Too young to be left along at park? Mom arrested

[Chowder Head]

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/21/living/mo ... =obnetwork

Mom arrested for leaving 9-year-old alone at park. I do believe it had alot to do with race and location.

[polecat]

This case bothers me. We've become such hovering helicopter parents that a situation that wouldn't even have been blinked at by previous generations has now become a punishable offense. I don't think it's ideal for a kid to be left alone at 9 while parents are at work, but it sounds like she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. My kids are independent little people who spend hours away from home in the summer at the neighborhood park, at neighbors' houses, etc. Is that also a punishable offense? Or is it ok because I'm at home, white and working from home rather than working at McDs?

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I read yesterday a woman was given a ticket for leaving her 11yo in the car while she ran into the store. Eleven! I personally dislike the helicopter parenting that is happening right now. I know a lot of people who dont let their kids play in the neighborhood with other kids. We are talking 10 and 12 year olds here. My kids walk to school, play with others, etc and I think the freedom and independence learned is good for them.

Anyhow, today I read this woman was fired from her McDonalds job since she was arrested, but that her daughter was given back to her and Internet strangers had raised $24,000 for her so far.

[Maggie Mae]

Well, the mom is no longer working at McDonalds. They fired her because of the media distraction. This story pisses me off. The comments I read on one of the stories too. Apparently people out there think that because the daughter didn't have a snack, it was neglect. When did we turn onto a society of people who think that we need to be constantly eating? Why would anyone assume that because it was a public park, that there would most defiantly be a child abductor and molester behind every bush?

[Zock]

I spent my childhood on my bike wandering all over the neighborhood and in the woods and fields behind the neighborhood. My folks used to kick us out the door in the morning and say "don't come home until dinner time". I splashed in streams, climbed hills, wandered through construction zones for new homes (:)), and usually came home tired, covered in dirt, scratched up, and sometimes had to be checked for ticks. ;)

I'm sure nowadays I'd get put in foster care and my parents would be jailed.

[Maggie Mae]

I spent my childhood on my bike wandering all over the neighborhood and in the woods and fields behind the neighborhood. My folks used to kick us out the door in the morning and say "don't come home until dinner time". I splashed in streams, climbed hills, wandered through construction zones for new homes (:)), and usually came home tired, covered in dirt, scratched up, and sometimes had to be checked for ticks. ;)

I'm sure nowadays I'd get put in foster care and my parents would be jailed.

Yup, me too. I'd ride my bike to the park, I'd go the grocery store for my parents, I'd trick or treat with just friends. And to be perfectly honest, it bothers me when I see high school kids waiting for the bus in moms car. And the line of cars dropping kids off at junior high, some that I know live down the street. It hold up traffic and these kids are capable of walking and they are not being allowed to. We've cut recesses down and out completely, they aren't walking or biking to and from school anymore, and we wonder why our kids are having a difficult time paying attention.

[DGayle]

I have a friend who had the cops knocking on her door because her 12-year-old son had been spotted riding his bike near the street corner, not even a full 50 feet from the front door. Apparently we are supposed to keep our tweens within arm's reach at all times. I honestly think this expectation of helicopter-parenting is contributing to childhood obesity. I mean, really, we aren't supposed to let out kids go outside and play unless we can follow along because it's abuse?!

The mom in the article had her daughter at work, and let the daughter take a break from being inside by letting her go to the park. An idiot I know on Facebook asked what if she had been attacked by a dog or fell in a creek? Um, really? Anyway if you think kids need babysitters for everything, then the resources need to be made available to working parents. A McDonald's salary doesn't pay enough for a babysitter. If she didn't work and collected welfare...well, damned if you do, damned if you don't. There as no winning for her.

[YPestis]

I was a latchkey kid from a very young age. If my parents did that today, I would definitely get sent to social services! I see a few reasons for all this helicopter parenting:

1. Crime! Crime! Crime everywhere! The media hypes it up. Pedophiles lurk behind every tree. Druggies are on every street corners. And all are waiting to snatch up Little Johnny and corrupt him. No wonder parents feel they must be hyper-vigilant.

2. Strangers in the neighborhood. We are a far more fluid population now. We don't know those who live near us. Our coworkers may live 10 minutes away, family members two hours away. As a result, we may not have anyone trustworthy sitting on the front porch who can keep an eye on the kid when he's out biking. It also means we are more wary of neighborhood children because we don't know them or their parents.

