Fundie mom comments on Big Sandy Conference

[slickcat79]

Everyone is smiling in these pictures, but apparently there are/were desperately rough patches:

5kids6months.blogspot.com/2014/03/healing-in-hurt-battling-fear-anger-and.html

She says she did not become a Christian until 2009, which is quite recent.....or, perhaps she was a Christian, before, but not a "real" Christian.

One kid with reactive attachment disorder....rough

A whole bunch of them? Can't imagine, although her description gives a pretty good insight.

Oh god, another one of these. What is it with fundie parents desperate to attribute everything to RAD? Granted, the behaviors she describes sound pretty serious, but her kids (except for the newest adoptee) have NOT been diagnosed with RAD except by Dr. Google. And her best solution to the fact that she thinks the kids have RAD is not to get an official diagnosis or take them to a therapist, but find a book on the biblical approach to parenting a "difficult child" :angry-banghead: It's very worrying that she seems intent on ignoring all recommendations and advice she's given about adopting so many young children so fast. If someone tells you that a child will do best in a home where he/she is the youngest or only child, there is probably a good reason for that. If your child truly has RAD, it can be genuinely dangerous to other children. They should be a priority, not your insistence that you gotta catch 'em all :roll:

With lots of re-training needed, and still needed, I vowed to be proactive with my little ones. I wanted them to be habitually trained to think of others first, to seek after good instead of evil, to have confidence they can self-control their own bodies and to trust authority figures God has sovereignly placed in their life.

Do not like. But at least she seems to have skipped the plumbing line. Also, I really can't believe she decided to move a family of 8, including newly-adopted children who desperately need stability, into a 700 sq. ft. rundown trailer so that she can be a slave to the debt-free mentality. Priorities, she needs them. And ATI ain't it.

5kids6months.blogspot.com/2014/01/debt-free-here-we-come.html

[artdecades]

I see nothing wrong with changing a child's name, but they should want their name change. I wonder if their adopted children act out will they send them back? Or send them for brainwashing.

I disagree. While in theory it may seem nice if a child wants to change his or her name, there is a power imbalance and coercion behind it that must be considered. She discusses having kids with RAD and her facebook mentions problems with "Mirabel". Even if her children don't have RAD, older adopted kids often have issues and I doubt that they are getting help beyond "The Bible says...."

If children feel that changing their names is the only way that their new mommy and daddy will love them, then they aren't making the decision on their own.

[Jana814]

My relative who adopted two children from China did change the girl's name, but she was only 9 months old and her Chinese name was one that sounded enough like an unfortunate English phrase that she would almost certainly have been teased if she had kept it. The boy was 7, though, and they didn't even consider changing his name.

Good for them not changing his name. I know of someone who adopted 2 kids from foster care they were 2 & 3. They didn't change their names either.

[quiversR4hunting]

Probably depends on the kid. Our kids that joined us via adoption were 5, 6, and 9 when their names changed. They had a choice in it, and my daughter chose her new first name herself (the younger boys chose from a list because they wanted to be called superhero names). We encouraged the change for safety reasons. They're not to have any contact with their biological family, but it would have been too easy for some of the former abusers to seek them out without the name change.They didn't seem to have any trouble adjusting, but I think they were ready for a complete change and new life after several years in foster care. My daughter said recently that she feels like she's always had her new name. I was surprised at how easy the transition was at the time.

Name changes aren't something I feel should be done without lots of thought. I don't think they're all automatically insensitive or traumatizing, though.

SoybeanQueen- I have seen many others change children names for your very reason - hide from former abusers. I would encourage a name change in the same situation.

However, I wonder why this family changed the kid's names. She runs a public blog and has listed both the former name and the new name. Granted she didn't say the children's former last name but there are pictures of each of the kids - super easy to identify. I would say the name change wasn't to hide from former abusers. I think others might be closer to the truth...get rid of the non-christian names.

edit - hide not hid - tense is sometimes important :)

[slickcat79]

She changed the youngest girl's name from Hailey to Magdalene. I don't necessarily see a problem with a name change on a 6 wk old who certainly won't know the difference, but I think it points to her motivations here. Hailey is a perfectly normal/popular/acceptable name in the US, moreso than Magdalene (which is not bad or anything, just more unusual), but I guess it isn't sufficiently biblical :?

[Ave Maria]

5kids6months.blogspot.com

These are children, not boarders they're talking about. Apparently being a good student is something child collectors look for?

It's a polite (and non-lawsuit magnet) way to say that the child doesn't have learning disabilities, etc. "Educational needs" is a polite way to say "learning disability." "Physical needs" would be something like wheelchair bound, etc.

As far as name changing goes, I think a new first name can be very helpful for children who have difficult to pronounce and easily misspelled first names. The original name can always be kept as a middle name, and in some families the child can "go by" the middle name. That's the direction we're leaning in for our future adopted kids. I have a different perspective on this, though, because my legal first name is quite difficult and is often mistaken for another, more common name. My dad has admitted that he wouldn't have named me that if he knew the difficulty it would cause in just about every aspect of my life that involves paperwork (I've gotten misspelled report cards, library cards, car titles, credit cards, etc, etc, way more than most, and that isn't even getting into what it's like to have your name mispronounced by native English speakers over 80% of the time).

[Toothfairy]

I disagree. While in theory it may seem nice if a child wants to change his or her name, there is a power imbalance and coercion behind it that must be considered. She discusses having kids with RAD and her facebook mentions problems with "Mirabel". Even if her children don't have RAD, older adopted kids often have issues and I doubt that they are getting help beyond "The Bible says...."

