Do Submission Blogs have Responsibility to the Exceptions

[Curious]

http://www.freejinger.org The first new content post is up on the front page blog. You can comment on it there for the first 5 days and then continue here. You can comment in both places or just one or the other.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this thread

[BrownieMomma]

Ima tad confused about the Monarch of Snark. Looks like they were posted just a few days ago but the dates of the posts are over a year old? Maybe I'm not looking at this right...

[Curious]

Ima tad confused about the Monarch of Snark. Looks like they were posted just a few days ago but the dates of the posts are over a year old? Maybe I'm not looking at this right...

We used to have a Post of the Week, but it was pretty time consuming to maintain. I was sick for much of 2013 and it was impossible for me to keep up with it. When I started working on the blog, I added the entries for the Post of the Week winners that I did not get done previously.

It's not their fault they didn't get their recognition until a year later :(

[formergothardite]

Lori and Ken are going to be furious when they find out about this. :lol: It uses their own words to show how horrible their beliefs are.

[jerkit]

Lori and Ken are going to be furious when they find out about this. :lol: It uses their own words to show how horrible their beliefs are.

I don't know that they'll ever even see it. They're horrible narcissists so unless it has their name in the title, they won't read it.

[Curious]

Lori and Ken are going to be furious when they find out about this. :lol: It uses their own words to show how horrible their beliefs are.

Whatever do you mean? I just took a page out of Lori's book and made a blog post centered around a comment from a blog :angelic-yellow: She does like that 4 out of 7 days some weeks.

I may be guilty of doing better research for my post than she usually does, but I can hardly be blamed for her lack of thoroughness and attention to detail, can i?

[lawfulevil]

Anything that claims to be "teaching" or "instructing" has a responsibility to examine and deal with exceptions. What would we think of a cake mix company that dealt with their customers the way Lori deals with her readers? Let's imagine:

You purchase a box of cake mix. You're new to baking, but you see a box from the "Always Learning Baking Company". That sounds like exactly what you need. You figure that you'll just follow all the directions and the cake will come out at least okay. The picture on the box looks absolutely beautiful, the cake is moist, the frosting looks luscious, you can almost taste it. A couple days later, it's time to bake the cake. You look at the directions on the back of the box. There is only one set. You're kind of curious why, since the other boxes in the store had multiple sets of directions, but you decide the cake company must know what they're doing. The directions are for a double layer, 8" round cake, prepared with the addition of one third cup of coconut oil, 2 large eggs, a half-cup of of applesauce, a teaspoon of vinegar, and a cup of pure spring water. There is no frosting recipe on the box, it says that you should purchase one can of their pre-made frosting. This is turning out to be harder than you thought, but you figure the cake company must know what they're doing. The cake on the box is so beautiful and right below the brand name it says they've been in business for 33 years. That's a long time, so of course they must know their cakes, right?

You drive back to the store to get the applesauce and the frosting. You're not sure which applesauce to get, so you get the national brand. When you go to get the frosting, you notice the cake company only offers one flavor- vanilla. It takes awhile to find the coconut oil, but you get that too. You're a little confused by all these different flavors, but you figure they must know what flavors go best together. The can seems kind of small, but the directions said you only needed one can. You carefully preheat the oven, follow the package directions to the letter, add all of the ingredients in the precise amounts and order the directions require, beat the batter for the exact amount of time the box says, let it rest while you oil and flour your pans, beat it again just like the box says, then pour it into the pans and carefully put them in the oven. You bake your cake for precisely the instructed time, then carefully remove the pans from the oven and put them to cool on a rack. Just like the box says. When the cake cools, it's cracked on top. But that's okay, they must mean for it to be cracked, right?

Frosting the cake is really hard. You're not sure why. The directions on the frosting state "apply with spatula to cooled cake". You do this, but you can't seem to cover every surface, and crumbs keep getting in the frosting, and it's both stiff and weirdly runny at the same time. Finally, you get the thing put together. It looks nothing like it does on the box. It's uglier than Cabinetman claims his wife is. Oh well... clearly you need some practice at this, but it'll still be delicious. You put some candles on it and shrug. After dinner, you sing the birthday song and cut the cake into 15 equal pieces, like it says on the box, and everyone takes a slice. And it is the worst cake you've ever had in your entire life. It's really dry, chewy, too sweet, and has a heavy chemical aftertaste. The frosting tastes like someone whipped sugar into Crisco. It's horrible. Everyone grimly powers through three polite bites before you bin the cake. The birthday boy is crying. This is a complete disaster, and it's all your fault, but you can't figure out where you went wrong. You hug your son and everyone goes out for ice cream instead.