3. Fewer children, intensive parenting. Not sure which came first, fewer children causing parents to focus more energy per child, or intense parenting expectations leading to fewer children. The end result is that those who have the means to follow their children around 24/7 will forever feel that anything less is child abuse.

In this lady's case, there could also be a race component. A black girl running around gives off different vibes for some people than white children doing so (and people make different assumptions as to why they are unsupervised).

The public park may honestly not be the safest place either, but it's near where the mother worked. Maybe what happened was someone saw a little black girl running in a not-so-safe park and assumed neglect rather than lack of child care options. The police came and assumed the same thing, that the mother was perhaps irresponsible and lazy rather than poor and desperate. Of course, no where were there any offer of help to the working mom that could solve everyone's problem: cheap child care. Single moms are lazy and entitled for being on welfare with children. But they are criminals for working and not affording child care. Is being a poor, single mother in this country going to be a crime soon?

[Coco]

I have a friend who had the cops knocking on her door because her 12-year-old son had been spotted riding his bike near the street corner, not even a full 50 feet from the front door.

Wow. That is truly ridiculous. No wonder i've had people give me side eye for letting my daughter pedal her tricycle a couple houses ahead. in a cul de sac :roll:

[alba]

The mom in the article had her daughter at work, and let the daughter take a break from being inside by letting her go to the park. An idiot I know on Facebook asked what if she had been attacked by a dog or fell in a creek? Um, really? Anyway if you think kids need babysitters for everything, then the resources need to be made available to working parents. A McDonald's salary doesn't pay enough for a babysitter. If she didn't work and collected welfare...well, damned if you do, damned if you don't. There as no winning for her.

This. If people have a problem with her sending her daughter to the park while she works because she can't afford childcare, the solution is to provide childcare, not punish someone trying to take the best of limited options.

As for the whole "It's more dangerous than it used to be" thing people claim, it's not. Children are SAFER these days than they were in past generations, but with more prevalent news media there are more reports so there's the illusion of the world getting more dangerous. Besides, most abductions and assaults on children are done by people they know, and often people their parents trust, so having a child under supervision isn't necessarily going to protect them.

[FJismyheadship]

We have a fenced in yard, and occasionally I will leave my toddler JUST long enough to grab a sippy cup (the gate is closed and locked) because its easier than dealing with the tantrum that will ensue if I try to drag her inside with me. My next door neighbor or her kids are usually outside, and I even checked with a Child Services investigator to make absolutely certain it would be okay. She said she didn't see a problem with two minutes in a safe, fenced in, LOCKED gated yard. Anyway, whether its grabbing a cup or taking a pee, I still get unnerved because I don't want a cop to come by and see an unattended toddler. My door stands wide open, I can hear what goes on, and usually my neighbor or her older kids are outside when I do it to make absolutely certain nothing happens to her. She's either swinging, pushing her monkey in her toy stroller, or eating dirt. But she's safe. Nobody I know has an issue with it. And someone is watching her, even if they arent in the exact same yard.

I don't see a problem with a nine year old playing alone in a park. But I was encouraged to play outside without adult supervision too. Heck, we had a snow cone stand, and my brothers and I were outside without adult supervision. Our parents came out long enough to do a money drop, and that was it.

[fun2beme]

I read yesterday a woman was given a ticket for leaving her 11yo in the car while she ran into the store. Eleven! I personally dislike the helicopter parenting that is happening right now. I know a lot of people who dont let their kids play in the neighborhood with other kids. We are talking 10 and 12 year olds here. My kids walk to school, play with others, etc and I think the freedom and independence learned is good for them.

Anyhow, today I read this woman was fired from her McDonalds job since she was arrested, but that her daughter was given back to her and Internet strangers had raised $24,000 for her so far.

I heard about that, too. It was a hot day and people who saw it were concerned because it the 11yr-old, 9yr-old, and 2 younger kids, IIRC. THey were in the car with the windows closed. Of course, specifics of the story weren't reported, but I wondered why the older kids didn't open the door? I don't have kids so I've never bothered much with safety lock features. I know there are safety locks that prevent a child from opening a door while the car is in motion but am not sure about locking them in so they can't open when the car is idle.

My mom left my sister and I alone like that while she ran into stores. The most danger we faced was bickering/hitting each other.

[Trynn]

Most kids by age 11 know how to disable the child locks anyway....

[PrairieGirl]

Wow. That is truly ridiculous. No wonder i've had people give me side eye for letting my daughter pedal her tricycle a couple houses ahead. in a cul de sac :roll:

Ridiculous. I have a 12-year-old and am proud of how independent she is becoming. Yes, she is still a child and needs her parents but should I be arrested because the other day she walked home alone from the library, which is about 1/2 mile from our house?

