Too young to be left along at park? Mom arrested

[2xx1xy1JD]

I had something similar happen this weekend. We were in a huge wave pool, and there was a tiny, tiny kid (maybe three? Four tops) who was in this huge inner tube, and the waves were sucking him down under the tube. I looked around briefly for a parent that might've belonged to him, didn't see one, and hiked the kid back up into the tube. He told me he was scared and wanted to get out, so I helped him out and held his hand as I walked him and his giant tube out of the pool to his grandmother, who was sunning in a deck chair. Parents can't always be there for everything or see everything, and I'm totally ok with being a buttinsky-type if I think a child genuinely needs help.

[Climbing on my soapbox here]

This drives me crazy, because pools are an ACTUAL DANGER to small children, and that danger is completely underestimated.

People will go crazy thinking about the random dangerous strangers that must be lurking everything, but statistically, drowning is the leading cause of death for children 1-4 except for congenital abnormalities.

Children under 5 need to be within arm's reach of an adult, who is ACTIVELY supervising them, at all times around water. Period. This isn't helicopter paranoia. This is about parents who are so freaked out by tiny risks, that they have no idea that it is incredibly easy for small children to drown.

An inner tube is not a lifejacket. It's very easy for a child to get caught underneath or to lose their hold.

Being near a small child in the water is NOT actively supervising. People think, wrongly, that they will hear splashing or yelling. In fact, non-swimmers don't make a sound when they drown. It's totally silent and it happens quickly. For the same reason, having people around the area is no protection, because they won't realize that the child is under water.

Swimming lessons are important, as well as boat safety, but no child under 5 can be considered truly water-safe because it's hard for kids at that age to have the strength to swim through waves or across a pool, and pull themselves out of the water. Sometimes, kids lose their fear of water but can only swim for a few seconds.

A good friend of mine lost her toddler to a backyard pool drowning 7 years ago, and we just found out that another friend has a toddler in a coma due to drowning.

[Firiel]

[Climbing on my soapbox here]

This drives me crazy, because pools are an ACTUAL DANGER to small children, and that danger is completely underestimated.

People will go crazy thinking about the random dangerous strangers that must be lurking everything, but statistically, drowning is the leading cause of death for children 1-4 except for congenital abnormalities.

Children under 5 need to be within arm's reach of an adult, who is ACTIVELY supervising them, at all times around water. Period. This isn't helicopter paranoia. This is about parents who are so freaked out by tiny risks, that they have no idea that it is incredibly easy for small children to drown.

An inner tube is not a lifejacket. It's very easy for a child to get caught underneath or to lose their hold.

Being near a small child in the water is NOT actively supervising. People think, wrongly, that they will hear splashing or yelling. In fact, non-swimmers don't make a sound when they drown. It's totally silent and it happens quickly. For the same reason, having people around the area is no protection, because they won't realize that the child is under water.

Swimming lessons are important, as well as boat safety, but no child under 5 can be considered truly water-safe because it's hard for kids at that age to have the strength to swim through waves or across a pool, and pull themselves out of the water. Sometimes, kids lose their fear of water but can only swim for a few seconds.

A good friend of mine lost her toddler to a backyard pool drowning 7 years ago, and we just found out that another friend has a toddler in a coma due to drowning.

Completely agree. As a former lifeguard, I was feeling a rising panic while reading that story. Thank goodness you were there, polecat! You seriously may have saved his life. Wave pools are especially chaotic, and it's SO easy for a lifeguard to miss something. Most kids that young aren't independent swimmers at all, let alone in a wave pool that is probably full of people jostling around. I wouldn't let a four year old in a wave pool at all unless I was standing RIGHT there, and I can't even imagine putting a child that young in a wave pool and not even watching him!

[HoneyBunny]

This is really such a sad story. The woman was doing what she thought was right for her child. Would they have liked her to be on goverment assistance.

They would like that she be married to a husband who earns enough money to support them all despite having no college education and starting his own business because it's evil to work for others.

