Being Apostate

[formergothardite]

Darcy, from Darcy's Heart-Stirrings wrote a post about being apostate and I could really relate. It is an interesting blog posts that I thought others might enjoy reading. I think that it is scary, especially for fundamental Christians to see people who were raised in the "right" way and were devoted Christians lose their faith and their reaction is to find a way to show that these people are different in some way. To admit that these people aren't any different is to admit that anyone can lose their faith and stop believing, and that is terrifying.

darcysheartstirrings.blogspot.com/2015/01/on-being-apostate.html

People will come up with all sorts of reasons why you must be apostate.

"You just never knew the real God."

"You weren't saved in the first place."

"You are deceived by Satan. You love your flesh more than God."

"You just want to live a sinful life."

"If you only knew God the way I do, the REAL God, you could never leave

You can only be told so many times that the God that hurt you, the church that rejected you, is not the real God and the real people of God because eventually you realize that all gods are made in the image of men and all humans are human no matter how other they claim to be.

It's difficult to fathom when you've been taught that if you do xyz, you will be saved forever that someone could do xyz and yet not be saved. I get it. I was you once and I didn't understand and it was scary and I read all the cliches that supposedly explained what was wrong with the apostate that could never be wrong with me. Yet.....here I am. And there you are. And you can try with the best of them to continue to figure out "what went wrong" but your answers will never be satisfactory. Because they will not be true.

Please, on behalf of all my ex-Christian friends I beg you, stop trying to save us. It feels very dismissing and disrespectful. I know it's your reaction based on fear that we will rot in hell, but it's a hell that men made to control people's behavior and I reject it. You must believe me when I tell you that there is nothing you can say to me that I haven't heard and probably once said to someone else. The childhood religious indoctrination was complete. There is no scripture you can quote that I don't have memorized. You cannot out-Bible an ex-fundamentalist. You cannot out-Christian-cliche me. I know my Bible better than most pastors. I know the hymns by heart

I know the apologetics and the proof-texts and the sermons and the doctrines and all the "right" answers to everything. I was fervent and devoted and loved Jesus with the best of them. You cannot dismiss me by a wave of your hand and a proclamation of "you were never saved". I was the saved of the saved. I was on fire. And now I have seen differently and changed my mind

[browncoatslytherin]

i love this. every single bit of it. i was a little more gradual and quiet with my leaving, but i identify with everything written.

[Rachel333]

I can identify with all of this. It gets so frustrating when people say that ex-Christians were never really Christian in the first place, or that they left because they were hurt/selfish/sinful. The one reason they won't accept is what is, for me, what actually happened: I looked at the evidence for Christianity and found it lacking. I didn't just choose not to believe anymore; I never wanted to lose my faith and it was extremely hard at first.

[formergothardite]

My loss of faith was gradual too, and it isn't like I even was trying or wanted to lose it. It just got to the point where I couldn't believe anymore, no matter how hard I tried.

[slh12280]

I actually tried becoming more liberal before chucking most of it but then realized that there were foundational issues. A lot of people think I am religious simply because I live a fairly conservative lifestyle and am not a raging anti-theist. Then again, you have the people that believe you are practically the devil himself if you don't follow their beliefs so whatever.

[browncoatslytherin]

I actually tried becoming more liberal before chucking most of it but then realized that there were foundational issues.

so did i. i went to a non-denominational, liberal christian church. i stopped wearing skirts and dresses to church and wore whatever the hell i wanted (usually something on the goth-y or punk-y scale). i listened to secular music.

but there was still something lacking, no matter what i tried, and i found out the hard way what it was. although our pastor preached about love and how we should consider fellow christians family and help them in times of need, when i was in a time of need, i was coldly rebuffed. that was the straw that broke the camel's back. it broke me.

it was a horrible time for me, mentally, but looking back, it was a wonderful opportunity to rebuild myself and discover who i really was. and i like how i turned out much better.