[louisa05]

Yup, me too. I'd ride my bike to the park, I'd go the grocery store for my parents, I'd trick or treat with just friends. And to be perfectly honest, it bothers me when I see high school kids waiting for the bus in moms car. And the line of cars dropping kids off at junior high, some that I know live down the street. It hold up traffic and these kids are capable of walking and they are not being allowed to. We've cut recesses down and out completely, they aren't walking or biking to and from school anymore, and we wonder why our kids are having a difficult time paying attention.

The schools in my town require teachers to escort K-5 kids from the front doors of the building to the daycare vans/buses/parents' cars in groups no larger than one adult to four kids. I live in a white, suburban largely middle to upper class town of 9000 people. There are large glass doors and windows in the front of the buildings. Nothing is going to happen to these kids walking to a car/van or bus. But they have to be dismissed in shifts and lined up in the hallways to be escorted out. K-3 teachers are required to open and close doors of parent vehicles for their students.

They do not allow kids to bike to school and wring their hands over any who actually walk. Because of that, our landlady, on the other side of our duplex drives her eight year old to school. It is three blocks away--straight down our street and there is actually only one street to cross.

I'm told that the middle and high school encourages parents to drive kids (who don't drive themselves or ride the bus) because of concerns about traffic in the area. Thing is that the traffic in the area is all from parents driving their kids. Those kids do have to find their own way to the bus.

[shedemei]

Jesus, that's crazy.

[Rebelwife]

The schools in my town require teachers to escort K-5 kids from the front doors of the building to the daycare vans/buses/parents' cars in groups no larger than one adult to four kids. I live in a white, suburban largely middle to upper class town of 9000 people. There are large glass doors and windows in the front of the buildings. Nothing is going to happen to these kids walking to a car/van or bus. But they have to be dismissed in shifts and lined up in the hallways to be escorted out. K-3 teachers are required to open and close doors of parent vehicles for their students.

They do not allow kids to bike to school and wring their hands over any who actually walk. Because of that, our landlady, on the other side of our duplex drives her eight year old to school. It is three blocks away--straight down our street and there is actually only one street to cross.

I'm told that the middle and high school encourages parents to drive kids (who don't drive themselves or ride the bus) because of concerns about traffic in the area. Thing is that the traffic in the area is all from parents driving their kids. Those kids do have to find their own way to the bus.

That would drive me crazy! We live in a very safe neighborhood and the elementary school is about 1/2 mile away from my house. There's only one moderately busy street to cross that was staffed by the most wonderful crossing guard in the world. (Who retired this year since he was in his late 70's :crying-yellow: ) My kids were walking part of the way home by themselves when they were in 1st grade - I'd start walking from my end and meet them a few hundred yards from the school and were walking/riding their bikes the whole way by the time the oldest was in 3rd grade and the younger was in kindergarten. I got the stink eye from a few people, but mostly it was tons of other kids doing it too. Now that they are in MS and HS, they can walk to the bus stop and wait there by themselves, thank you very much. I'll make an exception if it's pouring rain hard enough that an umbrella isn't enough, but that's it.

I did have to give my explicit permission to the teachers when they were in Kindergarten and 1st grade to walk by themselves off school grounds, but that was all.

[HoneyBunny]

You know, by age 11 I was babysitting (usually toddlers and preschool age) kids during daylight hours. By 12 I had taken a babysitting class and started doing some evening babysitting. By 13 I was babysitting till midnight.

What has happened to us?

[louisa05]

You know, by age 11 I was babysitting (usually toddlers and preschool age) kids during daylight hours. By 12 I had taken a babysitting class and started doing some evening babysitting. By 13 I was babysitting till midnight.

What has happened to us?

I was, too. Now, my 19 year old nephew has had to go "babysit" his cousins ages 14 and 10. In daylight. I'd get it if it were overnight or something.

[Jana814]

This is really such a sad story. The woman was doing what she thought was right for her child. Would they have liked her to be on goverment assistance.

[Mama Mia]

The schools in my town require teachers to escort K-5 kids from the front doors of the building to the daycare vans/buses/parents' cars in groups no larger than one adult to four kids. I live in a white, suburban largely middle to upper class town of 9000 people. There are large glass doors and windows in the front of the buildings. Nothing is going to happen to these kids walking to a car/van or bus. But they have to be dismissed in shifts and lined up in the hallways to be escorted out. K-3 teachers are required to open and close doors of parent vehicles for their students.