They would like that she be a SAHM, have five additional kids with another on the way and be homeschooling and beating her kids all day along as the Bible commands.

And, barring achievement of all of the above, they'd like that none of them had ever been born.

(They don't give a shit if any of them are happy, healthy or well fed.)

[GeoBQn]

The blogger at Shower of Roses (aka the Martha Stewart of Catholicism) was asking for prayers and donations for parents whose two-year-old drowned in a bucket of water while visiting family. I thought that it was pretty well documented and publicized that babies and toddlers can drown in a bucket, even if there is only a few inches of water in it. Who was watching her?

[polecat]

Completely agree. As a former lifeguard, I was feeling a rising panic while reading that story. Thank goodness you were there, polecat! You seriously may have saved his life. Wave pools are especially chaotic, and it's SO easy for a lifeguard to miss something. Most kids that young aren't independent swimmers at all, let alone in a wave pool that is probably full of people jostling around. I wouldn't let a four year old in a wave pool at all unless I was standing RIGHT there, and I can't even imagine putting a child that young in a wave pool and not even watching him!

You have no idea how much I wanted to say "WTF, woman?!" to her. I felt judgy and maybe the kid had older siblings who were supposed to be watching him, but they clearly weren't ... He was ok, and I'm glad I happened to be close to where he was. It wasn't like an immediately life-threatening situation (afaik), but it's possible that it could have been given a few more minutes.

I don't even let my kids go past 3' in that pool, and they have to stay near their dad and me. The waves are strong enough to knock *me* off-balance, and I am paranoid.

[SoybeanQueen]

This drives me crazy, because pools are an ACTUAL DANGER to small children, and that danger is completely underestimated.

That's how I feel about child passenger safety. People freak out about things like stranger abductions or whether or not it's OK to post a kid's picture on Facebook, but they turn their babies forward-facing at 11 months old or move their toddlers into a regular seatbelt or just don't bother to try to use car seats correctly. Yet motor vehicle crashes are very high up on the cause of death list for kids under 14. That doesn't even account for the injuries, which can be severe and life-altering. Deaths are just the tip of the iceberg.

I get the shifty eye from other parents when I'm 50 feet away from my kid at the playground, and then see them drive off with their kid improperly restrained in a way that will likely kill them in a crash.

[weirdemmaline]

This story confuses the hell out of me. In my area it's common practice to do this! There's always herds of children at parks without adults and nobody ever gets in trouble for leaving their kids alone (even if they are the only kid on the playground).

[PennySycamore]

We were latchkey kids from the time I was in first grade. (I was the youngest, btw.) We tramped through the woods, rode bikes and even walked to town to the pool. There were no sidewalks in our neighborhood. As we got older, we even cooked our lunch and helped with the ironing.

ETA: No wonder there is an obesity problem with kids today. Kids years ago got more exercise and it wasn't all planned. It just happened. There were very few fat kids in my junior high and high school. (Not fat shaming; I'm a bit fluffy myself these days.)

I am reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebeca Skloot. I just read about how Henrietta's daughter Deborah was a single mom with two kids who'd left her abusive husband. She worked two jobs to make ends meet and the manager of the Gino's where she worked let her bring the kids to work at the beginning of the shift. The kids would need to go to bed before her shift was over and so Deborah sent them home, which was nearby. They knew not to open the door to anyone but their mom and how to save themselves if there was a fire. Deborah was a good mom doing what she needed to do, but she'd be in trouble if she did the same thing today. We need, as a society, to give these moms excellent childcare.

[momof2treasures]

Wow! I have recently started having my responsible12 year old sister sit in the car with my 2 year old while do things like pick up take out or run in the store. Car on with ac running of course. I too was babysitting at 11 but I think that's too much to ask at this age but 10 minutes here and there seemed ok esp considering my toddler is in a car seat. I am now rethinking this scenario . Ugh.

