All the pro-spanking books on amazon

[wayward]

Guessing that the more parents who use physical punishment a lot have to keep getting more extreme (hitting with objects, removing clothing) for it to "work."

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

Like you said, all kids are different. But even if the kid has no lasting effects from it, I don't think it's ever necessary to spank. In your example, I probably would have dropped everything (except the child) (carefully if possible) and sat her on the floor to calm down. I'm sounding all arrogant and I don't mean to, I just want to point out that there is always an (imo better) alternative.

Lol you sound fine, and I sorta agree but i was in a shopping centre, getting frustrated, getting eaten alive by crazy demon possessed cannibal girl formally known as cute daughter, and I was a young first time mother. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say but literally I couldn't even put her down without dropping her on her head or hitting the ground as well we where pretty tangled and she wasn't letting go, bless her determined spirited heart. The only thing I can think I should have done is not picked her up and try to pretend she wasn't mine, lol. No wonder I drink so much "grape juice"...

[dairyfreelife]

My grandfather used to threaten to 'whoop' our butts as kids. He never did. It was all in a joking manner. Used to threaten birthday spankings too.

My father spanked me a couple times, but I was that hellion of a kid who would tell my father it didn't hurt. I was unbothered by spankings and my father hates to even talk about it now...spanking I mean. The fact that so many authors seem to delight in spanking and punishing children is just so weird. I never met anyone who enjoyed punishing their children. They just know it's a part of parenting. You do the crime, you do the time sort of deal. Not something to be so proud of or write books detailing the joy of it. :evil-eye:

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

My grandfather used to threaten to 'whoop' our butts as kids. He never did. It was all in a joking manner. Used to threaten birthday spankings too.

My father spanked me a couple times, but I was that hellion of a kid who would tell my father it didn't hurt. I was unbothered by spankings and my father hates to even talk about it now...spanking I mean. The fact that so many authors seem to delight in spanking and punishing children is just so weird. I never met anyone who enjoyed punishing their children. They just know it's a part of parenting. You do the crime, you do the time sort of deal. Not something to be so proud of or write books detailing the joy of it. :evil-eye:

Exactly, even though we joke about it, we don't want to hurt our kids, it's horrible when kids misbehave and to be proud of always spanking is like saying they are proud their kids are naughty. I am proud that my kids behave and with a few exceptions ( eg: daughter turned cannibal) they behave without being beaten into doing it. I find the reflection technique works really well, if they are rude you be rude back, they don't do their chores you don't do the thing they next request, the best one is you do the wrong thing with your cell I smash it. And yes she has had 2 smashed and she has to save to buys a new one, which had to be bought in my name as she is under 18, and yes I have pics of the hammer hitting it lol

[RosyDaisy]

Hitting a child while calm is just downright sinister.

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

Hitting a child while calm is just downright sinister.

I never understood that line of thinking, I can understand, not agree, people spanking during those moment every parent has when you are about to loose your mind, amazing what someone so small can be capable of creating,eg stress, mess, noise, embarrassment, lol. But to do it when your calm is insanity.

[polecat]

I never understood that line of thinking, I can understand, not agree, people spanking during those moment every parent has when you are about to loose your mind, amazing what someone so small can be capable of creating,eg stress, mess, noise, embarrassment, lol. But to do it when your calm is insanity.

What makes it so illogical is that if you're calm then you should be perfectly capable of thinking of more appropriate discipline strategies. A quick smack on the butt in a fit of temper isn't a great choice, but the parent can reconcile with an apology and explanation to the kid why it wasn't an ok choice (for the parent, I mean). There's no way to reconcile with a parent who CHOSE to spank when plenty of other options were available because it's clear the parent is either lazy or sadistic.

We try to use natural consequences around here whenever possible. And quite honestly, natural consequences make a much bigger, more effective impression on them (and help them learn actual cause and effect) than spanking ever made on me. I was an externally good kid, terrified to step out of line because I knew where it'd land me, but inside, I was seething with rebellion and anger because my parents were so authoritarian. I'm already seeing my kids make good choices on their own, working out what's right and what's wrong in their own minds, rather than obeying blindly. I'm proud of them for that.

