An Article From A SAHD-Why I Wish I Went To College

[debrand]

I found a site called Rethinking Vision Forum. Although I doubt they would care if we disccused them, I am breaking the link just in case

rethinkingvisionforum.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/vision-forum-daughters-college-regret/#more-789

This is the first article that I read and it is fascinating.

Money was so tight at one point that I actually went out and asked if the fast food place was hiring, I felt like I was shoplifting or something as I drove home with the job application. After filling in my name and address, I literally had nothing else to put on my resume. I had no schools to list, no work experience outside the home, and it felt silly to write “stay-at-home mom†in the career box, since I had no children. I had miscarried my first 2 pregnancies, and I was so afraid that I would never be able to have children. My role as a woman would be severely constricted if I did not have children. Other than caring for them, the only other thing I was free to do would be to help my husband in his work, and that was limited since I could not write sermons for him. I remember crying, and praying to God again and again to give me children. We hadn’t even been married a year, but I was a failure as a woman and wife

Aww...poor girl. This makes me so sad for her. :cry:

Finally, our third pregnancy was viable, and baby Ms. Action was born. Ms. Drama arrived 14 months later. I was busy now, taking care of the home and the babies. But instead of feeling excitement to be a mom, I found myself on autopilot. I loved my husband and my children, but I had been doing the same thing for so long. I had no idea who I was or what I liked. My parents had taught me that being an individual and being a mom are incompatible. Being a wife and mother, and doing pretty much anything else, could not work together in their minds. So I was raised to be a machine, my mind was not important, it was what my body could do that counted. I was objectified. Exactly what Vision Forum claimed they were fighting against

To me, this showed a lot of insight. The young woman realizes that objectifying someone means refusal to view the individual as a unique person.

[browngrl]

I read this woman's blog all the time. Her posts are always well written and honest.

here is the link (I am not sure if I am linking properly - please let me know how to fix if I have made a mistake)

ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com

[Nothing2CHere]

I read this woman's blog all the time. Her posts are always well written and honest.

here is the link (I am not sure if I am linking properly - please let me know how to fix if I have made a mistake)

ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com

Browngrl beat me to it. I was going to post her blog, too. Her story is very interesting - how she and her husband were both raised fundy, they went through a proper courtship, and they still chose to leave fundamentalism. I love her postings on learning gentle parenting.

[Mompom]

I just want her to know that it is never too late to go to college and get educated!

[Rosa]

she's been educating herself for a long time - her blog is amazing and the amount of personal work she has done is really impressive.

I wouldn't be surprised if she does do formal school later, when her kids are bigger - but first she taught herself to value herself, her husband, AND the children as individuals instead of cogs. Which is a huge cognitive leap for anyone raised not to do that.

[Trynn]

This blog is both insightful and educational. Thanks for posting the link.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

This is why I get mad at QF/P families. They can only have this many kids because once a kid is old enough they have to "help" in a way no hired servant would tolerate. From that time onwards Mom devotes most of her energy to birthing more babies. Sure, she does things too, and in poorer families it may include working at home for pay or in the family business (with her husband's permission, of course!) The goal for parents in Gothard-influenced families is for the parents to work themselves out of a job. Child training is to make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible. If as a Mom of only two I struggle to keep up with laundry, cleaning etc (my kids DO have NORMAL chores), cook the meals, pay the bills AND spend time with each kid then it's unlikely a Mom of 10--14 could handle it all alone. So, we call on the daughters (or even sons if the daughters aren't there "yet" or are too little). Hubs must never be inconvenienced. Sick, sick, sick.

[Black Aliss]

SOTDRT will always reveal itself. I think she meant "Why I wish I had gone to college", not "Why I wish I went to college".

[Shirley MacLaine]

SOTDRT will always reveal itself. I think she meant "Why I wish I had gone to college", not "Why I wish I went to college".

Eh. Common enough.

[Joykins]

It's rare to find someone in any educational sphere pedantic enough to use the subjunctive correctly and consistently.

