the police and the bad guy can often be the same person.

[Mama Mia]

My husband said he would have walked up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and said, "Son, I've gone wrong somewhere if you're in a place like this, but I'm here to make it right now. Let's go home, because I want better for you that this."

-Cosign, because violence begets violence and the last thing that young man needs is to be hit in the face.

I'm sorry, but that is just such a phenomenally clueless statement.....just like your family is on a completely different planet than a mom who is desperate and terrified to not have her son end up in prison or have thshit beat out of him. Or dead. Clueless as to WHY the kid might get caught up in the first place. Clueless as to why this kid is having a hard time distinguishing between why peaceful protest is good and looting and destruction are bad ---since neither makes a damn bit of difference. Clueless as to teen boys and testosterone and adrenelan in a group setting when they feel a physical imperetive to prove themselves.

Just so, so clueless.

[Mama Mia]

Beating the child in the head shouldn't be an option either. And if it was a smallish man beating a tall teen girl in the head do you think he would be praised for good parenting?

No, beating your kid in the head isn't the best choice. But she very well may have felt it was her ONLY choice to get his attention and break the grip of crowd rage he was in. If you notice, she didn't start out hitting him, she tried to get him to stop and come with her, and he completely brushed her off. And THEN she snapped. And possibly saved his life.

It's like some people don't understand, anymore than this dumb kid, hat the damn stakes were. He's not a five year old who she could swoop up and carry home. If he gets caught looting he's not going to get a fine and sent to counseling. If a cop catches him he's not going to get a lecture.

Thuis one moment of his life could have cost him his life, or his whole future.

[Mama Mia]

The Baltimore riots and the issues of institutionalised racism is being reported heavily where I live (UK)

I kind of think the story of this one kid is not really the major focus, interesting as it is.

Sometimes FJ confuses me. More concerned with the smaller issue than the big elephant in the room.

I've seen enough threads on child discipline and as interesting as they always are is this what the Baltimore riots means to folks?

Seriously head scratching. I only ask because this is the only thread which has mentioned Riots/Baltimore ..at all.

I noticed that. I thought there might be a thread, but nope.

The issue of institutional;ized racism and cops is HUGE. The disparity in treatment of young black and brown men -it's appalling. I just saw something on the news that said the U.S. has 5% of the worlds population and 25% of the prisoners. And who are those prisinors -----overwhelmingly young, poor black and brown men with charges that wouldnt even get them a fine if they were an upper middle class white college kid.

And you add to that the gangs, and the self-defeating riots and murders and materialism that feeds the lure of the gangs...and brutal cops and its all a big cluster fuck.

I have strong feelings on the topic, inb case that was hidden ;)

[Buzzard]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/loca ... ore-riots/

She gave an interview explaining her actions and yes, it was out of fear for her child.

I'd prefer that she not resort to violence but she did good in finding him and removing him. He wasnt just there, he was there with a mask.

[DGayle]

My husband said he would have walked up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and said, "Son, I've gone wrong somewhere if you're in a place like this, but I'm here to make it right now. Let's go home, because I want better for you that this."

-Cosign, because violence begets violence and the last thing that young man needs is to be hit in the face.

Where parents went "wrong" is the riot is having kids be born black. You can't just go home and "make it right now." These aren't people acting out because their parents went wrong. These are people who have been backed into a corner too many times and are lashing out because it's more or less open season for cops to kill black people. These aren't kids lashing out because they don't like taxes, and maybe you didn't teach the what taxes buy, which is something you can fix. There is no way those parents can fix what's happening. It's entirely white privilege to miss the forest for the trees.

While I'd drag my son's ass out of there, as a white person, I can still understand why they're rioting. Nobody listened when they tried talking. Nobody listened. This is FORCING people to listen. This is desperation!

[Kailash]

My husband said he would have walked up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and said, "Son, I've gone wrong somewhere if you're in a place like this, but I'm here to make it right now. Let's go home, because I want better for you that this."

-Cosign, because violence begets violence and the last thing that young man needs is to be hit in the face.

I couldn't agree more. I would be frantic to get him out of that situation but violence is never a default reaction for me.

[Lemchop]

Physically punishing kids is very common in the United States (>70% approval), and factors like race, socioeconomic status, religiosity, and education affect the likelihood that one supports corporal punishment. Black parents (partially because of higher average levels of religiosity, lower average socioeconomic status, and lower average education levels) are more likely to use corporal punishment than parents of other races.

I'm not defending the mother for hitting her son, and I personally vehemently oppose using corporal punishment. However, I don't think that her hitting her son warrants outrage that overshadows recognition of her overall positive intentions. It is likely that within her community, spanking is completely normal, and she was trying the first thing she could think of to get her son out of that dangerous situation.

[Grimalkin]

Where parents went "wrong" is the riot is having kids be born black. You can't just go home and "make it right now." These aren't people acting out because their parents went wrong. These are people who have been backed into a corner too many times and are lashing out because it's more or less open season for cops to kill black people. These aren't kids lashing out because they don't like taxes, and maybe you didn't teach the what taxes buy, which is something you can fix. There is no way those parents can fix what's happening. It's entirely white privilege to miss the forest for the trees.