[roddma]

These are pro-beating books, not pro-spanking. There are two extreme schools of thought : the undisciplined child and the constantly disciplined/beaten child. Devil's advocate: but I do not see an occasional smack on the behind as abuse. Articles like the following are constant reminders we have a crop of parents who think Johnny and Susie can do no wrong. I have read stories of parent letting their kids do things like spitting on adults and destroying things. . However,r I do beleiove you can teach kids respect without constantly beating them. There must be some middle ground.

http://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2014/04 ... r-parents/

[Want More Babies]

I was spanked and beaten as a child, all in Jesus' name. I REFUSE to lay a hand on my children. I also have a policy now of not allowing a young child alone with someone who thinks spanking is ok.

I was spanked, and I did not turn out ok. It breaks my heart to think of how I was treated when I was little. :cry:

[16strong]

I'd think it would be very difficult for a child to reconcile a parent's calm spanking behavior with how the parent normally behaves. At least when a child sees a parent very angry, they can also recognize physical and facial cues and determine what is going to happen to them. I cannot imagine being a child and know that for anything, at any moment in time, they can be spanked. And because mommy and daddy are calm and appear normal while doing it, there is no way to ever be able to know what to expect or know when it is coming. That is way too much stress on a young person's body and mind. The poor kids in Pearl households are probably constantly on edge and in a state of fear.

[Trynn]

I was one spanked, but not not pearl style, and not all the time, though it was threatened all the time until I reached a certain age.

I did not turn out ok. At all. Granted there were other factors that came into play to cause that, but still. Even the "occasional swat," which was all I had, can be detrimental and why risk it?

It's like... some children grew up never wearing a seatbelt, and they turned out fine. And yet, most people realize that they were just lucky.

It's why I HATE the "I turned out fine," argument. You were spanked and it didn't harm you? Good. Congratulations, you got lucky. You might not have.

Also, some of the people who say that... "Oh, I was spanked, and look how I turned out?" They are the very ones who are the reason I will NOT spank my child.

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

I was one spanked, but not not pearl style, and not all the time, though it was threatened all the time until I reached a certain age.

I did not turn out ok. At all. Granted there were other factors that came into play to cause that, but still. Even the "occasional swat," which was all I had, can be detrimental and why risk it?

It's like... some children grew up never wearing a seatbelt, and they turned out fine. And yet, most people realize that they were just lucky.

It's why I HATE the "I turned out fine," argument. You were spanked and it didn't harm you? Good. Congratulations, you got lucky. You might not have.

Also, some of the people who say that... "Oh, I was spanked, and look how I turned out?" They are the very ones who are the reason I will NOT spank my child.

I think it can depend on the normal day to day relationship of the child and their parents. Kids who know they are loved and spanking is not done unless the situation is extreme and the aftermath handled properly eg apologies and reassurance, there is extremely small risk of the child being damaged. Not 0%. I know people who where never spanked and are now on drugs and heading for prison. I know people who where spanked in the same position. Your situation I sad and you shouldn't have been spanked. But as you said that is not everyone.

[Marianne]

I was one spanked, but not not pearl style, and not all the time, though it was threatened all the time until I reached a certain age.

I did not turn out ok. At all. Granted there were other factors that came into play to cause that, but still. Even the "occasional swat," which was all I had, can be detrimental and why risk it?

It's like... some children grew up never wearing a seatbelt, and they turned out fine. And yet, most people realize that they were just lucky.

It's why I HATE the "I turned out fine," argument. You were spanked and it didn't harm you? Good. Congratulations, you got lucky. You might not have.

Also, some of the people who say that... "Oh, I was spanked, and look how I turned out?" They are the very ones who are the reason I will NOT spank my child.