[SoybeanQueen]

Wow! I have recently started having my responsible12 year old sister sit in the car with my 2 year old while do things like pick up take out or run in the store. Car on with ac running of course. I too was babysitting at 11 but I think that's too much to ask at this age but 10 minutes here and there seemed ok esp considering my toddler is in a car seat. I am now rethinking this scenario . Ugh.

People are so hyper-aware of the car thing lately, I think, since several kids have died. Even before the recent publicized incidents, I know lots of towns actually made it illegal to leave kids in the car. In one town, I was told they could not be in the car alone, even in your own driveway. At all. For any reason.

Probably the majority of parents are capable of deciding whether or not it's safe to leave their kiddo for a short time, but there are always those yahoos that can't use their brains. And as for the laws, it's not like most of the people whose kids died in hot cars intended to leave them. A law wouldn't save those kids.

[shedemei]

This drives me crazy, because pools are an ACTUAL DANGER to small children, and that danger is completely underestimated.

[...]

Being near a small child in the water is NOT actively supervising. People think, wrongly, that they will hear splashing or yelling. In fact, non-swimmers don't make a sound when they drown. It's totally silent and it happens quickly. For the same reason, having people around the area is no protection, because they won't realize that the child is under water.

Very true. One of the few helpful things that goes around Facebook frequently are the "drowning doesn't look like drowning" videos that illustrate this.

[Walking Cat Bed]

When I was young enough to need parental supervision before and after school, my mom had an in-home daycare. If she knew of a kid in this situation (fully capable of staying out of trouble all day at the park), she'd check with the parents and then always have a "random" extra juice box and snack in case the kid needed or wanted it (and make herself available for emergencies). I'd like to think that I'd do the same, rather than calling the police (unless, of course, there's reason to suspect abuse or neglect).

[ViolaSebastian]

I was a latchkey kid growing up as well. My neighborhood had this fantastic program whereby stay-at-home-mother's houses were denoted by a blue star in the window. We were taught that when shit goes down, we were to proceed directly to a 'blue star' home where a PTA approved responsible adult would be home to call 911, the ambulance, our parents, or what have you. I never had to use one, but it was always nice to know they were there, and looking back I really see the genius in that idea.

[louisa05]

I was a latchkey kid growing up as well. My neighborhood had this fantastic program whereby stay-at-home-mother's houses were denoted by a blue star in the window. We were taught that when shit goes down, we were to proceed directly to a 'blue star' home where a PTA approved responsible adult would be home to call 911, the ambulance, our parents, or what have you. I never had to use one, but it was always nice to know they were there, and looking back I really see the genius in that idea.

I think that was a PTA thing in the 70s/80s because I remember that, too. My mom stayed home until I was in 8th grade, but she often worked a bit at the company where my dad was the manager (usually without pay :roll: ) and we always knew that if she wasn't home and we wanted something we could call there or just go there.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Very true. One of the few helpful things that goes around Facebook frequently are the "drowning doesn't look like drowning" videos that illustrate this.

Good video, and I'm glad it's going viral.

One more tip: parents need to make sure that anyone supervising kids around water can actually swim.

There have been tragic cases around here where a parent or nanny jumped in after a child, but ended up drowning themselves.

Small children are fairly easy to lift up, but larger children and adults can pose a serious risk to a would-be rescuer. The drowning person is so desperately that they grab onto and basically climb onto the rescuer.

Boating is another thing that people don't realize is risky. WEAR THE LIFEJACKET. We see cases of non-swimmers without life jackets tipping or falling in, swimmers without life jackets jumping in after them, and both of them drowning.

If you look at that video carefully, you can see that the lifeguard approaches from behind the downing victim, and pushes them up so they can breathe. [This is the Pia carry, a technique for trained lifeguards. Anyone else should have a lifejacket, or extend some object to the downing person.]

[2xx1xy1JD]

I was a latchkey kid growing up as well. My neighborhood had this fantastic program whereby stay-at-home-mother's houses were denoted by a blue star in the window. We were taught that when shit goes down, we were to proceed directly to a 'blue star' home where a PTA approved responsible adult would be home to call 911, the ambulance, our parents, or what have you. I never had to use one, but it was always nice to know they were there, and looking back I really see the genius in that idea.