[Turtle]

I have so much respect for people able to recognize and break the cycle of violence. Good for her and her babies.

[brashchick]

Just jumping in to say I love this blogger.

[mythoughtis]

Now, this SAHM is a perfect candidate for on-line courses..... from an area community college. That way she can get used to studying, do her classes while the kids are napping, etc... be close enough to the college to use the tutors, and get some general studies out of the way.

[brashchick]

@ Mythoughtis, that would be a great place for her to start. I think this woman is going to eventually go way beyond that -- I think she is amazing. It wouldn't surprise me to see her go on the grad school or a doctorate. Can y'all tell I have a real soft spot for for this young woman ?

[Trynn]

It's rare to find someone in any educational sphere pedantic enough to use the subjunctive correctly and consistently.

And if you do, I bet you it's because they've studied a foreign language.

This woman, by her own admission, has had a spotty education, at best. Of course her grammar's not going to be the best. Why study grammar when you could be learning important things, like how to be a submissive wife? Nitpick on someone who should know better.

[Joykins]

Hey, I'm actually interested in grammar, but most people in public schools aren't taught it these days either.

The idea is that you naturally pick up grammar through language acquisition (which is true, mostly), so no need to teach it, right? And you're right--everything is fine until you study a foreign language and the direct object, indirect object, and subject have different articles and declensions--then it helps to know it, all right. I say this because I had to tutor my classmates in German class because no one taught it to them in English. It didn't take long to teach or for them to understand--they'd just never been taught it before and it was really keeping them from learning another language.

That was a digression. I don't pick on people for bad grammar, although I continue to advocate for it to be taught better.

[Nothing2CHere]

Bumping this because I've become a regular reader of Young Mom's blog, but I hadn't had a chance to see if she's posted anything new yet this week. Only to discover, she set her blog to private/invitation only. Anyone know what happened to cause her to do this? I'm very sad about this, since I have no idea how to contact her to find out if she'll let this internet stranger who never commented still be able to read her stuff. I really loved her gentle parenting posts, I was taking notes.

[brashchick]

I know, and I am totally bummed. It was probably a wise move on her part given that her husband is a pastor and the potential for family conflict with her mom and dad. I was looking forward to her reading about her journey. Young mom, if you are reading here, I wish you all the best in the years to come.

[klavierspieler]

She's back now. She decided to stand by what she's posted for the last two years and take whatever crap may come her way for it. Here's a link to her latest post:

ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/2011/09/why-i-blog.html

[lilah]

Bumping this because I've become a regular reader of Young Mom's blog, but I hadn't had a chance to see if she's posted anything new yet this week. Only to discover, she set her blog to private/invitation only. Anyone know what happened to cause her to do this? I'm very sad about this, since I have no idea how to contact her to find out if she'll let this internet stranger who never commented still be able to read her stuff. I really loved her gentle parenting posts, I was taking notes.

I saw Anna T and a few other fundies who were criticizing her post about wanting a college education and how she's selfish. Anna T made some smug comments about how the reasons she wants to go to college is that she didn't get a proper SAHD experience becuase she was too busy being a second mom to her siblings. And that Anna claimed she'd never force her daughters into indentured servitude. (to which I say yeah you can barely handle a toddler and infant without napping when they're napping. What are you going to do when they outgrow naps? There's no way you won't be forcing all of the housework on your elder daughters when you're up to kid number 7-8. Maybe we will someday need to rename this forum Free Shira)

[brashchick]

I am so glad she is open again, though I worry about the repercussions should her someone at her husband's church find her blog. That being said, if she closes down again, at least I got a chance to tell her what an amazing young woman I think she is and to wish them the best.

[Nothing2CHere]

I visited this morning and saw she was up and running again and "out of the closet," so to speak. I'll be leaving her a comment of support, too. I figure now that she's not able to stay anonymous, she can use all the supportive words we can pass on to her.