I had a friends in foster care who, when she hears it, say it : "Ooh, I was raped since my 8 month to my 15 month, beat with an hammer, screwdriver, knife, iron, boiling water, fists, belts, shoes ... Of course, there's not a part of my skins who's not full of scars, but I'm not depressed and I turned fine ! Does rape, hammer, screwdriver, knife, iron, boiling water, fists, belts and shoes are a good educationnal method ? Because it work for me."

[roddma]

These religious zealots are making it harder for parents to discipline children. Most every disciplinary action by parents is seen as abuse by one side. The kids know it, too. I know some of the behavior like biting and hitting adults would not be tolerated by parents of my generation. We weren't' beaten. We were just atught who was in charge. You have to let them know in a sensible and non-abusive way that behavior isn't nice. It doesn't have to involve belts and paddles. That i don't believe in using.

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

I had a friends in foster care who, when she hears it, say it : "Ooh, I was raped since my 8 month to my 15 month, beat with an hammer, screwdriver, knife, iron, boiling water, fists, belts, shoes ... Of course, there's not a part of my skins who's not full of scars, but I'm not depressed and I turned fine ! Does rape, hammer, screwdriver, knife, iron, boiling water, fists, belts and shoes are a good educationnal method ? Because it work for me."

So a child with loving parents who has received the occasional spank when they have pushed their parents to the limit with bad behaviour is as mentally and physically damaged as a child who has been subjected to the most extreme physical, sexual and mental abuse possible? That is a ridiculous arguement, it can also be dangerous to equate child abuse of that caliber to a rare spank, children could be taken from good parents for minor mistakes and taking resources away from children who are really abused.

[ILoveJellybeans]

So a child with loving parents who has received the occasional spank when they have pushed their parents to the limit with bad behaviour is as mentally and physically damaged as a child who has been subjected to the most extreme physical, sexual and mental abuse possible? That is a ridiculous arguement, it can also be dangerous to equate child abuse of that caliber to a rare spank, children could be taken from good parents for minor mistakes and taking resources away from children who are really abused.

No, but just because some people have had bad experiences and turned out okay in spite of this, doesn't mean it is a good thing and something that everyone will get through without any psychological issues. They don't know what their children will grow up to be like, and their children might be more mentally affected by it than them.

Nobodys suggesting that children who are given the occasional spank on the butt with an open hand should be taken from their parents-there are already enough children in foster care and enough children who are being abused falling through the cracks because the whole system is overworked. Its best to save these spaces in foster care for the children who are in danger and need a safe place to stay. The best thing to do is educate parents on gentle ways to discipline their children.

[Marianne]

So a child with loving parents who has received the occasional spank when they have pushed their parents to the limit with bad behaviour is as mentally and physically damaged as a child who has been subjected to the most extreme physical, sexual and mental abuse possible? That is a ridiculous arguement, it can also be dangerous to equate child abuse of that caliber to a rare spank, children could be taken from good parents for minor mistakes and taking resources away from children who are really abused.

It was not that her argument. what she meant is that you can "turn good" in all cases. Because "turning good" depends of more factor than spanking / not spanking. Of course, it would be stupid to take away the children occasionally spanked. An it would never happens (at least in my country. Knowing how foster care works, you have to nearly kill you kid for loosing your parental right. )

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

It was not that her argument. what she meant is that you can "turn good" in all cases. Because "turning good" depends of more factor than spanking / not spanking. Of course, it would be stupid to take away the children occasionally spanked. An it would never happens (at least in my country. Knowing how foster care works, you have to nearly kill you kid for loosing your parental right. )

True but the majority of kids occasionally spanked do turn out fine, where are the majority of children who are abused as was said have a hard time and many issue, some will turn out fine just as a few will have an issue from being spanked. It is a bad comparison and argument. The fundies do it all the time, using extreme rare or minor outcomes to backup a position on a issue.