If children feel that changing their names is the only way that their new mommy and daddy will love them, then they aren't making the decision on their own.

If the child really wants their name change then I see nothing wrong with it. But if the adoptive parent is pushing the name change then I agree it's wrong.

If these children have RAD then the bible won't help with anything. They need professional help. Did she adopt overseas? Why would she adopt in the first place?

[starfish]

Those children just break my heart. I think they have all been "re homed" and I just cannot imagine what that must be like for them. Their newest adoptee is a little boy from China whose American family no longer wanted him. He has a tumor on his face, but they had to stop the removal surgeries because he had a hard time with them. I wonder if that is why his first American family no longer wanted him? Because they didn't want to look at his face? I know the couple are kooky fundies, but I can just admit that I am rooting for them? Because of those precious children. The couple is way over their heads here, but I just hope they make a success of their family.

They almost didn't get to adopt that last child because some "anonymous lawyer" reported their substandard living conditions to the DPS.

[Just Not Good]

Given that RAD really describes the dyad rather than the child, I'm always shocked that these Christian adopters zero in on it as a diagnosis. A RAD diagnosis means dyadic work in therapy, and I just don't see these people engaging in that. Or in any other therapy, really- which means those poor kiddos are totally screwed.

[acheronbeach]

If he's a director at Chick Fil A, why are they living in such shoddy conditions?

[socuteyoullpuke]

This blog post is to share some pictures of the fun we had during this year’s conference but before I share, I would like to address the current Gothard issue so this is not read as if I am naïve to happenings. Gothard was not present at this conference as he has resigned and has released a statement online (click here for Gothard’s statement). ATI as a whole is not a person but a ministry, a ministry that truly strives to equip families to love and serve the Lord, their families, and others. The families we have met and continue to meet (including the Duggars and Bates) are real people, saved from real sin and serving a very real Jesus. As humans we can and still do fall into sin and temptation, it is why we need a personal, loving Savior. Whether innocent or guilty we do feel Gothard did the right thing in stepping down and stepping back to evaluate his own walk with the Lord and reconcile with those who feel or were wronged.

I'm finding this name change conversation interesting and the criticisms poignant, but I do think her disclaimer on the Big Sandy post was well done. The use of the words "or were" jumped out at me.

[Ave Maria]

If he's a director at Chick Fil A, why are they living in such shoddy conditions?

They're big into the whole debt free thing and sold their perfectly decent house to live in a trailer to be debt free.

I don't get it -- renting a house often costs more than the mortgage on one, and if home prices rise so will rents -- and, of course, in 30 years you have no payments any longer.

[acheronbeach]

Just my gut feeling, but they seem more "Christian" than a lot of the people we comment about - I'm not used to seeing posts on caring for orphaned animals, how a husband should trust his wife's wise counsel, and how a mom is struggling with following Christ's commands to love.

I'm not going to read too much into changing the kids' names. I have known plenty of well-educated non-fundies who changed their adopted toddlers' names to "cute" or "the perfect name".

[starfish]

I agree about the animal rescue. She's done some heavy lifting in the sphere of animal rescue, and I applaud her.

She seems to have a good heart.

I just don't agree with all the beliefs and I do think the children would benefit from attending school.

They own the acreage their cruddy trailer is on. I think their long-term plan is to build on it, and of course they must pay in cash.

I think it's been hard for her to suddenly parent 6 young children. She has some bedwetters, and she is frustrated with them because they

hide their sheets, etc. I know doing all that laundry is hard for her, but I think she would benefit from family therapy instead of just doling out "consequences".

[nolongerIFBx]

Slightly OT but I do't want to start a new thread- IBLP's FB pics from Big Sandy. If they are posted elsewhere, I apologize for the duplicate, but I haven't seen them. www.facebook.com/#!/basiclifeprinciples ... 17/?type=1

[snickerz]

They're planning to adopt again. They're going to meet a severely disabled 10 year old (who sounds like a full time job based on her info: http://www.adoptuskids.org/_app/child/v ... x?id=54342) and it sounds like she's pretty much already decided to adopt her. I really wonder how this will affect the other kids who are still adapting.

[Annbrookhaven]

They might get a reality show. #wtf.

[5 Kids 6 Months]

Instead of speculation and judgment feel free to contact us with questions and concerns. We are very open and love civil discussions to help us grow as iron sharpens iron. :)

[eri]

Instead of speculation and judgment feel free to contact us with questions and concerns. We are very open and love civil discussions to help us grow as iron sharpens iron. :)

No, this is FJ.

[FutureA]

They're planning to adopt again. They're going to meet a severely disabled 10 year old (who sounds like a full time job based on her info: http://www.adoptuskids.org/_app/child/v ... x?id=54342) and it sounds like she's pretty much already decided to adopt her. I really wonder how this will affect the other kids who are still adapting.

I just read an update on this family. They adopted 10 year old Brittany and renamed her Anna this month.

They posted up a detailed story of the child from birth to foster care to adoption on their blog "5 Kids 6 Months".

What made me cringe were the crazy details about the history of Brittany's birth mother. The birth mother being Baker Acted and living conditions from the Child Protective Investigator (CPI) etc.

I'm an adoptive parent for a child from foster care in Florida too. I would not dare blog about any birth mother's mental health conditions.

I'm sure the other children are adapting to having a medically needy child in their home which must be really hard. They already suffer trauma and loss by adoption and needs tons of support.