In Canada, we had something similar called Block Parents.

Again, we were all told about this at school and every kid knew what it was. The program has declined and I haven't seen a Block Parent sign in ages. Part of the problem, aside from paranoia, about kids being on their own now is that they haven't been taught what to do, and there are fewer other kids around. I remember our elementary school also had older students working as crossing guards right in front of the school, but now it doesn't since kids are more likely to be driven.

[FJismyheadship]

I wear my life jacket on the boat even though its not legally required (it just has to be within reach... what good is that gonna do if the boat tips!?) because I can't swim. Legally, my daughter has to wear one, but even if it wasn't required for her, she STILL would have to wear it. I cannot swim, but her dad can, so she and I don't go near the water without him, or someone else who can swim. Magic Springs is okay because they have lifeguards and kiddie pools.

I would never let my daughter go beyond the edge of the wave pool. At least not until she is much older. I got stuck in the current once with a tube around my waist and they had to stop the waves, and get the lifeguard over there.

[Jana814]

I was a latchkey kid growing up as well. My neighborhood had this fantastic program whereby stay-at-home-mother's houses were denoted by a blue star in the window. We were taught that when shit goes down, we were to proceed directly to a 'blue star' home where a PTA approved responsible adult would be home to call 911, the ambulance, our parents, or what have you. I never had to use one, but it was always nice to know they were there, and looking back I really see the genius in that idea.

That's great that u guys had a program like that.

[dawbs]

That's great that u guys had a program like that.

Ours were a handprint sign in the window. ('helping hands'?)

But...I'm not sure they were screened, which is why I don't think it exists anymore.

It gets tricky that there's safety in numbers. So I'd feel better sending my child (hypothetically, when she's older--she's 3 which doesn't get to have lots of free range childhood yet) to a park where there are lots of other kids--because kids can be stupid--and stupid in groups--but from my own childhood, I'll say that one kid's gap/area of stupid is often another kids area of wisdom/strength. And kids share knowledge. LIke "you don't take that shortcut, the creepy bottle guy is down there" (which was sometimes urban legend horror story stuff...but was sometimes creepy people we were avoiding. I can tell you where he hung out in my town).

But, since other people are overprotecting their kids, there isn't a well-populated playground to send her to--so I'm more likely to keep her home, which contributes to fewer kids at the playground which contributes to kids not having a safe place and staying home, etc.

(and this is multiplied by having an 'only'. My sisters and I kept e/o out of [and somtimes into] trouble--I'd confidently send off hypothetical sibling groups more easily than hypotehtical single)

[Miggy]

In Canada, we had something similar called Block Parents.

Again, we were all told about this at school and every kid knew what it was. The program has declined and I haven't seen a Block Parent sign in ages. Part of the problem, aside from paranoia, about kids being on their own now is that they haven't been taught what to do, and there are fewer other kids around. I remember our elementary school also had older students working as crossing guards right in front of the school, but now it doesn't since kids are more likely to be driven.

We had Safety Houses here. Sign with a yellow house with a big smiley face and it was usually attached to the letter box or front fence. It's funny that it disappeared. We use to see them everywhere and we were taught about them at school. I remember we had to count the number we passed on our walk home from school. I don't think me kids have every heard of them.

[ViolaSebastian]

I think that paranoia, as someone had previously suggested, is the reason for the demise of these sorts of programs, which is a shame, because it always gave me (I was a worrywart of a child...and adult...but I digress) a peace of mind.

I always tell people who are paranoid regarding the safety of their child (particular in regards to sexual abuse) that only ten percent of child sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by strangers. The rest are committed by family members, friends, or acquaintances. Hence why it's so important to educate your child about good touch/bad touch, listening to their bodies if they have a funny feeling in their tummies, telling an adult, etc. You can't shield them from everyone and everything, and knowledge is power.