They do not allow kids to bike to school and wring their hands over any who actually walk. Because of that, our landlady, on the other side of our duplex drives her eight year old to school. It is three blocks away--straight down our street and there is actually only one street to cross.

I'm told that the middle and high school encourages parents to drive kids (who don't drive themselves or ride the bus) because of concerns about traffic in the area. Thing is that the traffic in the area is all from parents driving their kids. Those kids do have to find their own way to the bus.

All of this is just insane. Do all of the people promoting the extreme helicopter behavior give any thought at all as to how these poor children will function as adults? Childhood should be a fairly gradual transition to being able to do things and solve problems and navigate their social and physical world independently. By adolescence they should have all of those basics down so that they can work on moving towards the wider world and make their lapses in judgement while still under their parents care.

If elementary school age children are kept under the level of control you would expect for a toddler -- and only let out into their own neighborhood as a teen , they will be functioning at about the level of a 10-12 year old when they go off to college or to a job. Do these people really think it's a good idea to release young adults with the maturity and problem solving skills of a ten year old on the world? Idiots.

Eta: although I will say that some of my favorite times with my young teens was driving them to the high school that was about 2 miles from our home. Sure sometimes they walked there, and almost always walked home, but generally I'd drop them off on my way to work and I got the most conversation just sitting there in stalled traffic :) .

[louisa05]

All of this is just insane. Do all of the people promoting the extreme helicopter behavior give any thought at all as to how these poor children will function as adults? Childhood should be a fairly gradual transition to being able to do things and solve problems and navigate their social and physical world independently. By adolescence they should have all of those basics down so that they can work on moving towards the wider world while still under their parents care.

If elementary school age children are kept under the level of control you would expect for a toddler -- and only let out into their own neighborhood as a teen , they will be functioning at about the level of a 10-12 year old when they go off to college or to a job. Do these people really think it's a good idea to release young adults with the maturity and problem solving skills of a ten year old on the world? Idiots.

I've had to do the escorting and opening of car doors as a sub. I can tell which kids have parents who are more laid back as they are rolling their eyes about it all and often walking ahead. Those whose parents must demand it are right beside you like they might get hurt if they stray.

If I had a child in this school district, I would absolutely be telling these teachers that they are not to open or close the car door unless the kid has his/her hands full. I also feel like it puts the teachers in a subservient position with their students which is not really appropriate.

[Coco]

It is a weird feeling, to be at the park and scared that your kids will hurt themselves... not so much about getting a scraped elbow but more about getting judged as a mom for not protecting them enough.

A few weeks ago at the park a little guy about 2 1/2 got stranded on a climbing dome and crying for his mom. After a minute or so another parent and i just glanced at each other kind of like, what now? lol But i was closer and just lifted him down. The stupid thing was that i actually wondered if it was okay to help a little kid physically. It's sad when grown ups think they can't even help a child in distress.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I suspect it's making kids less safe.

When I was in kindergarten, I clearly remember that we went over road safety every day. My mom arranged for a girl on the street to walk me to school, but in grade one, I was expected to walk myself. Kids were educated about dealing with common risks. Now, it wasn't perfect - and things like stranger abductions and murders HAVE decreased - but I wonder about kids only learning later on how to manage common risks. My kids learned their road safety from me, because it's not something that schools do anymore. Nobody expects that a 6 yr old will being crossing a street alone.

[polecat]

It is a weird feeling, to be at the park and scared that your kids will hurt themselves... not so much about getting a scraped elbow but more about getting judged as a mom for not protecting them enough.

A few weeks ago at the park a little guy about 2 1/2 got stranded on a climbing dome and crying for his mom. After a minute or so another parent and i just glanced at each other kind of like, what now? lol But i was closer and just lifted him down. The stupid thing was that i actually wondered if it was okay to help a little kid physically. It's sad when grown ups think they can't even help a child in distress.

I had something similar happen this weekend. We were in a huge wave pool, and there was a tiny, tiny kid (maybe three? Four tops) who was in this huge inner tube, and the waves were sucking him down under the tube. I looked around briefly for a parent that might've belonged to him, didn't see one, and hiked the kid back up into the tube. He told me he was scared and wanted to get out, so I helped him out and held his hand as I walked him and his giant tube out of the pool to his grandmother, who was sunning in a deck chair. Parents can't always be there for everything or see everything, and I'm totally ok with being a buttinsky-type if I think a child genuinely needs help.