While I'd drag my son's ass out of there, as a white person, I can still understand why they're rioting. Nobody listened when they tried talking. Nobody listened. This is FORCING people to listen. This is desperation!

@koala.

I want to add that this is awfully close to assuming people who are abused will become abusers. Which adds to the shame of being abused, and prevents people from seeking help. (Not saying this woman was abusing her son) but think carefully before taking this stance. Think of what this means to people who sufferd abuse growing up.

[Kailash]

I hadn't finished reading the thread when I replied, but I stand by what I said. As a white woman, I cannot completely understand what people of color are going through. I do understand that these riots are caused by desperation, outrage and a feeling of helplessness.

This particular thread is about a mother's actions. As a mother, I do not see myself resorting to violence for any reason, and I would indeed try to talk them out of it. Ultimately though, my child's decisions are their own, and if they refuse to listen to me after they are adults, I would have to live with the consequences of their actions, as much as they would.

[Koala]

@koala.

I want to add that this is awfully close to assuming people who are abused will become abusers. Which adds to the shame of being abused, and prevents people from seeking help. (Not saying this woman was abusing her son) but think carefully before taking this stance. Think of what this means to people who sufferd abuse growing up.

Unfortunately, statistics show us that approx. 1/3 of child abuse victims go on to abuse their own children.

I am going to be painfully blunt here. I don't believe for a second that's the first time that young man has been beaten by his mother. She did it with an ease that suggested is was not something unfamiliar to her, and regardless of arguments that she was only trying to make him leave, she beat him AFTER he was walking away.

There is never an excuse for beating your child in the face.

[mpheels]

I wrote a long, cathartic post about what I've seen and heard over the past 36 hours in Baltimore, and it got lost somewhere in the ether when I clicked submit. I don't have it in me to write it all out again, but I will say this: in addition to all of the proximal causes of this unrest, the BPD grossly mishandled the situation yesterday afternoon, and the riots were a direct result of that mishandling. Once the riots started, Baltimore officials and local media called for parents to find their children and bring them home. Many parents joined in on the looting and vandalism themselves. This mother didn't. She found her son and brought him, probably in the best/only way she knew in the moment.

[Mama Mia]

I don't even think this has anything to do with "corporeal punishment" . She wasn't trying to punish her kid. She wasn't trying to teach him a lesson or prevent future misbehavior. She was trying to, quite possibly literally, save her teenage sons actual life. When she first was yelling to him he completely ignored her. When she grabbed him and told him to get home he was still ignoring her and pulling away. He was in the grip of adreneline fuel mob frenzy. He had probably told his friends he would go with them and definitely wouldnt want to lose face because his mother told him he couldn't go ( I'm sure he didn't anticipate the level of embarrassment he's getting now!). Slapping him had the same effect as throwing cold water on him would have. It broke the grip long enough for her to get his ass home. Alive. Not in jail. Not beat to hell.

I don't like the whole " should be hitting them from day one that's the problem with kids these days" meme either. And yeah, it's quite likely this mom has hit her kid before. But possibly not. We don't know.

But, truthfully, I think any parent would do whatever they could in that situation. IF they truly grasped how incredibly life altering it was. I think some posters here just really don't get what the stakes were for this particular kid in this situation. And/or have never raised teenage boys , particularly strong willed teenage boys who want to prove they are men. And/or have never dealt with racist cops. Or -probably-all of the above.

Suppose you saw your grown son ( too big for you to just swoop up) --determined to throw themselves in front of an on-coming train. Wouldn't yopu do ANYTHING at your disposal to stop him?

[HoneyBunny]

She was hitting in anger and there's no way it's the first time. What part of hitting in anger is good parenting and worth commendation?

[Chubbi]

I think people here are speaking from their privilege and aren't examining it.

I haven't been in this situation but I do remember babysitting my nephew when he was a baby and I recall looking away to make his lunch. I turn around and see him climbing up the entertainment stand, going for the heavy TV as a handhold. I ran over, pried him off, and swatted his diapered butt while saying no in the sternest voice 14 year old me could muster. I didn't handle it as well as I could but I was truly afraid for my nephew's safety. This situation isn't similar, but you can sort of extrapolate -- feeling fear/threatened can bring out physical responses.

Those alleging that one incident shows that she's an abuser are disconcerting. I just - how the hell do you know? If you're so good at playing find-the-abuser, maybe you can explain why child abuse is such an issue still. Unfortunately, lashing out physically is innate in people. It's instinctive. From a parenting article: "This is not a sign of an aggressive personality; rather, aggressive actions are usually the result of feeling threatened and not having the ability to identify, communicate, and handle the feeling." Doesn't excuse it, but damn, those saying they'd do better than she did need to cut some slack.

Lots of folks say they'd never do something, but you don't actually know how you'd react until it's you trying to find your son in a dangerous riot.

I don't like arguing but man people sure like to talk a big talk when it's not them being judged.

[August]

Many, many people believe in spanking. I've been round and round with this issue myself and in no way am I going to believe that if he was spanked at home that's why he is participating in a riot. That's just not even a logical conclusion.

You inhabit a world with a sick and twisted form of logic.