Late that night, you watch the birthday video, cringing at how upset and uncomfortable everyone is. You really screwed this one up. You decide to get online and go figure out what you did wrong so you can make sure you never do that again. You get on the company's Facebook page, and all the comments are about how wonderful, perfect, and delicious the cake was. You feel like an even bigger failure and you're about to go cry into a glass of pinot- until you see a comment pop up.

I live at high altitude, I tried it the way you said on the box and my cake came out dry and flat. How should I adjust the recipe?

High altitude? Is that a thing? You live in Denver, does that count as high altitude? You wait for a reply from the company, and it comes amazingly fast.

We don't deal with exceptions.

Exceptions? You're baffled. You Google it, and high altitude does indeed include you in Denver. Millions of people live in Denver. Presumably at least some of them eat cake... how are you "exceptions"? And they stock the cake in your local grocery store, so they obviously intended to sell it to you.

The comment vanishes. You pour that glass of pinot and wait.

I don't own two 8 inch rounds, is it okay if I use a 9x9 square instead?

That seems like a reasonable question to you. It would have been a lot easier to frost one square cake than try to wrestle with two round cakes. That's smart.

NO. You must ALWAYS follow the directions EXACTLY. There is only ONE WAY to do it right.

Your sip of pinot turns into a gulp. This comment soon vanishes too.

My cake came out really dry and too dense. It also tasted weird. I followed your directions exactly. What should I do differently next time?

You nod. You had this exact problem! Hopefully they have some good advice.

All baking problems can be solved by following the directions even more closely.

What does that even mean? You drain your glass and consider another. No, you decide, that would be indulgent.

My son is allergic to eggs, what do you suggest as a substitute?

We don't cater to exceptions here. Most of our customers don't have food allergies. Stop distracting from the point.

Yes, a second glass is definitely in order. When you come back, all the comments have vanished again. But you don't have to wait long. Comments like this keep pouring in. They vastly outnumber the fawning praise. It seems like everyone's an exception! If everyone is an exception, doesn't that mean "normal" IS the exception? This is making your head hurt, so you go to bed. The next morning, the Always Learning Baking Company's page is empty of anything but fawning praise again. You wonder how the hell these people made it to 33 years in business.

Before you go to work, you see one last comment:

What kind of oil is the frosting made from?

Coconut.

Man, what is WITH these people and fucking coconut oil?

[lawfulevil]

I felt like taking this further, so I made:

https://www.facebook.com/alwayslearningcakes#

Feel free to post your cake mix questions, and I'll answer them like I'm Lori Alexander.

[jerkit]

My FB friends are going to think I'm nuts :P

[jerkit]

LOL a friend of mine just messaged me "I can't believe the shit you are getting from that baking company"

[lawfulevil]

That wall o text actually needed to be about 3 times longer to be perfectly accurate, but I don't have that kind of patience, lol.

[Tesseract]

I felt like taking this further, so I made:

https://www.facebook.com/alwayslearningcakes#

Feel free to post your cake mix questions, and I'll answer them like I'm Lori Alexander.

Priceless!!!! :clap: :clap:

[lawfulevil]

I just want whoever posted this gem:

"Cake seems like a complicated recipe for a beginning baker to commit to with no experience. Isn't it better to bake around first, perhaps with cookies or brownies?"

To know that I made a sound like a dying moose I was so amused.

[Lillybee]

Getting away from cakes for a bit. I just read the linked article

http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexcampbell/ho ... ls#2neli9r

It made me think that could this happen to submissive women married to someone like Michael Pearl and his ilk be held responsible for what he may have done to her children. What is a submissive wife supposed to do when her husband does beat her kids. I think that if she went to her pastor, she would be told to stay and do what she could to deflect it but not call the police. I remember ZsuZsu saying something about praying and if the husband was bad enough perhaps God would kill him.

I just felt very creepy pressing the submit button just now.

[salex]

My mother and dad were pretty anti divorce when we were kids. (in the 60s) at least that is how we were raised, with a lot of talk about careful selection of a spouse was key, etc.

I was shocked as a tween once when my mom said she couldn't believe some woman she knew had not divorced her husband.