Sorry but I have, as I stated before made mistakes and when people use that argument it is like they are saying I am the same as the people who abuse children, and it will have the same outcome.

[polecat]

True but the majority of kids occasionally spanked do turn out fine, where are the majority of children who are abused as was said have a hard time and many issue, some will turn out fine just as a few will have an issue from being spanked. It is a bad comparison and argument. The fundies do it all the time, using extreme rare or minor outcomes to backup a position on a issue.

Sorry but I have, as I stated before made mistakes and when people use that argument it is like they are saying I am the same as the people who abuse children, and it will have the same outcome.

This has more to do with resiliency and genetics (believe it or not) than it does whether the abuse was bad or not. Also, just an fyi, the majority of abused kids also do just fine. Four out of five of them never hurt another person, and most go on to live productive, fulfilling lives. Abuse can be difficult to overcome, but it is not insurmountable.

http://www.centrefortherapy.ca/Mythsofabuse

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/30/magaz ... d=all&_r=0

Spanking may not cause serious emotional trauma in all children, particularly if it's administered by a parent who is otherwise loving and supportive. But the point is that it could. Why risk it? Just like I always make my kids buckle up to keep them safe when we drive, I will also do everything in my power to protect them psychologically and emotionally. I won't always be able to, but I can try. This means finding ways to correct my children that do not violate their rights to their own bodies, that do not involve hitting them, that do not break down our bond but instead build it up.

More info: acestoohigh.com/2013/05/13/nearly-35-million-u-s-children-have-experienced-one-or-more-types-of-childhood-trauma/

[Marianne]

This has more to do with resiliency and genetics (believe it or not) than it does whether the abuse was bad or not. Also, just an fyi, the majority of abused kids also do just fine. Four out of five of them never hurt another person, and most go on to live productive, fulfilling lives. Abuse can be difficult to overcome, but it is not insurmountable.

http://www.centrefortherapy.ca/Mythsofabuse

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/30/magaz ... d=all&_r=0

Spanking may not cause serious emotional trauma in all children, particularly if it's administered by a parent who is otherwise loving and supportive. But the point is that it could. Why risk it? Just like I always make my kids buckle up to keep them safe when we drive, I will also do everything in my power to protect them psychologically and emotionally. I won't always be able to, but I can try. This means finding ways to correct my children that do not violate their rights to their own bodies, that do not involve hitting them, that do not break down our bond but instead build it up.

More info: acestoohigh.com/2013/05/13/nearly-35-million-u-s-children-have-experienced-one-or-more-types-of-childhood-trauma/

THank you for this !

Most of our stupid foster family explained us that they were not friendly because "you are dangerous." A lot of teacher didn't believe that we will have a job or a family because "you don't know what is "normal""

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

I agree with everything your saying, nobody wants to risk damaging their child but we are human and don't always handle things the way we should, I admire that some people have the patience naturally that I had to learn which I did quickly, but I doubt that anyone has been the perfect parent and even though they may not have ever spanked their child there would be at least one thing they have done that could be equally damaging.

[polecat]

I agree with everything your saying, nobody wants to risk damaging their child but we are human and don't always handle things the way we should, I admire that some people have the patience naturally that I had to learn which I did quickly, but I doubt that anyone has been the perfect parent and even though they may not have ever spanked their child there would be at least one thing they have done that could be equally damaging.

I don't think anyone would argue with this.

[Marianne]

I agree with everything your saying, nobody wants to risk damaging their child but we are human and don't always handle things the way we should, I admire that some people have the patience naturally that I had to learn which I did quickly, but I doubt that anyone has been the perfect parent and even though they may not have ever spanked their child there would be at least one thing they have done that could be equally damaging.

I... kind of agree with the last sentences. I think that an insult, psychological violence, or a "oh, do what you want, I don't care about you" is worst.

I've hit (grabbed them by the shoulder) twice the children that lived with me. They don't remember it (i don't think they feel it, thanks to god), but I always feels guilty about it. Loosing control is human, but it's not good.