My mom told whomever it was she was talking to that she couldn't imagine staying for one minute with a man who beat the kids or her. It was then that I began realizing that a spouse can be very unfaithful without ever committing adultery.

[Coco]

Priceless!!!! :clap: :clap:

i love the cake photos, the one from the '70's is exactly the same except for the photo-aging and dated tablecloth. :worship: (and where did you find a cake that has horns?) :twisted:

[latraviata]

If you are not able to get the cake right, ask an older cake woman for advice, preferably one who is always learning.....

[ILoveJellybeans]

I felt like taking this further, so I made:

https://www.facebook.com/alwayslearningcakes#

Feel free to post your cake mix questions, and I'll answer them like I'm Lori Alexander.

This cheered me up cause im listening to the deleted Jeub podcast while catching up on posts.

[usmcmom]

Question:

My husband really wants cake tonight. I mean, he wants cake so bad, he's acting like it's his right to have cake. Anyway, I'm not feeling well but I do feel like I should give him cake any time he wants it. If I grease the pan really really well, will that make it bake faster so I can get to bed? I was hoping to have that cake done in...say...ten minutes.

[latraviata]

Question:

My husband really wants cake tonight. I mean, he wants cake so bad, he's acting like it's is right to have cake. Anyway, I'm not feeling well but I do feel like I should give him cake any time he wants it. If I grease the pan really really well, will that make it bake faster so I can get to bed? I was hoping to have that cake done in...say...ten minutes.

Use lube and smile......that will do the trick...

[polecat]

I felt like taking this further, so I made:

https://www.facebook.com/alwayslearningcakes#

Feel free to post your cake mix questions, and I'll answer them like I'm Lori Alexander.

I totally <3 you.

[lawfulevil]

Question:

My husband really wants cake tonight. I mean, he wants cake so bad, he's acting like it's his right to have cake. Anyway, I'm not feeling well but I do feel like I should give him cake any time he wants it. If I grease the pan really really well, will that make it bake faster so I can get to bed? I was hoping to have that cake done in...say...ten minutes.

Sometimes when a man makes unreasonable cake demands, a woman has to get creative. I'm afraid you're simply going to have to tolerate his nonsense this time, unless you can distract him with basketball. However, to avert future unpleasantness, I will reluctantly provide you with a little secret: Buying it from the professionals once in awhile is fine as long as all parties remain in complete and total denial. So nip down to the gas station and pick up some Ho-Hos or Ding-Dongs, whichever you think he'd prefer.

[GeoBQn]

I just want whoever posted this gem:

"Cake seems like a complicated recipe for a beginning baker to commit to with no experience. Isn't it better to bake around first, perhaps with cookies or brownies?"

To know that I made a sound like a dying moose I was so amused.

And double kudos to the person who gave this response:

"The Always Learning Baking Company

No. You shouldn't so much as turn on the oven before you buy your first cake mix. Pre-cake baking leads to a LIFETIME of regrets. You might even... end up with a bun in the oven!"

[lawfulevil]

The Always Learning Baking Company is on hiatus until this evening because Ben has to go play basketball and Cori drank all the sherry and is listening to Rick Warren tapes and sobbing under the kitchen table.

(Or because I have class all day and the college blocks Facebook. Pick your reality.)

[CallmeChaCha]

I think I need to quit my job and school and find the Ken threads, if they're this entertaining:

The Always Learning Baking Company

Sorry it took so long to reply to you X, I had to finish up my basketball game, shower, and then obsessively google my wife. I'll try to answer your question as concisely as I possibly can. In the parable of the loaves and fishes, which you may not be familiar with as it's very obscure Biblical learning manly man expert stuff, Jesus takes some fish and some bread and makes it into a metric poop crapton of bread. He multiplies that bread by exactly precisely 9000.522%. But the bread is still exactly like the same bread that it was when Jesus first started multiplying it. Do you understand what I mean? He didn't take that initial bread and then from that bread make 300 different kinds of bread. It wasn't rye and sourdough and pumpernickel and white and wheat and pizza dough and taco bread and whatever Africans eat. It was just bread, just white bread like you'd get at the grocery store, plain and simple bread and only one kind. That's because there is only one way to do bread right, that's the way Jesus did it, which just so happens to be white bread from Whole Foods. Everything uptight rich white people with too much money do is the exact Biblically correct way to do it.

:wtf:

And

Gluten intolerance isn't real. It's a sin issue. You should pray on this.